


The Newborn

by fizzfics



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Romance, Supernatural - Freeform, Vampires, bellacullen, bellaswan, edwardcullen - Freeform, thetwilightsaga, twilight - Freeform, twilightau, twilightsaga
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2019-08-29 09:32:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 137,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16741462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fizzfics/pseuds/fizzfics
Summary: When Bella Swan wakes alone with a thirst for blood, she doesn't know what she has become. In an attempt to start a new life for herself, she moves to Forks, Washington to live with her father. There she meets the Cullen family, who embrace her as one of their own and teach her how to live as a vampire in peace with humans. But navigating high-school and the supernatural world simultaneously proves more difficult than Bella had thought it would and she soon has to make some tough decisions about the way she intends to live out the rest of eternity.





	1. chapter one.

I knew all of the rumours, of course. How could I not? Forks, Washington was a small town and the people that lived there had several generations of practice at gossiping. They each had their own theory of what had happened to me and almost all of them had made their way to my father’s desk at the local police station through various sources. Charlie told me most of them, hoping I would be able to quell the more outlandish ones on my first day of school. Some of the worse ones I think he probably kept to himself. It was funny, in a way, that even now he was trying to protect me. I wondered if he fully understood what I was capable of, if he knew that I was always the biggest danger in the room. How could he? I barely understood it myself.

It was just as well that my fellow students had their rumours and theories to cling to. They would never have believed the real story. My own parents barely believed it and they had lived through it with me. The day I had walked back into my mother’s house, nearly a week after my unexplained disappearance, had been one that they would never forget. The sun bounced off my skin as if I were made of crystal and my eyes gleamed bright red. My mother, Renee had screamed and collapsed into the closest chair, her husband Phil unable to comfort her because he was paralysed with fear. I was her daughter, her Bella, but I didn’t look like her anymore. I didn’t act the same way. 

Renee’s scream brought my father, Charlie running. He had come from Forks to help search for me the minute that she had called and looked as though he hadn’t slept since. Though to be fair, neither had I. He looked at me for barely a second before he stumbled towards me and clutched me to him in a relief-fuelled hug. That was the moment that I knew that Charlie was to be my ally in this, maybe even my saviour. He had always handled strangeness better than my poor mother.

We had all stayed in my mother’s house for the following two weeks, trying to work out exactly what had happened to me. I remembered nothing except pain and darkness and then waking in the body I now possessed. My first thought had been of how worried Renee would be and so I ran straight home, faster than any human could have.

The first week was agony. I was so thirsty, but water repelled me and the thought of human food barely crossed my mind. I never slept and never felt the slightest bit tired. When I tried to pick things up, I crushed them with my bare hands, reducing them to dust. I didn’t need to blink. I didn’t even need to breathe. My parents were at their wits’ end. Then one day, I figured out exactly what I needed. Hunting was second nature, not something I needed to learn or practice.

We were sitting on my mother’s porch. I was sitting in the shade, trying to maintain as much normalcy as I could. Renee and Charlie were discussing my options, Phil was at training. I didn’t need a doctor; I wasn’t sick or crazy, we were all agreed on that. In fact, we were certain that no doctor could have explained what was happening to me. I couldn’t stay in Phoenix, that was another point of complete agreement, my skin made that impossible. Charlie didn’t want me to be sent away to somewhere where I wouldn’t know anybody, somewhere cold and dark and lonely. He wanted to take me back to Forks with him, but my startling red eyes were far too conspicuous. Suddenly, a bird flew into the garden. I clocked the movement and without even thinking I attacked, striking the bird and sucking it dry in only a few seconds. Its blood gathered in the corners of my mouth and I licked my lips desperately, savouring the taste and the balm it had applied to the burn in my throat. Renee was horrified. Charlie was too, but he seemed happy that they had finally figured out how to look after me again in this new body. Home-cooked meals were off the table, but at least I wasn’t in any pain.

A few hours later they noticed that my eyes seemed duller. So that was to be our solution. I would continue to feed on the blood of animals, keeping myself full and strong whilst also slowly changing my eyes to a more socially-acceptable colour. Charlie and I flew back to Forks when the two weeks were up, and I kept my head dipped low to avoid anybody seeing my eyes. They weren't quite there yet. My mother had managed to hug me goodbye and tell me that she loved me, but I could tell that it had upset her. I wondered if maybe it would have been preferable to her if I were dead. I decided to keep some distance between us until she had time to wrap her head around what I had become.

It was decided that I would recommence high school in Forks. Despite all that had happened, Charlie thought I should still at least attempt to graduate. He enrolled me at the local high school and that was when the rumours had started. While Charlie returned to work, I wiled a month away in his small house, leaving every night to hunt in the nearby forest. Nobody saw me and they wanted to know why.

They didn’t have long to wait.

The night before my first day at Forks High School, I waited until Charlie had fallen asleep and then stole out of the house into the woods that bordered it. I hunted for longer than I needed to, filling myself up to the point of discomfort, where I felt as though my insides were sloshing about. Overcompensating out of nervousness. Charlie didn’t know how the scent of humans made me feel and he didn’t know how it triggered my thirst. We had assumed that attending school would be fine, but he didn’t know that my diet wasn't something that came completely naturally. He knew I thirsted for blood, but he didn’t know that animal blood was a second choice. I didn’t know how difficult I would find attending a high school full of teenagers, hormones sweetening their young blood.

I walked slower than I really needed to back to Charlie’s house, keeping a careful eye on the light to ensure nobody would spot me sneaking back in. I was surprised by how nervous I felt about my first day, not just from a biological standpoint but from a social one too. I unnerved people now in a way I never had before I had changed and I felt sure that making friends would prove difficult. Even before I had changed I had been cripplingly shy and that, unlike the rest of me, seemed to be an unchanged facet of my personality.

Charlie woke just a few minutes after I returned home, preparing for his early shift at the station. We met in the kitchen and I sat perched on a chair at the table while he drank his morning coffee and ate a hastily-made breakfast. 

“Nervous for your first day?” He asked me through a mouthful of food.

“Not really.” I lied. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“They’re mostly good kids.” He agreed. “And you’re a great person so I’m sure they’ll like you even with the-… Your eyes are looking a lot better.” He complimented. 

I smiled, glancing at myself in the reflection of the microwave. My eyes had dulled to a deep amber colour, bordering on orange. Strange and not quite right, but far better than bright red. I hoped that they would continue to lighten the more than I fed and the more time that passed.

“Will I do, Dad?” I asked him softly.

“Perfect, as always.” He promised and then, after leaving his dishes in the sink, he stopped to kiss the top of my head before leaving for work. 

I was touched. I had always loved my father and appreciated him for who he was, but I had never fully comprehended how much he loved me until recently. He loved me blindly and unconditionally. No matter what I looked like or what I did, I would always be Charlie Swan’s daughter and there was no crime bad enough to break that bond. It was enough for him to overlook everything else, provided he got to spend a little time with me and know that I was happy and safe. I was luckier than most.

~~~

I decided to walk to the school rather than take a run through the woods to get there faster. I thought it would be a good idea to practice walking at a human pace so that I could get into a rhythm for the rest of the day. Even still, it didn’t take me long, and I was at the school gates in less than fifteen minutes. 

I held my breath as I walked into the parking lot, aware of the eyes of all the students watching me. They knew who I was of course. I was the only person they didn’t recognise and they’d been waiting a month for me to arrive. I reached a low brick wall close to the entrance of the school and chose that as my perch, knowing I was still too early despite my careful plodding walk. When I was safely by the wall, far enough away from any students to be at risk, I took a deep breath.

My head snapped up impulsively. There was the scent of humans, overpowering but perfectly ordinary but there was also a sharper, arguably even more enticing scent, cutting through it. I scanned the parking lot, trying to find the source. Within a few seconds I had locked eyes with him. 

He was tall, with bronze coloured hair, wearing a denim jacket too thin for the time of year judging by the rest of the students’ apparel. But the extraordinary thing about him was that in every other way, he looked like me. We were both unhealthily pale, our eyes an unnatural colour and both more beautiful than any human I had ever seen. His scent too told me that he was not human. My eyes flickered over to his companions and I sucked in another shocked breath as I realised that, not only were they all staring at me too, but they also shared the bronze-haired one’s features. We were all the same, I knew that much, even if I didn’t know what we were.

They were talking about me, their voices too low for the ears of humans but I could hear them as well as if they were standing beside me at the wall instead of on the other side of the parking lot. 

“She can’t be, there’s just no way.” A beautiful blonde girl said, turning to the others.

“You heard the stories Rose, it all makes sense.” A brawny male, to call him a boy seemed too weak to cover all that he was, turned to her. “She must be, just look at her. Though how she's managing to live with a human this early on...”

“We should tell her to come over!” Their smallest companion, pixie-like and dark in her appearance announced chirpily.

“Yeah, we don’t bite.” The big one chuckled.

“We don’t.” The blonde girl snapped. “She might.”

“She won’t.” The tall, bronze-haired one said confidently, his eyes still trained on me. I looked away, embarrassed. I wondered if the human students were aware of this distanced interaction, or if they were too preoccupied with their own mundane morning routines to notice. “She’s nervous, she doesn’t know what to think of all of this.”

“Look at her, she’s brand new. There’s no way she can handle this.” A blonde boy, his arm wrapped protectively over the shoulder of the small, dark girl said. I bristled a little at that. He didn't know me. He had no idea what I was capable of. 

“Have a little faith, Jazz.” The small one purred, catching my eye and smiling. I wondered if she knew I could hear them from here. Probably, since they’d already figured out what I was. That hadn’t taken long. Charlie would be so disappointed.

“I know newborns Edward, better than most of our kind.” The blonde boy said to the tall one, taking a step towards him. “Her lack of reaction to this many humans is unnatural.”

“I’m not sure we’re exactly authorities on natural and unnatural.” Came the tall one’s quick reply. “Come on, she’s staring. Someone needs to make a move.”

“It should be you, Edward.” The blonde girl told him firmly.

“I can’t read her mind, it won’t make it any easier for me than the rest of you.” He replied. I furrowed my brow. What did knowing what I might be thinking have to do with anything?

“Well I doubt Jazz is in the mood to let me go and suss her out.” The dark girl said sarcastically and her partner held her closer as if to corroborate the point.

“Fine.” The boy named Edward gave in. “I’ll go.”

My breathing quickened as he walked towards me, ignoring the stares from the other students. He smiled when he reached me and held his hand out towards me. “Isabella Swan?”

“Bella.” I corrected him, shaking his hand and marvelling at our matching temperatures. It had been so long since I had touched someone that felt normal, instead of radiating heat. He didn't jolt away from my icy skin. It was nice.

“Hello Bella.” He smiled again, rolling my name over in his mouth as though savouring the taste of something sweet. “My name is Edward Cullen." He said formally. "Would you like to come and meet my family?”

“You know what I am, don’t you?” I asked before I could stop myself. So much for seeming normal on my first day.

“Yes.” He said simply and then narrowed his eyes. “Do you know what you are?”

I shrugged. “I have some guesses, but I don’t have a name for it.”

“And your creator?”

“My what?”

“The person that made you this way. Where are they now?”

I shook my head. “When I woke up I was alone. I don’t know how I became this way.” There was an edge of panic to my voice that I tried to swallow but I wasn’t sure how convincing it was. I was more scared than I had ever let myself, or Charlie, believe that I was. I didn’t know how I had got this far without knowing what I was.

“It’s okay, the same thing happened to my sister Alice.” He soothed me. “We can help you.” It sounded like a promise. “But first, how’s your thirst?”

“Fine.” I told him honestly. I was so distracted by seeing him and his family that blood was the very last thing on my mind. “I only fed last night.”

“Amazing!” He beamed at me. “How long have you been like this?”

“Just under two months.”

“Absolutely amazing.” He repeated before putting his arm out to motion towards the group waiting on the other side of the parking lot. “Please, come and meet my family.”

I followed close behind him as we crossed the parking lot and made our way towards the others. He introduced each of them to me in turn. Unlike Edward, none of them extended their hands to shake mine, though the small pixie-like girl looked as though she would have liked to have hugged me, had the blonde boy not been holding her so tight. Emmett, the dark and beefy male beamed at me when we were introduced and the beautiful blonde girl nodded with a tight smile. The small girl was the aforementioned Alice and the blonde boy was called Jasper.

“Her creator abandoned her.” Edward told them lowly, though I was sure they had been listening to our interaction from across the parking lot. “Like you Alice.”

“I know it seems scary and confusing,” The small girl said, trying to comfort me. “But this life is not so bad, especially when you find people to help you.” She hugged Jasper and smiled at the rest of her family.

“Your eyes.” Rosalie said suddenly. “What have you been feeding on?”

“Small animals.” I whispered. Saying it aloud made it sound so awful, something to be ashamed on. “Birds, rodents, that kind of thing. Whatever I can find in the woods, the odd deer-…”

“Just animals?” Emmett asked, as though he couldn't believe it.

“What’s the alternative?” I asked boldly, knowing exactly what the alternative was. They exchanged uncomfortable, but somewhat impressed looks. 

I suddenly noticed that the parking lot was emptying around us and the Cullens made a move towards the front door of the school. Edward led the way. “Come on, I’ll take you to the office and volunteer to be your buddy for the day so you don’t have to deal with-…”

“Speak of the devil!” A cheery human boy said to me, exiting the swinging front door and smiling at me. All of the Cullens, with the exception of Edward, slipped past him into the school. Alice winked at me as she went. “I’m Mike Newton.” The boy said, sticking his hand out towards me. Edward coughed lightly to indicate that I shouldn’t touch the boy. I could only imagine his reaction if he felt how cold my hands were. “I’m supposed to show you around today.” Mike elaborated.

“Bella Swan.” I replied as casually as I could muster, smiling at him but keeping my hands on my backpack’s straps.

“Right…” He said, retracting his hand and reaching into his bag and taking out some papers. “I just came from the office. Here I’ve got your map, timetable, the lunch menu, school handbook-…” As Mike blabbered on, handing me various things, I stole a glance at Edward. He looked a little annoyed.

“Thank you.” I said politely, stuffing my new papers into my bag.

“That’s what buddies are for. Shall we-…”

“Actually Mike, Bella and I have the same class first period so I thought I might show her the way.” Edward cut in smoothly, putting his hand on my back, hovering just below my neck.

Mike looked at Edward for the first time, as if only just noticing that he were even standing there. I wondered if that happened a lot. Would people in this school soon think that I was so strange that I too would become invisible? I had to admit, the idea of that was rather tempting.

“I’m supposed to take Bella on a tour of the school for the first bit of first period.” Mike said defensively. “That note I gave you gives us both permission to be out of class.” He said to me and I nodded, remembering the slip of yellow paper now residing at the bottom of my backpack.

“So I have to walk in late?” I asked him, the thought hitting me suddenly, panic rising in my chest as I imagined tripping at the front of a room full of people, trying to find a spare seat mid-year, or worse trying to introduce myself to the class. What would I do? Give them three fun facts about myself? Hi there, my name's Bella Swan and I like reading, long walks on the beach and the taste of animal blood...

“Yeah but it’ll be fine.” Mike said dismissively just as the bell signalling that class was about to begin rang. “Come on, we’ll start here from the front entrance so it’s easier to find things tomorrow morning.”

“Um okay.” I turned to Edward and opened my mouth to say goodbye but he cut me off kindly.

“The seat next to me in Physics is always empty. It’s yours as soon as you get there. Try not to worry about today, we’re all here to help you through it.”

I shook my head, overwhelmed with his generosity. He didn’t need to do any of this, he had no reason to offer me so much support. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“Don’t even try.” He winked at me. “We all know what you’re going through.” He added, too low for Mike to pick up on.

“Bella?” Mike called me away and I had to resist rolling my eyes.

“Go.” Edward smirked. “I’ll see you soon.”


	2. chapter two.

Mike’s tour of the small school seemed to drag on and on. Clearly he was trying to make it last as long as possible. Whether this was because he wanted to get to know me better or because he was avoiding attending his first place I wasn’t sure, but I sincerely hoped it was the latter. When he finally dropped me off outside of the Physics classroom there was only fifteen minutes left of the lesson. 

He beamed at me, “Ta-da!” He exclaimed, announcing the end of the tour. “There you have it, Forks High School!”

“That was great, thanks Mike.” I muttered, scanning the door to my classroom and trying to brace myself for going inside.

“What class do you have before lunch?” He asked excitedly, unwilling, it seemed, to let our interaction end. “I can come and pick you up and we can go together. I’ll introduce you to my friends and-…”

“Oh um…”

I was saved by the classroom door opening and my new teacher inviting me inside politely, without asking to see my permission slip. As I entered the room I heard him berating Mike for the length of our tour. Clearly we were supposed to have arrived some time earlier. While he was distracted, and before he could ask me to introduce myself to the class, I made a beeline for the only empty seat in the room, next to Edward, at the back of the room. The lesson recommenced, despite my interruption of it, and after a few minutes the other students stopped craning their necks to stare at me and returned their attention to the front.

“How was the tour?” Edward asked me quietly, clearly amused.

“There was certainly a lot to see.” I replied sarcastically, trying not to recall the ten minutes we had spent looking at the gym and analysing every aspect of its features. I wasn’t even enrolled in Gym.

“He likes you.” Edward told simply. “He wants you to sit with him at lunch.”

I turned to him, my face a mask of confusion. There was no way he could have heard all the way through the wall, surely. “How did you know that?”

“Oh right…” He dipped his head, as though suddenly shy. “Well, some of our kind have special abilities, things that are out of the ordinary. My sister Alice for example has visions of the future.”

My eyes widened of their own accord. “Do they come true?”

He chuckled, as though impressed by my willingness to accept what he was saying, but by this point I had encountered enough things that were supposed to be impossible that I felt like nothing would surprise me anymore.

“Usually, but it’s based on decision-making.” He explained. “She saw you coming when you decided to enrol at the school but if you had decided to do something else after that you would have disappeared from her vision.”

“So you knew what Mike was thinking because-…”  
“I can read his mind.” He nodded, pretending to take notes from the whiteboard at the front of the room while we spoke too quietly for anybody else to hear us. “Yes.”

“Okay…” I could believe that, but I had some questions. “Can you read everybody’s mind?”

He grinned. “Everybody except you.”

“What’s wrong with me?” I asked earnestly.

“I’m sure nothing is wrong with you Bella,” He reassured me before conceding, “But it is a bit strange. It’s not something I’ve come across before, but I do have a few theories.”

“Theories?” I pressed.

“I’ve heard of vampires that can shield the powers of others. They can protect themselves with a kind of barrier to stop the powers of others from penetrating them. I think you might have an element of that, though you don’t seem to be controlling it actively. That’s something you could possibly learn to do. But I’m not certain that you’re a shield because although I can’t read your mind, Alice can see you and Jasper can feel your emotions.”

I narrowed my eyes as I glanced at the board, copying Edward and pretending to participate in the class. “My emotions?” I whispered. 

“Jasper’s an empath." Edward replied. "He can feel and manipulate the emotions of others around him. That's how he knew you weren't thirsty this morning and why he was so shocked to meet you.”

“I knew Physics was going to be confusing but-…”

“It's overwhelming I know." He smiled apologetically. "Tell me to stop at any point.”

“No, this is good. I need to know this stuff.”

“I’ll tell you some more at lunch, the bell is about to go. That is, unless you’d rather spend your time with Mike Newton?”

I reached out and gripped Edward’s hand. “How fast can you get to my fourth period Geography class?” I pleaded.

He chuckled and withdrew his hand. “Faster than Mike can.” He promised, standing up a second before the bell actually rang.

~~~

True to his word, Edward was waiting outside of my Geography class just seconds after the bell rang and we passed by Mike on our way to the cafeteria. I attempted to flash him a smile, as if to apologise, but I wasn’t sure how well it came across. I tried not to feel too bad about it, it was for the best after all. There was no point in letting Mike get too close, and I certainly wasn’t going to choose him over the Cullens when they had already given me so much. I needed to be, now more than ever, with people that were like me.

I followed Edward’s lead and ladened a plastic tray with food, knowing we would not eat it and then made my way to the table where his siblings were already sitting. It didn’t take them long to start telling me about my new life.

“You’re stronger now than you’ll ever be.” Jasper explained, having relaxed a little from when we had first met that morning, to Alice’s excitement. She was practically vibrating in her chair as she grinned at me. “The first three months is when we are at our peak physically but also, usually, the most uncontrollable and frenzied by our thirst." Jasper continued. "And yet you seem completely unaffected by that aspect of this life.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” I said lowly, her eyes flickering to the nearest table of human students. “I’m thirsty.”

“But you can stop yourself from attacking.” Jasper fired back, leaning toward me across the table. Then he shook his head as though he couldn’t believe what he was saying. “That’s unprecedented.”

“And you don’t hunt humans.” Rosalie added.

“No, I don’t. You don’t either?”

“No.” She said. “You can always tell by the eyes. When you first woke up your eyes would have been bright red, right?” I nodded. “Drinking human blood keeps them red, but animal blood dilutes them. If you drink only animal blood they’ll become the same colour as Emmett’s, he hunted the most recently. The longer you go without hunting the darker they become, like Alice’s.”

“I’m going tonight.” Alice told me, as though it were something important that I should know about her.

“I’ve noticed that. The changing eye colour is the thing that freaks Charlie out the most I think.”

Edward leant towards me, curiosity and, I thought, admiration, burning in his eyes. “How did you know to hunt animals instead of humans?”

I shrugged, trying to stay casual. “Well I wasn’t going to kill anybody.” I replied, playing with the apple on my tray as if I were contemplating whether to eat it or not. I had been studying the actions of the others at my table and saw the way they teased their food, so that if anyone were to look over at us they would think we were all eating. I tried to copy them but, like everything else about acting human, it was going to take some practice.

Jasper forearms tensed on the table, “But how could you even have processed a thought like that so early in your-…”

“Jazz.” Alice cut him off sharply. “Let it go. This is a good thing.” She reminded him.

He relaxed marginally, sitting back in his chair and flashing an apologetic look at me. “Of course it is, I just…”

“I know.” Alice soothed him, running her hand over his arm and then turned back to me. “Bella, we’d like you to come over to our house after school and meet Carlisle and Esme. They’re sort of like our adopted parents, they keep us all in check! Carlisle’s been like this the longest out of all of us-…”

“How long?” I interrupted her, desperate for one more of my questions to be answered.

“Oh, three hundred years or so.” She said casually, glancing at her siblings for confirmation. They were all looking at me, waiting for my reaction. “Thereabouts.” Alice trailed off weakly, realising what she had just revealed to me and how stiff I had become as I tried to process the news.

I felt my eyes widening and I struggled to take a breath, though of course I didn’t really need to. “Three hundred years?” I whispered, glancing over my shoulder and looking self-consciously at the closest humans. “But that means…”

“I was getting to that part.” Edward mumbled, shooting an annoyed look at Alice. “Vampires are immortal and we don’t physically age either.” 

I froze again at his use of the word ‘vampire’. So that’s what I was, for certain now. The blood-drinking had made me suspect something like that, but I was still naively under the impression that vampires were mythical. If vampires existed, and not only that, but if I was one, what else was real that I had dismissed as legend alone? 

“Unless we are killed in a very specific way, we’ll be like this forever.” Edward continued. “We’re practically indestructible, apart from if another vampire decides to kill us, but even then the likelihood is that you’ll be able to fight them off.”

“No human could manage it, that’s for sure.” Emmett corroborated, but where Edward had said it as an apology, his brother said as though he were holding a victory medal. He was the happiest in this life, I could sense that a mile off. He was proud of what he was capable off and prouder still, perhaps, of the fact that he never used his powers to harm others. I could see by the way he touched Rosalie so casually and yet so lovingly, like a devout man playing with a cross around his neck, that she too had a lot to do with his joy.

“Exactly like this?” I mumbled, tapping my fingers against the vinyl tabletop as though trying to touch an uncertain future that no longer existed.

“I’m a hundred and eight years old this year.” Edward told me by way of explanation. “Rosalie is in her eighties-…”

“But you all look so young.” I interrupted before he could list the ages of the other three.

Edward smiled at me. “As will you for the rest of your life.”

One question batted at the back of my brain, refusing to go away even though I knew the answer to it would be heartbreaking. “My family?” I bit my lip as I awaited Edward’s response.

“They will go on as they were always supposed to, as we were all supposed to once upon a time. And one day, they won’t be here anymore.” Edward explained gently. “It’s difficult of course, but the pain subsides after a few decades. You learn to love others as though they were a family to you. People that you can’t lose so easily.” His siblings smiled softly to themselves.

“How are they handling it anyway?” Rosalie asked me curiously. “None of us have ever been able to have relationships with our families after we changed. By the time our thirst was under control enough to face them they were all dead.”

“Rose…” Emmett mumbled, as though worried she would offend me.

“It’s okay, don’t worry.” I rushed, too desperate to know everything that I could about my new life to bother getting upset. “Um, my mother found it more difficult. She wanted to love me the same way that she had before but I was too different. I was starting to worry she might have a breakdown if she saw me move too quickly across the room one more time. Charlie’s better with the weird stuff, as long as he doesn’t have to know too much about it.”

“That’s why you came to Forks?” Asked Jasper.

I smirked and nodded. “The sun in Phoenix wasn’t treating me too kindly.”

“That’s the thing that’ll get you.” Nodded Alice. “We always pretend to go camping on sunny days so we have an excuse to not be in school. You’ll have to think up a cover story. There’s only so many times you can pretend to have a cold during the warmer months.”

“I’ll be sure to work on that.” The school bell rang and I struggled to stand up as slowly as the rest of the cafeteria.

“Extraordinary.” I heard Jasper mutter under his breath and then Alice shushing him as we cleared our full trays and walked out of the cafeteria.

“We’ll meet in the parking lot after school, Bella.” She told me brightly. “Carlisle and Esme will be so excited to meet you!”

“Carlisle will, no doubt, badger you with questions,” Edward chuckled as we walked to our next class, Biology. “But he has good intentions.” He assured me.

“I’ll try to answer them, but I think I’ll have more questions than answers.”

“Sorry about Jasper by the way.” Edward added regretfully. “He struggles a lot with living the way we do, even after so many years of practice. He also knows more about newborns than the rest of us.”

“He doesn’t like me, does he?”

“Oh it’s not that.” He assured me. “I just think he’s just a little bit jealous. A bit in awe. He wishes it was as easy for him as it is for you, especially considering how young you are. He thinks that it would be easier for Alice if he struggled a little less.”

“Oh… Have they been together a long time?”

Edward smiled fondly. “Alice had a vision that she and Jasper would meet back in the fifties and so she sought him out and they’ve been together ever since. They were already an established couple by the time they found us.”

“Do all vampires have partners?” I asked him curiously.

“No.” He shook his head and then added teasingly, “I don’t have a mate, do I?”

I shrugged as we turned a corner. “I don’t know, maybe you’re hiding them away somewhere because they’re horribly deformed or just can’t handle the idea of repeating high school for all of eternity!”

He laughed and nodded fairly. “Well that’s believable I suppose. Though, from what I know of the connection between mates, it wouldn’t be that simple. They’re drawn to each other so intensely that to be away from one another can cause physical pain. You want to be together because any other scenario would make you completely miserable. So if my mate was really in love with me they would have to suffer through Biology class with me.”

“You described that very well, are you sure you’ve never had a mate.” I said suspiciously, only half teasing him now, worried that it might be true.

He rolled his eyes. “Mind reader, remember? We’re almost there, act human!”

“Whatever you say, Banachek!” I replied as Edward pushed open the door to our classroom, laughing under his breath.

~~~

Biology class passed uneventfully, with the exception of Mike Newton staring at us for most of the lesson and Edward chuckling at several intervals as the thoughts of our fellow classmates caught his attention.

“What is it now?” I demanded as he pushed the microscope back towards me, his face lit up with a grin. So far I had already heard that Mike and his friend Eric Yorkie were both internally debating whether they were more scared or aroused by me and that our teacher was wondering whether his teaching would be as updated as that which I had received at my school in Phoenix.

“Jessica Stanley thinks we look good together.” He told me with great amusement.

“Really?” I tried not to let the pleasure seep into my voice as I looked over at the girl sitting in front of Mike, stealing glances at us every few minutes.

“She’s trying to work out if we’re somehow distantly related because of our similar features.”

“Oh…” Disappointment replaced the pleasure and I swallowed, trying hard to focus on the fact that I had gained a wonderful friend and that I really didn’t need anything else to make me happy. It was just the talk of mates and the idea that I was staring down an eternity that was making my head spin. It had nothing to do with Edward.

After Biology, he walked me to my next and final class for the day. We were slightly early and his class wasn’t far so we hovered for a few moments before I headed inside. It was English and I had been promised that Alice also took this class. I was eager to spend some time alone with her, away from Jasper’s cloudy demeanour.

“Was there anything else of interest to be heard?” I asked Edward lightly.

He rolled his eyes and leant back against the closest wall. “Bella, what you need to understand is that the human brain is essentially a boring place-…”

“Come on, humour me Derren Brown!” I teased.

He rolled his eyes at me. “How many other famous mind readers can you name?”

I pretended to consider his question for a moment before shrugging. “I think I’m out.”

“Well in that case, our classmates are as interested in you as they would be any new student. The fact that we share similar characteristics is being put down to coincidence. The rumours that preceded you make you pretty ordinary in comparison.”

“Oh god, dare I ask?”

“It might be better if you don’t know. Anyway, I’d better get to class. Wait out here for Alice and she’ll make sure you get seats together, she won’t be much longer. I’ll meet you both in the parking lot with the others in an hour.”


	3. chapter three.

Alice did not disappoint. She skipped up to me in the hallway a minute or so after Edward had left and linked her arm through mine, pulling me into the classroom and talking a mile a minute about anything and everything. It was a good thing I had already read the text we were supposed to be studying in class, because Alice didn’t take a breath throughout the whole class. She whispered so quietly however that our teacher must have thought that we were working diligently, when in fact Alice was planning our afternoon and, what sounded like, the rest of our lives together. I was glad of it though because it made my final class pass quickly and the bell soon rang, signalling an end to the day. I was excited to get outside and see Edward, as well as to go to their home and meet the infamous Carlisle and Esme that they all seemed to admire so much. 

“Did you walk this morning?” Alice asked as we reached the parking lot. I spotted Edward and Jasper walking towards the two cars the group had been standing beside that morning, Edward flipping a set of keys around in his hands like they were a tennis ball. 

I nodded distractedly. “I’ve been thinking of getting a car but I haven’t had a chance yet. Besides, I don’t mind walking. It’s not like I get tired.”

“You can ride with me.” Edward offered when Alice and I reached him the cars. “Rosalie and Emmett aren’t going straight home so Alice and Jasper are going to take their car back to the house. I have to get mine back.”

I climbed in dutifully and drank in his scent that permeated the small warm car. I enjoyed the looks of our fellow students through the tinted windscreen. They were staring at Edward and I, some of them gaping open-mouthed. I indulged myself by thinking they must be jealous that I was allowed to ride with the most beautiful creature at the school, but I knew in reality they were probably just watching my strange movements and trying to work out how Edward and I knew each other. 

The drive to the Cullen house didn’t take long, with Edward taking the road’s bends far faster than any human would have dared to. We made it to the end of their long drive in one piece, Edward parking neatly outside of the large house. A few seconds after we arrived, Alice and Jasper pulled up beside us. We walked into the house, which was far lighter and open than I had imagined it would be, and were greeted by Carlisle and Esme. They had been waiting for us. 

“You must be Bella!” Their adopted mother wrapped me in a warm hug straight away. “You’re so welcome here.” She assured me, squeezing a little tighter. “I’m Esme and this is my husband Carlisle.”

“Hello!” I chirped, surprised by how nervous I was to meet them. I snuck a sly look at Edward. I hadn’t realised he had told them to call me Bella, when the rest of the town religiously stuck to Charlie’s preference for my full name. He had noticed something about me that most others never bothered to, and I was flattered. 

“How are you finding Forks so far?” Carlisle asked me.

“Better now.” I replied truthfully, smiling. “I think the weather is probably my favourite part of it though.” 

“It certainly helps with the blending in.” He chuckled knowingly. “Well, before we overwhelm you… Edward, why don’t you take Bella on a tour of the house. I’ll meet you both in my study in a few minutes, shall I?”

Edward nodded and moved his arm in the direction of the stairs while the rest of the Cullens split off in different directions to commence their after-school activities, Esme still beaming at me. I could already tell that it wouldn’t be long before I adored her as much as her adopted children seemed to. 

The house only became more interesting as we made our way through it, decorated extensively with beautiful and historic objects, most of which I assumed had been acquired before they were considered historical. Edward gave me a guided tour, stopping at each and every room, including all of the bedrooms. He finished with his own, giving a meek “Ta-da” that echoed Mike’s perfectly, making me laugh. 

“No bed?” I said, scanning the room and seeing only a low couch surrounded by stacks of books and CDs. It wasn’t tidy, by any stretch of the imagination, but somehow it looked as though everything was in its proper place.

“No need.” He shrugged, walking into the room. I followed slowly behind him, examining his bookshelves to see if he had anything good. “Or are you the only vampire in the world that needs a full eight hours sleep a night?” He laughed at his own joke. “Nothing would surprise me about you at this point, Bella!”

I rolled my eyes and moved to sit on the end of the couch. “Of course not, but I still have a bed in my room. And the others have beds-…”

“They have, um, people to share them with.” He explained shyly. 

“Oh… Right.”

He smiled to ease the tension and moved to sit beside me. “So now you know for certain that I’m not hiding a mate back here!”

“I’m still not entirely convinced.” I replied teasingly, reaching across him to pick up the closest book, reading the back as we sat in silence. It wasn’t awkward between us, I realised suddenly, with a pleasant jolt. I had never met anybody that I felt so comfortable with so soon. I put it down to our biological similarities and just enjoyed the quiet. 

Edward interrupted it after only a few minutes with a sigh. “I wish I could read your mind,” He brooded. “It would make explaining all of this a lot simpler if I knew how you felt about it all.”

“That’s how the rest of us feel all of the time, I hope you know that.” I fired back at him, grinning. 

“It doesn’t make it any less frustrating, Bella.”

“Well how about this?” I offered diplomatically. “Anything you want to know, you just ask and I promise to always tell you the truth. Sound fair?”  
“Works for me.” He agreed and we shook on it. Once again, I relished the touch of someone that matched my temperature. I didn’t want to let go but I snatched my hand away when Edward stood and announced, “Come on, Carlisle’s waiting for us.”

When we reached Carlisle’s study, Edward knocked only once and then opened the door. I was surprised, I hadn’t heard Carlisle call out for us to enter. But then I remembered that he probably had, just that it was only Edward that had been able to hear him do so. 

“Bella!” Carlisle greeted me warmly, as though I was his favourite person in the whole world. I grinned reflexively. “Come in, come in! Make yourself comfortable. You too Edward!”

“Actually I have something to talk to Jasper about.” Said Edward, remaining by the door while I took a seat at Carlisle’s vast wooden desk. “I’ll catch up with you later.” 

He clicked the door shut behind him, leaving Carlisle and I alone. He sat back down in the leather seat on the other side of the desk and smiled at me. “Big day?”

I laughed at the understatement. “Possibly the biggest I’ve ever had or will ever have again.”

His expression softened sympathetically. “How are you finding it all?”

“Confusing.” I told him honestly. “But things are becoming so much clearer.” I added, relief flooding my voice. “I can’t help thinking that there was some kind of luck or fate or something that brought me to Forks to meet you all. If I hadn’t, I might never have found out what I am.”

He nodded. “I’m glad you found us too. You would have, no doubt, discovered others of our kind throughout your life but not everyone is like us. Most don’t try to fight our natural instincts and have no desire to live in peace with humans.” Regret edged his words and I could see that the idea of hurting people upset him. 

“Are there many others?” 

“Vampires live throughout the world, sometimes in groups or sometimes alone.” Carlisle explained. “There are only two covens I know of that choose to drink the blood of animals instead of humans. The first is my family, here in Forks, and the second we refer fondly to as our ‘cousins’. They live in Alaska. I like to think there are others that we are yet to come across but I don’t know how likely that is. Your story has given me a little more hope though.”

“I see. The vampire that created me… Do you know-…”

He cut me off before I could get my hopes up. “We have no way of knowing who your creator was, I’m sorry Bella. I assume that they tried to kill you by drinking your blood but was distracted mid-feed and so you were left to change. If they chose to change you and then abandoned you, well that I just can’t understand. Not only is it immeasurably cruel but it leaves them at the mercy of the Volturi if you were to make a nuisance of yourself.”

“A nuisance of myself?” I squeaked. 

“If you were to, say, wake up in this form and slaughter a whole city of humans, which would have been well within your power, then you would have drawn attention to the existence of our kind.” Said Carlisle nonchalantly. “The Volturi are a kind of law-making and enforcing body in our world. Their number one rule is that vampires remain hidden from humans. Every creator is responsible for the vampires he or she creates. If a creator’s creation is out of control, they will both be destroyed.”

I chewed thoughtfully on my bottom lip and leant back in my chair. “I see.”

“Tell me Bella, have you ever tasted human blood?” Said Carlisle suddenly. It surprised me, I thought have thought the Cullens would have already told him that. Surely that was one of the main reasons I had even been invited over. 

“No.” I said firmly. 

“Not even once?” He pressed. So they had told him, but they didn’t believe me. Was I so much of a freak that I needed to prove that I had no interest in killing a person in order for them to take me seriously? 

I shook my head adamantly. “No. I had nothing for the first week after I changed and then I killed a bird without even thinking about it. That’s how we figured out that what I was craving was blood.”

He couldn’t stop himself from beaming at me. “I’m sure the others have told you how rare it is that you were able to control yourself that way.”

I nodded. “Jasper didn’t believe me at first.” I murmered regretfully, wondering now if any of them had believed me. Edward’s face flashed before my eyes and shame burnt in my chest, scorching me worse than any thirst that had ever taunted my throat. 

Carlisle smiled fondly. “Yes, I can imagine he would have found that difficult to comprehend. It’s one of the reasons I was so interested to meet you when Edward called me. He also tells me you’re a shield?”

“He wasn’t sure. He can’t read my thoughts but Jasper and Alice can get past my shield, if that’s even what it is.”

“I wonder if your self control has anything to do with it-…” We were interrupted by a flurried knock at the door. Carlisle chuckled under his breath and called out, “Come in Alice.”

“Can Bella come out to play?” She pleaded, dancing into the room and wrapping her arms around my shoulders in a hug. “We don’t have that much time before she has to go home.”

“Of course.” Carlisle said before looking back at me. “We have plenty of time to talk more about these things. Would you like me to speak to your father about all of this too?”

“I think that would be a good idea. Charlie’s good at handling the weird stuff, but I don’t think he’ll want to know too many details.”

“I’ll try my best to keep it simple for him.” Carlisle promised before Alice whisked me away.


	4. chapter four.

When my first afternoon at the Cullen house came to a close Carlisle drove me home. Despite the fact that we could have run to my front door in half the time, we wanted to make it as easy for Charlie as we could. As we drove, twilight well and truly set in, bathing Forks in a soft purple glow. Charlie was watching anxiously from the living room window when we pulled up, waiting for me to return home from my first day at school. Guilt ripped its way through me as Carlisle turned off the ignition. I should have thought to call Charlie and let him know that it had all gone well. Very well. In fact it had gone better than I ever could have imagined it might have.

“Ready?” Carlisle asked me quietly as we reached the front door. The house was streaked with rain, as though it had been crying.

I sighed. “I am. I don’t know about Charlie though.”

The man in question opened the door before I had time to lay my hand on the handle and ushered us both inside. He greeted Carlisle respectfully, and I remembered all of the times Charlie had mentioned how much he liked and admired the town’s doctor. I wondered how he would feel about him once he knew what he was. Judging by the way Charlie was acting, I could see that he had already noticed the similarities between Carlisle and myself.

I noticed him deliberating whether to offer Carlisle a drink when the latter suggested they go and sit down in the living room. “I’d like to discuss something with you, if you have a minute.” Charlie nodded and led the way into the living room. I wasn’t invited to join them, but I lingered on the stairs nonetheless, wanting to hear how Carlisle planned on tackling this subject. There was silence for a few moments before Carlisle finally said, “I can see you’ve put two and two together.”

Charlie exhaled slowly, I hoped with relief, and I could hear the quiet sounds of him fidgeting with his hands. “When I saw her for the first time… I thought it all looked familiar but-… You know what she is then?”

“Yes.” Carlisle replied calmly. “She’s the same as my family and myself.”

“Is she-… Is she gonna be okay?” Charlie's voice cracked but he coughed to cover it up. I had to smile at that. Poor Charlie, too busy worrying about me to bother freaking out about the fact that the local doctor was a vampire. I felt more confident in my decision to allow Carlisle to speak to him, hoping Charlie would be able to find some solace in what he had to tell him.

“There’s nothing wrong with Bella, Charlie.” Carlisle promised. “She’s just a little different to how she was before. She can’t ever go back to being that way, but she can live a perfectly happy and normal life nonetheless.”

“That’s what I hoped…”

“All of this is under the strictest of confidence, Charlie, as I’m sure you can imagine.” Carlisle continued, his voice lowering as though to symbolise the seriousness of what he was telling him. “If you were to tell anybody about this it would endanger both you and Bella considerably. There are forces much larger than us that would not allow either of you to live if they found out that she had told you the real truth about what she is.”

“I would never tell anybody anything.” Charlie replied passionately before almost growling, “I’ve always looked after my daughter, Doc.”

“I know.” Carlisle assured him gently. “Nonetheless I’m sure you would agree that it would be for the best if you knew only the absolutely necessary things. To make absolutely certain that you’ll both be kept safe.”

Charlie laughed humourlessly. “The simpler you can make it the better.”

I smiled broadly, relieved as I had been ever since my change had happened that Charlie was fairly unfazed by most things, unlike my poor mother. I tiptoed up the stairs and left them to talk in a little more depth about the details of my new life. I could still hear them, though their voices were marginally fainter, from my bedroom.

“Well I suppose we’ll start with the basic facts.” Said Carlisle formally. “You know about her diet?”

“Yes.”

“And the fact that she doesn’t need to sleep?” Charlie grunted another response. “Have you noticed that she’s not ageing?” That took my father by surprise and I waited tentatively to hear his response to it. “Of course not, it hasn’t been long enough yet." Carlisle mumbled. "Your daughter is immortal, Charlie.”

“Bella’s-… Bella’s gonna live forever? My Bella?” Charlie mumbled, trying to wrap his head around the idea.

“Yes, Charlie. She is.”

Charlie swallowed with some difficulty before stammering, “A-and the rest of you…”

“We’re the same as her.” Carlisle repeated.

“Right…”

“I’m not telling you this to freak you out.” Said Carlisle reassuringly. “On the contrary, I hope it will bring you a little bit of comfort. Charlie, there will come a day when you can’t look after Bella anymore, but I want to assure you that I will do everything in my power to do that for you. We will be there for her… forever.”

Charlie was quiet for a few moments before I heard him sigh, knowing that, despite his best efforts, he wouldn’t be able to live forever. He wouldn’t always be there to look after me. Premature grief wrapped itself around my throat as I realised that one day, too soon in terms of my lifespan, I would lose my father. “I appreciate that, Doc. Thank you.” Charlie said genuinely.

They spoke for another few minutes before I heard Carlisle get up and leave. I waved to him from my bedroom window, knowing I would, no doubt, see him again very soon. Charlie knocked on my door a couple of minutes later. He looked pale and a little shaken up but otherwise seemed to have understood everything that Carlisle had told him. We both sank down onto my bed and he chewed on his bottom lip, silence covering the both of us like a blanket.

“What do you think?” I finally asked him.

Charlie took a deep breath. “Well, they seem to have everything figured out.” He conceded simply.

“I owe them a lot, even just after one day.”

He turned to me with a pained expression, worry cutting into his words as he begged, “Bells, tell me honestly, is this a good thing?”

“You like Doctor Cullen, Dad.” I reminded him. “You told me so yourself. Don’t you trust him?”

“I did before I knew he was-…”

“Like me.” I snapped, before adding more softly, “Don’t you trust me?” I pushed.

“Of course I do it’s just that you’ve already been through so much and you’re so different now, Bella and I-…”

“Dad, I’m still me.” I promised him. “Even if I’m a bit colder and my eyes are a weird colour. Everything else is all me. The Cullens are going to help me figure all of this out and make sure that I can keep being me, or as much as possible. You have to admit, it takes some of the heat off of you.”

“Well that’s true I suppose.” He nodded. Our eyes met and he nodded firmly, putting his hand to my cheek. “Still you?”

“Still me.” I repeated, swearing it to him like an oath. I knew now that everything else about my new life was going to become easier, but making sure that I looked after Charlie and made it all sail smoothly for him was the most important thing.

He smiled at me and got off the bed. “I guess that’s all I can really ask for, kid.” He said as he walked back down the stairs to switch on the television.

~~~

From then on, my daily routine revolved mostly around my time with the Cullens. After school I would return to Charlie’s for a few hours of time by myself, doing my homework and chores, as I would have done if I was human, and then I would spend the evening with my father when he returned from work. When Charlie went up to bed I would leave and run to the Cullen house where I would stay until the early hours of the next morning. I would get back just in time to say good morning to Charlie and chat with him while he quickly ate his breakfast and then left for work before the rest of Forks even stirred in their beds.

The only difficult thing about never sleeping was that trying to stay occupied for twenty-four hours a day became a full-time job, even with the Cullens around to spend my time with. Even reading, the one thing that I had always been able to fully concentrate on, became a complicated source of entertainment. All of the extra time that came with not sleeping nights, combined with the full month I had spent cooped up in Charlie’s house, meant that I had exhausted my own collection of books and most of the town library’s limited supply too. 

Edward noticed that I had started again on Wuthering Heights and had questioned me on it. When I explained my situation he just rolled his eyes and ran up the stairs. He was back beside me in less than a minute, a pile of books, almost as tall as me when stacked vertically, in his arms. “I can’t take your books.” I protested, thinking of how protective I was of my own.

He walked past me into the kitchen to find a bag to put them in. “At the rate you’re reading at the moment Bella, I’ll have the all back within the week.” He chuckled. “Don’t worry about it.” He paused as he reentered the living room and said more seriously, “You’re part of this family now.” Then he added, with a cheeky smile, “And in this family, we share nicely!”

“Exactly right!” Alice glided into the room and linked her arm with mine. “Stop hogging all of Bella’s attention. It’s my turn!”

“Shouldn’t that be Bella’s decision?” He suggested, leaving the bag of books on the coffee table. I eyed them eagerly, knowing I would rather stay on the couch with him and start reading rather than endure anything more strenuous.

“Fine.” Alice snapped before turning to me with an expectant face, her eyebrow raised as though she were daring me to give her the wrong answer. “Bella, who do you like more, me or Edward?”

“I love you both equally, Alice.” I responded diplomatically.

She shot a satisfied grin at Edward. “That means she likes me best but she’s too polite to say so. And you can’t read her mind to see if it’s true or not!” She lunged forward and seized my hand, pulling me off the couch. “Come on, Rosalie’s waiting!”

“Waiting for what?” I asked and she raced us up the stairs.

“For us! We have some important dress decisions to make for the upcoming dances.”

“Woah, woah, woah.” I dug my heels into the carpet, halting our movement. I did it so violently, I almost tugged the both of us back down the stairs. “I’m not going to the dance, Alice. No way.” I told her in no uncertain terms.

She pouted. “Why not?”

“I can’t dance for one.”

Alice rolled her eyes at me and kept trudging up the stairs. “Surely you’ve figured out by now that in this form, you can do pretty much anything you try and look ten times better than any human doing it.”

I resented that but digressed nonetheless. “Well I don’t have a date for another thing.”

“It’s girl’s choice, but don’t stress out about that.” She said with a shrug. “Obviously you’ll go with Edward.”

“Obviously?”

“Well I don’t know if you’ve noticed this but apart from him you’ve kind of run out of vampire date options Bella!” She teased, continuing up the stairs two at a time.

“No I mean… Well… What if he doesn’t want to go with me?” I asked her anxiously, following close behind. “Have you asked him?”

“All I know is that I had a vision of the six of us at the dance and you were dancing with Edward.” Alice shrugged. “So either he wants to go with you or he’s just very very polite.”

“Thanks Alice, that makes me feel loads better.” I grumbled as we reached Rosalie’s room. Rose was stretched out on her bed, flipping through a fashion magazine that I recognised as one of Alice’s favourites. Clearly, her dark-haired sister had been planning this gathering for some time. Alice launched straight into her plans for each of our outfits, dipping in and out of Rosalie’s closet while she talked. Rosalie winked at me, to let me know we were in the same boat in terms of our interest in fashion. This was Alice’s domain and we would be fools to resist. “Alice, if I decide to go to the dance, which I’m not saying I will,” I added before she could get too excited. “It’s not for ages anyway, why do we need to plan our outfits so far in advance?”

“Fail to prepare and prepare to fail, Bella.” She replied with her back to me. “We need back-up options in case we can’t find anything good closer to the date. I have just the dress for you, it’s blue silk, it’ll compliment your features perfectly. I thought it was in here but-…”

“I think I saw it last in Esme’s closet.” Said Rosalie in an exaggerated bored tone.

“Wait here!” Alice ordered excitedly, oblivious to our disinterest, and then swept out of the room, leaving Rosalie and I alone. After a few moments I realised she was looking at me.

“You seem very happy.” She said simply when I caught her eye.

I shrugged. “Well I am happy. Much happier than I was before. I’m not alone in this anymore. I know who I am now.”

“And that doesn't make you sad?” I felt my face crumple before I could stop it and she put her hand on my arm. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” She rushed. “But being this…” She looked down at her perfect, frozen body. “Nobody would wish for it. It wouldn’t be surprising if you were unhappy.”

“Why would I be unhappy?”

“We’re monsters, Bella.” She whispered, dipping her eye-line as though she felt ashamed. “Unnatural. We’re not supposed to exist. You’ve gained immortality but you’ve lost your soul, just like the rest of us. We’re condemned to walk the earth for the rest of eternity no matter what happens to it. It’s a curse.”

“At least you have Emmett.” I said weakly, unsure of how else to respond.

She smiled humourlessly and nodded. “That does make it easier.” She granted. “The promise of forever with him is what makes it all bearable. If it wasn’t for him I don’t know-…” She trailed off.

“It would be nice to have something like that.”

“You will.” She said knowingly, nodding. “You’ll cross paths with someone. One day. Who knows, maybe you’ve already met them.”

“Mike Newton is a bit too human for me, Rose.” She laughed and then shook her head sadly. “What’s the matter?” I asked her.

“I’m just concerned that you don’t realise everything you’re giving up. Everything you’re going to miss out on.”

“Rose, this wasn’t a choice for me anymore than it was for you.” I pointed out. “I’m not giving anything up, it was taken away from me. I don’t see the point in dwelling on it and making myself miserable.”

“Bella, we can’t ever have children.” She said suddenly. “Did you know that?”

It hadn’t crossed my mind, but of course it made sense why it would be out of our reach. We didn’t change, so we could never become pregnant, and to adopt a human child, so at risk to cuts and bruises would be out of the question.

“I didn’t really want kids anyway.” I told her truthfully.

“I did.” She snapped defensively. “A whole bunch of them. I wanted to grow old and watch them live their lives. I won’t ever get to do that.”

“But look at all of the things you do have. Instead of focusing on what I’ve lost, I’m focusing on what I’ve gained. Strength,” Then I bit my lip self-consciously and said, “Beauty. I can defend myself. I can protect the people I love. I’m going to live forever! That’s pretty cool if you think about it.”

“Give it a few decades.” She cut me off bitterly. “Once those people you want to protect start dying off. Then you won’t think it’s so cool.”

Rosalie stood and stalked out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I didn’t want to spend any extended time with them, so when Alice hadn’t returned after five minutes, I too left Rosalie’s bedroom and made my way downstairs. Neither girl was anywhere to be seen and I could trace Rose’s scent to the back door. She was long gone. I walked back into the living room, where Edward was still reclining on the couch with his book. He moved his feet to make room for me on the end.

“How did the fashion show go?”

“I think Rosalie is mad at me.” I huffed, throwing myself down beside him and crossing my arms over my chest.

Edward nodded. “I heard that conversation running through her head when she ran out of here. She keeps going over it. She’s not angry, she’s just convinced that one day you’ll feel as she does and she’s worried for you. Don’t worry, she’ll get over it.” He turned the page nonchalantly.

“I really don’t want children.” I announced.

Edward arched his eyebrow, peering at me over the top of his book before snapping it shut and giving me his full attention. “That’s just as well, isn’t it.”

I shrugged. “Rose seems to think that makes me strange.”

“Ignore her then.” He said, rolling his eyes. “She can’t see past the end of her own nose sometimes. She thinks that because she always wanted children then everyone else must do too. Like I said, she’ll get over it. She remembered something else about your talk that I liked though.”

“Which part?”

“That you’re happy, and you don’t feel alone anymore.” He grinned at me. “I can’t tell you how glad I am-…”

“I found it!” Alice burst in, carrying a long silk dress.

“Excellent timing as always.” Edward muttered, opening his book again and flopping back down into his previous position.

Alice ignored him, holding out the dress to me. “It was in a garment bag in the attic after all of that. Come and try it on Bella.”

“I’ll pass on that right this second Alice,” I said apologetically. “I have to get back for Charlie. He’ll wonder where I am. I’m usually there in the afternoons.”

“Later today then, when you get back!” She suggested, zipping the bag back up.

I hesitated, really not in the mood to start trying on dresses for an event I was less than eager to attend. “Um…”

“Bella and I are going out tonight, we won’t be back at the house.” Edward cut in, tossing his book once more onto the coffee table, sensing that his sister wouldn’t be giving him anymore peace for a little while.

“Right!” I jumped in gratefully and then stood as if to leave. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow, Alice.”

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, flicking her gaze between Edward and I. “Where are you going?”

“Port Angeles.” Edward said decidedly. I saw Alice’s eyes glaze over for a second as she had a vision of our upcoming trip before she smiled, satisfied.

“Oh good, keep an eye out for any dresses you might like while you’re there! We don’t have to go with this one, although the more I look at it the more convinced I am that it’ll fit you!”

I laughed and pulled open the front door. “Sure Alice.”


	5. chapter five.

Edward picked me up from Charlie’s that evening, just as darkness was falling over Forks like a beach towel, heavy with saltwater, and drove us into Port Angeles. Alice’s visions made her difficult to lie to, so we decided to stick to our story as much as possible to avoid hurting her feelings. Though, of course, dress-shopping was never going to be on the agenda. We mostly just walked around, occasionally dipping in and out of stores that actually peaked our interest. Edward liked to browse those that sold music, while I focused my hunt on acquiring more books for my collection so that I wouldn’t have to rely on borrowing so many from him. 

“So when you’re done with high school, what happens?” I asked him curiously when we started to wander back to his car, with the stores beginning to close and the clubs beginning to open. It was nice to no longer feel scared when walking through a city, no matter how small, at night. Although, I was certain that even if I had been human, if I was walking with Edward I would never have felt afraid. 

“We’ll take some college classes away from Forks.” He told me with a shrug. They’d done this before, I realised, probably many times. “We can’t enrol in the full four years because by the end of it still looking seventeen gets a bit awkward. But Carlisle and Esme will be able to stay in Forks for a few years after we leave. Then we’ll all move on again and we won’t come back to Forks for a good few decades. Once everyone that we’ve come across during this stay is dead and their children are grown up, it’ll be safe to come back.” 

“Will you visit Carlisle and Esme often?” I asked impulsively. “Before you all move on, I mean…”

“Of course. We’re all so close, we don’t like to go more than a few months without seeing one another.”

“That’s good.” I mumbled, trying not to let my reason for asking shine through in my voice. But Edward was onto me. Sometimes I doubted his claims that my mind was immune to his power. He knew me so well. Or maybe it was just my mother’s insistence that I had always been an open book when it came to my emotions that made it so easy for him to read. I supposed that was the only thing that hadn’t changed when I had. 

“Bella?”

“Hmm?”

“I hope that I won’t have to wait to come back to Forks to see you.” He said softly. “I don’t want to visit you. I-… I hope you’ll come with us. We already consider you a part of our family. Besides, surely Charlie would like you to go to college?”

“I’m sure he would.” I laughed, picturing my father’s elated face at some future graduation ceremony. He had always said that I was his proudest achievement, even during the long period of my childhood and adolescence when we barely saw one another. The idea of me attending college would thrill him, I could already tell. “Well, if you aren’t all sick of me by the time we graduate, of course I’d want to go with you. I feel like a part of the family. You’ve all made me so welcome and-… y’know, looked out for me and stuff.”

Edward shook his head and smiled gently. “I’ll never get sick of you, Bella.” 

I chuckled. “That’s you, maybe the others would disagree.”

“Actually, as someone with a direct line into all of their minds, I can assure you that they adore you as much-… They like you too. They won’t get sick of you.” He promised with an assured nod.

I tried to hide my beaming smile as we walked, letting my hair fall in front of my face. “Good to know. I’ll be sure to increase how annoying I am. Y’know, really let the real me shine through!” 

We walked a little further in the direction of his car, passing a large group of people as they swarmed out of a restaurant. I could smell the alcohol beginning to seep from their pores and from the sounds of their jovial talking it seemed they were heading onto a bar. One man split off from the group and stared openly at me. I looked away and tried to ignore him, but when the man whistled loud and low I felt Edward tighten next to me. Clearly, he could hear more than I could once again. I was not yet used to the way people reacted to my newly perfect body. The man took a stumbling step in my direction and I felt my muscles coil as I prepared to defend myself if need be. A strange but comforting sensation overtook my rage and I looked up to see that Edward had wrapped his arm possessively around my shoulders. The man frowned but put his hands up in the air as though admitting defeat, turning back to his group and joining in their fun.

“Sorry about that.” Edward mumbled but didn’t retract his arm. “I know you can look after yourself but-… Human men have a bad habit of only respecting women when they think they belong to another man.”

“A very bad habit.” I growled, shooting a glare back at the man, who had already forgotten that I even existed. “But thank you…” I leant into his side a little, cautious and awaiting his reaction. I didn’t dare look up at him, but judging by the way his hold on me tightened slightly I imagined that he might be smiling. 

“Shall we see a movie?” He asked suddenly as his car came into sight, but also as we walked past a movie theatre.

“A movie? It’s so late.”

He scoffed at me. “They do have late showings during the week Bella, or do you have a bedtime to abide by?”

“I guess not, but I’d better call Charlie so he doesn’t worry about me.”

“Here, use my cell.” Edward said, hanging the small silver rectangle to me and heading over to the ticket office to purchase two tickets. 

~~~

I prayed that nobody would ask me how I had liked the movie, because I truly couldn’t remember anything about it. I had spent the entire time in the theatre trying to ignore the electric pull that lay between Edward and I and the burning sensation on my shoulders where his arm had laid so casually, as though it had been hand-moulded by a great pottery artist, to fit there. We walked out in silence, climbing into his car and remaining quiet as the orange streetlights lit up the road in glowing intervals, bathing us both in warm light. 

“I wish I could figure you out.” He murmered suddenly. 

I turned my head to look at him, finding myself a little distracted by the way the streetlights made his skin shimmer. “What do you mean?” I managed to ask. 

“You’re-… You’re just not like anybody I’ve ever met before, Bella.” He shook his head as though he were really perplexed. “Vampire or human. You confuse me and fascinate me and make me question everything.”

“Oh… Sorry?”

He laughed lightly. “Don’t apologise. It’s a good thing… You’ve always intrigued me.” He added quietly, as though admitting a shameful secret. “Before we even met, you meant something to me. Though I don’t really understand it myself. I understood it even less then and I hated myself for it.”

“What do you mean?”

“This is going to sound strange, but last summer when your father returned from visiting you I ran into him at the hospital. I caught a scent off his coat and I turned to attack him.”

“Attack him? How could you-…”  
“I didn’t want to,” Edward cut me off before I could get too angry. “And obviously I didn’t follow through with it. I think I would have been strong enough to restrain myself even if the scent hadn’t been lost.”

“Lost?” My brow creased as I tried to work out what he meant and tried to shake the image of Edward, who I had no doubt had the potential to present himself as the terrifying monster we were all created to be, hunting down my vulnerable, loveable father. “You mean it wasn’t Charlie’s scent?”

“When I got closer his own scent overpowered the one that was lingering on his clothes.” Edward explained and then swallowed uncomfortably. “You must have hugged him goodbye at the airport the day before and your scent was still on his coat.”

“So you wanted to attack me, not Charlie?”

Edward shook his head and turned to look at me. “You misunderstand me, Bella.” Our eyes met and he lost his words for a moment, before ripping his gaze away from mine and looking back out at the road. His hands were tight on the steering wheel. “I didn’t want to kill you.” He whispered. “I wanted to-… Have you ever heard of a ‘singer’?”

“I assume it’s probably not what I think it is.”

He smirked at that. “If a human’s blood ‘sings’ to you, it’s almost impossible to resist killing them to taste it. Your blood sang to me Bella, your scent attracted me more than any other I’ve ever smelled. In the next minute, the scent was gone and I forgot all about it until I heard that you had moved to Forks. I was interested to see if it would hit me in the same way in person, but of course, it was too late. Not that your new scent isn’t lovely too.” Edward added a little awkwardly. 

“So if you didn’t want to kill me…” I pressed.

“I don’t know what I wanted to do.” Edward said defensively, then sighed. “But you’ve always meant something to me, something more than you mean to others. I don’t know why, but you do. I just thought you should know.”

“Okay…” I desperately wanted to tell him what he meant to me too, but I didn’t have the excuse of a ‘singing’ scent to explain myself. I screwed my hands up in my lap and asked him to take me back to Charlie’s instead of to the Cullen house. 

I needed to be alone.

~~~

After a strained day at school, with Edward and I only making quaint small talk in our classes and focusing our attention on his siblings during lunch, I arrived at the Cullen house the next night determined to put things right between us. It had only been a few hours, but I wanted Edward back, the way he had been before. I wanted our normal. I wanted my friend back.

I let myself in and chatted with Esme for a while before I heard Edward playing the piano in the other room. I excused myself and went in search for him. I hovered in the doorway for a few minutes, waiting for him to finish the piece he was playing. As the last notes rang out I began to clap quietly. He smiled at me when he turned which I took as an invitation to approach. 

“That’s beautiful.” I whispered, nearing him. “Did you compose it yourself?” I didn’t proclaim to be an expert on classical music, but I was certain I had never heard that particular song before. I would have remembered something that beautiful. 

“Yes, I did.” He smiled self-consciously and I amused myself by picturing the way a human blush would have looked blooming on his cheeks like a rare flower, when he was pleased with himself but too humble to admit it aloud. “I write a lot of pieces for people I care about. Esme has a whole unofficial catalogue of my pieces to her name by now.”

Another tense silence fell over us, so I rushed what I had to say in order to break it. I couldn’t stand it any longer. “I came to apologise.”

He surprised me by looking up at me with a furrowed brow. “For what?”

“Last night.” I said, a little annoyed that he was pretending that nothing had happened. “I’m sorry I left our conversation in a weird place.”

“My fault. I said too much.” So he wasn’t pretending it had never happened, I thought, he was just too preoccupied with blaming himself for it. I should have known. 

“No, it was nice.” I mumbled in a jumbled, reassuring way. “I mean, it was good to hear your honest thoughts.”

“Will you share yours with me in return?”

I opened my mouth to reply, but at that moment Jasper walked into the room. Seeing me, he apologised and left again. I set my jaw in a firm line and hesitated before standing up and following him, ignoring Edward calling after me. 

I followed him through the house and into the kitchen. I hesitated at the door and called into the room from the doorway. “Jasper?” 

“Yes?” Came his confused reply and slowly he appeared in my sight. He beckoned me into the room and I obliged with a careful breath as I tried to think of what to say. 

“I’m sorry.” I blurted. It was comical, in a way, that I was getting all of my apologies out of the way at once. I hadn’t realised how good I was at upsetting the Cullen clan until it came to putting things right again. 

To my surprise, Jasper’s face broke into a bemused grin. What was it with the Cullen brothers and forcing me to audibly admit how I had messed up? “What on earth for?”

“I’m sorry that this has all been so easy for me when it has always been so hard for you.” I rushed before drawing back and biting down on my hard bottom lip. “I don’t know why I’m so different. But I’ve never meant to rub it in or make things more difficult for you.”

Jasper sighed and sank down at their kitchen table. “It’s not your fault.” He said, nodding to the empty chair opposite him to indicate that I should sit down. “It’s me. I am jealous of you Bella, but it’s more that you’ve proven what I always suspected but didn’t want to believe.”

“What’s that?”

He shrugged as if it were obvious. “That it is possible to be good in this life, straight away. To be controlled and compassionate, to never contemplate murder. To dedicate yourself to being a good person even when every cell in your body is screaming at you to do the opposite. You’re just a lot stronger than I’ll ever be in that regard and I’m having a hard time accepting that.”

“Jasper you are good.” I said firmly. I still didn’t understand why none of the Cullens were willing to believe that they were as moral, if not more so, than anyone else I had ever met. 

He shook his head sadly, as if I didn’t know anything at all. “I was evil before I met Alice.” He told me. “Now I try to be good but-… Every single day I think about how much easier it would be if I just-… If Edward and Rosalie are wrong and we actually have souls, mine is damned regardless, I’m certain of that. But you.” He smiled and laughed under his breath. “You must be the only angel this form of life has ever seen.”

“You’re wrong.” I reached across the table and gripped his hand, as if I hoped that I could get my message across to him through touch. I half-expected him to recoil, but he only looked at me with more attention. “If I’m an angel, it’s only because I met the rest of you.” I insisted. “Carlisle’s never killed a human, Emmett thought Rosalie was an angel when she saved him. Edward, Alice, Esme, you, you’re all good and you try so hard. That means something, Jasper. You couldn’t ever be damned. You have a soul and it is good.”

“I doubt we’ll ever agree on this particular point.” He whispered.

I gave up, sensing that any further convincing was futile. He’d had centuries to brood on this and I had only just arrived. Vaguely, I wondered if I would grow more bitter as time went on. Would I soon believe myself to be a monster? 

“Then I hope we can at least be friends from now on.” I said weakly, mustering a smile. 

“Of course we’re friends Bella.” Jasper nodded and squeezed my hand gently. “At the very least. At the very most, you’re part of this family as much as anybody and I love you like a sister.”

We chatted for a further few minutes, about less intense subjects than our respective capacities for good and evil, before Alice showed up and asked to borrow her husband. I went back in search for Edward and found him still at the piano. 

“So you and Jazz have finally kissed and made up?” He asked, a crooked smile playing upon his lips. 

“I think so.” I nodded with a sigh of relief. “I feel a lot better now.”

“I’m glad. Rosalie came looking for you while the two of you were talking. She’s up in her bedroom, she asked me to tell you to go up and find her when you have a free minute.”

“Oh okay, I’ll go up now.” I said, moving towards the door I had only just entered through. 

Edward called out to me as I reached it. “Bella?”

“Yeah?” 

“The song I was playing before… it was for you.” 

“Oh…” The breath was snatched from my body. I smiled gently and bit my lip, embarrassed with how pleased I was. “Thank you, Edward.” I mumbled before slipping out of the room. I was still grinning when I reached Rosalie’s door and had to spend a few seconds composing myself before I knocked.


	6. chapter six.

One lunchtime, a few weeks after my commencement at the school, Mike Newton made the unusual move of approaching our regular table and asking to speak to me privately. He hovered awkwardly beside us while I rose, ignoring the smirks of the Cullen siblings and leaving my untouched tray of food on the table. I followed Mike into the deserted corridor and made the obligatory small-talk that he desired. Then he asked me to be his partner for the upcoming Biology presentation that was due in two weeks time.

“I thought we had to do it based on where we sit.” I said, racking my brain for a way to let him down easily.

He nodded enthusiastically, his eyes shining. “Yeah so I thought we could get Cullen and Ben to switch places-…”

“Edward.” I snapped, my mood instantly shifting.

“What?”

“His name is Edward.”

“Right, well we can get Edward and Ben to-…”

I interrupted again. “Why don’t you want to work with Ben?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to work with Ben, it’s that I want to work with you.” He chuckled. “It’s a compliment Bella.” He added with a self-satisfied smile, as if he was really doing me a favour and that it would be in my best interest to just go along with whatever he was planning.

I resisted making a face. “Well I appreciate it Mike, but I think we should stick to our original partners.” I told him abruptly. “We don’t want to risk getting in trouble for moving seats.” He opened his mouth as if to argue further but I cut him off. “Thanks for asking me though, maybe next time. See you next period!” I trilled before turning sharply and returning to the cafeteria.

I threw myself down beside Edward and ignored the bemused looks of the Cullens. “Can’t fault the man for trying.” Emmett quipped but he stopped smiling when I glared at him.

“He’s certainly very persistent.” Edward noted as the others returned to their previous conversations.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” I grumbled. “Why is everyone around here so eager to be my friend? It was never like this before.” I was referring to a less uncomfortable interaction than the one I had had with Mike. Angela Weber, a girl from my English class with Alice had introduced herself to me the day before and welcomed me officially to the school, citing that the first few weeks can be really overwhelming as the reason she had not yet greeted me. I was grateful for that, she had no idea just how overwhelming my time in Forks had been so far. Like Mike, I was keeping her at a slight distance, unwilling to let her get too close, but I was much more tempted to befriend Angela than I was Mike. Edward had encouraged me in that, stating how calming he found her mind to be in comparison to a lot of our fellow students.

“I can think of a few reasons.” Edward smiled before adding quietly. “Mike likes you.”

I folded my arms over my chest and huffed, “I like him too but I wish he’d stop trying to make me move seats.”

“No Bella,” Edward chuckled, as if I were being quite dim. “I mean he has a crush on you.”

I scoffed and shook my head. “No way.”

“Direct line into his thoughts, remember?” Edward chortled, enjoying this more than he should have been. “He definitely likes you.”

“Why would he do something like that?” I asked, mortified.

Edward shrugged. “What’s that saying? He’s only human?”

“He’ll get over it.” I said, losing confidence in the words even as they left my mouth. I tried to distract myself through the rest of lunch by chatting to Rosalie and Emmett, but worry batted at the back of my mind as I became increasingly aware that Edward and I had Biology straight after lunch and that Mike would be waiting for us there.

When we finally reached our class and slotted ourselves into our usual seats, I tried to ignore the daggers Mike was shooting in my direction.

“Does he hate me?” I whispered worriedly to Edward.

“It’s not you he hates, it’s me.”

I bit my lip and tried to hide my relieved smile. “Oops, sorry.”

“Not your fault, Bella.” He assured me diplomatically, opening his textbook and pushing it between us so that we could share. “As far as he can see, I’m the only thing standing between you and him being together forever. I can understand him having a bit of a grudge against me for it.”

I sighed. “Believe me, there’s more than just you standing in the way.”

“But I am standing in the way?” Edward asked, his question, I believed, was genuine, though there was still a teasing smile playing upon his lips.

“Sitting in the way.” I corrected him, breaking our eye contact and glancing toward the front of the class where our teacher was beginning his lesson. “If you swapped seats all of his dreams would come true, according to your line into his head.”

Once again, I was incredibly grateful that I was biologically incapable of blushing.

~~~

I had never particularly cared for the woods that surrounded Forks when I was human. Charlie had tried endlessly during my childhood to get me interested in hiking and other outdoorsy activities in the hope that when I returned to my mother at summer’s end I would give her a detailed report of all the fun we’d had doing father-daughter bonding in the great outdoors. It never went quite the way he hoped. I was so clumsy that I spent most of the walk trying not to roll my ankles on tree roots and, though as a general rule I enjoyed quiet spaces, I found the numbing silence of the woods boring. Since becoming a vampire however, there was nowhere I would rather be than in the woods near my father’s house. Although, it was not bonding with Charlie that held the attraction for me.

The woods crackled with life. Every leaf that performed its ballet-like dance in the wind was ready for me to inspect. The streams ran past me, bubbling with laughter as they raced one another. The rain kissed me as it dodged the trees to reach my skin, spending an intimate moment making contact before dropping to the mossy ground. There was other life that existed there too. Insects and animals, the larger the better for our purposes.

It was my first group hunt. I had been once with Alice, only because I was dying of thirst and she wanted to keep gossiping, but this was my first time hunting with Edward. Rosalie and Emmett had joined us too, and so far, the latter was winning in terms of kills. We were losing interest with the hunt. We were all full, satisfied, but we were enjoying the game of tracking our prey. This part of the woods was always empty so we were free to let our instincts guide us. We didn’t need to worry that we might stumble upon an unsuspecting human and involve them in our grisly activities.

We paused for a moment to contemplate whether we ought to continue or turn back and go home. As we stood there, Edward grabbed a handful of wildflowers and examined them briefly, smiling as he neatened the bunch. Then, biting his lip self-consciously, held them out to me, as if he just didn’t want to have the responsibility of holding them any longer. A heartbeat of time passed between us as I stepped forward and accepted the bouquet, my head dipped with embarrassment. I tried to ignore the knowing look Rosalie and Emmett exchanged as we all continued on through the woods, having decided we would keep playing our game for a little longer.

Too long, as fate would have it.

He shouldn’t have been there. It didn’t make sense for him to be so far from the trail. His coppery skin and jet-black hair were warmed by the small patch of light breaking through the thick trees above his head as he sat there. The occasional drop of rain would fall on him from where it had been lurking in the hollow pocket of a leaf, but he just brushed them off absentmindedly. He was talking aloud, not to himself, that was obvious, but there was nobody else around. A dead relative, most likely. This place must have meant something to them.

The boy’s scent was mouth-watering and I felt myself take an involuntary step in his direction. I was shocked at how badly I wanted to taste his blood, how badly I wanted to strike. It would be so easy, far easier than trying to resist. My small movement made no sound and the boy remained oblivious of the danger that lurked in the trees. I was lucky that the brush was so compact here. He wouldn’t see me until it was too late. Though of course, it had always been too late. If I decided to kill him, he would die. No second chances, no time for him to beg for mercy.

“Emmett.” Rosalie hissed, and I too was jarred out of my thoughts. I turned to see her mate tensed, clearly being pulled in two internal directions. He was still thirsty and we were mid-hunt. It would be quick. The boy would not suffer. “Em, no. Come.” Rosalie insisted, grabbing Emmett’s arm and pulling him in the direction we had just come from. Emmett continued to hesitate, but I could see him leaning more towards Rosalie. I swallowed painfully and turned on my heel, flying back the way we had come and refusing to look back and consider the boy again. I didn’t want to be a monster either.

I heard the flurried, frantic sounds of the others breaking through the trees behind me, but I didn’t dare look back until we were on the Cullens’ driveway. We stormed into the house as a group, making Carlisle and Esme glance up in surprise. They hadn’t been expecting us back so soon.   
“What was he even doing there?” Emmett boomed, furious that he had been tempted in such a way. He saw it as a personal attack and I could see him contemplating going back and killing the boy just for getting in the way of his hunt.

“There’s always a risk when we hunt this close to town.” Rosalie said patiently. “Next time we’ll go to the mountains like we usually do.”

“What’s going on?” Demanded Carlisle, the snatches of our conversation that he was getting horrifying him. Edward explained quickly. “Nothing happened?” Carlisle confirmed suspiciously and I saw his eyes flicker over me.

“Rosalie pulled me away before I did anything stupid.” Emmett grumbled, but he put an affectionate hand on Rose’s cheek as if to thank her. She smiled lovingly and cupped it there. A silent, ‘you’re welcome’ seemed to pass between them. An unspoken promise that they would always looked after one another.

“That’s good.” Carlisle sighed. “It could have been a lot worse than it was. We’ll all just need to be more careful from now on. Rose is right, no more hunting close to home.”

“Why didn’t anyone try to stop me?” I asked suddenly, depositing my flowers into the glass vase that Esme had offered me.

All of the attention in the room rested on me. Edward’s crooked smile broke as he asked, “What?”

“Rosalie pulled Emmett away.” I pointed out. “You all just left me standing there, watching him, thinking about how I could kill him, considering if I should just give in and do it.” I swallowed, the burn in my throat getting worse. “Why?” I croaked.

Edward wavered, regretting the lightness he had approached the conversation with. “I’m sorry to say that I assumed trying to convince you not to kill him when you were mid-hunt would be pointless.”

I rolled my eyes. “Surely I’ve proven by now that I have more control than that. I think I deserve a little credit.”

“More than a little.” He assured me.

“In which case you still wouldn’t have needed us to pull you away.” Rosalie replied smugly.

I knew she was right, but it still bothered me. It shouldn’t have done. Rosalie had pulled Emmett away from the scene because she loved him and she didn’t want him to do anything that he would regret, or that would put their life together at risk. Edward didn’t love me, not like that, and as much as they all claimed that I was a part of their family, I wasn’t, not really. I still had a family in Charlie and I belonged to him far more than I did any of the Cullens. Nobody had pulled me away because I wasn’t a priority. Anything I did was my business. I left the room to put my flowers on the living room coffee table, mostly so that I could have a second to myself.

I heard Esme’s light footsteps behind me but I had expected her to be heading to a different room. She made me jump when she appeared behind me, her gentle hand on my shoulder. “Bella, you should be very proud of what you did today. It can’t have been easy.”

I tried to shrug casually. “Everybody knows I’m not a normal vampire.” I muttered. “I guess it is easier for me than it is for everyone else.”

“That’s not a bad thing, darling. Maybe they shouldn’t be as complacent about your self control as they are, but if I was you I would try to take it as a compliment.”

“I’ll try.” I promised, mustering a small smile for her.

She squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. “By the way, you’re not a normal vampire, you’re right about that. You are far kinder and more compassionate than most vampires ever even contemplate being. We feel very lucky to know you and to have you with us.”

I opened my mouth but found myself unable to reply as left the room, returning to the kitchen. I bit my lip, suppressing the pleased grin that was about to spread across my face. Esme was the only person in the Cullen family that made me feel like I really was apart of it, and the idea that I might one day disappoint her clawed at my heart.

Still, what was one more mother to add to my list of people that I had broken the hearts of over the last few months?


	7. chapter seven.

“Bella, stop.” I ground my heels into the earth and halted immediately, swirling around to search for the danger. Edward smiled softly and shook his head. “Don’t panic. We’re just getting a little close to the edge of the forest. Somebody will see us if we get much closer.”

My brow creased and I glanced around us at the dense forest. Once again I'd become lost in my enjoyment of my surroundings and the joy of running with Edward by my side. “Where are we?” I asked, trying to get my bearings in terms of where the rest of the town lay.

“The children’s play park is just through there.” Edward said, nodding ahead of us.

“Oh…”

“We can cut through it if you’d like." He suggested. "We need to be on the other side of it, but we could just run around.”

“Let’s take the shortcut.” We started walking at a human pace, slipping through the thinning trees and emerging in the grassy field that had the play equipment in the centre of it like a heart beat. “This wasn’t here when I was a kid.” 

“It’s new, they built it a few years ago.” Edward told me. “The whole town raised the money for it. Carlisle and Esme donated quite a lot towards it. In fact, Esme was asked to cut the ribbon when they opened it as a thank-you for their donation.” That didn’t surprise me and I smiled as I imagined how happy Esme would have been on that day. She was always willing to look after the children of other mothers and to have helped build them a place dedicated purely to fun and spending time with their families must have thrilled her.

A delighted shriek came from the playground and a little girl appeared in front of us. She looked to be about three or four and was rugged up in a big winter jacket to protect her against the cold. I smiled as she yelled out again, giggling as she dipped back under a large yellow slide. A woman, who I assumed was the little girl’s mother dove into view, a wide grin on her face. She chased the little girl around the playground a few more times as Edward and I neared and then passed them. I glanced back and saw the woman finally sweep her daughter up into her arms and press kisses over her face while her daughter squirmed.

“Come on April, home time.”

“Not yet!” The little girl protested as her mother set her back down on her feet. “Five more minutes?”

“You can have an extra five tomorrow. We have to get home. Daddy’s making lasagne for dinner. Come on, let’s go.”

I looked back one last time and saw the two of them walking away in the other direction. I caught snippets of their light, affectionate conversation as the wind pulled their voices towards me. The little girl swung off her mother’s hand and my heart ached horribly. 

I missed Renee, more than I had really let myself believe I did. I wanted my mother back, but in order to have her love me the way she had it would mean that everything would have to go back to the way it was before I had changed and it would never be that way again. I knew my mother still loved me, but she couldn’t accept what I had become. I understood why - Charlie was a one in a million - but it still hurt. But then again, as I looked at Edward, after turning away from little April and her mother, I wasn’t sure I wanted things to go back to the way they had been before. This was my life now, this body was mine for good. I needed to accept that, even if my poor mother never could.

Edward noticed my shift in mood and the way I couldn’t stop staring at the girl and her mother. He nudged me gently, as though reminding me that he was still there beside me. “Bella?”

“I’m fine.” I told him a little too quickly. “Let’s go.” I quickened my pace now that we were the only people in sight and made a break for the other side of the woods. “I promised Charlie I’d be back by lunchtime.”

“Why?” He asked and I was grateful that he let my funny turn go unmentioned.

I shrugged. “He wants me to go with him to visit his friend. He says that it’s about time things became more normal and I met some of the people that knew me when I was a kid. Apparently they’ve been asking about me and they’re starting to get suspicious because Charlie won’t let me in their sight. Plus, he said he’s got some kind of surprise for me or something.”

Edward nodded. “Will you come over tonight?”

“Of course!” I grinned. “I always do, don’t I?”

“Just checking.” He mumbled before breaking into a run. I followed close behind him, the debris from the ground flicking up and hitting my legs as we raced back to Charlie’s. I waved goodbye to Edward from the front door, and caught sight of him as he ducked back in front the edge of the woods and made his way towards his own house.

~~~

I hadn’t always liked riding shotgun in Charlie’s police cruiser. When I was younger and embarrassed by everything even remotely connected to Forks or my dad I had slouched so low in my seat that the bottom strap of my seatbelt had sat across my ribs, and Charlie had told me to sit up straight in case we crashed. To my annoyance, we never did. Now, I kind of enjoyed the ride. Charlie was well-known and well-liked in town and most people stopped to wave hello to him. Some of the older men in Forks even tipped their hats as a sign of respect for their police chief. As we reached the edge of town and started on the long stretch of road heading towards the reservation I turned the radio down a little as a fresh bout of rain started pattering on the windshield.

“Did you ever think about leaving Forks?” I asked him.

Charlie hesitated, clearly surprised by my question. Then he sighed and nodded. “Yeah. I mean, of course I did. I always meant to follow you out to Arizona after my parents went but-… I don’t know Bells, you get comfortable in a place, don’t you?”

I nodded and glanced out of the window at the trees whipping past us. “Yeah I guess so.”

“But to be honest with you, I don’t think following you would have been the greatest idea anyway.”

I turned my head in surprise. “Why not?”

Charlie shrugged. “You belonged with your mom, and those early years made you the great kid you are today. I would have gotten in the way. I wasn’t wanted there, not then.”

“I’m sorry if I made you feel-…”

“No, no." He rushed, smiling sadly at me, his eyes still trained on the road ahead. "It’s okay Bells, it’s not your fault. Besides, you knew where I was when you needed me, right? That’s something I’m proud of.”

I inhaled slowly, remembering the pain and weirdness of those first few weeks of this life cramped up in my mother’s house, listening to Phil and Charlie to reassure her as she sobbed over my fate. It had taken a lot out of me, I couldn’t imagine how it had felt for Charlie. “Dad, I’ve never thanked you properly for taking care of me after-… Since-…”

He cut me off. “Bella?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t ever have to thank me.” He said firmly. “For anything. It’s in the job description.”

“Right… Well thanks anyway.”

Charlie smirked. “You’re welcome anyway. Here we are.” He pulled up beside a small house with a large red truck parked out the front of it. I climbed out as Charlie gave a rare grin and charged over towards the truck. “What do you think?” He asked, tapping its hood like it was a big dog rather than an ancient Chevy.

“Erm… Nice?” I ventured, utterly confused as to why he was so excited about the rusty truck.

Charlie's chest puffed out with pride and he struggled to control his smile. “It’s yours.”

My eyes widened and I took an involuntary step towards the truck. “What?”  
“Homecoming present.” He explained excitedly. I’d never seen Charlie this worked up before. “It’s a bit late but I still thought you could do with a car. Jake - you remember Billy’s son? Well he’s fixed up the engine and everything for you.”

“Really? It’s all mine?”

He nodded proudly. “Paid for and everything.”

“Thank-…”

“What did I just say, Bella?” I chuckled and moved to hug him instead. He held me tight as though frightened to let me go and then drew back when he heard yelling from the front of the house. “Speak of the devil!” Charlie chortled and waved to the man in the doorway. “Come on, let’s say hi to Billy.”

As we approached him, Billy beamed at the two of us. “Good to see you Bella! I thought Charlie was hiding you from us for a second there.”

“Just wanted to give her some time to settle in town.” Charlie said defensively.

“It’s nice to see you again.” I smiled at Billy. I recognised him, though faintly. I didn’t think that he had been in a wheelchair the last time we had met. I wondered what had happened. I wondered if Charlie had told me. The foggy memory of my time as a human was definitely a major downside to this life.

“Jacob, come and greet Charlie and Bella!” Billy called over his shoulder and a few seconds later his son emerged from their small house. It just so happened that he did this at the exact same moment that the wind changed.

As Jacob’s russet skin and dark hair emerged into the dim afternoon light, his scent hit me like a train and I stiffened aggressively. It only took a moment for me to connect where we had crossed paths before. The boy from the forest, the very one Edward, Rosalie, Emmett and I had each contemplated killing for a few tense seconds, standing in front of me once again, his scent assaulting me even as I held my breath.

“Hey Bella! Um, we used to make mud pies together, remember?” He grinned sheepishly at me, walking too close and seeming to awkwardly consider holding his hand out for me to shake. I was relieved when he decided against it, folding his arms over his chest and leaning back against my new truck, beaming at the three of us.

“Uhh, sure.” I choked. “Yeah, of course I do.” I added more clearly, mustering a tight smile.

So we had been friends, once upon a time. I wondered if we had actually liked one another or whether Charlie and Billy had forced us together so that they got some peace to do whatever they wanted whilst still keeping an eye on us. Although, looking at Jacob’s welcoming grin I found it hard to imagine I, or anybody else for that matter, had ever disliked him. I swallowed uncomfortably as his scent continued to wash over me and I remembered the struggle to turn away from him in the forest. Charlie was watching me nervously, so I turned towards the house as though indicating that it might be time for us to all go inside. I wasn’t sure how difficult it would be to stay inside the small, warm house with the three of them, but I didn’t see that I had much choice. I took a deep breath of fresh air before ducking inside behind Billy and Charlie, Jacob walking close behind me.

The house was saturated in the scent of Jacob and his father but I found that after a few minutes I became more desensitised to it and was able to breath comfortably before too long. I focused on putting the image of Jacob in the forest out of my mind and concentrated on the pleasant small talk that took place before the pizza that they had ordered before Charlie and I arrived showed up and the football game began playing on the television.

It was actually quite a pleasant evening and I felt myself relaxing in their living room, relics of Jacob’s childhood and that of his two older sisters surrounding us like a warm hug. I found myself staring at the portrait of his mother that sat on one of the side tables, her light-filled brown eyes, so like Jacob’s, peering kindly at me. Jacob had lost his mother too, though of course I hoped one day to get mine back. Perhaps we had more in common than I first thought. I suddenly remembered what he had been doing in the forest and I wondered if she was the reason he’d even been there in first place. Had he been talking to her? How often did he go? I found myself wanting to know the kind of news he considered important enough to share with her spirit, still alive in some capacity, to Jacob at least, in the woods.

“Did you already eat?” He asked me and I broke my eye contact with his mother’s photograph. If it had been physically possible, I was certain that a blush would have been flooding my neck and cheeks with vibrant red blood.

“What?”

He smiled lopsidedly, letting me know that he had caught me staring but that he didn’t want me to be embarrassed by it. “You’ve barely touched your pizza.” He explained, pointing at my plate.

“Oh right…” I muttered, tapping the edge of the plate absently. “Yeah, I’m not that hungry.”

“Well if you’re not going to eat it, pass it over here Bells! We’re a family that shares and cares!” Billy chortled, holding out his hand for my plate of pizza.

I reached across to hand the plate to Billy and our hands touched accidentally. Billy froze at the feeling and then his eyes widened as he looked at me. I swallowed and put the plate down in front of him instead, returning to my own perch on the carpet and trying to ignore the way he was looking at me. Surely he couldn’t have figured out what I was? No human would ever have believed it.

Jacob’s brow was furrowed in bemused interest as glanced between his father and myself, but after a few minutes the entire room’s attention had returned to the game on the screen. I tried to relax again, but found it difficult. Jacob made it easier. His warm presence and constant joke-cracking made me smile and I found a lot of comfort in his presence. He, unlike his father, made me feel almost normal.

It was well past midnight by the time Charlie was finished chatting with Billy and only when he started to fall asleep on the couch did he decide it was time for us both to leave, as he had to be up early for work the next morning. I started to follow him towards the cruiser, but Jacob ran after me with a set of keys in his hand.

“Don’t forget your homecoming present!” He chuckled and before I could react he hand pressed them into my palm with his warm fingers. He didn’t even flinch at my temperature. "Your dad's talked about nothing else every time I've seen him for weeks!"

I smiled genuinely and squeezed the keys in my grasp. “Thank you for doing all of the work on the engine, Jacob.”

“Don’t mention it. And hey, call me Jake! We’re friends, right?”

“Friends.” I nodded with a smile, sealing his sentence like promise.

“I didn’t get a chance to fit the carpeting in the cab,” He added. “But if you bring it back this weekend then I can do it for you then. No extra charge.”

“That would be great! How’s Sunday morning?”

Jake grinned at me. “I’ll be here.”

I slotted myself into my new truck, enjoying the way the steering wheel felt beneath my capable hands. I waved goodbye to Jake and threw in a careful smile at his father who was beadily watching us from the sanctuary of their front door. I drove behind Charlie all the way home and parked the truck on our front lawn, letting him take the driveway. I wouldn’t bother taking it to the Cullens as it would be faster just to run.

I had a feeling Charlie had only purchased the truck to help me keep up appearances at school, and had done so before I had started riding with the Cullens. Then again, maybe I was just being cynical. It was entirely possible that my father had bought the truck for me because he wanted to do something nice. He wanted to do for me what other dads got to do for their daughters. I wouldn’t take that away from him.

He bid me a sleepy goodnight and went straight up to his bedroom, while I grabbed the books of Edward’s that I had finished from the living room and prepared to leave for the Cullen house.


	8. chapter eight.

“We started to think you weren’t coming!” Alice said brightly as soon as I walked through their front door. I tried to ignore the pointed look she flashed at Edward and batted away the thought that maybe he had been eager to see me.

“Charlie and I went to his friend's house.” I explained vaguely. “It went longer than I was expecting it to.”

Esme beamed at me, seeming glad that I was spending time with my father whilst also mixing with some of Forks’ other inhabitant, something she wished that her ‘children’ did a little more than they did. “How was it?” She asked.

“Nice actually." I smiled to myself. "It felt really normal.”

At that moment, Emmett walked into the room and stiffened, breathing hard. His head twitched from side to side, as though he were trying to figure something out. He tilted his chin back and his eyes flashed open, seeking something out. He was ready to attack, ready to hunt.

“Em?” Rosalie asked worriedly, at his side within a second, her hands on his face as she tried to bring his attention back to her. “What’s the matter? Hey, talk to me. Emmett? Edward, what’s wrong with him?” She demanded, glancing desperately over at her brother.

“He can smell the boy from the forest.” Edward told her, rising from his seat on the couch, when Emmett said nothing. Edward’s eyes narrowed in confusion and he too lifted his chin. “I can smell it too. Where is it coming from?”

“Oh, that’s probably me.” I said, shrugging off my jacket and throwing it into the corner of the room, as far away from Emmett as possible. “Sorry.” I mumbled, hoping that I wouldn’t have to explain but knowing already that I would have to. They all turned to stare at me, and Alice’s jaw hung open. “What?” I asked defensively.

“You were hanging out with your potential prey?” Jasper asked, his jaw tight.

I rolled my eyes and walked further into the room, keeping a careful, defensive eye on Emmett in case he decided to follow the scent and either attack me, or leave to find Jacob. “Like we don’t all do that every day at school.” I said lightly, as though it was not a big deal.

“Yes, but you came across that boy mid-hunt and then turned away.” Rosalie elaborated, moving her hands from Emmett’s cheeks to his arms in an effort to calm him down. The scent was definitely fainter now and would soon dispel completely in the warmth of the house. “I don’t know if I’d have been able to let him live a second time.” She admitted.

“Well it’s just as well I didn’t kill him.” I chuckled, flopping down on the couch next to Edward and handing him the stack of books I had brought with me. He took them without looking at them, his confused eyes trained on my face. “He’s Charlie’s godson. He probably would have been a bit annoyed about it.”

“Bella, I will never understand you.” Jasper said, shaking his head.

“You don’t have to understand each other, just accept each other.” Esme said motherly, winking at me.

“Well done, Bella!” Alice exclaimed, looking as though she would burst with pride. “Your self control is getting stronger and stronger. I almost wish we could swap gifts, except I like knowing stuff that nobody else knows. Well, except Edward!” Jasper pulled her gently away, smiling at me to let me know that our conversation from a few weeks prior still stood and that he too was happy that I’d been strong enough to let Jake live.

“Charlie’s godson?” Edward pressed as everybody else returned to what they had been doing before my sudden arrival.

“Apparently we used to make mud pies together when we were kids.” I shrugged. “We were really good friends I think. He’s a nice kid.”

He smiled crookedly, as though the idea of me having friends outside of the Cullen household amused him. “Do you think you have the potential to be friends again?”

I nodded. “I think so. Even if I am a freak of nature!”

Edward snorted. “Hardly.”

“Well we’ll find out soon enough.” I said. “I’m going over there on the weekend to hang out with him again.”

“Going over where? Doesn’t he live in town.”

I hesitated, sensing that I was about to get in trouble. I didn’t know which part of my day had held the mistake, but I was certain that one had been made. Or at least, Edward would see whatever it was as a mistake. “Just outside of it.”

Edward’s voice was suddenly hard with worry. “Not the reservation?”

“Yeah he and his dad live down that way... Why?”

“Bella you can’t go on the reservation.” He said firmly, physically stiffening beside me. It sounded like an order and my instincts reacted badly to that. I had never really liked being told what to do, but I liked it even less now that I knew I was physically stronger than anyone that tried to boss me about. Besides, in this instance, as far as I was aware, I hadn’t done anything wrong.

My brow creased and I crossed my arms over my chest defensively. “Why not?” I demanded, almost daring him to tell me off again.

“We have a treaty with the tribe that says we’ll never step foot there.”

I resisted shrugging. “What does that have to do with me?”

“Bella you’re a vampire.” He reminded me pointlessly. I was getting angrier by the second. He was patronising me now. “No matter how accurate it may or may not be they won’t ask questions long enough to check if you’re actually a part of our coven, they’ll assume that you are and they’ll attack you.”

“Okay… But they’re only human, right?” I asked, wondering what the big deal was. It wasn’t like they could attack me in any real capacity, even if they possessed the world’s most powerful weapons. Nothing was able to stand up to me, I knew it and Edward knew it. Nothing bad could come of my friendship with Jake, I was certain. Or, at least, if I wasn’t certain, I wasn’t about to admit it to Edward.

“Those that live now are, as far as we know… but they weren’t always.”

“What do you mean?” Confusion clouded my mind as I tried to work out what exactly I’d done wrong.

Edward shook his head as though it were unimportant. “I’ll explain later, just promise me you won’t step foot on the reservation. If you want to see the boy, make him come to Forks. It would incriminate us all if you broke the treaty and I can’t let you do that.”

I nodded and twisted my hands together in my lap. “Okay… I’ll call him in the morning and make others plans.”

A few second passed between us before another thought occurred to Edward. He sighed and then swallowed with some difficulty. “Bella?”

“Hmm?” I replied, looking straight ahead as though I were disinterested in continuing our conversation.

“Where did you meet him tonight?” I didn’t answer and Edward gave another laboured sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger as though I were giving him a headache. “You’ve already been on the reservation, haven’t you?”

I considered lying but knew that the truth would undoubtedly come out eventually. I sighed and held my hands up in surrender. “In my defence, nobody told me that I wasn’t supposed to.”

“Come on, we need to talk to Carlisle about this.” Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs and into Carlisle’s study. He explained the situation rapidly while Carlisle nodded gravely. I stood in the corner, feeling like I was being told on by an irritating classmate, trying to ignore the fizzing sensation in my hand where Edward had clasped it so tightly. But it had been in urgency and frustration, not affection. I twisted my fingers into a fist and held it behind my back, furious with myself in more ways than one.

I felt ashamed as Carlisle’s understanding face turned towards me. I prayed I hadn’t caused any trouble for him and the rest of his family. Edward, on the other hand, I could give or take a little trouble. It would do him good to get off his vampiric high-horse.

“We should have thought to tell you about it but it never even crossed my mind… Did you come across any trouble while you were there?” Carlisle asked me calmly.

I shook my head, my hair falling into my face as I tried to reassure him that I hadn’t failed him. Carlisle had always been so good to me and I owed him a lot for how he had helped with my Charlie situation. I never wanted him to be disappointed in me. “No, everything was completely normal. Except-…”

“Except?” He prompted when I trailed off.

“Well Billy, Jake’s dad, did seem a little suspicious of me.” I admitted. “He touched my hand when I passed him something and then he started acting really weird. But surely he couldn’t know-…”

“He can’t know for certain, you’re right.” Carlisle nodded swiftly. “But he can definitely suspect. He believes in the old legends more than a lot of other Quileutes do. I think it’s unlikely that the tribe will take any further action on this, provided you never step foot on their land again. Second chances are unlikely to be handed out by the council.”

“I won’t.” I promised him meekly.

“It’s okay.” Edward belatedly tried to reassure me. “You didn’t know.”

I glared at him and stormed out of Carlisle’s study, ignoring Edward when he followed me through the house. I made a beeline for the front door but he caught me by the shoulders before I could reach it and whirled me around to face him.

“What? Do you want to give me another dressing down?” I hissed spitefully. I heard a stumble of quick footsteps from the next room. Esme, coming to say goodbye to me before I left, stopped in her tracks by the sound of my anger. I screwed my eyes up for a minute and then tried to leave again. I’d apologise to her the following night, I just needed to get away from Edward as soon as possible.

Edward, who had taken a step away from me when I had confronted me, shook his head and began speaking. “Bella-…”

“Look I’m sorry that I don’t have all of this stuff figured out yet, but I’m doing my best.” I snapped, pushing my hair out of my face. I could feel myself getting more and more stressed and my muscles stiffened in response to that. I suddenly felt like I needed to run, maybe even needed to hunt. I needed to burn off some of this furious energy that was radiating through me before I did something stupid, something I’d regret. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. “It doesn’t help when you come in here and start-…”

“I’m sorry.” Edward interrupted gently. “Truly. I never meant to upset you.”

“Well you did.” I said childishly, looking down at my feet. I scuffed my toe along the hardwood floors, trying to think of something more intellectual to say to him.

“I can see that. I’m very sorry.” He said again. “I’m just trying to protect you.”

That took me by surprise and my head snapped up. “Protect me?” I repeated, rolling the words over in my mouth as though hearing them for the very first time and trying to ascertain their meaning.

“I don’t ever want you to be in danger, even danger that you’re unaware of. I reacted badly because I was scared of something bad happening to you.”

I inhaled a staggered breath, losing focus as I stared into his honey-gold eyes. “Really?” 

“Of course.” He assured me before adding, “Just as I would be for any other member of the family.” I deflated as his words took root. There it was. Just another sister to add to the collection of siblings that he platonically cared about. But the newest addition couldn’t possibly matter that much. He’d easily forget about me soon enough. The thought made me feel bitter and I moved away from him again, claiming that I had to get home for Charlie, despite knowing he wouldn’t be awake for hours.

“I’ll pick you up at the usual time?” Edward called after me from the front door.

“Actually, I don’t need you to.” I replied more harshly than I meant to. I swallowed and added softly, “My surprise from Charlie was a car.” I couldn't help feeling my excitement about my present had significantly diminished in the last hour. 

“In that case, we’ll save you a spot!” Alice giggled from the upstairs window, making me jump. She and Jasper waved me off as I ran into the woods, more thankful than ever that Edward couldn’t read my mind.

~~~

The next morning at school, I cut the engine and I climbed out of the truck, finding myself faced by the Cullens who were all staring open-mouthed at my vehicle. Finally, Emmett broke the silence, trying not to splutter as he held in his laughter. “Wow, scrap metal? Your dad sure is generous.”

I rolled my eyes and moved to stand beside Edward against the side of his car. “Don’t hate the truck, Em.”

“Listen, it’s got… potential.” Rosalie conceded generously, gliding over to my truck and running her hand along its side. “The engine will no doubt need some work.” She lifted the bonnet and peered inside, Emmett coming up behind her to inspect it too.

“Actually Jake completely rebuilt the engine.” I said smugly, folding my arms over my chest and leaning back against Edward’s car.

Their heads popped back up, almost comically. “Jake?” Rose repeated. “The boy from the reservation? The one from the hunt?” Emmett swallowed reflexively.

“Charlie’s godson.” I corrected defensively, eyeing up Emmett’s reaction and trying not to let it bother me. I couldn’t bear to think of somebody as nice as Jacob Black ending up as somebody else’s meal, let alone somebody I loved. I didn’t ever want to have to pick sides, especially over something like that. At this point, I really wasn’t sure who I would pick. “And my friend.” I added softly.

Edward sighed. “Bella…”

“Look it’s not going to go too far.” I jumped in before he could give me another telling off, or before he could reduce me to his brotherly fondness category again. “He did a lot of work on the truck for me and he’s a good friend. I’m not going to cut him off just because of what I am. He won’t understand and I don’t want to hurt him.”

“It’s too risky.” Edward pleaded with me, shaking his head dismissively.

“I know what I’m doing.” I promised, feeling certain that it was true. I’d spent the rest of my sleepless night thinking it all through and coming up with some plans; not just concerning Jake, but about Edward too. I couldn’t go on the way I was, irritated whenever he reminded me that he didn’t like me in the way I liked him. That wasn’t his fault, and he’d been so good to me in every other way. “Besides, the rules say that I can’t go onto the reservation, right?” I continued. “Well that’s fine, Jake’s going to just have to come to me instead.”

The Cullens exchanged uneasy glances but at that moment the bell signalling our first classes were about to commence rang and we walked into the school in awkward silence. Edward was tense as he walked beside me, but he tried his hardest to treat me normally in our classes. Clearly, he still felt bad about the way he had responded when I first told him about Jake and he was trying to make it up to me. He needn't have bothered putting so much effort into it. Surely he knew that I had already forgiven him everything unkind word he would ever say to me, and every spiteful thing he would ever do to me.

The possibility that we might know one another for centuries, and that I might have already forgiven him an eternity of missteps terrified me but also secretly thrilled me. I would never have to say goodbye to the Cullens if I didn’t want to, provided they didn’t want to get rid of me. That was a guarantee that I had always craved, and it made me feel a lot better about the looming mortality of everybody else I cared about.

But the idea of walking beside Edward forever, never permitted to reach out and take his hand as I so desperately wanted to? That might be too much for me to bear.

~~~

At lunch that day, as I was talking to Edward about our Biology assignment the sound of my name being hissed caught my attention. I turned and saw Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory sitting together, their heads close together. Unusually, they were sitting alone and I briefly wondered where Angela Weber was, as well as the others in their group that usually sat with them. They were whispering, clearly not wishing to be heard by anybody, let alone the person they were talking about. Little did they know that I could hear well enough to seek out the sound of an animal scratching three towns over. I could hear their bitching just fine.

“It’s the way she just walked in like she owned the place.” Lauren spat.

“It’s because she knew the Cullens." Jessica replied. "I don’t know what that connection is but they obviously do know each other from somewhere else.”

“Got to be some kind of relative.”

Jessica shrugged. “Maybe. I mean, I know they look alike but-…”

“It’s not just the looks, it’s the way they all think they’re better than us. At least the Cullens have an excuse for it.” Lauren sneered as though she had some kind of secret information about me to share with Jess.

The latter fell for it, leaning ever closer to Lauren. “What’s that?”

“Well their dad was some hot-shot doctor before they moved here, they’ve got bags of money, plus they’ve got the weird-sad-backstory to make them interesting. What does Bella Swan have? A runaway bride for a mother, an ageing small town policeman for a father and the personality of a wet cloth? Honestly, I’m glad she’d never give us the time of day.”

“Bella.” Edward cut through their voices. “Ignore them. They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

I nodded, unable to respond verbally and stole one more glance back at the girls. I wondered, and worried, about how many others in the school felt the same way Jessica and Lauren did. Suddenly, despite the Cullens all sitting in such close proximity to me, I felt quite alone.


	9. chapter nine.

Jake was more than happy to oblige when I requested that we move hanging out to my house instead of his. When he arrived he told me he was just glad to get out of his house because his dad had been acting strangely for a few days. I didn’t mention the way his weirdness had coincided with me meeting them both again and just hoped that Jake wouldn’t make the connection of his own accord. 

Working on my truck only took a few minutes and we then decided to go for a walk since it wasn’t raining for once. I liked talking to Jacob, it was as easy with him as it had been when I first met Edward; simple and without any awkwardness. He put me at ease in such a way that I began to wonder if he were to become a vampire if he would have a similar power to Jasper’s. But of course, Jake would never become like the rest of us. He was just another person I was going to lose when the time came. I tried not to think about it.

“So have you made friends at school?” Jake asked as we walked. “It must be rough starting late in the school year.”

“It was a bit hard but everyone’s been pretty welcoming… I mostly hang out with the Cullen family… Do you know them?” I added tactfully.

“Kind of.” He shrugged. “I know of them, I’ve never spoken to them or anything. They don’t come onto the reservation, not even to visit the beach, so I’ve only seen them from afar a couple of times.”

“Oh…” I feigned surprise. “Do you know why?”

He smirked and raised his eyebrows at me conspiratorially. “Well there are rumours-…”

I rolled my eyes. “When are there not around here.” I said a little bitterly.

Jake nodded and I was pleased to know that he agreed with me. “Exactly. It’s all small-town bullshit. But there are some wacky stories on the reservation about that family.”

“What kind of stories?”

Jake snorted and shook his head, as though to prove how ridiculous he found what he was about to tell me to be. “On the reservation they say that they’re some kind of like supernatural being or something. It’s so stupid-...”

“What kind of being?” Jake narrowed his eyes at me and I quickly rushed to cover my tracks. “I used to love hearing your dad tell us about the legends of the tribe when we were kids.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that!” We passed a fallen tree trunk and Jake sat down on its mossy surface, settling in to tell me a story. “Okay, well do you remember the legend of the Cold Ones?” I shook my head, although I had a feeling that I could guess most of the story he was about to tell. I sank down beside him on the trunk, keeping a big enough space between us that we wouldn’t accidentally touch. “Well I guess to talk about the Cold Ones I have to tell you about my tribe. It is said that the male members of the Quileute tribe are descended from wolves. That’s why it’s against tribal law to kill them. Q’waeti’ was a powerful changer and he journeyed all over the land setting the people right and instructing them on how they should act. The legend goes that Q’waeti’ kept discovering places that were uninhabited by people, so he would change other things into the people that would live there from then on. So, for example, when he reached the Q'wayi't'soxk'a River, he didn’t find any people so he spit on his hands and rubbed his dead skin into the water and the Q’wayi’t'sox people emerged from the water. Well the same thing happened when he reached this land.”

“He made your tribe?” I breathed, so wrapped up in the story and Jacob’s melodic voice that I had already almost forgotten why we were discussing it at all.

Jake nodded. “When Q’waeti’ found the Quileute land he found no people, only two wolves. He transformed the wolves into people and told them, ‘you Quileute shall be brave, because you come from wolves. In every manner you shall be strong.’” Jake sat back proudly, letting the power of his words fall over me. I could tell that this was a tale he had heard many times and from many people that he admired. He was excited to share it with me.

It was a wonderful story, but I found myself a little impatient. “What does that have to do with the Cold Ones?” I pressed.

“I’m getting to that.” He rolled his eyes, wanting me to be patient for the sake of the drama of the story. He was enjoying this. “From that moment on, the Quileutes lived peacefully, phasing in and out of their wolf forms as they needed to. They lived on this land unchallenged for many years, until their families were threatened.”

“Threatened?”

“The wolf-men had only one natural enemy, Bella.” Jake’s voice lowered seriously.

“The Cold Ones?” I whispered and Jake gave a single, solemn nod. “What were they like?” I asked. My voice so quiet I was surprised that his human ears could still pick it up.

Jake sighed and glanced up, as though he were wracking his brain to remember. “Well, let’s see… They were supposed to smell really bad to the wolves, like really sweet, to the point where it burned their noses. They were impossibly strong and fast, they could rip a human being in two like a doll.” He counted each trait off on his fingers. “Their skin was as hard as stone and as cold as ice, they were always pale, paler even than the pale-faces that had already moved onto the land.” He smirked at me but I didn’t smile. He returned to his tale with increased seriousness. “They were violent and didn’t hesitate in killing. Oh, and the most important thing about them…”

“What?”

“To keep their strength up, they drank blood. Human blood.” Jake’s eyes widened as though he were hoping to get a horror-movie style reaction from me. I think I disappointed him with my mundane questioning, and the fact that I didn’t even flinch at the idea of drinking blood, but he digressed anyway.

“What did the tribe do?” 

“Destroyed them of course.” Jake chuckled with a shrug. “Only a wolf’s teeth was capable of ripping apart the creature and then they had to be burnt in order to be completely killed.”

“But what does all of that have to do with the Cullens?”

“Well the rumour goes that during the time of my Great-Grandfather, a group of Cold Ones came onto Quileute land and claimed to be unlike others of their kind. They said that they didn’t drink the blood of humans, only of animals, and they asked to be granted permission to hunt in the area. The tribe elders decided that, as long as they swore not to step foot on Quileute land, they would go unharmed and could hunt in peace. A treaty was signed that still exists to this day.”

“So the rumour about the Cullens is that-…”

“That they are the Cold Ones that stepped onto our land nearly a century ago.” Jake broke into laughter, which startled me. “It’s crazy, I know.” He glanced at his watch. “Anyway, I should be getting back. As weird as my dad is acting at the moment I know he’ll worry if I’m not back before dinner.”

“You’re okay to get back?”

“Oh sure!" He promised with a carefree laugh. "Your dad turns a blind eye to me driving Dad’s old car around since he can’t do it himself. At this point I’m a better driver than most people with a license!” I laughed, even as the eerie story settled around my heart as I pictured Carlisle shaking the hand of Jacob Black’s Great-Grandfather and wondered what kind of trouble my friendship with Jake was going to cause. 

“I don’t doubt it.” I assured him as we headed back in the direction of Charlie’s house.

When we reached it, Edward was waiting for me. I caught sight of him and he grimaced, only to seemingly melt away into the trees when Jake turned to see what I was looking at in the forest. Seeing nothing, Jake smiled and unlocked his father’s car, sliding himself behind the wheel. “I’ll see you soon?”

“Definitely.” I replied, not sure yet whether it was a lie or not. I waved until the car was out of sight and then I ran into the woods in search of Edward. I had no sooner opened my mouth to call his name when he was in front of me.

“Are you alright?” He asked, his hand briefly touching my cheek. It startled us both and he took a hurried step away from me.

“Of course I am. Why? What’s the matter?” His frantic worry was scaring me and I wondered what could have happened that would make him act like this.

“Come.” He insisted, starting to walk in the direction of his own house. “Alice needs to talk to you. Well, she needs to see you…”

“Alice? Why? Edward, tell me what’s going on.” I pleaded, tugging on his arm to pull him back around to face me.

“Please Bella, just come back to the house. Everything will be explained there.” Reluctantly, because I desperately wanted the explanation there and then, I ran beside Edward all the way back to his family’s house.

They were all gathered there, Alice standing in the centre of the room, wringing her hands. Her eyes flickered, her stare blank. She saw something, but it wasn’t any of us. Jasper was the only other member of the family that stood, reluctant to stray too far from his mate lest she need him. I could feel the atmosphere change when Edward and I entered. Jasper had been emanating a calming emotion, trying to relax Alice, but seeing us made him drop it.

“Is everything alright?” I asked, my gaze falling on each of the Cullens in turn.

To my surprise, Rosalie was the first to react. She pulled me into a tight, brief hug and then pulled away to look at me. “We were so worried.”

“Why? You knew where I was. I know you don’t like Jake, but he’s only a teenage boy." I chuckled. "How much harm could he possibly do?”

“We were concerned that we may have underestimated his abilities.” Carlisle explained vaguely.

My brow furrowed as I looked back at Alice, who was still lost in a maze of uncertain futures. “I don’t understand.”

Edward released a laboured exhale. “Alice couldn’t see you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Alice tried to keep an eye on you while you were with Jacob, monitoring your decisions and searching for you in the future but she couldn’t find you." He explained. "She’s been distraught. That’s why I went looking for you, to make sure that you were-…”

“I don’t understand it.” Alice burst out violently, her hands forming fists against her temples. Jasper leapt into action, close to her side within an instant. “I’ve never lost anybody before,” Alice brooded, leaning heavily against him. Her eyes focused suddenly and sought me out in the crowd of her family. “Especially somebody I love.” She croaked, running forward and throwing her arms around me.

“It’s okay Alice,” I rubbed her back comfortingly. “You’ve found me now.” My eyes met Edward’s over the top of his sister’s head. “And I’m completely fine, I’m not hurt or anything.”

“Yeah…” She nodded as we released one another, and then shook it in frustration. “But I shouldn’t have lost you in the first place. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Your gift is not an exact science, Alice. Nobody's is.” Carlisle reminded her gently and then looked to Edward. I could tell that he was thinking about my resistance to Edward reading my thoughts as easily as he could everyone else's. “These things happen. All that matters is that Bella is perfectly safe." He smiled widely at me and then turned back to his smallest daughter. "There’s no point in beating yourself up about it.”

Alice nodded sharply and returned to Jasper’s side, though her eyes remained narrowed and trained on me. I wondered how much of a fuss she was going to kick up if I tried to see Jake again. She didn’t like not knowing what was going to happen, having never before experienced such a thing. I had often envied her surety, the security that she alone had in knowing exactly how her decisions, no matter how risky, were going to pan out.

Only Alice knew what the future held in store for each and every one of us. I suddenly wondered why I had never asked her what mine held. Maybe I was too afraid to know.

~~~

A few days later I was pottering around Charlie’s house after school, busying myself with menial tasks until he returned home. I heard tires pulling up outside of the house and glanced out of the living room window. I ducked down when I saw who it was, but listened through the walls and into the cab of the beaten-up car to listen to the conversation taking place.

“Why are we stopping here?” Billy Black demanded. “Charlie’s at work.”

“I just need to drop something off for Bella.” Came Jake’s lighthearted reply. “I won’t be long.” He promised and I heard the driver’s door open.

I tensed in my position on the floor. I’d been avoiding Jake’s calls since we had hung out, wrestling with what I should do. I hadn’t yet had the courage to bring the subject up with any of the Cullens, fearing that I already knew what their answer to the problem would be. No more Jake; I was certain of that, but the idea of living without him already made my chest ache.

“No, I’ve let this go far enough.” Billy boomed. “Stay in the car and keep driving.”

“What? No, I just have to-…”

“Jacob, you cannot be friends with Bella if she continues to spend time with the Cullens, or maybe at all. I know she’s Charlie’s daughter but-…”

“Dad that’s crazy-…”

“They’re not what they seem, Jake.” Billy pleaded desperately and for a moment I felt bad for him. How could I blame him for hating me after hearing Jake’s story about the ruthless Cold Ones. If the legend was true, I was yet to clarify the details with Edward, then Jake and I were natural enemies. And at the end of the day, descendant of wolves or not, Jacob Black was a human boy. To him, I was always going to be a danger. “Jake? Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you.” The gravel of Charlie’s driveway crunched under Jake’s big feet and I shrunk further into the musty carpet to avoid being seen through the windows.

I heard Jake knocking on my front door for a minute or two and then a few stones were thrown at my bedroom window. I stayed where I was, out of view. I hoped he would think I had gone out and had grabbed a ride with a friend since my truck was parked so obnoxiously out the front of the house. Finally I heard Jake’s trudging footsteps back to his car and then the engine roar back to life. Billy did not start his lecture again and the two of them drove off in stony silence.

I sighed deeply and tried to calm the throbbing pain in my chest as I realised what I had to do in order to keep Jake safe. I picked myself up off the floor and scribbled a note to Charlie letting him know I had to speak to the Cullens and would be back as soon as I could be. Then I let myself out of the back door and sprinted to the Cullen house.

“Everything alright?” Edward asked, opening the door before I had even reached it. “You’re early.”

“Yeah I know. I’ll go back to Charlie’s before tonight but I needed to-… Can I talk to you for a second?”

“We can go up to my room.” He said and I followed him through the house. Once we were there I unloaded everything that I had learnt over the previous few days about the legends of Jake’s tribe and my internal conflict about my friendship with him. “What do you think is the right thing to do?” He asked me unhelpfully.

I sighed deeply and sank down beside him on his couch, narrowly avoiding upsetting a tower of books beside it. “I don’t know. On one hand I think the legends are centuries of years old. The tribe can’t turn into wolves now, even if they could back then. Jake thinks it’s all just a load of weird magic babble anyway. But on the other hand, his dad isn’t going to let this go and technically we are supposed to be natural enemies… And then there’s Alice to consider.”

“Don’t worry about Alice… But there is another issue to consider aside from her visions.”

“What is it?”

“The possibility of you losing control.” I shot him a withered look and he rushed to defend himself. “I don’t just mean in terms of your thirst, Bella. You could move to hand him something and tear his arm off by accident. Your skin is ice cold, you’re impossibly strong and fast like the legend says. It’s only a matter of time before Jacob puts two and two together just like his father did.”

I sighed deeply and folded myself over so that my head was supported in my hands, my face hidden from Edward’s view. “I have to put an end to it, don’t I?”

“It’s up to you.” Edward put his hand on my shoulder. “I know you’ll make the right choice, even if I’m not even sure myself what it is.”

“It was just so nice to have a friend.” I groaned, sitting upright as Edward opened his mouth. When I added, “a human friend,” he shut it again. “He’s so normal and warm and kind. I don’t know why but he doesn’t shrink away from me like other humans do. I feel like I’m losing the last human part of myself with him.”

“I know. I’m sorry Bella.”

I sighed and stood up, pacing around Edward’s small room. “I’ve never broken up with a friend before. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do it without hurting his feelings.” I wondered if there even was a way to do it without hurting Jake, or if his pain as inevitable as mine.

“Just pretend you’re breaking up with a boyfriend.” Suggested Edward.

“I’ve never done that either.” I fired back.

“Oh… Okay, well how about you pretend you’re breaking up with Mike Newton?”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t want to take any pleasure in doing this, Edward.”

“Fair enough.” He chuckled and then smiled sadly. “But this won’t be the end of your humanness, Bella. You’re human every time you see Charlie, or when you say hello to Angela Weber in the hallways. You’re human when you laugh or when you love a book so much you want to hold it tight enough to absorb it. You’re far more human than you give yourself credit for being, you just don’t have all of the human flaws.”

“That’s where we disagree.” I told him, sinking back down beside him on the couch. “It’s the flaws that make us human.”

Edward shook his head slowly, grinning to himself. “Bella, you are so good. Do you know that? Just so kind and intelligent and-… God I really don’t envy Jacob Black at all.”

“Why?” I whispered, almost afraid to hear his response.

“Losing you?” He answered, tucking a strand of loose hair that escaped from my ponytail behind my ear. “I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.” My breath caught in my throat and I moved my face a little closer to his. He let his hand rest on my cheek for just a second before he smiled and stood up, walking to the doorway. "I'll walk you out." He said. "Charlie will be home any second. He'll be expecting you."

I nodded and followed him out, but I was suddenly quite sick of everybody expecting me to do certain things and not others.


	10. chapter ten.

Jake and Billy came by again the next evening, with Jake supposedly only dropping Billy off to watch the game with Charlie. I knew it was time. For the sake of both of us, I wasn’t going to prolong our friendship any longer, no matter how badly I wanted to.

“Hey Bella. I brought this for you.” Jake beamed at me as Billy wheeled himself straight past me upon my opening of the front door. Into my hands Jake pressed a volume of Quileute legends. Inside the front cover, he had written, ‘For Bella, love Jake.’ “I thought since you were so interested in the legends the other day that you might like this. I came to drop it around yesterday but you must have been out.”

“I love it.” I told him truthfully, running my fingertips over the inscription inside the cover. Then I sighed and held the book to my chest. “Um, listen Jake…” I mumbled, leaning against the front of Charlie’s house. Billy coughed loudly from inside of the house and I turned aggressively towards the sound. I caught myself before I could do anything that looked too vampiric. Didn’t he know this was already hard enough without having him looming over my shoulder?

He rolled his eyes at his father’s rude behaviour and moved to stand in front of me. “Ignore him.” He grinned. “He’s still being a grumpy old-…”

“No, he’s right.” I cut Jake off before I lost my nerve. “I mean, I know he doesn’t want us to be friends and… well, I’ve been thinking that I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Or at least, not so much.” Jake’s brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of my words. I noticed the way his eyes crinkled a little, as though he were wondering if I might be making some kind of weird joke. I wished I was.

“Why?” He asked quietly, and suddenly he seemed so very young to me. If my heart had still been beating, I knew that it would have been breaking.

“I’m a bad influence…” I said weakly.

“You?” He laughed, seeming to settle on the idea that I was in fact joking. “Please.” He snorted. “I think I can handle it.”

“Jake I’m serious, I’m not a good choice of friend for you.”

His face fell again. “But-…”

“And I’m never going to choose you over the Cullens.” I snapped suddenly. “I’m sorry, but I can’t. Your dad won’t ever forgive me for that and maybe you shouldn’t either.”

“You don’t want to be my friend?” Jake’s voice cracked. “Was it something I did?”

I shook my head vehemently, chewing on my bottom lip. I was suddenly very glad that I couldn’t cry. But then again, knowing that this feeling would live inside me forever with no outlet was a pretty poor alternative. “No Jake, I just don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s not-…”

“It’s not you, it’s me?” He sneered with a sudden harshness that took me aback. I would never have imagined his face could be warped into such a nasty expression. I hated myself for hurting him badly enough to inspire this kind of reaction. “I thought better of you than that, Bella. You couldn’t even give me something original to work with?”

“Jake-…”

“Don’t bother. Have a nice life.” He turned to leave.

“Jake, I’m sorry.” I called out after him.

“Why bother being sorry?” He spat, spinning back around to face me. Then his voice softened to barely a whisper, and his sad childish face returned. He was Jake again, except, he wasn’t my Jake anymore. He could never be that again. “Why does it matter if we hurt each other if we’re not even friends?”

I had no response to that. Jake was right. I had hurt him and no matter how awful I felt about it nothing could be done that would forgive that. I realised now that a heart didn’t have to be beating to be broken when it came to somebody you loved.

When Jake had driven away, I turned back to the house and was so upset that I slammed Charlie’s front door much too hard, splintering the wood and pulling the handle clean off. My father ran in at the sound of the noise and his eyes widened as they took in the damage I had caused. But instead of berating me for it, he just sighed and went to get his toolbox, hoping to fix it enough to get it to closed for the night so that he could go and buy a new door in the morning. I had momentarily forgotten that Billy was also inside the house and I almost walked into his chair in the kitchen. I froze and started to back away.

“Thank you.” He said formally, surprising me. “You know it’s the best decision.”

“For you, maybe.” I replied harshly before leaving via the back door and running all the way to the Cullen house. Edward comforted me for a few minutes and then spent the rest of the evening trying to distract me with various conversational topics and activities. I appreciated it and knew that I was lucky to have the Cullens to fill the Jake-sized hole in my life. We had barely known each other, but we had definitely been friends. I had cared about him and I had liked him even more than I had thought I had. I was mourning the loss of a future with a good friend and it was going to take some getting used to. When I finally skulked home the next morning, Charlie was waiting for me in the kitchen. When he asked me what had upset me so much the night before, all I could manage to mutter was, “Me and Jake aren’t friends anymore.” I put the book Jake had given me gently down onto the kitchen table and sank into the chair beside it.

“Oh…” Charlie mumbled and then shrugged, “Well maybe that’s for the best-…”

“Yeah.” I snarled. “Because I’m dangerous, right? I’m a monster, right? I can’t have human friends in case I can’t control myself?”

Charlie shook his head slowly. “You don’t believe those things and you know I don’t either. Because if you were a monster that would mean the Cullens were too and you don’t think that. Do you?”

“No I don’t.” I whispered, feeling guilty for unleashing my frustrations onto him. “But clearly I’m bad enough that I can’t be friends with a good person and that must count against me.”

“Not in my eyes.” Charlie promised with a tired smile. “And who knows, maybe this Jake thing is temporary. Things change Bells, people change. Maybe it’ll be okay in the end.” He shrugged. “Don’t upset yourself over this too much.” He advised, touching the top of my head affectionately as he left the kitchen to finish getting ready for work.

I tried to smile to assure him that I would be okay but I knew he was wrong. Things change. People change. Vampires don’t change. And that meant that Jake and Billy’s feelings about me and those that were like me wouldn’t ever change either.

~~~

A few days later, I walked down the stairs in Charlie’s house to ask him if he wanted me to get anything from the supermarket the next afternoon for him, since he was going to be working later than usual. I caught sight of him and hovered in the doorway of the kitchen, going unnoticed by my father. He was rustling in the fridge, trying to find something for his dinner. He finally retrieved a plastic container of something brown. I wrinkled my nose at it. I didn’t imagine that, even to a human, that could be appetising.

Clearly Charlie agreed with me. He sniffed the container suspiciously and then sighed as he tipped it into the garbage. I winced as he reached into the freezer for yet another microwave meal. He’d had one nearly every night that week while I sat patiently by as he ate in front of the television. Sometimes he made the effort to go and eat at the local diner, but I knew that he liked to spend his evenings with me. We couldn’t go to the diner together. It would look too strange if I never ate anything while Charlie scarfed down his usual steak and fries. I pushed into the kitchen and asked my question, then I sat beside him once again as he ate his lukewarm dinner.

When Charlie had gone to bed, I ran to the Cullen house with more purpose than usual. Esme was the only one there when I arrived. Apart from Carlisle, who was at work, the others had all gone hunting but intended to be back later than night. 

“Esme?”

She looked up from her book. “Yes, darling?”  
“I know it’s unlikely… But do you have any cookbooks?”

“Of course!” She exclaimed and ran to the kitchen, leaving her book abandoned on the couch. When I entered behind her, she was already pulling stacks of books out of one of the glass cabinets. “What kind of cuisine are you looking for?”  
“Why do you have these?” I laughed, moving towards the books she was placing on the kitchen counter.  
“Carlisle and I occasionally host dinners for patrons of the hospital or his colleagues, and Alice likes to throw the occasional party after special school events.” Esme shrugged. “We have to keep up appearances! Besides, it’s quite fun to flick through them and see what kind of things humans are eating nowadays.”

“Oh…”

“Why do you need one?” She asked curiously, leaning her elbows on the kitchen bench and resting her chin in her hands.

I bit my lip and shook my head regretfully. “Charlie’s not eating well. He’s always been hopeless in the kitchen, almost as bad as my Mom. I used to cook a bit before I changed but I’m out of practice.”

“You want to make him something special? That’s lovely! What kind of thing do you think he’d like?”

I thought for a moment and then said, “He’s always liked Italian.”

“There’s a twenty-four-hour supermarket in Port Angeles.” Esme told me with a smile. “Pick a couple of recipes and we’ll go and get the things for them. If we’re quick, we might beat the others back home. Oh this is so exciting!”

Her enthusiasm was catching and within the space of a few minutes we had written a list and were in her car, racing towards Port Angeles. It didn’t take us long to run our errand, it felt even shorter because I enjoyed spending time with Esme so much, as we arrived home at almost the safe time as the others. They heard Esme’s car from the edge of the woods and raced us back. Edward won, of course, and the other three escorted the car up the driveway like a security detail.

I told Edward about my plan and he laughed, saying that he thought it was a very nice idea. I asked him if he wanted to help Esme and I cook but he declined, shaking his head. “I’ll wait for the big reveal!” He chuckled and squeezed Esme’s shoulder fondly as he walked past her unpacking our groceries and went to play his piano in the other room.

Cooking as a vampire was starkly different to cooking as a human. We were so fast and so meticulous in everything that we did that the only thing slowing us down were the stove-tops and oven, which seemed to warm up at snail’s pace. We made three different pasta dishes, with the hope at least one of them would take my father’s fancy.

“It’s so hard when everything smells like dirt.” I wrinkled my nose up in disgust as I sniffed the sauce on the end of the spoon that Esme offered me.

“You’ll get the hang of it.” She smiled, dipping the wooden spoon back into the large silver pot bubbling away on the stove.

“How are you so good at this?” I asked her, hopping up onto the kitchen bench and swinging my legs.

Esme shrugged. “Everybody has to have a hobby. Sometimes I think it’s even more important that we have them than humans, since we don’t sleep. And practice makes perfect!”

“Yeah, but cooking? What’s the point if you don’t get to eat any of it?”

“Oh I get joy from giving it to others to eat!” She told me genuinely. “Carlisle takes it in for the other staff at the hospital, or there’s the homeless shelter in Port Angeles. There’s always somebody with not quite enough that’s grateful for it.”

“Oh…”

“And cooking isn’t my only hobby. I like music and painting and lots of other things.” She glanced over her shoulder at me. “What about you? What are your interests?”

I shrugged. “I like reading but that’s less of a hobby and more of necessity… I used to like drawing, I suppose.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “Used to?”

I shrugged and picked apart a piece of courgette. “I wasn’t any good.”

“What does that matter?”

“I was embarrassed by everything I made. It wasn’t fun after a while.”

Esme chuckled. “Well you certainly have the time now to practice if it’s something that you’d like to get better at!”

I nodded, knowing she was right. “I’ll keep it in mind.” I promised.

“Right, I think this is almost ready. Grab me that container, will you darling?” I hopped back down off the counter and fetched the plastic tupperware for Esme to plate up. Edward wandered into the kitchen just as we were finishing up and he played along with my excited presentations of the dishes.

“Masterpieces, each and every one of them!” He winked at me, peering into each of the plastic containers in turn. “Well done, Bella.”

“Esme did all of the hard stuff.” I admitted.

“Nonsense, it was a team effort and a lovely way to spend the evening.” Esme wrapped her arm around my shoulders and gave me a tight side-hug. Her head snapped in the direction of the front door as we all heard Carlisle’s car pulling up. “The night shift is over!” She grinned and started walking towards the kitchen door.

I bit my lip, annoyed that I had wasted time I could have spent with Edward. “I didn’t realise it was morning, I have to get back for Charlie.”

“See you tonight, Bella. Give Charlie my love!” Esme called back to me before disappearing into the house.

I froze, multiple images of Renee from every airport drop-off at the beginning of summers I was condemned to spend in Forks hitting me at once. It was always the last thing she said to me as I went through to departures. “And Bella? Give Charlie my love.” She would tell me. I always wondered if she really meant it or if it was for my sake. Something to give me the illusion that I had united parents, a loving team, even though they had been separated for as long as I could remember. But no, I didn’t think so. Renee was a lot of things, but she was never disingenuous. The fact that my father had been the first person she had called when I had gone missing went beyond the ex-wife call of duty as far as I was concerned.

“Bella? Are you alright?” Edward’s voice hit me like a ton of bricks and suddenly, I wasn’t alright at all. I couldn’t even find my voice in order to reply. I found myself turning towards Edward and wrapping my arms around his neck. He stiffened at first, surprised by my action, but then hugged me back. I could tell that nobody had turned to him for comfort in a very long time.

“What’s happened?” He whispered into my hair, worry saturating his words.

“Nothing.” I replied, my voice muffled by his t-shirt. “I just miss my mom.”

To my surprise Edward sighed and tightened his grip on me. “I miss mine too.” We held each other for only a few seconds before I withdrew shyly, tucking my gifts for Charlie under my arm and fleeing the Cullen house, pausing only to say a brief good morning to Carlisle.


	11. chapter eleven.

The bell signalling the end of lunch sounded and I stood with the rest of the Cullens, heading towards my next class when Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me back. “We’re skipping Biology today.” He announced, turning on his heel and moving the two of us in the opposite direction, towards the car back.

“What? Why?” I resisted, pulling against him. “No, I think I’d better go, they’ll call Charlie and I need to-…”

“They’re doing blood typing today, Bella.” Edward murmered.

“Well sure, it’s healthy to skip class every once in a while.” I shrugged, quickening my step, all resistance falling away. “Let’s get out of here!” I grinned at him.

When we emerged in the parking lot I made a beeline for my truck but Edward grabbed my arm and tugged me in the direction of the woods instead. “I have something I want to show you. A special place.”

“Where is it?”

“In the woods.” He nodded ahead of us. “It won’t take us long to get there. If we run.” He added, a smile quirking onto his lips.

“Race you?” I challenged, smiling wickedly.

Edward laughed and then reminded me, “You don’t know where we’re going!”

“Oh right… Well I’ll race you on the way back then.”

“If you like.” Edward chuckled again as we reached the edge of the forest. When we were adequately covered by a thick gathering of trees we took off as fast as our legs would take us. A bubble of joyful laughter escaped my mouth as we flew through the forest, Edward’s hand brushing by mine every few seconds. He started to slow after only a few minutes and I copied him, falling a few steps behind him. “It’s just through there.” Edward said, nodding at a gap in the trees. I peered curiously around him. He smiled and held out his hand to me, entwining our fingers when I slipped my hand into his. We stepped through the gap together.

My mouth fell open as I took in the scene. A large meadow, covered in thick green grass and a smattering of wildflowers lay between the trees. Although the day was grey, and rain was still falling, the meadow seemed bathed in light. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

“What is this place?” I asked Edward as our hands fell apart and I walked into the meadow alone.

“Somewhere we can both be truly ourselves and also be alone.” He replied, looking over the area fondly. “It’s nice to not have to be human around my family but there isn’t much privacy.”

I snorted. “I can’t help but think they might have the worse end of the deal when it comes to privacy.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Edward chuckled. “Still, this has always been my place… I’ve never brought anybody here before.”

“Why me?” My eyebrows creased in confusion, but I couldn't stop the smile from playing upon my lips.

He shrugged. “Why not you?”

“But if it’s so special to you then-…”

“This is the only place I can have complete peace and quiet without anybody else’s thoughts buzzing around in my brain." He explained quickly. "But I can’t hear your thoughts, can I? I’ve never brought anyone here before because I always have to pretend I’m not listening. But you… You I can be myself around, Bella.”

My smile widened and I was more pleased than I was willing to let on. “You know, if we were normal, I might have packed a picnic.” I joked, folding my legs under myself and sitting down on the plush grass, ignoring the rain.

“Maybe it’s everyone else that’s weird.” Said Edward, sitting down beside me. “Maybe we’re the normal ones!”

“I like the way you think, Master Cullen!” We chatted a little bit about our lives, with Edward asking me if my mother had yet planned a visit to see me, and I asking him if he had any ideas for our upcoming Biology assignment. After a few minutes of contemplative silence, I broke through the calm of the meadow to ask him a question that had been playing on my mind for some time. “You know how I promised to always tell you anything you asked me?” Edward nodded. “Will you do the same for me?”

“What is it that you want to know?” He asked me without hesitation.

“How did you come to be… what we are?” I bit my lip, embarrassed by the awkward phrasing of my question but unable to think of any other way to ask it. “I know Carlisle changed you… That you were dying…”

“I had the Spanish Influenza.” Edward whispered, his eyes dark and distant. I realised that, as he reminisced, that he was no longer sitting beside me in the beautiful meadow. He was far away, in a different time, a different body. He was a different person. “My father had already died from it when my mother and I, both ill, were admitted to the hospital that Carlisle worked at. Carlisle believes that my mother asked him to turn me, that somehow in her delirious state she knew what he was, but I’m not sure… Either way, after she died and he knew I didn’t have long left, he decided to change me. I would have been all alone in the world even if I survived the sickness so it seemed to be for the best. In his eyes at least.”

“You were the first?”

“The experimental first-born.” He winked and I almost sighed with relief to have him back with me. “Carlisle went on a bit of a saving binge after he saw that it had worked with me. He found Esme almost dead in a hospital morgue a few years later.”

“The morgue?” I breathed, completely horrified.

“Despite her injuries, somehow her heart was still beating and he changed her. They fell in love and got married not soon after.”

“Her injuries?” I repeated. “What happened to her?”

But Edward shook his head firmly. “I won’t tell the others’ stories for them, I’m sorry Bella. My family weren’t all as lucky as me when it came to their human lives. I think it should be up to them to tell you those stories.”

“Oh… Then it was Rose? After Esme, I mean.”

Edward nodded. “Carlisle found her in a similar way to how he found Esme. Rosalie then found Emmett mauled by a bear in the woods near where we were living two years later but didn’t trust herself to change him herself so she ran him back to Carlisle and asked him to do it for her.”

“Who changed Alice and Jasper?”

“Jasper was changed by a vampire called Maria that wanted to use him to help her build an army of newborn vampires and you know that Alice has no memory of her human life, or her transformation.”

That was something his sister and I had in common. “Was Jasper dying?”

“No. In fact, he was at the very peak of human strength.”

“So you don’t have to be dying in order to be changed?” I was trying desperately to recall what had happened to me before the pain and darkness had enveloped me. Had I been attacked? Had someone tried to kill me first? It was horribly frustrating not being able to remember how such a significant change in my life had taken place.

Edward saw right through my questioning. “No. Try not to think about it, Bella. You don’t need to worry about any of that anymore. I won’t let anything like that ever happen to you again.”

I smiled softly and decided to change the subject. “You said the others weren’t as lucky as you… You were happy when you were human?”

“I was. Don’t get me wrong, the others may have had bad endings to their lives but they weren’t all terrible. Emmett has always made the most of whatever life hands him and Rosalie was never happier than in her last few human years. I think that’s why she hates this life so much, with the exception of her relationship with Emmett. Because of what it represents.”

“What was so good about your life?” I couldn’t help myself, I was burning with curiosity. I wanted to hear more about Rosalie, about all of them, but I knew Edward had resolved himself not to reveal that information to me and that I would have to wait until they told me themselves. I felt lucky that I had more than enough time to get to know them well enough that they might one day feel comfortable enough to share the truths of their respective pasts with me.

“My mother had a lot to do with it.” He told me, as though admitting a secret. “But even aside from her, I was a young man at the dawn of a new century, a new age! How could I be anything other than happy and excited? War was raging but I, like too many of my peers, saw it only as a chance at victory and adventure. We would be proven wrong, of course… but at the time all I wanted to do was join the fight.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I was too young.” He shrugged. “I was counting down the days until my eighteenth birthday when I got the fever. In a way I think my poor mother was relieved. She probably thought that I would recover but be too weak to fight. I'm sure she never imagined how bad the illness would get. I was young and healthy, I should have been able to fight it off. She nursed me herself for a while, that’s how she caught it.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, as though I hoped to block out the image of a mother and son, dying for their love for one another. “God, that's terrible."

His mouth tightened. “It’s funny that I should be granted immortality when I once vowed to never forgive myself for as long as I lived for killing her.” 

Bitterness was laced through Edward’s words and I raced to reassure him before he dug himself in too deep a hole of misery. “It wasn’t your fault, Edward.” I urged. “We can’t help how much people love us or what they’ll do to prove it. It would have given her comfort to think she was helping you.”

Edward smiled gently. “It’s as if you knew her. You’re right, of course. She was always selfless, particularly when it came to me. I used to think nobody on earth had ever loved anybody as much as my mother loved me.”

“Used to?”

Edward just smiled softly to himself and picked at the grass in front of him. I didn’t push him on it and decided to lay back and enjoy the serenity to the meadow. I felt quite honoured that he had chosen to share this place with me. It was so beautiful and I could tell it was somewhere that he cherished. He seemed to fit perfectly here, as though the meadow and Edward had been handcrafted to seamlessly slot together. I wasn't yet sure how I fitted into the equation. 

I’m not sure how much time passed us by as we sat in comfortable, electric silence. It could have been minutes, or hours. Hell, it could have been years for all I cared. I was just glad to be there beside him. Once again the promise, or perhaps the threat, of forever batted at my brain. 

My mind went on a disturbing tangent and I was so distracted by it that I didn’t notice the way my body tensed up as I considered everything I knew about Edward and the rest of the Cullens. It wasn’t until I felt Edward’s gentle hand on my arm that I relaxed. I wondered, a little self-consciously, how long he was been watching me think.

“What’s bothering you?” He asked me softly.

“Just something Jasper said when I confronted him.” I replied immediately, remembering my promise to him, repeated only minutes before.

Edward frowned, pre-emptively annoyed at his brother for upsetting me. “What did he say?”

I propped myself up on my elbow and turned to face him. “He said that you and Rosalie don’t believe that vampires have souls.”

“Ah.” Edward leant back with a humourless smile. “That.”

“Is it true?”

Edward shrugged. “If you’d asked me about it a month ago I think I probably would have said that, yes. But now I’m not sure.”

“What’s changed?”

“I met you.” He said, my favourite crooked smile appearing on his lips. “I don’t see how anybody as good as you could be a soulless monster. There’s just no way.”

“But all of your family are so good.” I insisted, each of their perfect faces flashing before my eyes.

“I know…” Edward nodded and then tilted his head to the side, as though he were weighing up whether to keep speaking or to stay quiet. “But I don’t see them the same way I see you… I don’t feel about them the way I feel about you, Bella.”

“Oh…”

“Bella… I don’t think it’s really possible for me to put into words what you mean to me. I-… I only want to be around you and whenever we’re apart, no matter how long it’s for, I make myself crazy thinking about you. You’re the most enchanting person I’ve ever met. Of course you’re beautiful, but every one of our kind is-… It’s your mind, your soul… I can’t get enough of you.”

“I-… I feel the same way about you.” I whispered, not quite believing what I was hearing from him.

“Really?” He exhaled in relief.

“Of course.” I grinned and dipped my gaze self-consciously. Yet another moment where my human body would have betrayed me with a blush. “I didn’t think I’d been doing a very good job of keeping it a secret!”

Edward grinned at me. “Bella, this is one of those moments where I really wish I could read your mind.”

“I told you… Anything you want to know, you only have to ask.” I mumbled, unable to break contact with his honey-coloured eyes.

“Bella Swan… I want to know whether you want to kiss me as badly as I want to kiss you.”

Without thinking I leant towards him and gently pressed my lips to his. Then, it felt as though every cell in my body sparked at once and suddenly my arms were locked around his neck and he was pulling me closer to him by my waist. It wasn’t gentle anymore, but it came nowhere close to hurting. 

My fingers tangled in his hair as we continued to kiss one another hungrily, as though we were travellers lost in the desert, finally permitted to drink from the oasis. I was so elated, I didn’t even have time to feel embarrassed by my forwardness. It was a new and delectable feeling.

When we finally pulled apart, keeping our faces close and smiling uncontrollably, I asked teasingly, “Does that answer your question?”

He smirked and tenderly kissed me once more. “It does clear things up a little.” He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and then started to stand up. “We should be getting back.”

I pulled him back down to the meadow floor and he landed with a soft thud beside me. “You can’t do something like that and then expect me to return to reality so quickly.” I purred, snaking my arms back around his neck. I didn’t know what had got into me. Or maybe I did. Edward had always made me a little bit crazy. “It’s not fair.” I added softly.

“Believe me Bella, if we could stay here forever I would gladly do so.” Edward sighed, tracing patterns on my back with his index finger. “But we have responsibilities.” He pressed a kiss to the underside of my jaw and then tapped me lightly, indicating that we really did need to get up.

I rolled my eyes. “Your family won’t care if we’re a little late.”

“Not them, love. Charlie.” He reminded me gently. “He’s due back from the station any minute and I know he likes to see you there when he gets home. He worries otherwise.” I started, hating myself for having forgotten, no matter how momentarily, about poor Charlie.

“Let’s go.” I nodded, knowing Edward was right. As much as I wanted to spend every moment with Edward I knew that I had to make things as easy on Charlie as possible. Without him, I had no idea where I would have ended up. I owed him a lot for bringing me to Forks and accepting me for what I was, no matter how uncomfortable it made him. I stood up and Edward followed my lead, but we had only taken a few steps before I turned back. “Five more minutes?” I cooed pleadingly, snaking my arm up his chest and curling my fingers up at the nape of his neck.

“I think I can allow that.” He mumbled, dipping his head to kiss me again.


	12. chapter twelve.

Being with Edward was just as easy as everything else was in this body. Easier than breathing; and yet entirely more necessary to my well-being than breathing was. I had no doubts that I loved him, and would continue to love him forever, but I didn't want him to think that just because we had the potential promise of an eternity together that we had to be in a committed relationship straight away. I wanted things to be as normal as possible for as long as possible. After all, it wasn't like we were running out of time.

I introduced the idea of Edward to Charlie slowly, having the former over to our house a few times under the pretence of just being friends until I finally sat Charlie down and told him the truth a few weeks into Edward and I's relationship. My father wasn't thrilled with the idea, but he accepted it for what it was. In some ways, I think he was quite relieved to know that there was a possibility for me to live a life with some level of normalcy. I wasn't human, but I could still fall in love, have a family of sorts even if it was one with no children. I would be okay, as far as he was concerned.

As far as I was concerned, I was more than okay. I didn't know if there was any science to prove that having a mate was more intimate than simply having a boyfriend or girlfriend, but from what I knew of love and relationships I was convinced that the way Edward and I felt about one another went far beyond anything a human being would ever be capable of.

Edward started coming home with me after school every afternoon and we would do our homework together quickly before he helped me embark on some of my chores until Charlie came home. Edward always made sure to leave a few hours before Charlie usually went to bed to give my father and I time to spend alone. One night, on his way out of our house, after bidding a respectful goodnight to Charlie, Edward was walking towards the front door when he stopped on the line of photographs lining Charlie's hallway wall, depicting me at various stages in my school career. Edward had seen them before, of course, on his previous visits to Charlie's house, but now he lingered, touching his fingertips to the bottom of one of the frames. I was ten years old in the photo and the photographer that year had insisted all of our portraits be taken closer than normal so that our 'cherub-like' faces would be the focus. I had always detested it.

"Your eyes were brown?" Edward murmered, seeming to gaze into them through the glass.

I smiled self-consciously and nodded. "Mud-brown. Just like Charlie."

"Chocolate brown. Just like Grandma Swan!" Charlie corrected me, wandering past us towards the kitchen.

I giggled and then turned to Edward. "What colour were yours?"

"Green."

"Really? I always wished mine were green."

"Green as the first sprout of Spring, according to my mother." He winked.

I leaned back against the bottom bannister of the wooden staircase. "Are there any pictures of you from before?"

"Somewhere, perhaps, in some dusty museum or a hoarder's attic." Edward replied with a shrug, as though it didn't matter. "My mother was a great lover of photography. Cameras and gramophones were things that fascinated her, hence my love of music I suppose. My father was less modern, but Mother made sure that she commissioned a photograph of me every year to mark my birthday. After I was changed I never returned to our home. I looked into it a few decades later and it had long been sold off and all of our belongings scattered, under the presumption that every last Masen was dead. And so they were, officially. But I do wish I'd gone back, if only to fetch the portrait of my mother that sat on my piano. My human memories are so dim that I struggle to picture her face. I'm worried that I've remembered her wrong."

"You don't have anything of hers?" I asked, finding the idea of it too heart-breaking to bear.

"Oh one or two things." Edward shrugged. "Carlisle saved the things she had with her at the hospital so I have the dress she was admitted in and her jewellery."

"That's something at least."

"It's no substitute for hearing her voice one last time or feeling her stroke my hair as she walked past me playing the piano... But it's something, you're right..." He reached out to touch my cheek and then kissed my forehead chastely. "I should go, I'll see you later."

"See you." I mumbled as he left my side and fled the house. I lingered for a few minutes longer in the hallway, looking into the eyes of the girl I had once been and thinking about the boy Edward had lost nearly a century before. I thought of his mother and my father, so different in all ways but one; they loved us more than anything else in the world - more than any sickness or condition or strangeness. Edward had been living without his mother for a long time and had considered Esme his mother longer than his own was ever permitted to walk the earth. How long would it be before I lost Charlie? Would Carlisle become his replacement? Would Esme become Renee's? As much as I adored both of Edward's adopted parents, I couldn't imagine thinking of anyone else as my Mom and Dad.

"Everything okay, Bells?" Charlie asked lightly from behind me.

I turned to face him and plastered a smile on my face. "Perfect. What are we watching?"

"Well there's a game on, but if you want to watch something else-..."

"A game is fine." I rushed and beat him to the couch, settling in beside my father and reaffirming my plans to spend as much time with him while I still had the chance.

~~~

Edward and I were back in the meadow a few days later, skipping our afternoon classes because the sun had decided to make an appearance just before lunch. Carlisle had called the school and told them that we had all gone home with food poisoning and they had, according to Edward, bought the cover story. Nobody ever doubted Carlisle.

Our legs were tangled together as Edward lay back, his hands at his sides and I leant my arms on his knees, looking down at him. I had been idly sketching him, taking Esme's advice and trying to invest some time in a new hobby, but I had long-since abandoned the sketchpad so that I could concentrate on memorising every part of Edward instead. I could have stared at him for centuries, and my breathing quickened as I considered the possibility that I would be able to do just that. The sun reflected off of his skin in an even prettier way than it did mine, making him seem to sparkle rather than just shimmer. It was as though there were diamonds embedded in the pores of his already flawless skin. I was struck, once again, by how perfect he was and how much I cared about him.

A question fell from my lips before I had the chance to stop it, regretting it as soon as it had touched the air. "Have you ever... I mean was there ever-... Um-...?"

He opened one lazy eye to look at me, smirking and then closing his eyes again, enjoying the feeling basking in the sun gave him too much to bother too much with me for the moment. "Bella, you have to give me a little help here!"

I swallowed, trying to muster up some courage. "Before me, was there ever anybody that you had feelings for?"

"Never." He swore without opening his eyes.

I nudged his knees, trying to hide how much pleasure his reply had given me. "Not even when you were human?"

Edward sighed and shook his head, moving so that he was sitting up too, his face only inches from mine again. "No." He repeated, pressing a kiss to my lips. He shrugged, "There were girls that I knew... Young ladies that I danced with at parties or sat next to at my mother's dinners but I never had any particular feelings for them. I've never felt anything like this before, that's for sure." He cupped my face in one of his hands and then dropped it, simultaneously glancing away as though he were embarrassed. "And you? Anybody in Phoenix."

"Never." I copied him with a smirk, moving at lightning speed so that I was once again in his eye-line. I found myself crouched like a cat beside him, but I relaxed when he chuckled and lay back down. "I had crushes..." I told him, settling himself on my back beside him, our arms brushing against one another. "But they never went anywhere. Even if they had, I can't imagine that there would ever have been anything even close to this."

Edward snorted. "I don't think there has ever been anything close to this for anybody."

"Don't let Rosalie and Emmett hear you talking like that." I smirked, rolling onto my side and kissing the side of his mouth sloppily. "They'll think we're vying for the spot of hottest couple or something."

Edward laughed and pulled me on top of him. "I think we could take them!" He growled.

~~~

The next morning Edward and I were standing in the school corridor, my back against my locker, waiting for his siblings to arrive. We were talking, but midway through a sentence Edward broke off, his brow creasing as he seemed to overhear something. I wondered whose mind could possibly be interesting enough to stir such a reaction in him. He was well-trained by now in ignoring the thoughts of others and could pretend that he was hearing only me like an expert.

"What?" I asked as his confused expression melted into a smirk.

"Nothing much." He said and then pressed a quick kiss to my cheek. "Do me a favour and wait right here? I'll be back for you in a few minutes."

"Where are you going?" I called after him, confused and a little annoyed at being abandoned. I didn't understand why I couldn't go with him.

"Won't be long." He murmered, blatantly ignoring my question.

I stared after him and then folded my arms over my chest, leaning gently back against the lockers while I diligently waited for him to return. I was interrupted only a few seconds later by Mike Newton appearing in front of me.

"Hi Mike." I greeted him casually, looking subtly over his shoulder to see if Edward was making his way back yet.

"Hey Bella. Um, I was wondering if you had a date to the dance yet?"

"The what?" I mumbled in reply, completely bewildered by his question.

"The dance, it's coming up in a few weeks." Mike reminded me, clearly misinterpreting my confusion. "I was thinking maybe we could go together."

"Isn't it girls' choice?" I stammered, unsure of how I was going to get out of this one. If there was one thing to be said about Mike Newton, it was that he always knew how to take me by surprise. I had been certain that I had made it clear enough by now that I was anything but interested in him. I would have barely considered us friends, and yet he seemed to think I was harbouring some kind of unrequited love for him.

"Yeah but I know you're quite shy so-..."

"I don't think I'm going to go to the dance, Mike." I lied, knowing full-well that Alice wasn't going to let me shirk it, especially now that Edward and I were together. She couldn't have an odd number and had already decided on my dress for me.

Mike narrowed his eyes, seeing right through my facade. "I heard you and Alice Cullen talking about it in English yesterday. You were planning on going dress shopping."

"Right..." I mumbled. "Well I haven't completely made up my mind..."

"But if you had a date then maybe-..."

I bristled and then firmly announced, "Mike, I'm sorry and the offer is very sweet, but if I decide to go to the dance then I'm probably going to ask Edward to be my date... If I go." I added for extra effect.

"Edward?" He repeated, his face screwed up as though he had smelled something bad. "Edward Cullen?"

"Yes."

"Why him?" Mike asked, his mouth turning further down in disgust.

I stared at him in disbelief. Could he really not see it? "Because we're kind of... a thing." I muttered awkwardly, unwilling to say anything more than that. I was certain that Edward and I were much much more than 'a thing' but we had yet to label it, and I didn't want the first time I called Edward my boyfriend to be while talking to Mike Newton in the school hallway.

"A thing?"

"Yeah..."

"Are you dating?" He demanded, as though the mere mention of it was a personal attack on him. 

I shrugged and clutched my books tighter to my chest. "Sure, you could call it that."

"Oh... Okay..." He mumbled and then grinned lopsidedly. "Well keep me in mind anyway, a lot can happen in two weeks."

"I think you should just go ahead and ask somebody else, Mike." I said quickly, unwilling to have a repeat of this interaction. "I wouldn't want to let you down. I think Jessica Stanley might be interested." In fact, I knew that Jessica Stanley was interested because Edward had been complaining about her incessant pining for Mike for days now; it was driving him crazy and he avoided Jess at all costs.

"Jess? Really?" I nearly rolled my eyes at his cluelessness. "Well... Okay... See you around Bella."

He walked back down the corridor and meshed back in with his friendship group, stealing glances at me intermittently as I waited for Edward. He was back at my side within a minute of Mike's departure and I punched his rib sharply to punish him for leaving me. "You knew he was going to do that, didn't you?"

"I had to give him a fair chance, Bella." Edward chuckled.

"No. You didn't." I snapped, embarrassed and irritated. "That's kind of how this works. I can't believe you made me turn him down, I feel awful."

"I'm sorry." He purred, tucking my hair behind my ear. "I didn't mean to upset you." He said with genuine remorse before smiling again. "But his thoughts were so persistent."

"Well they should calm down now." I said bitterly, trying to ignore his flirting. I put my books into my backpack and slung it back onto my shoulder, letting it back loudly against the lockers behind me to further instil how annoyed I was.

Edward chuckled at my naivety. "On the contrary, now he's working a mile a minute convincing himself that we're fake-dating to make him jealous."

"What?"

"He doesn't know what you see in me. I have to agree with him, the way I look in his mind in comparison to you... He thinks because he's never seen us kiss that we can't possibly be a real couple."

Anger radiated through me. "See what he makes of this then." I glanced over my shoulder to check that Mike was still watching us. He was; alternating between staring intently at me and openly glaring at Edward. I turned back to Edward and rolled my eyes before stretching up on my toes and locking my arms around his neck, kissing him passionately. He responded perfectly, flipping the both of us around and pressing my back against the lockers, his hands digging pleasantly into my hips.

"Miss Swan, Mr Cullen." A stern voice cut into our embrace after a few moments. "Break it up, thank you." We ignored the voice for a second, forgetting momentarily the motive behind our kiss as we focused on just one another. "Miss Swan, I'm sure I don't need to remind you that your father would be rather unimpressed if he knew you were behaving this way in the school corridor." I broke off my embrace with Edward and shot a fire-soaked look at Mr Bradley, who did seem to shrink a little under my gaze. I barely resisted asking what he thought Carlisle would have thought of Edward behaving that way in the school corridor. I had always hated double standards. "That's better." He said curtly before continuing down the hallway to his first lesson.

I stretched back up to kiss Edward's jaw one last time before looking back down the hallway for Mike. He had disappeared at some point during Edward and I's kiss, which I hoped meant that we had convinced him. I didn't get a chance to ask Edward if my assumption was correct, because his siblings had also arrived beside us.

"Seriously, get a room!" Emmett chortled, looking at the back of Mr Bradley's head.

"Bella was just trying to prove a point." Edward explained coyly.

"Did you try to bet how far into his mouth you could get your tongue?" Rosalie asked me, her face wrinkled up in slight disdain.

I rolled my eyes fondly and snaked my hand into Edward's as we walked as a group further into the school before we would split off into our individual classes. "Maybe next time."

"There's going to be a storm a week on Saturday! Should hit around seven." Alice announced brightly, seemingly bored with the flirtations of her brother and myself. "Anybody in the mood for a game?"

"What kind of game?" I asked curiously.

"We always play baseball when there's a storm." Jasper explained, excitement visibly brimming inside him.

"It's the American pastime!" Edward and Emmett chorused.

"Bella you have to come and play." Alice insisted in such a way that I knew I didn't have much of a choice.

"I don't know..." I hesitated, trying to get out of it despite Alice's determination. "I'm not really a sports person."

"It's a lot easier than you think it'll be." Edward told me, then after doing a quick scan of the hallway to see if anybody was listening, added. "Especially in this form. There's nothing like it."

"That's why we need the storm, to cover the sound of the baseball hitting the bat." Rosalie piped up. "It is fun, even if the boys get too competitive." She shot a withered look at Emmett, Jasper and Edward who had formed a line beside us. We took up almost the whole hallway just by ourselves, it was lucky that almost everyone else had scattered to their morning classes already.

Emmett laughed loudly. "Esme insists on refereeing after a particularly interesting game from about thirty years ago."

"Okay I'll come." I conceded finally. "Just to see what all the fuss is about. I'm not promising I'll play!"

"I hope that's your attitude towards the dance too." Edward chuckled, lifting our hands up and twirling me under his arm.

"We'll see." I told him and then repeated. "I'm not making any promises. And after that stunt you pulled I'm a little bit tempted to ask someone else to go with me just to prove a point."

"I said I was sorry!" Edward chuckled, bending down to kiss me. I kissed him back, letting him know that I had forgiven him, then Alice and I left the rest of them in the hallway, heading into our first period English class.

When Alice and I had split off after the period was over, Angela Weber jogged up to me in the hallway, grinning animatedly as her camera banged against her chest, hanging from a strap around her neck. "Hi Bella!"

"Oh hi Angela! How are you?"

"Pretty good..." She replied. "I heard about you and Edward, you must be happy!"

I dipped my head and smiled, trying to hide my annoyance at how fast the news had travelled around the school. "Yeah, he's great."

"So you've got a date to the dance then?" Angela prompted.

I shrugged, already sick of discussing it for the day and also over pretending that I wasn't going. Even if Edward had been content with us not going, Alice was never going to let me skip it. "I guess so."

"Do you have a dress yet?"

"A dress? Um, I'm not sure. I think so? Edward's sister is organising all of that. Alice loves fashion, y'know."

"Yeah she always looks so cool." Angela sighed. That surprised me. The general consensus around the school, particularly among its female population, was that Alice Cullen dressed 'weird'. Between mixing her designer stuff with thrift store finds, as well as items considered antiques that she'd owned for decades, Alice didn't dress like anybody else in Forks. But it seemed that Angela saw Alice's style for what it was; Alice's. Unique, crazy and in it's own way, beautiful.

"Do you have a dress?" I asked Angela, trying to keep up the conversation as we ambled through the school in the direction of my next class.

"No... Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

I stopped to look at her. "Oh?"

"Jess and I were supposed to go shopping for dresses tonight in Port Angeles but now she can't go because Lauren's having some drama with Tyler and needs comforting or something." I hid my smile as I recognised Angela's annoyance at being jilted for Lauren, but also the way she was too nice to make her irritation known. Angela would never gossip about anyone to me, which made me hopeful that she'd never gossip about me to anyone in return. She had the potential to be a real friend. "I'd go another time but I haven't got that much free time between now and the dance. Are you free tonight to give some second opinions?"

"Um..."

"Just a fun girls' night?" She added, the pleading clear in her voice.

I smiled and nodded. "Sure, that sounds great, Angela." And I meant it. Rosalie and Alice were great but we didn't hang out on our own very much, especially since I had started my relationship with Edward. It would be good to get a little bit of distance from the Cullens, no matter how small, to let Charlie know that I hadn't been swallowed up completely.

"Great! I'll pick you up from your dad's house at five?" Angela offered.

"Perfect. I'll see you then." I smiled before heading to my next class for the day.


	13. chapter thirteen.

That afternoon I found myself standing above Charlie as he snored on the living room couch. I had come into the room to tell him that Angela would be by any second to pick me up for our shopping trip, but had then been unwilling to wake him up. He had dosed off, nothing unusual considering the fact that he had been working nights for a few weeks. Apparently, my presence wasn’t as subtle as I had hoped it would be and, sensing he was being watched, Charlie jolted awake and nearly fell off the couch. I jumped too and ended up on the other side of the room, my spine curved defensively. I straightened up again almost immediately, annoyed at my body for betraying me and presenting my abilities in front of my poor human father.

“Jesus, Bells. Are you trying to kill me?” He yelled out at me, rubbing his tired eyes with his fingers. I was glad of that, it meant he hadn't seen me in my previous stance. 

I resisted making a joke with poor taste and walked carefully back into the centre of the room. “Sorry Dad.” I smiled apologetically.

“Look, I know you’re not like-… Watching people sleep is creepy, Bella.” He reminded me, as though it was something that a vampire would find difficult to understand, holding his palm flat over his heart and waiting for it to return to its normal beating pace.

“I know, I’m sorry.” I winced. “You just looked so peaceful-…”

“That’s because I was asleep." He snapped. "I was feeling very at peace. The feeling has since left the building. I think it took ten years of my life with it…” He grumbled, rising from the couch.

“Okay, okay. I won’t do it again.” Charlie walked into the kitchen, shaking his head. I giggled and followed him. “Were you dreaming?”

“No.”

“Your eyes were flickering.” I pointed out, knowing he was lying to me.

Charlie screwed up his face. “Creepy.” He said again, opening the fridge.

“Come on Dad, what were you dreaming about?” I pressed, a little desperately. My curiosity was burning more than my throat ever did.

He shrugged and let the fridge door shut on its own, a green beer bottle in his hand. “Same thing I always dream about.”

“What’s that?” I pressed a little further.

He smiled softly, and I saw just how tired he really was. I felt bad for having woken him up. I knew that even when I left him to a quiet house every night that he never really got the sleep he needed; he was always twisting and turning. “You.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, ever since you were a baby.” He smiled again, just to himself. “Sometimes I used to think I’d dreamed you up entirely because you were so perfect. After you and your mother left and I couldn’t see you all the time I used to dream about spending time with you.”

“We spend time together now.” I said weakly, ashamed, once again, of how I’d treated my poor father in the past.

“I know, Bells.” He shrugged as he let the refrigerator door fall shut with a soft thud. “But a man can’t help his dreams, can he?”

I chewed on my bottom lip guiltily. “I guess not… Sometimes I wish I could still sleep, if only so that I could dream.” I told him impulsively and then folded my arms and shrugged as it weren’t a big deal.

Charlie surprised me by asking, “What do you think you would dream about?” He slung himself down at the kitchen table and cracked into the beer he had retrieved from the refrigerator.

I looked away. “How should I know?” I replied defensively.

“Well, what do you care about most in the world?” He prompted gently, raising his eyebrows at me over the top of his drink as he took a sip. I was surprised by his sudden openness. He was really asking me, he wanted to get to know me better. 

I hesitated as Edward’s face flashed before my eyes. I shrugged and said, “I don’t know, probably you or Mom.”

“Then that’s probably what you’d dream about. Can you grab some milk on your way home from school tomorrow afternoon, kid?”

“Sure, Dad.” I nodded, relieved that the conversational topic had lightened. “By the way, Angela’s coming by to pick me up in a minute.”

“Angela?" He blinked hard, waiting for the memory to arrive. When it did, he perked up, his eyes sparkling with surprised joy. "Angela Weber?”

“Yeah we’re going shopping… Is that okay?”

He nodded. “Oh sure, fine by me.” Then he added anxiously. “Did you run it past Carlisle?”

I rolled my eyes. “Carlisle isn’t the boss of me, Dad.” Then I added, “I’m sure he knows about it because I told Edward.” That, and Alice had seen me decide to go, but I neglected to tell my father that part. Being a vampire was one thing, seeing the future and reading minds and all of the other bizarre things the Cullens could do was quite another. “I’m allowed to have friends other than the Cullens.” I added for emphasis.

“Just not Jake?” Charlie asked quietly, his expression telling me that he already knew what my answer would be, and that he wasn't happy with it.

“No, not Jake." I said, letting the regret seep into my voice so that Charlie would know that I wasn't happy either. "That bit really is out of my control.”

~~~

Angela was right on time for picking me up and we were in Port Angeles within the hour. We talked the whole way there and I was pleasantly surprised at how well we got on. I had always liked her and harboured a secret wish that we might be friends, but I hadn’t expected us to have quite so much in common. Like me, she was a big reader but also had a keen interest in photography. She told me that she was never without her camera and proved this to me by whipping it out of her purse when we exited her car and snapping a candid photo of me as we walked. I was relieved that I had already tested whether vampires showed up in photos of my own accord and was glad to have found that particular myth to be without basis.

We drifted from dress shop to dress shop and I completed the obligatory task of oohing and aahing at everything Angela tried on. A couple of hours in she grinned at me before glancing down at the lime green monstrosity currently cladding her slender frame. “Thanks for coming with me Bella. I know it’s boring.”

“I’m not bored.” I insisted, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees as though to illustrate how enthralled I was.

“Well you’re not paying attention at the very least!” She giggled, rolling her eyes at me in my reflection in the tall mirror she was standing in front of.

“What makes you say that?” I replied, a little defensively.

“You just said that you liked the beading on this one.”

“So?”

She whirled around, grinning at me. “Bella, it hasn’t got any beads!”

“Oh…”

“It’s okay, I think I’m done.” She laughed again, heading back into the changing room. “I’m going to go back and get the lilac-coloured one from the first place we went to. Just let me get dressed and we can go. Are you hungry? We can stop and get dinner on the way home if you want.”

“No that’s okay.” I rushed, glad that she had already slipped behind the changing curtain. I heard the zip on the back of the dress fly down and the slip of the satin as it washed down her skin. “I should probably be getting back, Charlie worries when I’m out late.” It wasn’t entirely untrue.

“I get it, my parents are the same.” She called back through to me. “Was it weird? Moving back here to live with him after spending pretty much your whole life with your Mom?”

“A little.” I admitted, amazed once again at how much detail the people of Forks knew about my early life. “But it’s not like Charlie was a complete stranger to me. He’s my dad and we get on pretty well. I spent time with him every summer and talked to him on the phone every week." Well, most weeks. Sometimes I missed our scheduled time, but I didn't want Angela to know how badly I had treated Charlie in the past. "Even if we are a bit more like roommates than father and daughter most of the time. He’s not too big on discipline… for a police officer!”

Angela reappeared, smiling and a little flushed from changing so quickly. I took the green dress from her and returned it to its correct rack. “Thanks.” She breathed and then nodded awkwardly at the sales clerk as we hurried out of the store. “So Charlie’s not a stranger but you still call him Charlie and not Dad?” She asked as we walked back in the direction of the first store we had tried, and Angela’s car.

“Oh, not to his face!” I laughed. “It’s just a habit. My mom always called him Charlie at home and I picked up on it. He wouldn’t like it one bit!”

“Why did you move in the middle of the school year?” 

Her questions weren’t irritating by any means, and she wasn’t trying to pry. She was just taking a genuine interest in me. She liked the private in people, but she would never force them to share it, nor would she speculate about it. I often wondered, after that night, if that’s why she cared so passionately about photography, especially when it was unposed. Through it, she could capture a person in the one moment when they thought nobody was watching them, the one moment when they were truly themselves. Of course, unknown to Angela, I was never truly myself. I never had the luxury of assuming nobody was watching me, except in the privacy of the Cullen house or when we were out on a hunt. Her camera could tell her many things about a person, but it would never be able to tell her that, strictly speaking, I wasn’t one.

“My mom’s husband is a baseball player and they had to go on the road. She offered to stay with me but I knew it would be better if they stayed together, and Charlie was willing to have me. I was just lucky there was room at the school.” I was surprised at how effortlessly the lie dripped off of my tongue. I had only practiced it once, the day before I started at Forks High School, under Charlie’s guidance. It had been in case anybody questioned me, but nobody, other than the Cullens, had ever bothered to do so.

“It must have been hard starting when you did. Overwhelming?”

“Yeah it was…” I nodded. She had no idea just how overwhelming it had been, but also how wonderful. “But I’m settled now.” I said confidently.

Angela smiled softly and wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s good that you and the Cullens found each other. Nobody ever really bothered with them before. I always thought it was a shame… but then again I always got the feeling that they didn’t really want to be bothered with.”

“I can see why you might have got that impression, but they’re really a lot friendlier than they look.” I insisted, a need to protect the Cullens growing in the pit of my stomach.

She nodded thoughtfully. “Maybe you can introduce me some time?”

I grinned and enthusiastically replied, “Sure, Angela. I’d really like that.”

“Besides, you don’t just have the Cullens. Lots of people like you.”

I scoffed as the faces of my classmates, many of whom remained nameless to me, flashed into my head. “Like who?”

“Everyone! Me, Mike, Ben-…”

“I know Lauren and Jessica don’t like me.” I interrupted sharply. “That’s not everyone.”

Angela rolled her eyes. “Okay so Lauren’s decided to hold a grudge against you for no reason, but Jess is just going along with it because she wants Lauren to like her. Jess looks up to you, she envies you. She’s always felt that way about the Cullens. You all fascinate her.”

“Really? Why?” I asked, genuinely surprised. I had always been under the impression that we made our fellow students uncomfortable, both physically and socially. Every atom in their bodies told them to run from us, whilst also being drawn closer. Naturally, they were our prey and there was nothing I could do to change the way that made them feel.

Angela’s pealing laugh echoed along the almost empty street, her joyful face illuminated by the light emanating from the shop windows, turning gold and then pink as we moved along the street and the stores changed. “Come on Bella, isn’t it obvious?”

“Enlighten me.” I replied teasingly.

She rolled her eyes but indulged me anyway. “Staggeringly beautiful? Top of all your classes? Mysterious? Dating Edward Cullen? And then the Cullens have always had money on top of that. It’s intriguing. You’re like characters out of a book or something.”

“I don’t know if I’d call it intriguing.” I replied defensively. “Strange might be a better fit. Weirdos, freaks. You can take your pick. Lauren certainly does.”

“I don’t think you’re strange.” Angela said, suddenly quiet. She stopped walking and looked purposefully at me. “No.” She shook her head. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met before, but that doesn’t make you strange.”

“What does it make me then?”

She thought for a moment and then smiled softly, reaching out and squeezing my hard shoulder. “Special. Come on, we’re almost there. I’ll only be a second inside, I know exactly what I need.”

From that night onwards, Angela Weber and I were friends. Best friends. I confided in her as much as I could without revealing what I was to her and she soon integrated into the group myself and the Cullens made up, leaving Lauren Mallory and her bitching in her dust.

Although they were nervous to have a human in such proximity so much of the time, each of the Cullens soon found that they liked Angela as much as I did. Alice and Emmett, in particular, found her a wonderful addition to the group. Alice liked that Angela was willing to listen to her prattle on about whatever she wanted and asked good questions in response to them. Plus, she was the only one that supported Alice’s insistence that we all attend the school dance. Emmett liked that he could make her blush, seeing the experience like a science experiment, and that sometimes, if he was lucky, she tripped over her own feet while we walked down the corridors. Rosalie liked that Angela recognised that the former had interests outside of her own looks, something that most of the school wrongfully assumed about her. She invited Angela into the Cullen garage to show her the latest car she was working on, something I had never been asked to do. Jasper, despite being the most nervous to be near her, was grateful to have somebody that emanated such a calm and kind energy nearby and on more than one occasion I caught him edging closer to Angela in a bid to soak up as much of her as he could. Edward, who had always liked and admired Angela from afar, was just glad that I had finally found a human friend and, although he would never admit it to me, was happy that it was Angela and not Jacob that I had settled upon.

He didn’t get to feel that relief for very long. One day, a few weeks after my initial shopping trip with Angela, Edward and I walked into the parking lot at the end of the day to await his siblings when he grimaced and said, “You’ve got a visitor.”

I glanced at the entry to the parking lot and was shocked to see Jacob Black leaning against the gates, his hands thrust deep into the pockets of his jeans. When he saw me looking, he raised a friendly hand and waved, though he did not smile.

“Oh no…” I muttered, glancing away from Jake as though I foolishly thought I could pretend that I hadn’t seen him.

Edward’s brow creased. “What’s the matter?”

“Jake and I didn’t end things very well the last time we spoke.” I winced, remembering in vivid and perfect detail the hurt look that he had been wearing the day he stormed away from me at Charlie's house. I hadn't seen him since and whenever Charlie wanted to see Billy, he went to him so that Jake didn't have to come anywhere close to our home.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Edward offered quickly, eyeing Jake up from afar. “Or I could just tell him to leave?”

“No, it’s fine." I assured him, though I enjoyed how eager he was to put himself between me and any unpleasantness. I would always have gladly done the same for him, and it was one of the reasons that the two of us fit so well together. "I’ll go. I have to face him sooner or later. Forks is too small for me to avoid it forever, no matter how much I might want to.” Then I added a little selfishly. “Will you wait for me though?”

“Of course I will, Bella.” He promised. “I’ll be right here if you need me. As always.”

“Thanks.” Purposefully I left his side and marched towards Jacob. He beamed at me when he saw me approaching, taking me by surprise. I had assumed that he would still be furious with me. “Hey Jake.” I mumbled.

“Hey Bella. How was school?” He sing-songed, leaning his long torso towards me, his hands still thrust deep into the pockets of his jeans.

“You’ve heard of it?” I shot back. “You do surprise me.”

“Very funny.” He replied sarcastically and then smiled at me. “I had a half day so I thought I’d come and see if you wanted to hang out. I overreacted before and my dad’s not going to be home until late, he and Harry went fishing so-…”

“Jake, we’ve been over this.” I sighed. “You should stay away from me. Your dad is right. I wasn’t happy about it before, but I’ve realised now that it makes the most sense.”

Jake rolled his eyes as if I was being stupid. I felt like I was. Cutting Jake out, no matter how many times I settled on the fact that it was the best thing for everyone involved, still felt unnatural to me. My whole being screamed at me just to be around him, to care about him and let him care about me. It felt like everything was wrong, except for me and him. “He said the Cullens were bad, not you.” He elaborated. “He can’t ban us from hanging out, you’re his best friend’s daughter. All of his issues stem from the Cullens. Y'know, he’s told me some stuff about them…Bella, you shouldn’t hang out with them.”

“For god’s sake, Jacob Black, are you blind?” I snapped, unwilling to hear a single bad, ill-informed word about any of the Cullens, particularly the one waiting beside his car for me at that very moment.

Jake blinked at me, shocked by my outburst. “What?” He mumbled. Once again he seemed like the little boy whose heart I had broken outside of Charlie’s house so many weeks before. He twined his fingers together, fidgeting. I noticed that he had been picking at the skin around his fingernails, a nervous habit that I had also possessed when I was human. I flinched and tore my gaze away when I noticed a spot of dried, blackberry-stain blood at the base of his thumbnail.

“The Cullens and I are… the same.” I said as plainly as I could. There was no point in mincing my words, not now that I had already said too much. “They’re not bad, Jake, and neither am I, but we’re not good for people like you.”

“What are you saying?” Jake demanded, straightening up defensively. “People like me? What do you mean by that?”

I sighed and braced myself for what was coming. “Jake… What exactly did your dad say was wrong with the Cullens?”

“I told you…” He shifted his weight from foot to foot, uncomfortable by the turn our talk had taken. I wondered if he had really believed it would be as easy as him just asking me to hang out again, after everything that had passed between us. “That legend. The Cold Ones… I don’t really believe all the hocus-pocus stuff but some of it made sense. But there’s other stuff too and-…”

“What if I told you it was true?” I interrupted, my hands tightening into fists at my side as my body resisted what I was about to do. “All of it, the hocus-pocus stuff, the rumours, the lot of it…”

“The legend? But-…”

I cut him off. I had started now; I had to finish before I lost my nerve. “And what if I told you that, not only is it true, but I’m a part of it.”

Jake swallowed nervously, his eyes darting between me and Edward, who he had only just clocked was standing behind me, listening to every word we said and every word rushing through Jake’s head. But of course, Jake didn’t know that part. “Bella… When you say that you and the Cullens are the same… You mean?”

“I mean that I’m a part of the legend.” I hissed, glancing over my shoulder to check that none of the students milling out of the small high school were close enough to overhear our conversation. “I’m not supposed to exist. I was supposed to die, Jake, but I didn’t. I don’t know how or why I survived but I did, and now I’m this,” I waved my hand up and down my perfect body. “Frozen exactly the way that I am now, the way I’ll always be… I’m-…”

Jake’s eyes widened and he took a step away from me. “You’re a Cold One?”

I nodded, my own eyes searching his for some sense of understanding; perhaps even forgiveness. “I’m a vampire, Jake.” I whispered desperately. “One touch of my skin would prove that to you.”

His eyeliner moved down to the pale white of my lower arm, exposed by my rolled up sleeves. He looked as though he were deliberating whether to reach out and run his finger along the useless veins that were buried beneath the skin of my wrist, but decided against it. “Oh… Right… Okay.” He mumbled, almost to himself.

“So now you know why we can’t be friends.” I croaked.

“Well… Actually, no.” He moved back towards me, surprising me so much that I mirrored him by walking backwards a few steps. “I’m still a little fuzzy on that bit.”

“What?”

“We were getting on perfectly fine before my dad stuck his nose in.” Jake shrugged. “You didn’t try to drink my blood or anything, or at least not that I noticed… Why can’t we be friends?”

I sighed, hating that his logic made perfect sense to me. “The Cullens made a pact with your tribe to allow us to live side by side, but we’re still natural enemies. I’m a danger to you but you’re also a danger to me, Jake.”

“Me? I’m not dangerous. I wouldn’t do anything to-…”  
I shook my head at his misunderstanding of my words. “If I slipped up and hurt you, or if you told somebody about me, I would be at risk of being destroyed for having exposed who-… what we are. This is a big deal, Jake. A lot bigger than either of us.”

“I’d never tell anybody, Bella.” He promised solemnly. 

“Jake, I can’t take the risk.” I pleaded, my eyes wide as I looked at his face. He suddenly looked so much younger than I remembered, too innocent for the world I was at risk of pulling him into.

“Please, Bella. Just give me a chance.” He begged. “I wouldn’t ever do anything to put you in danger. Let’s just go back to hanging out like we did before and we’ll see how it goes. That natural enemies stuff is bullshit, we get on really well. So you’re a bit cold and even whiter than the rest of the kids at this high school, so what?" He shrugged. "We’re friends. We’ve always been friends. Why should anything else get in the way of that?”

Suddenly, I was sick of fighting against it. Jake was right; we were friends, and I wanted us to stay that way. “A trial?” I offered hesitantly.

Jake nodded enthusiastically and reached up to tuck his hair behind his ear. “That’s all I’m asking for.”

“Okay…” I whispered and then glanced up, grinning at him, overwhelmed with how excited the prospect made me. “Yeah Jake, we can be friends.”

“Great! You wanna hang out now?”

I winced, sad to be letting him down so soon. “Actually I have plans with Edward right now… I should probably fill him in on all of this. Unfortunately the two of us being friends affects more people than just the two of us. But soon, okay? Soon.”

“Soon.” He repeated like a promise. “Cool, see ya Bella!” Jacob took off on foot out of the school gates and waved back to me from the road. I lifted my hand and smiled but cringed as I turned to face Edward. He had approached as Jake had walked away.

“Do you think he’ll be able to keep his mouth shut about it?” He asked simply.

“Yes.” I said firmly. “Jake wouldn’t ever hurt me. He’d never endanger us that way. Billy will explain it to him if it comes to that, maybe I’ll even ask Charlie to have a word. He’s good with weird, Jake might need somebody like that.”

“Bella if the Volturi ever find out-…”

“I know.” I cut in sharply. “They won’t.”

Edward smiled and wrapped his arm around me, steering us back towards where my truck was waiting and his siblings were approaching their own cars. Angela was with them and she waved when she saw me. “Do you feel better about it all now?”

I grinned up at him and nodded. “Much. Lying to Jake was too hard and staying away from him was even harder. He’s my friend. I care about him too much to keep trying to deceive him. I want him in my life. I think this will work out.”

Edward kissed the top of my head. “I’m glad you’re happy, Bella.”

“Come on, let’s race the others back to your place!” I tapped his back and moved to pull away, straining in the direction of our cars. “I think my truck can handle it!”

He laughed at me and kept his arm tight around me, holding me to him. “Can I kiss you first?”

“Here?” I wrinkled my nose. “Everyone will see.”

“So? Or what? Do you only kiss me when you want to prove a point to Mike Newton?” He teased.

I rolled my eyes and shoved him lightly. “That might have been weeks ago, but I’m still mad at you about that. You’ll be lucky if I ever kiss you again!” I muttered as our lips met.


	14. chapter fourteen.

To my immense delight and surprise, Jake once again became a permanent fixture in my life from that day on. Edward insisted that I invite Jake to the Cullen house to meet them all, thereby giving Jake a chance to integrate with the other people that were so important to me. A little nervously Jake agreed and showed up at lunch-time the Saturday following our reconciliation. All of his nerves melted a way the moment he met my new extended family and was immediately welcomed as one of our own. He was immediately fond of Esme in particular. She mothered him as she did all of us, but it felt like Jake needed it the most. Plus, as he passionately told me when I drove him to the border that night, she made the best sandwiches he'd ever tasted. I had noticed, of course, when a plate of twelve was reduced to three and he was the only one of us with a working digestive system.

After that weekend, Jake spent almost as much time with the Cullens as I did, with the exception of our respective school timetables. He wasn't getting on too well with his father, who was less than thrilled that I had wormed my way back into Jake's life, so the latter spent as much time away from his own home as possible. Every evening when I arrived, he would already be there, eating Esme's food and watching television with Emmett, who had taken it upon himself to replace me as Jake's best friend after spending their first few interactions without breathing, or else participating in some form of activity with another of the Cullen siblings.

I noticed almost immediately how much he and Rosalie had in common, namely their passion for cars and their inner-workings. Jake was permitted entry into the Cullen garage very early into his visits, and he had spent hours drooling over Rose's collection of fast and expensive cars - things that I'd never had much interest in. In return, he shared his desire to rebuild and improve an old car he called 'The Rabbit' with Rosalie, and she enthusiastically offered to help the source the parts and put the car together. Initially, she also wanted to fund the project but Jake became a little anxious and withdrawn at the prospect, so she dropped the idea. Edward revealed later that the thought of accepting money from anybody made Jake very uncomfortable. I found that I could heartily relate to that, as Edward once again purchased our movie tickets or paid for my inedible lunch at school.

Jake was also endlessly fascinated with the unique way we lived as vampires, determined to be good people and ethical hunters. He often spent hours deep in conversation with Carlisle or Edward about the moral implications of what we all were and it wasn't long before he was borrowing philosophy books from the Cullens' extensive library. Jake also couldn't have been more impressed by Edward and Alice's 'gifts' and was horribly disappointed when he was told that Alice couldn't actually see his future changing as his decisions did. Her blind spot still frustrated her, especially when it affected the rest of us (which it was doing more and more as Jake made himself at home among her family), and she hated talking about it. Edward's gift was also exciting to Jake, but became more wearing over time as he realised that the talent wasn't selective and that Edward was reluctantly privy to all of Jake's private thoughts. I was envied because of the mental block that I had. Usually I was grateful for it, but occasionally I did wonder what was so wrong with me that it meant Edward couldn't hear me. I tried not to dwell on it too much.

A couple of weeks after Jake's first visit to the Cullen house, Jasper was in the midst of continuing to teach him to play chess, while Alice was once again practicing her braiding techniques on Jake's hair. Since Rosalie and I were less inclined to indulge her, it had become something of a new hobby for her since she had first laid her golden eyes on his long, healthy hair. Usually the couple joined forces and Jake ended up in a Jasper and Alice sandwich, trying to concentrate on his next move while Alice accidentally tugged too hard on his precious locks. It was during one such tense game that Angela knocked at the Cullens' front door and Emmett moved to let her in. Jake glanced up and smiled goofily as Alice, seemingly having either not noticed or decided not to care that Angela had arrived, wrapped a milk-maid style braid around the crown of his head.

Angela didn't even flinch. Warmly, she introduced herself to Jake and started chatting immediately to Jasper about the photography club she was considering setting up at the school, a topic they had left the day before at lunch. Jake, having always been a people-person, chimed in, asking insightful questions that Angela, although usually shy with people at first, passionately answered while her eyes shone with excitement. Within five minutes, Jake and Angela were talking to each other as if they had known one another for their whole lives. I was ecstatic about the whole thing.

I was thinking about how well everything had worked out, and how happy I was that it had done so a few days later whilst lying in the meadow with Edward, enjoying the sensation of his tracing patterns on my turned-up forearm in the weak sunlight.

"Is there anything you miss about being human?" Edward's soft voice cut through my slow, content thoughts. My eyes were closed and I was trying to soak up as much of the sun that cut through the meadow's thick surrounding of trees as possible. I always felt better after being in the meadow, and I knew it wasn't just because it was the only place where Edward and I could consistently be completely alone.

"Sleeping, I suppose." I sighed, realising that that was the feeling I was trying to replicate when I lay still and quiet on the soft bed of grass.

"Really? I always found it to be a bit inconvenient." Edward chuckled, reaching across to stroke my hair gently, residual heat moving from his fingertips to my hairline. I turned towards the sound of his voice and opened my eyes, knowing that my mediation was over for the time being. I smiled as his skin caught the light and sparkled lightly. "There was always so much I wanted to do and yet every day, no matter how hard I fought it, I always became too tired to go on with my adventures."

"Well not sleeping so much, but dreaming." I expanded, pushing myself up so that I was sitting up straight opposite him. "I always dreamt so vividly. I used to end up all tangled up in the sheets because I'd twisted and turned so much, following whoever was in my dream."

"And if you could sleep now?" He murmered, reaching across to touch my cheek gently. "What do you think you would dream of?"

"You, silly." I whispered, leaning closer to him. "What else is there?"

~~~

A few days later, the Cullens and I were waiting for Angela before school. It had snowed the night before and our fellow students were giddy at the sight of it. It was only a light covering and most of it had melted by the time we reached the school.

When it had first started to fall the previous evening, the Cullens had been excited as everybody else in the town was and had pulled me outside with them to play in it. They were all thrilled, laughing and squealing as their already gloriously youthful faces were masked with childish excitement. Alice and Emmett immediately began making a snowman with the meagre pile of cold slush on the ground, while Rosalie aimed a snowball at the back of Jasper's head, leaving icy crystal shining in his honey-coloured hair. As her delighted, wicked laughter echoed around me, I turned and saw Esme and Carlisle making snow angels together, leaping straight up to get out of the snow so as not to leave footprints behind.

It was my first experience of snow in my ice-cold body, and unlike when I was a human, I didn't hate the feeling of the flakes on my skin and in my hair. When they landed on me, they stayed perfectly preserved in their intricate, unique forms and my perfect sight allowed me to inspect every single one of them. Edward had laughed at my fascination, brushing the flakes from my hair and kissing me, the snow caught between our lips refusing to melt even as we clung together.

My sentimental memories of the night before were sliced through by a commotion nearby. I heard the screech of the wheels and saw the trajectory of the van before anybody else had time to even look towards the sound.

Mike, laughing with Jessica, Lauren and Ben, walking away from them to fetch something from his car. His backpack was swinging from one shoulder, a half eaten apple, his breakfast presumably, hanging loosely in the grip of his opposite hand. I visualised the backpack crushed beneath the van's tire; the apple rolling crookedly across the parking lot, collecting grit and wet snow as it went. I saw the van on its side; Mike's car smashed and hidden from sight beneath the larger vehicle. I couldn't see Mike in my mind, I couldn't picture the way he would look. I knew in seconds he would be pinned between the car and the van.

I couldn't let it happen.

Edward clocked what I was going to do a millisecond too late. Nonetheless, he tried to stop me, but his fingers slipped off of my arm as I started to run in the direction of Mike's car.

"Bella, no." He ordered, just loud enough for me to hear as I dematerialised from his side, but it was too late. I was already across the parking lot, my movement too fast to be caught by the weak and distracted human eyes of our fellow students. As the van neared Mike and our fellow students began to scream, as they finally realised what was about to happen, I pushed him down to the ground, his face to the concrete and moved him under his car. Then I used my back to brace against the van.

The second after it had ground to a halt I was back at Edward's side."Did anybody notice?" I hissed at him, trying to morph my face into a concerned, but somewhat removed expression - something that said that I hoped Mike was okay, but I didn't want to get involved. I needed everyone to think that I had had nothing to do with what would surely be remembered as an incredible and unbelievable act of survival.

"No, they were too worried about Mike." He said stiffly, as Jessica and Ben reached under Mike's car to help him clamber out. He looked dazed and was moving quite slowly, but was, of course, completely physically unharmed. "Whether he noticed or not I can't say, he's too shocked to hold a coherent thought at the moment. I can barely keep track." His brow creased as though he were in pain. "Everyone's thoughts are so loud and frantic." He grumbled.

I softened as the worry that was hitting me from two angles, concern for Mike and the idea that I might have brought too much attention to myself, subsided and nudged Edward gently. "Are you angry at me?" I whispered.

"I haven't decided yet." He replied tightly, but wrapped his arm back around me anyway, pressing his lips to the top of my head. "It was a foolish thing to do."

I breathed out and hugged him back. He had been scared for me, he didn't like when I was away from his side at any time, let alone when it was for a potentially dangerous reason. In theory he knew I could never have been harmed, but it was quite another thing to see the person you love most stop a van with their own body. Aside from that, if I had been moving even a tiny bit slower, there was a risk that I would have been seen. I craned my neck to look up at him. "He would have died, Edward." I reminded him quietly.

"You don't know that." Edward replied, shaking his head. But I did. I didn't need Alice's gift, or his insight into it, to know that without my intervention Mike Newton would have been killed right in front of me. Whether I should have let it happen or not was somewhat irrelevant.

"I know there would have been a lot of blood either way." I replied bitterly, pulling away from him and throwing a glance over at Jasper, who was staring at the scene with a clenched jaw, not blinking nor hearing Alice as she tried to bring his attention back to her.

Edward sighed and moved to lean back against my truck. "I thought you didn't even like Mike Newton." He said challengingly, raising an eyebrow at me.

I rolled my eyes. "He's a little irritating but I don't want him to die, Edward. Besides," I purred, putting my arm on the truck so that my face hovered inches from him. I smiled wickedly, letting him know that I wasn't interested in arguing any more about it. "I'm pretty sure if I wanted him dead I wouldn't have to wait for a van to come along and make it happen for me."

He chuckled and nodded. "That's true I suppose." He conceded, flicking his gaze up to meet mine. Our faces were teasingly close and I was glad that the rest of the school, and Edward's family, were too distracted with the chaos surrounding Mike and Tyler to be paying much attention to our flirtations.

"So you're not angry at me?" I double-checked quickly.

He sighed and kissed my lips quickly, giving in to me. I smiled smugly, knowing that I had won this round. "I guess not, but we need to stay alert Bella." He reiterated, resting his hands on my waist, my legs between his bent knees. "We can't ever become complacent, especially now that Jake and Angela-..."

"Now that Jake and Angela what?" A familiar voice cut into our conversation and I turned to see my friend arrive. Nervously, I looked to Jasper but was glad to see that he and his siblings had fully recovered and had returned to their normal 'human' selves.

"Speak of the devil and she shall appear!" Edward chortled, smoothly transitioning back into a human conversation. "How are you Angela?"

"Fine." She rushed before nodding her head in the direction of the crash. "What happened over there? Is that Tyler's truck?"

"And Mike Newton's car. Just a close call caused by the slippery roads. Nobody was hurt I don't think, but I'm sure Lauren Mallory will have called an ambulance anyway." Edward smirked knowingly.

"What makes you say that?" I asked genuinely, leaning beside him against the car so that we were both facing Angela.

"It's so rare that our little town sees any excitement." He winked at me. "They'll be talking about this for months!"

"They might move on sooner than you think on this occasion. There's bigger fish to fry on the dramatic news front." Angela announced, biting her bottom lip with excitement. She had clearly been looking forward to telling us whatever news she had and she wasn't going to let an almost-accident derail her.

"What do you mean?" Jasper asked suddenly, moving into our conversation, leaving Alice with Emmett and Rosalie as they scribbled in some last minute homework questions, leaning on the hood of Rose's car.

"I passed the police station on my walk here and saw your dad, Bella."

I straightened up, panic striking my chest. I'd had enough heart-wrenching worry for one morning, I couldn't bear for anything to happen to Charlie too. "Is he alright?" I demanded, ignoring Edward's hand on my arm, trying to keep me calm.

"Yeah, of course." She replied as if it were obvious. I swallowed awkwardly and relaxed only slightly, letting Edward wrap his arm around me again. I suppose to most normal people it would have been obvious, given Angela's excitement, but when it came to my father I had a protectiveness and a love that was difficult to quell. "But he's a bit shaken up, they all are." Angela continued, more seriously. "A patrol found those three missing hikers last night on one of the trails. The theory is they were killed by some kind of wild animal, because of the wounds and stuff, but it's the wrong season for animals with those kinds of capabilities."

"Did they say what kind of injuries they had?" Jasper pressed seriously.

Angela shook her head regretfully and shoved her hands deep into the pockets of her coat, the frosty air stinging her skin. "I think Charlie was worried about scaring me, he cut the others off when they were talking about it. Either that or he didn't want me telling Bella and scaring her." That seemed unlikely, given the fact that Charlie knew that it should be the animals that were fearful of me rather than the other way around. "But from what I can tell these people were more or less ripped apart, a lot of blood. Oh, and some of their clothes were missing. I guess whatever got them shredded them or carried them off in their teeth or something."

"Or found some additions to their mobile wardrobe." Edward growled, far too low for Angela to detect. Jasper met my eyes, his jaw tight. I immediately knew that the Cullens didn't buy the story of an animal attack. Somebody was getting too close to Forks, one of our kind, and they were causing trouble.

"Is that Jake standing at the gates?" Angela asked suddenly, seeming to forget her interest in her own story, as she looked past Edward and I towards the entrance to the parking lot. My attention distracted, I turned and saw my best friend shifting his weight from foot to foot, his movements quick and agitated. He caught my eye and beckoned for me to approach him. "Why doesn't he just come in?"

I was wondering the same thing. It wasn't the first time Jake had come to the school since coming to make up with me the previous month. In fact, he quite often left school early in order to meet us as we walked out after our final classes or else just showed up at lunch time to hang out with us in the parking lot. Jake had very little interest in his own school life, preferring to see his friends on his own time. He was always asked to leave the boundaries of our school when he was spotted by a teacher, his long hair making him easy to spot even in the crowds of other students in the parking lot, but it never bothered him much. He was always very polite and even comically bowed to the approaching teacher before bidding us all farewell and hightailing off school grounds. But today, he looked scared to come too close.

"I'd better see if he's okay." I said, just as the school bell rang and the others moved in the direction of the school entrance.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Edward offered. He was just as worried about Jake as I was, having noticed the strange behaviour straight away. As helpful as it would be to have his gift to detect anything Jake decided to hold back, I felt it would be better if Jake and I had a one-on-one.

I shook my head. "Thanks, but I have a feeling it's something he's only going to want to explain once." I reached up to kiss his cheek. "I'll let you know what he says." I promised for Angela's sake, knowing full-well that Edward was already far more informed about Jake's situation than I was.

"I'll buy you some time in English!" Alice called out as I started my walk towards Jake. I waved back to show my gratitude and then walked as quickly towards my friend as I could without looking inhuman.

"Jake? What's wrong?" I demanded as soon as I was within his earshot. He looked even stranger up close. His healthy brown skin seemed grey and sickly, his hair limp. He was pacing back and forth, constantly moving his hands from his face to the pockets of his jeans to crossed over his chest. He was agitated and upset and, I thought, frightened.

"Bells, there's something weird happening on the reservation." He said frantically. Despite his jumpiness, he spoke quietly, as though he were afraid of being overheard.

"Weird?" I repeated and then stepped forward to put my hand on his arm. He flinched at the temperature, something he would never normally do. I understood why; Jake was a lot warmer than usual and clammy too. "What do you mean? Weird how?" I asked him patiently, starting to think that he was sick rather than upset.

"You know Sam Uley?" I shook my head. "Big guy, walks around without a shirt on a lot?" Despite my clueless expression, Jake continued. "He's a big influence on the Tribe Elders even though he's only a couple of years older than me. He should be getting as ignored as the rest of us."

"Okay... So?"

Jake hesitated and then swallowed uncomfortably. "He's been paying a lot of attention to me recently."

"What kind of attention?"

Jake shrugged, as though suddenly unsure why he had come to speak to me at all. He dipped his gaze and folded his arms back over his chest. "He comes to the house a lot, he's always there... talking to Billy when I get home. They're always talking about me, discussing my future."

"You think he wants to be your friend?" I ventured, already knowing that I was way off. It couldn't be that, Jake would have been more than happy if that was it.

"Not friend, no. I don't know Bells... He wants something from me, but I don't know what it is yet."

"Do you think it might have something to do with me?"

"I hope not." Jake replied after a moment's hesitation, letting me know that that was exactly what he thought. "I didn't tell anyway about what you are, I swear. In fact I never really talk about you at all, to anyone, just to be sure. But there's something in the way he talks to me and Billy that makes me think he must know something."

"Well just be careful." I advised, worry gnawing at my heart as I considered the possibility that our secret was out in Forks and that it might be my fault. "Either find out what he wants or stay away from him, yeah?"

"I'm trying but-... Bella, it's not just him either."

"It's not?"

"Quil and Embry are avoiding me too."

I furrowed my brow, genuinely confused. Jake had always spoken about his two best friends as though they were brothers who, miraculously, never fought. "Why?"

Jake shrugged, trying to act like he didn't care. I could see right through it; he was really hurting. I had seen his face look this way before, only last time, I had been the cause of it. "They said that they can't be friends with me if I'm friends with the you and the Cullens. Except, they didn't say 'friends'... they said if my loyalty is to the Cullen tribe then they can't trust me. It's like they know about you too, but I swear to god Bells, I didn't say a word-..."

"I know you didn't. It's okay Jake, we're going to figure all of this out. Okay?"

He nodded rapidly and glanced over his shoulder again. "Yeah, okay... Look, I'd better go."

"Home?" I asked, somewhat hopefully.

"I guess-... No actually. I don't want to go home right now. I-... I don't know." He lifted his hands to his face and pulled them roughly down it. It looked like he was trying to stop tears from falling.

"Jake, listen to me." I stepped forward and put my hands on his wrists, squeezing gently. "Go to the Cullen house." I instructed clearly. "Esme's there and Carlisle will be finishing work in a couple of hours. You can talk to them or, at the very least, go and get some sleep. You don't look so great, are you coming down with something?"

"I don't feel so great either... I'll go there then, thanks Bells. You're the only person that gets me now."

"That's not true, you have lots of people that love and understand you Jake. I have to get into class, I've probably already earned myself a detention. I'll call Esme on Edward's mobile and let her know that you're on your way."

Jake nodded but said nothing more. Instead, he turned his back and trod slowly into the thick forest that surrounded the school, disappearing from my sight. I let out a heavy breath and walked into the school, my thoughts as far away from English class as they could possibly be, despite the berating speech for my tardiness that I received from the teacher upon my arrival.


	15. chapter fifteen.

Jake had already left the Cullen house by the time I arrived that night, but Esme and Carlisle assured me that he was feeling better than he had been that morning, both in terms of his physical health and emotional distress. He called me later that night to assure me of the same thing, letting me that his fever had calmed down a little and he was certain he’d been overreacting about the Sam situation. 

That night it was also decided that I should stay away from Forks High School for a few days until the excitement over Mike’s near-miss had calmed down. According to Edward, Mike’s thoughts had begun to clarify and he planned to confront me over the part I had played in saving him. I wasn’t too worried. I could never bring myself to regret saving him and I was sure that between us, we could convince Mike that he had made it up. Besides, not being able to discuss it with me for a few days would give Mike the distance to start doubting his own memory, an unfair but necessary tactic on mine and the Cullens’ part. I was also thrilled to have the time off, as Edward had suggested that we both take it, along with Rosalie and Jasper so that we could tell the school we had all caught the same stomach bug, and go hunting just the two of us.

I knew that we wouldn’t spend the whole time hunting, we barely needed a full night to get our fill, and that there would be plenty of time where Edward and I had nothing to do. We had been getting closer and closer over the past weeks. I knew that I had never loved anybody more than I loved him and never would. I was certain that I was ready to take our relationship to a new, more physical level and that our hunting trip, which would remove us far from anyone we knew, was the perfect opportunity to do so. I was, however, still glad that he couldn’t read my mind as I tried to work out the logistics of our rendezvous and fretted over petty things that niggled at my anxiety in the lead-up to us leaving. 

Mike’s accident had taken place on a Friday, which allowed me the whole weekend to hang out with Charlie and butter him up about the idea of me skipping school and leaving for three days with my boyfriend. 

After yet another serious phone call with Carlisle, Charlie gave in and even gifted me an old hiking jacket of my mom’s. “In case anyone sees you, it’ll help your cover story.” He shrugged. 

I thanked him and clutched the gift close to my chest, touched by the gesture. I didn’t ask why he had kept my mother’s jacket for so many years, nor did I allow myself to ponder too deeply on her familiar scent. It only made me miss her more.

I was glad to see Jake at the Cullen house on Sunday evening, because it gave me a chance to check he was alright in person, and to tell him that I would be gone until Wednesday. “Really Bells, I’m okay. Sam’s backed off a bit now and I’m even getting on better with Dad!”

“And Quil and Embry?” I prompted.

“Well, they’re still ignoring me…" He admitted but followed it with a light-hearted shrug. "But I think they’ll come around in a little while, especially if Sam’s getting cooler with it all.”

“Why would that make any difference to them?”

“They follow him around now." Jake mumbled, looking down at his hands. "Him and a few of his friends, they’re like a little pack. Wherever Sam goes, they go. It’s a bit freaky but as long as they’re leaving me out of it, I’m okay.” I glanced nervously at Edward, but he nodded to assure me that Jake was being genuine. The latter rolled his eyes. “Hey, can’t you just take my word for it instead of making Mind Reader scan me for lies?”

“Sorry Jake, but I’m worried about you." I told him sincerely. "You were in really bad shape the other day.”

“Yeah I know, but I think it was just the cold I had-...”

“I’m still not convinced that’s what it was Jacob.” Carlisle cut in, his worry clearly stamped on his face. “Your symptoms were all over the place. I would like to do some more tests.”

“It's cool Doc, all of my symptoms have disappeared as quickly as they appeared. They’re gone now and everything’s fine.”

“You’re sure?” I asked him. 

“Bells, I’m all good. Go and enjoy your trip. Don’t even think of me until you get back, that’s an order.” 

I smirked. “You’re not the boss of me.”

“We’ll look after him, Bella.” Rosalie promised. “It’s not like Jazz and I have anywhere else to be this week.” She muttered as an after-thought and I suddenly felt a jolt of regret for my actions. 

I was suddenly experiencing, first-hand, the way in which every decision we each made individually impacted everyone else. We all had to cover each other’s backs and be ready to do so at a moment’s notice. Rosalie caught my worried eye only a moment later and smiled, letting me know that she wasn’t really angry. They were all used to cleaning up after one another; it was part of the deal in the Cullen family.

~~~

Edward and I left that night, after Charlie had gone to bed and I had reminded him to tell anyone that asked that I was still sick at home with a stomach bug. He had nodded a sleepy acknowledgement and then trudged up the stairs to his bedroom, waving at me from the first-floor landing. 

Edward arrived at my door a few minutes later and before I knew it we had already run several miles through the woods and were fast-approaching the long river that Edward wanted us to hunt along. He thought it would be good practice for me, since the sounds and scents of life near the water muddled those of our prey. There was also more variety near the riverbed, as every animal in the nearby vicinity relied on it for their survival. Unfortunately for them, it would ultimately be their fatal mistake.

We hunted for several hours before stopping, staying close to the river, but sitting on the grass out of sight of any animals that might come to drink. A moment’s rest; not for us, but for them. It was raining again, something I had come to expect and even like about the Pacific Northwest, but the sun was bravely pushing through the clouds, making our skin take on a luminous glow even if we did not quite sparkle.

I couldn’t stop looking at Edward, overcome with how much I loved him. He grinned and teasingly told me to stop staring at him. When I couldn’t oblige, he draped one of his arms over my knees and pulled my face to his, kissing me gently. I took my chance and moved closer to him, to the point where I was practically sitting in his lap. He smiled bemusedly against my lips but continued to kiss me. It wasn’t until my agile fingers began to unbutton his shirt that he froze and pulled my hands away.

“No Bella…” He commanded gently, softening the blow by pressing a delicate kiss to the side of my mouth. I screwed my eyes up tight, as though I hoped he wouldn’t notice that I was still trying to undo his buttons. “Bella, I said no.” He added, more firmly this time. My eyes flickered open and I realised what I was doing.

“Sorry…” I mumbled and slipped off of his lap, back onto the sodden grass.”

“It’s okay. Come back.” I did as he asked, crawling to his side and letting him kiss me. It felt so good, to the point that I was feeling quite desperate.

“Edward, I love you.” I pleaded into his mouth.

He sighed and pulled his face away, still cradling mine in his hands. “And I you. You have no idea how much, Bella. I would give you the world if I could.”

“I don’t want the world, I want you.” I pointed out, moping a little.

He smiled as though I had said something uncharacteristically stupid. “You have me.” 

I shook my head childishly. “Not in every way.”

“One day, we will have each other in every way.”

“But not today?” I clarified.

“No. I’m sorry but I don’t want to do this right now.”

“Oh… Okay… Sorry.” I said again, moving away from him once more. I was mortified and I found myself unable to catch his eye. What was so wrong with me? I knew that we weren’t like everyone else, but surely even vampires want to make love to their girlfriends every once in a while.

“Believe me, everything inside of me is screaming that I should do it, and I do really want to but-… I believe in waiting for marriage, Bella.”

That took me by surprise. “You do?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t apologise.” I rushed, discomfort rushing through me. If I had still been human, I would have been beet-red with embarrassment by this point. “I get it. I didn’t mean to pressure you or anything-…”

Edward chuckled. “I guess it’s not easy dating someone that comes from a different time, is it?”

I shrugged, relaxing a little as his mood rubbed off on me. He wasn’t angry with me for pushing him. “I had it coming.” I admitted. “Everything else with you has been so wonderful and easy, there was bound to be a bump in the road somewhere along the way.”

“That’s all this is? A bump?”

“Yes." I said firmly, unsure of which one of us I was trying to convince. "It’s fine Edward, we don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“Thank you.” He murmered sincerely and pressed a tender kiss to my lips, letting me know that he wasn’t trying to push me away completely. I let a silence fall over us like a blanket, my mind racing as I tried to unravel everything that had already been said. “Are you alright?” Edward prompted after a few minutes of quiet.

“Yeah, just thinking.”

“You promised to always tell me if I asked.” He reminded me lightly, nudging my arm.

“Then ask.” I snapped, more harshly than I meant it.

He hesitated and then formally asked, “What are you thinking about, Bella?”

“Marriage.” I spat my reply.

“Oh… And?”

“I don’t believe in it.” I told him truthfully, lurching up onto my feet and taking a few steps away from him. He leaned forward, his hands on his knees, but did not follow me. “I never have. Maybe if I’d had different parents then-… No, but even then I don’t see the point. If you love somebody you should just love them. Why do you need a ring and a piece of paper and a big party to prove it to the rest of the world?”

“I suppose that when you put it like that, it does make sense to disregard it.” Edward nodded. “But where I come from, when I come from, marriage matters.” Now he stood and moved towards me, putting both of his hands on my face. “It solidifies the love and bonds you to the person you love. Forever.”

“But it doesn’t always last forever.” I argued weakly, locking my hands into the bends of his elbows, tracing patterns gently onto his skin. A weak human memory flooded into my mind; my mother on the phone to my father, telling him that I wouldn’t be coming to visit yet because she couldn’t take the time off work. He was offering to come and fetch me. It was too hard for them. They had still loved each other, in some capacity. Maybe they still did. But their marriage had broken down and taken a piece of each of us with it into the fire.

Edward smirked knowingly. “If it was us, it would last forever.”

I rolled my eyes, considering him a cheat for how he had seemingly won our argument. “Only because we will.”

“I’ll take what I can get, Bella.”

“Regardless, I don’t see what any of this - love, marriage, forever - has to do with sex.”

His mouth opened slightly and I enjoyed his expression, imagining the way it would look if he could blush. He closed it again and then smiled, recognising that I was testing him. “I guess that’s just another catch of the time I was born into.”

“Explain it to me, since I obviously don’t understand.” I snapped, still too embarrassed by my actions and the way he had side-blinded me to be courteous. 

He exhaled slowly and then began patiently. “Bella… When I was growing up and the prospect of courting a woman was introduced, my father explained it all to me. He said that I would be tempted to move too quickly with a woman and, even if that woman was willing, I should restrain myself until we were bonded as man and wife. Because that commitment meant that we loved each other enough to wait. It meant that we respected one another, in body and soul, to wait until we were recognised as a united team in the eyes of God and the law. I know it seems old-fashioned now but-…”

“No, I think I get it.” I stopped him, putting my hand over his heart. “I mean the whole not listening to a woman even when she tells you what she wants sucks, but the other bit… Loving each other, respecting each other. Body and soul. I like that, that makes sense to me.”

“It does?”

“Sure…" I shrugged. "If only it proves that we are more than just bodies. We have souls and they are entwined together because we love one another.”

“I do love you Bella, so so much.” He swore. “I hope you believe that.”

“Of course I do. But be warned, my love.” I added teasingly. “Love means being willing to compromise on certain things, and I won’t ever ask you for anything else.” I promised, kissing his jaw chastely and then walking away towards the river.

“Bella-…” He called patiently, then his voice became hard and frantic. “No Bella, wait.” He was at my side before he had even finished speaking. “Can you smell that.”

I sniffed the air and then nodded curtly. “Others. Do you recognise them?”

Edward shook his head. “I’ve never come across them before. They must be the ones responsible for the deaths on the trails.”

“What do we do?” I squeaked, panic rising in my chest.

“They’re not far away.” He told me, his hand on my back. “We could go and speak with them, try to convince them to hunt elsewhere so they stop causing problems for us. It’s risky though, they could choose to be… uncooperative.”

“How many of them are there? Can you tell?”

He paused and then tilted his head, as though weighing up his odds. “I’m picking up at least three different scents, but there could be more.”

“Edward, if they turn on us we won’t stand a chance.”

He snorted and rolled his eyes. “Please Bella, you’re still strong enough to take on six fully-mature vampires by yourself-…”

“No, I don’t know how to fight and-…”

“Woah, relax Bella.” He kissed the top of my head to calm me down. “I wasn’t ever going to put you in harm’s way.”

“It’s not that. I don’t want you in harm’s way. I don’t like the idea of not being able to protect you.”

“I think we should go home. It’s a day early but I think it would be for the best if the others knew about these vampires and we’ll want to be close to Forks in case they get any closer. We can track them properly from there.” I nodded quickly to show my agreement and started in the direction of Forks, but Edward stopped me. “Bella, I mean it. I won’t ever let anything hurt you. Okay?”

“I want to be able to promise you the same thing, but I don’t know that I can yet.”

“You won’t be put into that position, love.” He promised, but I had a horrible feeling that he would be proven wrong on that front.


	16. chapter sixteen.

“So like… if you don’t need to breathe and you’re essentially indestructible…"

I wrinkled up my face in amusement as I waited to see exactly where Jake was going with this particular line of thought. “Yeah?”

“Could you just like... walk around in space?”

I pretended to ponder his question for a moment before replying, “I have no idea but my heart says absolutely yes.”

“But wait, isn’t space really hot because of the sun? And aren’t you guys like allergic to fire and heat and stuff?”

“Something like that, Jake.” I laughed.

Things had more or less gone back to normal since Edward and I had come home early from our camping trip. Our first stop had obviously been the Cullen house, so that we could fill everybody else in on what we knew about the other vampires hunting nearby. Of course, Alice opened the door before we had even reached the end of the driveway and triumphantly told us that she had already seen what we had to say and was convinced that we had nothing to worry about. “It looks like they’re going to keep hunting in the area for the next week or so and then move on. Looks like they’re heading South, or at least, that’s where they think they’re going next.”

Nonetheless, Carlisle had advised us all, but Edward and I in particular, to stay close to home while the others hovered nearby, just in case. He didn’t need to tell me twice. Charlie was having to practically kick me out of the house every morning and evening to get me to leave him alone. It didn’t help that I refused to tell him why I was more eager than usual to spend time with him, or why I kept making him promise that he would keep his wits about him when he was out of my sight.

When I wasn’t with my father, I spent all of their waking minutes with Angela and Jake, trying to cover all of my human bases just in case the other vampires decided to make a sharp right turn and show up in Forks. Like with Charlie, I couldn’t tell them why it was essential for us to all spend time together, but unlike with Charlie, my friends didn’t seem to suspect anything. They were more than happy to hang out, keeping ourselves distracted from our homework every evening until late.

My only anxiety was in regard to Jake at night. Each of the Cullens took turns watching Angela’s house when I parted with her every evening, just in case, but Jake went home to the reservation when darkness fell. The other vampires would never respect the treaty, but the Cullens and I couldn’t cross the border to protect the people that lived there no matter what the threat was or how close it came. Every morning I feigned a reason to call him, just to check everything was alright. After doing so four times in a row, Jake laughed at me down the phone line and told me that I didn’t have to make up excuses to call and that if I missed him that much, we should just hang out - hence our philosophical discussion as he walked me to school. He, it seemed, had decided to stop attending his own for the time being.

“So,” I cut in, before Jake could keep trying to talk about the possibility of space vampires. “How are things going on the reservation? Any progress with that Sam kid?”

“He’s not a kid, Bells.” Jake rolled his eyes. “He’s older than you.”

“Not for long.” I muttered, making Jake snort. “Well whatever he is, has he stopped bugging you?”

He sighed. “Yes and no. He’s stopped coming to the house and Billy doesn’t mention him as much, but everyone I used to hang around with at school has started following Sam around just like Quil and Embry. Whenever I see them it’s like they’re just waiting for me to run over and join them.”

“That’s why you’re not going to school?” I deduced without much difficulty.

“Partly that,” He shrugged. “And partly because I figure I can learn basically anything from one or more of the Cullens.”

“Technically that’s probably true but I don’t think the school board will see it that way. We’re getting off track. You said that you think they want you to join them?”

“That’s what it feels like.”

“I don’t get it. Join them in what?”

“I don’t know Bella…” Jake said. I could tell me was getting a little frustrated. I was too. I couldn’t work out what the problem was, I just knew that there was one. I intended to get to the bottom of it, whereas Jake just wanted to move on and forget about it. “Just join them. Join their group, their gang, their cult - whatever weird thing Sam’s got them all into.”

“You really have no idea?”

“Could be anything.” Jake pointed out and a sad edge ran through his voice. Trouble on the reservation was never too far away and we both knew exactly who and what was to blame. The tribe tried its best to protect its young people, but it was all a lot bigger than them and it took a lot to even keep track of everyone. “Drugs, alcohol, some kind of crime… Who knows?”

“Is that the kind of thing you think Quil and Embry would be into?”

“I don’t have any idea what Quil and Embry are into these days.” He said bitterly. “We’re here.” He added so quickly I almost missed it. I glanced away from him and realised that we had, in fact, arrived at the gates of my school. I spotted the two Cullen cars on the far side of the parking lot, close to the front entrance, and Angela was gathered with the siblings, chatting to Emmett. “I won’t come in today, the teacher with the thin moustache is out and watching me like a hawk.” He smirked, eyeing up the frowning teacher at the front of the school.

“I’m surprised you can see that far.” I laughed. “That’s vampiric vision you’ve got there Jake!”

He rolled his eyes and smiled. “Yeah right. I’ll see you after school, Bells!” He waved towards my group in the parking lot and then walked back the way we had just come, vanishing just as the school bell rang.

I greeted the Cullens and Angela as we all moved into the school as one big group. Edward and I hung back a little, his arm around me as we walked. “Have you changed your mind yet?” He asked, his voice low enough that nobody but me could hear it.

“About what?” I replied distractedly, my brain whirring as I tried to make sense of what Jake had told me about Sam’s group.

“About not wanting to marry me.”

I rolled my eyes and then quickly glanced towards my friends to make sure that nobody had overheard him. I was reluctant for this issue to become any bigger than it already was. “It was never about not wanting to marry you, Edward.” I hissed under my breath and then shrugged. “I just don’t think marriage makes much sense in theory… But then again, neither does our existence… Look, I would be happy to get married if it meant that much to you, but not for a long long time.” I attempted to compromise. “I might be stuck in a seventeen-year-old’s body forever but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to get married at the mental or emotional age of seventeen.”

He narrowed his eyes as the rest of the Cullens and Angela dispersed and the two of us reached my locker. He leaned against the one next to mine with his arms crossed. “What would you propose?”

“No, that’s your job.” I teased, working the combination until I heard the lock click.

“Very funny.” He muttered dryly. Clearly, this was one topic he was unlikely to find any humour in. This meant a lot more to him than it did me, and I needed to try and remember that if I was going to make any progress with him.

“Fine. I would propose that we wait a few years, maybe until we’ve graduated college-…”

“I’ve already done that.”

“Now whose being funny?” I berated. “I know you’ve already done it, but you need to wait for me to catch up by at least one degree, then we’ll talk.”

“Bella Swan, I have been waiting a century to marry you already.” He moved his face close to mine, his sweet breath washing over my face.

I matched his gaze and smirked. “You didn’t even know me a few months ago.” I pointed out sensibly.

Edward shrugged. “Well I was waiting for someone. It’s not my fault if you weren’t born yet.”

“You’re making this feel even weirder than it is.” I said, screwing my face up in disgust.

“Okay, we’ll wait.” He conceded. "That’s fine by me-…”

I cut him off before he could get his hopes up too high. “But I don’t want to wait a few years for us to sleep together.”

“Bella!” He exclaimed, scandalised.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “You started it!”

“Why not wait? What’s the rush?”

“Aside from the fact that I love you and it’s called making love? Hmm, let me think.” I slammed my locker shut, swinging my backpack back onto my shoulder and walking in the direction of my first class for the day.

“What about everything we said the other day by the river?”

“I told you I understood your feelings and I do, but you have to try and understand mine in return. As far as I’m concerned, I’m compromising by agreeing to marry you, I think your end of the deal should be sleeping with me. And yes, I’m aware of the irony of that particular phrase but I didn’t think you’d want me to talk about us having sex in the school corridor.”

“If it was possible I would ask if you were trying to kill me right now.” He grumbled as we reached my classroom. He was already late for his own. “Why are you so insistent about this?”

“Why are you so insistent about marriage?”

“I told you, it’s because of where I come from-…”

“What about where I come from?” He opened his mouth as if to reply but, upon thinking better of it, shut it again. “I believe that you love me as much as I love you.” I murmered, stepping closer to him. “I just don’t know why you think you need to buy me a ring to prove it.”

“I-…”

The door beside us swung open and we were hit with a nasal voice announcing, “Miss Swan, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that this class has already commenced.”

“No, I’m well aware.” I replied curtly, tearing my eyes away from Edward’s and flouncing into the classroom, leaving him standing alone in the corridor.

~~~

The following Saturday, I was reminded by each Cullen family member individually that we were all due to play baseball that evening. They were all clearly so excited about it that I struggled to keep an enthusiastic smile on my face and hoped that they couldn’t see through the facade. Each time it was mentioned, however, my stomach clenched at the very thought of it. I had never enjoyed sports and even now that I was theoretically coordinated to play them I was nervous at the prospect.

Charlie didn’t exactly encourage me when I was getting ready to leave the house that afternoon. “Where are you going?” He asked, eyeing up my clothes suspiciously.

“Playing baseball with the Cullens.” I replied, scraping my hair back into a ponytail.

“Baseball?” He snorted and then tried to hide a snigger with a cough. “Huh, I guess there really isn’t anything you can’t do anymore.” He said, lifting his newspaper in front of his face.

“Very funny. I’ll see you later.” I called back as I left the house and set off in a run toward the Cullen house. I met them all there and then we ran to their preferred clearing, one that was far enough away from Forks that the sounds of the balls hitting the bats would sound just like the thunder that was steadily rolling towards our small town.

Edward met me at the front door of the house and told me that Jake had just called to say he wasn’t coming to watch us play. His father had grounded him because he had been caught skipping school one too many times. I felt bad for Jake. He had been looking forward to the game as much as anyone else, excited to see exactly what we could do when we were given the chance to really let loose.

As I walked further into the house, Alice appeared beside me and had jammed a baseball cap onto my head before I even had the chance to register that she was there. I caught the eye of Rosalie and Jasper, who were also wearing matching hats and looked less than thrilled by the idea.

“Ready to play?” Edward asked me teasingly, knowing my reservations.

“Oh sure, how hard can it be?”

“Don’t worry Bella, we’ll go easy on you for the first game.” Jasper promised, shrugging his jacket off as he spoke. I froze momentarily as the jacket came off to reveal his bare arms. I had never seen him in a t-shirt before. He was covered in scars; bites from vampires that no longer walked the earth. It was a good thing I knew Jasper so well, and had heard snippets of the story of his past from Edward. It was a good thing that I considered him a brother, or I might have reacted badly to the sight of him. He caught me staring and smiled as reassuringly as he could muster when our eyes met. I grinned back, letting him know that I didn’t think any differently about him now that I had seen his scars than I had before.

When the rest of the Cullens had assembled, and Alice had checked that we were all clad in the matching hats she had found for us, we took off in the direction of the field where our game would take place. The clouds had been gathering in the sky above Forks for hours by that point and Alice tipped her head back to look up at them as drops of rain began to pelt down on us. “A few more minutes.” She announced. “Then we can let the games begin!”

“Bella, catch!” Emmett called out and threw a baseball to me. It whizzed through the air at an impossible speed, but before I could panic too much I reached up and cupped the ball in my hand with minimal effort. A loud cracking sound echoed across the field as the ball made contact with my rock hard skin and I examined it with an impressed look on my face.

“I said not yet, Em!” Alice frowned as Esme and Carlisle glanced over with concern at the thunderous sound.

“Now you see why we need the storm as cover!” Edward chuckled, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

“Did you see that? I caught it!”

“Yeah Bella, I saw.” Edward assured me proudly. He kissed my temple tenderly. “You’re magnificent.” He whispered.

I grinned triumphantly and threw the ball lightly up and then caught it again before slinging my arm around Edward’s waist and traipsing back towards the others.

“Boys vs girls?” Alice chirped.

Edward rolled his eyes. “Let Bella be on my team for her first game.”

“That’s not fair, what is she’s really good?”

“All the more reason.”

“Fine. This time. But next time she’s all mine!” Alice’s eyes clouded over as she finished her sentence and then she smiled excitedly and turned towards the group. “Sort yourselves into teams. We can start any time from now!” A loud clap of thunder rolled over our heads, followed by a streak of lightning that lit up the dim, dark field, as though to reiterate her point.

We split off into two groups. My team consisted of myself, Edward, Emmett and Esme, while Alice got Jasper, Rosalie and Carlisle. Esme was to double as an umpire, since their numbers were, for the very first time, even, as a result of my presence.

The game began and to my pleasant surprise, it really was as easy as everybody had assured me that it would be. If anything, I was even better at the game than the Cullens, due to my fresh agility caused by the fact that I was still very much a newborn vampire.

After one particularly good play, Edward caught me around the waist and spun me around, kissing me passionately. “What was that for?” I asked him without pulling away.

“I love you so much. You have no idea how incredible it feels to finally not be the odd man out and, not only that, but to have been completed by somebody as extraordinary as you are.”

I grinned and kissed him back hungrily, ignoring Alice’s gasp from behind me until Edward pulled his face away from mine, a frown appearing on his lips as his eyes flickered. I could tell that he was reading his sister’s mind and that whatever he saw was distressing them both.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him quietly, tearing my eyes away from his face just long enough to glance at the rest of our family, who had all frozen in their respective positions to await Alice or Edward’s declaration. Jasper’s face had formed a hard mask as he stared at Alice, watching and worrying as he waited for her to turn to him.

“Alice’s vision.” Edward muttered in reply to me. His brow creased in frustration and he demanded, “Stop focusing on that bit. We need specifics. How long Alice?”

“A few minutes.” She mumbled, her eyes still glazed over as her vision took hold. “They’re not far away.” Jasper ran to her side upon hearing at and wrapped his arm protectively around her waist. Alice’s hands moved to her head as she tried to concentrate, sifting through the conflicting images that she was seeing, trying to find something useful.

“Who?” I demanded as the rest of the Cullens sprang into action, bunching together around Alice. I clung to Edward as we followed suit, feeling my muscles tensing as I became preemptively defensive.

“Others like us, but I don’t recognise them. They must be the ones we caught the scent of on the hunt.” Edward told me and I inhaled sharply in response. “They were going to pass right by Forks but they heard us playing and thought they’d join us.”

“Is that a bad thing?” I asked, fearing I already knew the answer to that particular question. I was suddenly incredibly grateful to Billy for keeping Jacob away from the field. It meant that he was as far from harm’s way as I could get him worrying him.

“No.” Carlisle answered before Edward could, but I heard Edward’s teeth grinding together as he refrained from saying anything. I could tell that he did not agree with Carlisle’s answer, but was also hesitant to frighten me. “It’s always good to meet others of our kind and build friendships if we can.”

“There’s always risk involved.” Edward muttered, unable to help himself.

“How many of them are there?” Esme asked Alice patiently.

“Three.” Came the reply as Alice’s eyes finally cleared and she looked pointedly at Jasper, as though trying to silently communicate something to him.

“We can take them if we need to.” He assured her, kissing her lightly. It seemed to assuage her fears, because Alice smiled gently as she gazed up at him.

“It won’t come to that.” Carlisle warned sharply but when his back was turned Edward caught Jasper’s eye and then nodded reassuringly at me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. If it came to a fight, at the very least, Alice and I would be protected by each of our mates, just as Rosalie would no doubt be protected by Emmett. But there was another silent promise that fell over our group; Alice, Rosalie and I were just as capable of fighting for ourselves and protecting our mates in return. As a family unit, we were all strong and we were all willing to die for one another if we needed to. We all clumped together to await the visitors, unwilling to be separated in case anything bad happened. We needed to present a united front.

Edward and I hovered at the back of the group while Alice stood in the centre with Carlisle and Esme on either side of her. Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie formed the front line, Jasper’s body protectively shielding Alice’s.

“About thirty seconds.” Alice said quickly, her eyes blank once more. I saw now why she needed to be covered from all angles; she couldn’t fight while having her visions and they were essential, along with Edward’s ability to see them without Alice needing to speak, to our success. “We’ll see them in the clearing soon.”

“I can hear them.” Edward muttered and his grip on me tightened slightly.

“And?” Carlisle pressed.

“Nothing too threatening yet.” Edward replied. “They’re wondering why we’ve stopped playing. They know they haven’t snuck up on us but they’re not sure how we knew they were coming.”

“And they won’t ever find out.” Jasper growled.

“Okay, everybody relax.” Carlisle ordered, his voice coming out like a dog’s defensive bark. I had never heard him speak to anybody that way before, and it was clear sign that he was as on edge as the rest of his family. “There’s no need for aggression. We’ll see what they want and respond accordingly.”

“And if they want a fight?” Rosalie asked, arching her eyebrow as she threw a look back at Carlisle, catching my eye in the process.

"I can't see that far." Alice said.

“Let’s hope it won’t come to that, Rosalie.” Carlisle answered her lowly as she turned back to face the open stretch of land ahead of us.

Edward lifted his head. “Here they come.” He announced quietly.

From the edge of the woods emerged the trio; two men and a woman. Her impossibly red hair was the first thing that came into view as they emerged from the foliage, and I briefly wondered if she found it difficult to hunt. Surely animals would see her from a mile away. Of course, as they came closer and I saw their crimson irises, not unlike the tone of the female’s hair, I knew that they didn’t need to concern themselves with animal instincts. They attracted their meals as though they were attracting lovers. With their looks, their voices, their scents. They seemed to me to be the true definition of what a vampire could be; beautiful, alluring and dangerous. If I hadn’t known myself to be just as physically capable as them, or the fact that they would never see me as potential prey, I might have been frightened.

They stopped a little way away from us and stayed in their line. The darkest of the three, taller and arguably even more handsome than the other male, stepped forward and smiled in a way that I took to be friendly, though it only put me more on edge. “Greetings.” He called out to us, looking straight at Carlisle, seeming to sense without any prompting that he was our natural leader. “My name is Laurent. This is James and Victoria.” He nodded to the male and female in turn. They each shifted their weight slightly and I noticed how differently they moved compared to the rest of us. They were far more animalistic, seeming to move almost like cats, than us. It was clear that they had never had to make any effort to appear human for any length of time. “Who are you?” Laurent prompted.

Carlisle responded perfectly, matching Laurent’s smile and stance so as not to appear either too defensive or too vulnerable in return. “I’m Carlisle. This is my family, Emmett and Jasper, Rosalie, Esme and Alice, Edward and Bella.”

The wind changed as Carlisle made his introductions and another rumble of thunder sounded above us. At the sound of my name, the blonde male called James lifted his nose and then smiled wickedly, as though reminded of something from long ago.

“It couldn’t be…” He whispered and then looked past Emmett to look at me. Edward stiffened as James’ smirk intensified and he said, “Isabella?”

Suddenly everything came flooding back to me. 

It had been dark and everything had smelled like blood. It had burned me, the scent of iron and salt and fire. It had just been the blood; every part of me had burned. He had been there for some of it, but as it began to cease he had vanished. But still, the image that stuck with me as I recalled the pain of transformation and the image, was of him, James grinning wickedly at me, and telling me of why he had bitten me. He had told me to be grateful that he had stopped at just one bite.

At the time, I had been in too much pain to do anything. I couldn’t even scream aloud, although my throat had hurt as badly as it would have done if I had screeched until it was raw. Now, I had a voice and yet I didn’t know what to say. I still didn’t know if I could even speak. I was frozen, half of my body in the field beside Edward, my other half back in that dark room alone with my suffering.

“Bella?” Alice pressed, twisting around to face me. Jasper took a subtle step back, making sure he was as close to Alice as he could possibly be. The rest of the Cullens shifted to accomodate the slight movement, as though moving as several parts of one organism rather than as a group of individuals.

“Long time no see.” James laughed, jolting my entire being back onto the field and I pressed myself closer to Edward’s side. He wrapped his protective arm even tighter around my shoulders and angled his body so that he was standing slightly in front of me.

“You know each other?” Carlisle asked carefully.

“James is the one that changed Bella.” Edward said through gritted teeth, reading James’ mind.

“She was just so pretty, I couldn’t help myself.” James chuckled tauntingly and the entirety of the Cullen clan froze defensively, tensing with anger at his blasé attitude to my entrance into their life.

“Why did you do it?” I demanded, my voice small and hard, fury radiating through me. “Why didn’t you just kill me instead? It would have been easier.”

James shrugged and took a casual step forward, giving Laurent a wide berth. “I had a vague idea that you might prove useful to me, or else maybe we could have…” He raised a suggestive eyebrow at me but then turned to look at the red-haired woman. “But I met Victoria while you were changing and decided to take a chance on her instead.”

“You just left her there.” Edward spat, his body beside me vibrating with anger. “She had no idea what she had become. She was all alone.”

“Oops.” James chuckled.

A growl ripped its way from my throat and I pulled away from Edward’s side, pushing my way through the Cullens and tensing my muscles, ready to spring at James. A snarl ripped through my teeth and I breathed heavily, aggressively. He mimicked my stance and for a moment we faced off. I was ready to kill him, I had never been angrier in either of my lives. I did not want to hesitate, but I was forced to my the sound of Carlisle’s voice.

“Bella, don’t.” He called to me quietly.

“Carlisle, how can you stop her?” Rosalie demanded, her voice low and sharp. She was inching forward too, as though she wanted to have a go at James herself. “You know what he did to her, what he’s condemned her to.”

“There is no need for violence here.” Carlisle told her firmly. “This can be talked through.” Seeing that I had no intention of relaxing my stance he added. “Civilly, Bella.”

I heard Edward’s weight shift and he too called to me, wanting me back beside him where he could jump in front of me if need be. I made direct eye contact with James, his burgundy irises telling me all I needed to know about his ability to be compassionate, and we both slowly straightened. My upper lip curled back over my teeth as I edged backwards. I never turned my back on him. Victoria glared at me the whole time. Edward’s arm went around me again, but this time I was standing in front of him, ready to leap into attack at any moment.

“Perhaps we should go.” Laurent suggested lightly. “I had thought perhaps we could play a friendly game of baseball, but I am not sure any peace can be made here.”

“We haven’t tried ye-…” Carlisle began but I cut him off.

“No, he’s right Carlisle. We’re done here.” I spat, my chin jutting out definitely as I resisted snarling at James again. 

“You don’t want to catch up, Isabella?” James purred, taunting me even further. Matching growls burst from Edward and my throats as we both jolted forward. Victoria glanced angrily at James. She wasn’t enjoying his game any more than we were.

“Enough!” Carlisle shouted suddenly, his arm moving straight out in front of the rest of us and we all fell silent. “Go in peace.” He told James and his companions. “I would ask you not to return to this area.”

“Of course.” Laurent promised, nodding at Carlisle to seal the deal instead of shaking his hand. “Let’s go.” He said firmly.

“There’s nothing of interest here anyway.” Victoria remarked, her voice high and child-like, looking disdainfully at me and then flashing a look at James. I wondered idly if she was jealous. Had he even told her about me? About what he had planned for me? I was suddenly incredibly thankful for her existence. If he hadn’t abandoned me for her, my life would have been horribly different.

“We’ll meet again.” James told me simply. It wasn’t a threat; it was a promise.

They turned on their bare heels and disappeared into the trees. The air settled on their absence and slowly, one by one, each of the Cullens looked at me.

Emmett cleared his throat. “I doubt we’ve heard the last of that.”

“We haven’t.” Edward replied stiffly. “His plan was already fully-formed.” I looked up at him, anxiety clawing its way from my stomach to my throat. “He’s coming back to kill you Bella.”


	17. chapter seventeen.

It was early in the morning and Forks was still sleeping. It smelt wet and cold, freshly born and stirring with life. The trees began to whisper and moan as the morning breeze tickled them awake. They were to witness my battle. Perhaps, they would see me fall.

Alice had warned us that we would need to be ready to fight and that James would seek us out wherever we waited. We chose a clearing the centre of the forest, far enough away from Charlie’s house that James wouldn’t sense his closeness but near enough that Edward could read Alice’s visions and make sure everything was still okay on the home front. In the clearing, the Cullens and I stood in a loose formation. Alice was to remain at home with Charlie, out of the way of the action so that her visions went uninterrupted. If anything went awry, we would hopefully have a chance to race back to Charlie’s and help her defend him. The rest of them were with me, preparing to fight. Emmett and Jasper stood on either side of me, with Rosalie covering my flank. At the back, Esme and Carlisle were standing close together. Edward had been pacing among us, occasionally pausing to answer an unuttered question, plucked from a family member’s mind.

He came up behind me and put his hand on the small of my back. “We have a little time. I’m going to quickly check on Alice, but I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Hurry.” I pleaded, although part of me preferred the thought of him far away and safe.

“He won’t hurt you Bella.” Edward swore to me, moving his hands to rest them on my face, forcing me to look into his eyes. “I won’t let it happen. I will be by your side throughout this, okay?”

“I don’t want you getting hurt because of me.” I fought him weakly. “Any of you. This is my fight and-…”

“Your fights are our fights, Bella.” Emmett interrupted. “Your enemies are our enemies and vice versa. We’re a family. You’re our sister, we’re always going to take your battles on.”

“See.” Edward smiled, grateful to Emmett for his reassurances. “We’ll be fine, all of us. Besides, there’s so many of us he won’t stand a chance. He’ll know that. I doubt it’ll even come to a fight.”

“But if he wants to kill me, he will do it one day. He’ll keep coming back.”

“Then even if this doesn’t become a fight, we’ll have to kill him.” Jasper shrugged.

“That’s hardly fair, Jasper.” Carlisle berated. “Perhaps he’s coming to make amends. Maybe, like Laurent, he wants to be more peaceful-...”

“I doubt that very much. Look at the alternative Carlisle. If we let him live now, when we’re all gathered and have the power to destroy him, what’s to stop him from returning and catching Bella when she’s on her own. Are you willing to take that risk?”

“No.” Edward said firmly, before his father could answer. Then, he turned back to me. “Back soon.” He promised, kissing me gently before taking off in the direction of Charlie’s house at the speed of lightning.

I took a steadying breath and then looked back towards the trees. Emmett moved slightly, turning to face me. “When it comes down to it, let Jasper and me take him down. We’ve done this kind of thing before, Jazz more than any of us.” I caught sight of the subtle tensing in Jasper’s jaw. He wasn’t proud of his past, but sometimes it was crucial to relive it. “James won’t stand a chance.”

“Thanks Em, but I need to do it myself. I’ll take all the help I can get, don’t get me wrong, but-… He started this, I have to finish it. The circle has to end somewhere, right?”

Emmett opened his mouth to protest but Rosalie called out from behind me. “Just let her take the lead, Em. But Bella, if it looks like you’re losing, we have the right to step in and defend you.”

I glanced over my shoulder and smiled at her. “Agreed.”

“Em?”

“Agreed. This is your fight and-…” A snap of a branch made us all tense and we turned back towards the trees, once again as a fighting unit. The panicked screech of a bird as it flew away confirmed our suspicions. Someone was approaching. I thought manically of Edward, still a few miles away. Would he know to have turned back? Would he know that I was already in danger?

To my intense surprise, it was not the taunting sneer of James that emerged from the trees, but the pouting face of his mate. The red-headed woman, Victoria, stepped through the clearing with her hands raised. “Mercy.” She hissed. “Please listen before you attack.”

Emmett’s narrowed eyes flicked to me suspiciously. He was following Rosalie’s orders perfectly, waiting for me to take the lead. “What do you have to say?” I called out to the woman.

“James sent me here to fight you, but I have no desire to do so… Even if I thought that I could win, which I see now that I could not, Laurent has told me of your goodness. I wish to stay with you and learn your ways. If you’ll have me.”

Carlisle took a step forward, his eyes alight with hope. “You wish to drink the blood of animals instead of humans?”

Victoria smiled softly and nodded. “I have always believed there was a better way to live this life.”

I could tell that Carlisle had already been convinced, as quickly as he had been with Laurent, but Emmett and Jasper still looked to me. They did not yet trust Victoria and I couldn’t say that I blamed them.

“Bella?” Jasper prompted after a silence had settled over us all. “What do you think?”

“Well… If-…” The sound of Edward’s flying footsteps cut me off and a second later he was at my side. His arm went around me protectively and a low growl was barreling through his chest. He bared his teeth at Victoria aggressively. She didn’t even flinch. “She says she wants to learn to live like us.” I told him quickly, my head close to his shoulder.  
Edward’s eyes widened and his whole body tensed, as though ready to spring into action. “It’s a trick.” He breathed, his golden eyes flickering as he read her thoughts.

“What?” Emmett snarled, taking a darting step towards Victoria.

“James sent her here to distract you while-… We have to go, he’s almost at Charlie’s. I turned around too soon.” Edward cursed loudly and turned on his heel, his hand grabbing mine like a vice, forcing me to keep up with his extraordinary speed. It was easy enough to do it, I was so panicked that I probably could have flown home if I’d set my mind to it.

I stole a second to glance back at Victoria and was horrified to see the wicked smirk on her lips, solidifying my belief in Edward’s words. As Edward and I ran, Rosalie and Esme close on our tail, I yelled back instructions to Emmett and Jasper to deal with her. I had no idea if they would be able to catch her; she had started running even before I did and I knew that she was fast.

I’d never run so quickly in all my life, desperately trying to reach my father before James did. We made it just in time, rocketing straight into Alice as she preemptively opened the front door for us. Through rapidly garbling our words, we tried our best to explain what had happened.

“Well their trick obviously didn’t work, he hasn’t shown up here.” Charlie stepped into view. He was watching me with great concern and my heart ached for how close I had come to putting him in mortal danger. Even then, when I knew we weren’t yet in the clear, my poor father was still trying to make me feel better. I went to him and hugged him briefly. He inhaled sharply at the iciness of my skin, but he clutched at me anyway. “It’s okay baby,” He mumbled. “It’s going to be okay, isn’t it?” I didn’t know if he was asking me or trying to remind me, but either way I pulled back and motioned for him to sit down on the couch. I returned to Edward’s side, feeling myself calm slightly as he put his arm around me.

“He will show up here.” Alice said definitely. “He’s on his way.”

“Bella?” Charlie’s confused voice called out from the living room. It was tight with worry too and I immediately went to his side. “Bells, what’s happening? Come on, enough secrets. I think I deserve to know.”

“Dad I’m so sorry-…” I croaked and Edward’s grip on me tightened. “But it’s going to be okay, we’re not going to let anything bad happen to you. We’re figuring something out.”

“We should get him out now.” Esme suggested sensibly. “Get him to the airport and get on a plane with him. We’ll get him as far away as we can-…”

“No, we need to put a stop to this while we have the chance.” Edward shook his head. “We can’t run forever.”

“Five minutes.” Alice muttered, pacing the room, her eyes glazed over and her face creased with concentration.

I moved back towards my father and knelt down in front of him, wrapping my cold hands around his. “Dad, I need you to promise me something.” I said firmly.

“What?” He replied automatically, the seriousness of our situation seeming to hit him all at once. He went a little pale and fell back even further against the back of the couch.

“I need you to promise that you’ll listen to everything Rosalie tells you to do from here on out. She knows what’s best for you and she’ll make sure you’re kept safe. It’s important, Dad.”

He seemed as though he was preparing to protest and I could understand why. He had always been my protector, and now I was arranging to have him protected. He was the Chief of Police and yet he would stand absolutely no chance against what was barrelling towards us. I think Alice’s countdown pushed him to agree, as a hollow “Three minutes,” echoed through the house just before he nodded and whispered, “Okay Bells, I promise.”

I smiled gratefully before adding. “One more thing.”

“Yeah?”

“I need you to promise to not try and help me. No matter what, you have to stay right here and follow Rose’s instructions. Until this is over you have to completely forget about me for the safety of both of us.”

“Bella-…”

“Seriously Dad. You can’t fight against what’s coming, no human being ever could. I’ll be fine, the others will have my back. I need to focus on destroying him, I can’t be distracted by the possibility of you getting in the way and getting yourself hurt.”

That he understood. “Okay. I can do that.”

“Thank you… Rose?” She was at my side in an instant. “Look after him for me?”

“Of course. Family, remember?” She promised and hugged me tightly. As I walked away I heard her reassuring Charlie for me. “It’s okay, we’re trained for this. It’ll be over before you know it. But we’re going to stay inside just in case.”

“Where are the rest of them going?”

“Just outside at the edge of the woods. That way, hopefully nobody else will see what happens.”

“What is going to happen?”

“I don’t know exactly," Rose answered him honestly. "But with any luck it’ll be over before we know it. Alice?”

“Hmm?”

“I know you’re watching James but-… You haven’t seen Emmett in your vision yet have you?”

Alice shook her head sadly. “Jasper’s not there either. They’ll show up soon, I’m sure.”

Edward slipped his hand through mine as we walked out of the house, moving towards the edge of the woods as Rose had told Charlie we would. We could now, in theory, have one eye on his house and one on the battle. More than enough time to get to my father if things went wrong. 

“We can’t do this.” I muttered, my voice strained.

“Of course we can, don’t worry.”

“The others aren’t here.”

“But we are.” Esme stepped forward and put her hand on my shoulder. “We love you just as much as Emmett and Jasper and Carlisle do,” I saw the worry that flashed through her light eyes at the mention of Carlisle. We still didn’t know what had become of them. “And love makes the most powerful fighters of all.”

“Thank you.” I whispered before I felt Edward stiffen beside me. “Now?”

“Any second… Bella, I love you.”

“I love you more.” I swore, tearing my eyes away from him to watch the trees ahead of us.

As expected, we didn’t have to wait long. I heard the sound of his running and then a sudden stop as he realised we were closer than he had expected. Much closer than Charlie’s house. I heard the almost silent slip of his tongue licking his lips and then James took several leisurely steps through the bracken, smiling softly to himself.

“Oh!” He exclaimed, putting a hand to his frozen heart. “What a surprise! Isabella,” He crooned. “Fancy seeing you here.” I didn’t reply. I had no idea what I was supposed to say to a man I intended to kill before the morning was over. “And you brought your lover and dear mother, right? But where’s the rest of the family?”

“Hopefully ripping your mate apart as we speak.” Edward replied tersely.

“That’s not very polite, is it? Oh well, she was sweet but not irreplaceable. You would have liked Victoria, Isabella. You have so much in common.” My breathing intensified as rage pulsated through me. “Now now, there’s no need to be jealous. I’m sure I can find it in my heart to forgive all of this… unpleasantness. You can come back to me, Isabella.” That startled me and I glanced towards Edward. His expression was unreadable. “No, don’t look at him. Look at me. I’m the one all of this depends on, right? You either come back to me and we live happily ever after as I once intended or I kill you. I have to say, I know which one I’d pick.”

“He’ll kill you either way.” Edward said lowly.

James narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know that.”

“Actually I do.”

Before their conversation could go any further, I decided I had better speak for myself and get it over with. “I wouldn’t join you for anything in the world. Even if you had bothered to wait around for me to wake up, I would still have despised you and everything you stand for. I’ve found a family. I’ve found my mate.” I wrapped my fingers through Edward’s. “I would rather die than ever see you again.”

“And if the rest of them weren’t around anymore?” He ventured, his voice taking on a sing-song quality. He took a few wandering steps, his hands casually in the pockets of his jeans. He shrugged, “If I left you all alone again? Then where would we stand?”

I shook my head, a cocky smile spreading over my lips as images of my parents and Jake and Angela and everybody else I loved in Forks and beyond flashed before my eyes like a movie reel. He thought he had all of the power in the world over me, but I realised now that I was the one with all of the cards in my hand. “I was never alone.” I laughed at him.

His face warped instantly into a hard mask of hatred. He sneered meanly at me, his lips pulling back over his teeth. “We’ll see about that.” He growled before launching himself at me, his hand reaching for my throat.

I ripped myself away from Edward, throwing myself to the ground and rolling several metres away from where James had landed. He was quick though, and he had flipped himself around and was heading back towards me within a second. I caught hold of the arm that was reaching towards me and twisted it until I heard a cracking sound and James cried out. I pushed him as hard as I could and then took off at a run, but he caught me by the ankle and dragged me back. There was a loud crash as Edward threw himself against James, knocking him away from me. I stood and moved back towards Esme, who was coiled as though ready to leap towards the action. For a few moments, James and Edward stood opposite one another as though they were two gentlemen preparing to duel. But then, James snarled and kicked out at Edward, sending the latter hurtling across the clearing.

Esme and I released matching angry howls, and I, being slightly quicker, reached James first. I caught him by the arms, while Esme lashed out at him. He broke away from me and threw himself at Esme, and I heard a sharp crack as they collided. James broke free of Esme and came back towards me, swinging his arms at me, aiming for my head. I ducked and weaved but knew I wouldn’t be able to hold him off for much longer. I glanced towards Edward, hoping to check if he was alright, but the momentary distraction allowed James to grab me, one hand on my neck, the other at the top of my skull.

I whimpered loudly, my eyes open wide as I felt James pulling my hair slowly, inching my skull off of my spine. I scrabbled beneath him, but knew I couldn’t get loose without ripping myself apart. My fingertips dug into the ground beneath me, searching for some kind of weapon. It was futile, I knew no rock or stick would do anything to stop him. This was it.

I heard Edward screeching my name and the sound of his footsteps, but then he froze. What was he doing? Every cell in my body was screaming, in pain and in panic, and he wasn’t helping me. Why? It was only when I realised that Esme too had stopped moving and even James’ grip on me loosened slightly that I dared tilt my head forward to look.

I heard Rosalie first. She was screaming. “Someone stop him. Don’t be an idiot... Come back here!” Who was she talking about? Charlie? No, it couldn’t be. He had made me a promise and I didn’t believe, even then that he would have broken it. While everybody else was distracted, I managed to tear James off me, flipping him onto his back and racing away from him.

Then I realised what had happened.

“Jacob, stop!” Edward cried and I looked towards him in confusion. Jake? What was Jake doing here? Finally, I caught sight of him at the edge of the clearing and opened my mouth to tell him to turn back, but finding me now distracted James leapt towards me and grabbed me by my shoulders, throwing me back against a tree.

“Bella! Hey, let her go!” Jake yelled and I heard the pounding sound of his footsteps as he ran towards me. I wrenched myself free of James’ grip and the latter turned on his heel to run at Jake.

“Jake, no, you can’t fight him.” I screeched, taking off after James, desperately trying to reach him before he caught Jake. My fingers fell just short of his ripped shirt and I slipped to the ground. I wrenched myself back up, but as I did so Jacob began to shake, whether from anger or fear I could not tell. Suddenly his skin seem to rip from his body and my friend was replaced with a large wolf. I froze, unsure of how to react.

It took James by surprise too, and Edward launched himself at the other vampire, ripping his arm clean off. The wolf released a whimper and then stumbled forward on its large russet-coloured paws. It caught my eye and I knew then that it truly was still Jake. They were his eyes. His confused and scared eyes, but his nonetheless. I nodded at him in what I hoped was a reassuring manner. He seemed to settle suddenly and released an angry howl before running at James and taking his other arm in his mouth.

I realised that Rosalie was still standing nearby after having followed Jake here. “Go back to Charlie.” I ordered, moving back towards the fight.

“I can help.”

“Please Rose.”

Without another word, my sister turned on her heel and disappeared once more in the direction of Charlie’s house. James and Edward were fighting face to face, but the presence of Jake was unnerving James and he was missing more hits than he was landing. I took the chance to take out his legs, using myself like a bowling ball and throwing him flat onto his back. I reared back as Edward caught hold of James by the shoulders. Jake growled menacingly, his hackles raised as James struggled against him.

Esme jumped from the trees and landed on James’ back, pushing him to the ground with his knees bent. “Bella, it’s time.” She called to me, her voice still gentle even amongst the chaos and the fear that was pumping through all of us. I ran close to them and put my hands on either side of James’ face. I glanced at Edward, who nodded, and then at Esme who did nothing but stare back at me. She wanted it to be my decision.

“He won’t ever leave you alone, Bella.” Edward reminded me quietly, and I knew he was right. Even still, I continued to hesitate. “He’ll take everything from us before he’s done. You have to do it now.”

“I know, I know.” I nodded, but I still couldn’t seem to move my hands.

“If you don’t, I will.”

“I know Edward, just give me a-…”

“I knew you couldn’t do it Isabella.” James sneered and I jumped back, my hands releasing his head. The others tightened their grip on him, making sure he knew he didn’t have a chance to get free. Jake inched a little closer, staring James down. “You don’t have it in you.”

“I love my family and you threatened them.” I snapped, taking a steady step back towards him. “I loved my human life and you snatched it from me. You have tried to destroy me in more ways than one. And you think I don’t have it in me to kill you?”

“I know you don’t.” He struggled against the others and Esme slipped, falling backwards. I snarled and darted towards James, grabbing his head once again and twisted until I felt his neck give out. I cried out and dropped his head to the floor, while Jake launched himself at James’ torso and began to rip it apart with his large teeth.

I stumbled backwards until I hit a tree, clutching at the trunk for support. It was over; I had killed him. But I didn’t know whether to be pleased or disgusted with myself. Was a murderer still a murderer if the victim was as evil as James? I hated to say that I thought they still were.

I was gasping for breaths that I didn’t need and I felt my own arm wrap itself around my middle as though I were trying to hold myself together. Edward stepped towards me, holding my up by my elbow, seemingly worried that I would collapse. “It’s okay Bella.” He soothed, keeping a cautious distance from me even as he supported my weight. “It’s all over now. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

A dry sob wracked my chest and I fell towards him, wrapping my arms tight around his neck and pressing my face into his shoulder. “It’s okay.” Rosalie echoed her brother’s sentiments. She had snuck back to the clearing when she had heard Jake’s satisfied howling. She knew James was dead and that I would need her. “You’re safe. We’re all with you.”

“I took a life.” I choked, pulling away from Edward to look at her.

“He took yours first.” Rosalie said firmly. I met her eye and then nodded quickly, trying to make myself believe what she was trying to tell me. I wasn’t a monster for killing a monster.

“I think we should go back to Charlie’s.” Esme advised. “Poor Jake is a little shaken up.” I turned and saw Jake quivering in the corner of the clearing, human once more, Esme’s jacket wrapped around his waist. Apart from that, due to his pile of shredded clothes, he was completely naked.

“Jake?” I whispered, taking a cautious step towards him.

“Bells? What’s happened to me?”

I chuckled in spite of everything that had happened. “Looks like more than one of your dad’s legends is true, Jake.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “No way…”

“You’re a werewolf, Jacob.” Edward said clearly.

“Holy sh-…”

“Come on. I’d like to see if the others have made it back yet.” Esme said tiredly. I reached out to help Jake up. He was still a little shaky on his human legs, so I supported his weight with one arm while still holding onto Edward with my other. As a group, we began trudging back towards Charlie’s house.

“Alice said they were on their way back, that’s why I came to help.” Said Rosalie. “Not that you needed it, of course.”

“Did they kill Victoria?”

Rosalie dipped her gaze and shook her head. “No Bella, I’m sorry. She was too quick and she made it to the coast before they could catch her. She’s somewhere in the ocean now, who knows where she’ll surface.”

“We’ll catch her one day.” Edward announced.

“No need.” I put my hand on his arm. “James was the threat, not her. If she stays away and minds her own business, she’s not a threat to us and she deserves a second chance at life without him. It’s the least we can offer her.”

It didn’t take us long to get back to Charlie’s house and we were each hugged tightly in turn by both my father and Alice. “You all did so well!” She trilled, complete joy plastered on her pixie-like face. “I couldn’t be prouder.”

“Thank god you’re all alright.” Charlie added, his face still white as a sheet. If he kept this up, he was going to start looking quite vampiric himself.

“Nobody threatens our family, Charlie.” Esme promised him. “We look after our own. Always have, always will.”

Charlie nodded. “Thank you.”

Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle all arrived back a few minutes later, looking downhearted at having lost Victoria. They all apologised profusely to me, but I told them truthfully that it didn’t matter. James was dead and we were all, well, if not quite alive, we were all together and would continue to be so for a long time.

When the dust had settled and everybody had been filled in on the latest updates to do with Jake and his newfound condition, I turned to Alice and smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry we missed the dance, Alice. I know you were looking forward to it.”

“It’s okay.” Alice smirked knowingly, wrapping her arm around Jasper’s middle and leaning into him. “We still have prom!”


	18. chapter eighteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the final chapter for part one of this fic !! i will be taking a little hiatus while i write ahead for part two (moving into new moon) but i promise that it is coming !! please feel free to check out my tumblr @breakingisabella for regular updates on all fic-related and other twilight stuff and thank you all so much for your support on this story - it has been such an incredible journey for me as a fic writer and a twilight fan !! xxx

“Woah, sorry Ang… Again!”

“It’s okay!” Angela assured him with a laugh, steadying herself with a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not like I’m going to wear it again anyway!”

“It is absolutely not okay,” Alice exclaimed, shooing Jake away from Angela and examining the large footprint on the train of Angela’s lilac-coloured dress. He wasn’t used to the big shiny dress shoes Alice had forced him into and he had been treading on his poor date’s gown since he had arrived at the Cullen house an hour before. “We haven’t taken photos yet. Everything has to be perfect.”

“It will be perfect.” Jasper promised her, trying to keep her calm for the sake of all of us.

Alice smiled indulgently at him but I could tell she wasn’t yet convinced. She proved me right only a moment later when she turned impossibly quickly and cried, “Emmett, put your jacket on!” 

“Why?" He moaned, tugging at his too-tight bow tie. "We’re not leaving for at least another twenty minutes. Rose doesn’t even have her dress on yet-...”

“She what?” Alice shrieked and ran up the stairs at lightning speed while Emmett froze, looking guilty. Luckily, Angela wasn’t looking at Alice or our secret would have definitely been revealed right there and then. But then again, knowing Alice as Angela already did, she probably would have thought nothing of it.

I glanced down at my own dress. Alice had changed her mind at the last second about the blue and had instead insisted that I be clad in a slinky emerald gown, almost as though she were matching me to my small-town forest-shrouded surroundings. It clung to me in all of the places that, as a human, I had done everything in my power to hide. I had felt self-conscious until Alice had forced me in front of the full-length mirror in her room and I saw what the rest of the world saw when they looked at me. Strong, powerful, impossibly beautiful. A poisonous thorn hidden between the petals of the sweetest rose. I couldn’t help but smile at my reflection, glad that since people were bound to stare at me anyway, at least they had someone worth staring at tonight.

As Alice raced up the stairs, she passed Edward on his way down, fiddling with his cufflinks. I caught sight of him when he was a few steps from the bottom and felt suddenly as though I was in an airless room. I couldn’t help but gaze at him, he looked so perfect in the meticulously-cut, expensive suit that matched those of his brothers and Jake. Edward smiled at me as he reached the bottom step and held his hand out to me, bringing me up to meet him. “Will I do?” He asked teasingly.

“The question is, will I?” I fired back, my eyes raking over him. “I can’t help feeling that we’re unevenly matched.”

“Nonsense.” He said firmly. “I’ve never seen a more beautiful creature in all of my years.” I stretched up onto my tiptoes to kiss him, though the distance between us was far less pronounced in my prom heels.

“Enough of that.” Alice demanded on her way back down the stairs, physically pushing Edward and I apart. “You’ll ruin her makeup.”

“Jesus, Alice.” Edward growled, but I just sighed and followed her down the step to rejoin the others. This was her night and we all knew it. Alice was placid enough when anybody else wanted to do something group-oriented. We had to at least give her this.

“No complaining.” She snapped back at her brother, winding her arm around Jasper’s waist as she rejoined him. “You can eat each others faces to your hearts’ content when we get there, but I need my lovely photos first.”

“After all, how many times does one go to prom?” Jasper chuckled.

“Too many.” Angela muttered, not realising just how funny her joke was to the rest of us, nor why we roared so heartily with laughter.

“Everyone gather together by partner.”

“Excuse me, Boss?” Emmett said politely to Alice. “But my partner’s missing. You didn’t kill her while you were up there, did you?”

“Like she’d go that quietly.” Alice replied sweetly. “She’ll be down in a second, she’s finishing her hair.”

While we waited, Alice insisted that each couple have an individual picture taken. Carlisle and Esme stood proudly behind the camera, reminding me of a young couple taking loving photographs of their child as they took their first steps, or attended their first day of school. Suddenly it struck me that that was exactly what they were doing. Although they were biologically only a few years older than us and, in fact, Edward, Jasper and possibly Alice (although none of us knew for sure) were older than Esme in terms of their immortal lives, she and Carlisle had always loved them, and now me, as if we were their own. They protected us as animals in the wild protected their young and were proud of us in everything we did. Even though the other Cullen siblings had been to more proms and high school dances than I could count, this one was no less special to Carlisle and Esme, perhaps even more so because it was my very first in their midst and because we also had the pleasure of having Jake and Angela to share it with. 

To them, it wasn’t just a repeat of a cliche custom to help them fit into the Forks Community. It was a symbol of their children living their lives and gaining every experience that any human child would. It was a symbol of life, of endurance. It was making the most of the hand that they had been dealt in life. 

This was no clearer than in the moment when Rosalie descended the stairs, a vision in red. Her dress was the exact hue of the flower for which she had been named and her hair was pulled elegantly back from her face. She was brushing a speck of dust from the front of her gown when she appeared on the stairs, and looked up at us all almost like an afterthought. I heard Jake and Angela’s heartbeats increasing as they looked at her and we were all stunned into silence. She looked beautiful. When she saw Emmett waiting for her at the bottom of the steps, her perfect face broke into a joyful smile and she took the last few steps two at a time, hurling herself into his arms. He caught her, of course, and kissed her passionately as they both smiled against one another’s lips, thrilled just to be together. Our human friends glanced awkwardly away, while Jasper and Alice gazed lovingly at one another, seemingly inspired. 

Esme, watching Rose and Emmett, squeezed Carlisle’s arm and turned to him with a broad smile. “Look how happy she is!” She whispered excitedly, before moving to hug each of us goodbye in turn.

When Emmett and Rosalie’s photograph had been dutifully taken, and then several of us all as a group, we were finally permitted to embark towards the venue. “Have a dance for us!” Carlisle called after us as we all filed out of the front door and marched towards the doorway where our cars were waiting for us.

It had been decided - by Alice, of course - that prom was to be such a special occasion that each couple had to take a separate car. Angela and Jake were riding in hers on account of the latter still not legally possessing a license. I had pled my case for my truck to be the ride of choice for Edward and I but I was quickly shot down by both Alice and Edward. Alice because she feared the endearing smell of tobacco and vanilla, that I adored and was pleased still lingered in the cab of my truck, would stick to my dress and Edward because he felt it was his duty as my date to deliver me safe and sound to prom in his own vehicle.

We drove in relative quiet, aware of Alice and Jasper’s car ahead of us and Angela and Jake’s behind us. Rosalie and Emmett had been the last to leave and I wouldn’t have been surprised if they chose to take a quick detour on their way. Edward’s hand moved from the gearstick to my knee and then back again as required, preferring to maintain contact as much as possible. The drive to the school was a short one, and we felt little need for meaningless conversation.

Which is why, when Edward said my name quite solemnly to get my attention, that I knew it was probably quite important. I was right. “Are you worried about Victoria?” He asked me suddenly, breaking through the gentle quiet that the padding of the forest caused, the radio crooning quietly in the background. “That she might… come back?”

I narrowed my eyes. I had been working hard to put the whole ordeal with James as far out of my mind as I possibly could, and I had given his red-haired mate even less thought in the weeks since the ambush. 

“Should I be?” I replied, testing him. He was always the first to know if Alice had had a vision and I wanted to know what had caused him to ask me such a leading question.

He shrugged, faking a casualness that I knew wasn’t natural. “It never hurts to be prepared. You know what they say, ‘hope for the best but expect the worst’.”

“I don’t know how much more prepared I could possibly be.” I pointed out. “Besides, we dealt with James without any casualties on our side, I think we can handle her. Especially with Jake on our side. With any luck, she won’t even realise what he is and we’ll have the element of surprise again-…”

“And if she doesn’t come alone?” He cut me off sharply.

“Edward, what’s brought this on? Has something happened?”

He sighed, knowing that I had already seen straight through him. He was going to have to get used to that. The more time we spent together and the further in love with him I fell, the better I could read him. Soon, it would be as if I could read his thoughts, making him, for once, the vulnerable party. “Not really. Alice had a vision-… it was barely a vision. Just a flicker of an image.”

“Of?” I pressed, leaning slightly forward in my seat and turning towards him as much as I could with my seatbelt still buckled.

“Victoria was in Forks and she wasn’t alone.” He finally replied through gritted teeth. “Alice couldn’t see who was with her or how many of them there were… it was more of a feeling that she had. Like a bad omen.”

“Okay?”

“All I’m saying is… even if she came back alone, we shouldn’t underestimate her. We need to have all of our pieces in place before we face her. Every single one us needs to be working at full capacity-…”

“Will you please just tell me what you’re getting at?”

He sighed and then turned his head to look me in the eye for a second, before turning back to the dark road ahead of us. “Bella, you know that I believe you have a gift. I think that you’re a shield, even if you don’t believe me. I want Eleazar to meet you and tell us once and for all.” My gut clenched at the mention of Edward’s ‘cousin’ from Denali. His gift was the ability to determine the gifts of others and I knew Edward was eager for the two of us to meet. Idly, I wondered how Laurent was getting on with the Denali coven, but my thoughts were quickly distracted by Edward continuing to speak. “When he tells us that you’re a shield-…”

“If I’m a shield.” I swiftly corrected him.

“Whatever. He’ll be able to teach you how to train your gift, how to manipulate it and make it work for you.”

“In what way?”

“You can obviously protect yourself using your shield, you seem to be doing it without even realising it anyway. But if you could learn to harness your shield, you could probably protect other people too.”

“Like build a fence around them?”

Edward nodded solemnly. “Keep them from harm, stop them from feeling pain. You could protect their minds from infiltration, even from vampires with gifts like mine. It could be unbelievably positive… and powerful too. I’m sure you can imagine what an advantage a gift like that would give us against a group of vampires intent on destroying us.”

“Is that what you think Victoria is planning?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know Bella, honestly I don’t.”

“Are you just telling me all of this to try and make me believe that I’m special, that I have this crazy powerful gift?”

“I am worried about Victoria.” He insisted, before admitting, “But I do also think that it’s important that you know who you are and exactly what you’re capable of.”

“I know who I am.” I mumbled.

“I know… Sorry… Will you at least think about it?”

“Fine. But not for the rest of the night. You all bullied me into going to this thing, I might as well try and enjoy it.” I reached over and put my hand over his on the gearstick just for a moment, squeezing it gently to let him know that I wasn’t angry with him. I promised myself that I would consider what he had said, even if the possibilities of what it might lead to terrified me to say the least.

The beginning of prom was as miserable as I had promised myself it would be, with forced school photographs taken of each couple as they entered the gym and then the obligatory awkwardness of a half-empty gym, teenagers in their best dress with their backs pressed to the walls, too self-conscious to dance. Jessica and Lauren courteously complimented my dress as they passed, but I knew they were only seeking compliments on their own outfits. I obliged and then left them to talk to Angela, whose friendship with them had been particularly strained since she had joined my group with the Cullens. However, as the night wore on and our fellow students loosened up a bit, the gym actually became quite lively with everyone dancing with everyone else and hugging one another as though they thought this would be the last time they ever saw their classmates. I suspected the clear water bottle filled with vodka that had been making the rounds through the inner circle of students had something to do with it, but thankfully none of the teachers chaperoning the dance had the same sense of smell as I did, nor were their students breathing on them in quite the same way they were each other.

Late in the night, not long before things began to wind down, I was standing with Angela against the wall of the gym. We were watching Emmett and Rosalie dancing together, their faces close as they whispered to one another. Alice and Jasper were in a similar position a few couples away from them. “I’d love to be able to dance like that with someone.” Angela sighed. “Look at them! They know they’re in the arms of somebody that loves them more than anything, someone that will go to the ends of the earth for them. I’ve never known love like the kind that runs through that family. Have you?”

I bit my lip, hiding a smile as my eyes searched for Edward in the crowd of students. “Oh, once or twice.” I sang quietly, though I didn’t find him in the throngs of people.

Angela turned to me with a knowing grin. “So Edward’s it for you, do you think?”

“It?”

“Your one true love.” She nudged me, not noticing my temperature, or choosing not to care. “Your high school sweetheart turned lifetime partner. You know, your person. Marriage, kids, growing old together, the lot?”

“Maybe. Marriage and all that comes with it. One day.” I added, in case Edward overheard this conversation in Angela’s thoughts. “But yeah Ang, I think he’s it for me.”

“You’re lucky. You both are.”

“You’ll find someone Angela." I promised her sincerely. "You will. They’re out there. The only problem you might face is the fact that none of us will ever think anybody is good enough for you!”

“I-…” But I didn’t get to hear what Angela wanted to say next because at that moment, we spotted Jake making a beeline for us from across the dance floor. He greeted me with a grin and then extended a hand out to Angela, bowing low and respectfully. “What are you doing, you idiot?” She giggled.

“I’m your date!” He exclaimed, as though that served as an explanation for everything. “I think we should have at least one dance before the night is over.”

Angela shook her head. “Jake, I don’t know how to dance.”

“Neither do I!”

“I’ll trip over.” She protested.

“I’ll catch you.” He rolled his eyes, tired of her weak excuses already. “Come on Ang, this is one of those big life moments. Let me dance with you! Just once?”

Angela glanced at me and I shrugged, smiling to myself. “Alright.” She gave in, slipping her hand into Jake’s. “But you have to swear you won’t let me fall!”

“Never.” Jake promised.

I watched them go, joy radiating through me as they tried to find a rhythm that suited both them and the music playing. A flash of white across the room caught my eye and I saw Edward mimicking my stance on the opposite wall of the gym. I stood up straight, watching him as he did the same with a smirk on his lips. I started to move towards him, momentarily glancing down as my gown caught on the heel of my shoe. When I looked up again, he was gone.

I was starting to worry I’d imagined him there, when I felt someone press up against my back, their mouth close to my ear. “Don’t you think we ought to dance?” Edward purred in my ear.

“You got over here suspiciously fast.” I murmered my reply, not turning around. One of his arms was around my waist, the fingers of the other were playing with a loose curl of hair at the base of my neck, tickling my skin.

“I couldn’t bear to be apart from you for another minute.” He explained, pressing a kiss between my exposed shoulder blades.

“Uh-huh, and if someone had seen?”

I felt him shrug behind me. “They would only have been jealous that you were my date and not theirs. Given half a chance, any one of them could have moved that fast in order to claim you.”

“Yeah I’m sure that’s exactly what Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory are thinking right now.” I chuckled, catching the eyes of the two gawping girls from across the room. They glanced awkwardly away, taking simultaneous gulps of their drinks.

“Jessica is wondering if Mike is planning on kissing her at any point and Lauren is bitter because Tyler is getting drunk in the parking lot with Ben Cheney instead of dancing with her. Everyone is quite obsessed with themselves and their own personal lives tonight, Bella. I’m the mind reader around here, remember?”

“Like you’d let me forget…” I rolled my eyes. “And the no PDA rule?”

“Your rule.” He reminded me.

“Not ours?”

He hesitated. “Not tonight.”

Finally, I turned around and reached up, locking my arms around his neck. He moved to kiss me, but I moved my face so that it landed on my cheek instead. Confusion clouded his gaze as he continued to hold me. “Rules are rules.” I whispered teasingly.

“Perhaps if we moved to a more private location?”

I snorted. “Is there such a thing in Forks?”

“Shall we go outside for some fresh air, Miss Swan?” He asked me, his voice rising a little higher. It didn’t matter if other people heard us now.

“Certainly, Master Cullen.”

With our fingers intertwined, Edward and I politely made our way through the sea of dancing couples, carefully dodging Jake and Angela who had given up on trying to dance well and were now swinging each other around dramatically, with Angela spinning Jake under her arm, the two of them cackling wildly as they did so. Edward and I emerged into the cool evening air, and moved towards the side of the school where I remembered a bench sat facing the nearby woods. Edward laid his jacket down on the bench to protect my dress from the dampness and then settled beside me, his arm over my shoulders. “You really do look incredible tonight, Bella. Not that it really comes as any surprise, but still, you shouldn’t feel self-conscious.”

“I only feel self-conscious when you’re not beside me. When we’re together I feel like the world’s top supermodel.” I joked lightly. Edward chuckled too and then dipped his head, pressing a gentle kiss to my shoulder, and then another in the crook of my neck. The kisses kept moving upwards until they reached the corner of my mouth. My lips parted slightly, and I released an involuntary whimper when, instead of kissing me properly, he deposited another kiss to the other corner and then moved up to my cheekbone. “Kiss me.” I urged, whining a little.

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“You know what I mean.” I berated.

“I’m getting there. I just thought I’d ruin your makeup as much as possible to really annoy my sister-…”

“Edward…” I pleaded.

He pulled back and looked me levelly in the eye. “Okay.” He whispered, straightening up and making his movements slow and purposeful. He put one hand on my neck, tracing the line of my jaw from my ear to my chin. With his other hand, he ran his thumb over my bottom lip and then moved it up to cup my cheek. He moved his face towards mine and kissed me very gently, tenderness taking over from the teasing. He pulled back and smiled, before moving in to kiss me again, a little more firmly.

We stayed like that for several minutes, totally oblivious to anything else going on around us. The school could have burned to the ground while we sat there, engrossed in one another. Finally, I pulled my face away, though I kept my body pressed close to his. “Edward, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

“Yes?”

“When we were in the clearing with James, and he offered me a kind of asylum-…” Edward tensed. “You didn’t tell me not to go to him, you just warned me that it would be a mistake. Why?”

Edward shrugged and looked away. “I wanted it to be your decision. Your choice. But I knew that if you chose him, I still needed to protect you. My love for you, it’s biological. There’s a need in me to love you and protect you. I can’t ignore it. No matter what, I couldn’t have turned it off just because you’d chosen someone else.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “You must know by now that there was never any choice. Edward, for me, the only choice is you. Do you understand that?”

He smiled and tucked my hair behind my ear, letting his finger run lovingly down the side of my face. “I’ve always hoped it was so. I know that you’re the only choice for me, all I could pray for was that it might be a mutual feeling.”

“Well the feeling is mutual, okay?” I swore to him. “I love you more than anything.”

Edward grinned and then nodded firmly. “I promise, next time I’ll tell whoever it is trying to steal you from me to go straight to hell. I'll even offer to escort them there myself.”

“Hopefully there won’t be a next time!”

“I don’t know, Mike Newton still has his hopes a little higher than I’d like them.”

I laughed and shook my head. “Maybe I should just give him a shot, what do you say?”

Edward growled and pulled me even closer to him. “Not in a million years.”

“Well, we have about that much time, don’t we?”

“Longer. We have forever, remember?”

“Oh yes, that’s right.” I said, as though I could have possibly forgotten.

“You know, Bella… if I’d thought we were going to come to this kind of conclusion tonight, I would have put my mother’s ring in my pocket before we left the house.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t ruin it.” I ordered, before moving in to kiss him again, the sounds of our classmates and the throbbing music fading as we melted back into one another.


	19. part two / chapter one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we're back (and better than ever ??) this chapter marks the beginning of part two of this fic ... the new moon phase (pun absolutely intended !!) please leave me a comment or send me a message on my tumblr breakingisabella to let me know what you think xxx

The sudden sound of the door to Carlisle’s study opening made me jump and I winced as a blot of purple watercolour slid down my canvas like a tear. “Sorry,” Edward smiled apologetically, leaving the door wide open as he walked inside. “But you asked me to come and find you when Jake was almost here.” 

I nodded hastily and dropped my paintbrush into the jar of murky grey water next to me, wiping my hands on the front of my apron. It was one of Esme’s, spattered with decades-old paint marks and charcoal smears. She too began to pack up, smiling widely as she did so. She had often told me how much painting relaxed her and she had been overjoyed when I had expressed an interest in improving my art. 

I had started with drawing, but I didn’t have the same acquired patience as the older vampires in my family yet, and so often gave up before I could add enough detail to make something truly impressive. Generally, I started with a sketch and then created a painting from there. Adding the colours and treating them as gently as possible, which due to the nature of watercolour was something of a necessity, stretched my tolerance a little further and allowed me to create more things that I was actually proud of. I had been working on my current piece for just over a week, trying my best to replicate the meadow that Edward and I favoured whenever we desired to be alone. I had sketched it out on our last visit, a step somewhat unnecessary due to my photographic memory, and then had begun to paint it the next day with Esme. Whenever we could, we painted in Carlisle’s study in the middle of the day, when the light was at its best. She had twice asked me where the place in my painting was, for she would love to see it in real life. In return, I had twice lied to her, something I really hated to do. 

After the second badly-covered lie, Esme had simply smiled and nodded in understanding. “I won’t ask you to tell me anything more about it again, Bella. I can tell it’s somewhere special. Somewhere that belongs to you.” To me and Edward, I had silently corrected, but I had squeezed her hand gratefully and then turned back to my canvas. We did feel like the meadow was a space that belonged purely to us and as much as I loved my adopted family, that was the one place that I definitely didn’t want them.

“Bella?” Edward’s concerned voice rocketed me back into Carlisle’s study in the present day and I felt his gentle touch on the side of my neck as he tried to get my attention.

“Hmm?” I replied absently, still thinking of the meadow and my interpretation of it. We hadn’t been in nearly a week. Despite the fact that Summer had been in full-bloom for just over a month, it had been constant rain and storms for what felt like months, and we had no reason to hide away from the rest of the town in the dull, forest-dabbled light of day. I was desperate to go back to our haven and to not answer questions about where we had disappeared to. 

“Are you coming down?” Edward prompted again. 

“Oh…” I tore my eyes away from my painting and looked up at him. I smiled softly, feeling as though I fell more in love with him every time I saw him. “Yeah, I’m coming.” I promised, reaching behind me to undo my apron. 

“It’s easy to get lost in what you’re doing.” Esme said softly, rising from her chair. “I find that with painting more than any of my other hobbies. I’m sure you’re the same when you play, Edward.”

“I suppose so… It’s beautiful, Bella.” He murmered, leaning a little closer to the canvas, his body brushing past my shoulder as he did so. “It’s perfect.”

“Not quite.” I replied, my eyes picking out everything that I knew to be wrong with it, everything that I hoped I would be able to fix during my next painting session. That ugly splotch of paint that I had clumsily caused only moments earlier would be the first to go.

“I’m sure it will be soon.” He said diplomatically, kissing the top of my head. “Come on, he’s practically at the front door now!” I forced a smile onto my face and followed him through the house to the living room, where the rest of our family awaited. As expected, there was a knock at the door only seconds later and Rosalie walked towards it to let Jake in. 

I was finding it difficult to concentrate, even as I heard Jake’s excited voice flood the house with its warmth and happiness. The same thoughts that had been tormenting me as I absently painted upstairs in the study were continuing to whirl around in my mind. No matter how much I tried to listen to to everyone else’s advice and forget about it, I just couldn’t seem to shake the imagined horror from my mind and it was making it increasingly difficult for me to be present in my own life. 

I had first been reminded of the Volturi’s existence three weeks earlier when I had returned, with Carlisle, to the Cullen house, after a night shift at the hospital. My self-control made it easier for me to be around blood than the rest of them and although I wasn’t yet at Carlisle’s level, I found that I could easily spend extended periods of time volunteering at the hospital. Carlisle was overjoyed that I had taken an interest in his work and he saw my role as more than just a summer job. If I one day became a trained nurse, or, if I was so inclined, a fellow doctor, then we could work together in any town without the need for involving others in our lives at all. I wasn’t sure I wanted to make nursing into a career, when I considered how long Carlisle had been in the field for, but I enjoyed my time at the hospital nonetheless. Many of the people I looked after were friends of Charlie’s, who had known me when I was a little girl and the idea that I was helping people, even in small ways, gave me the same comfort that it did Edward’s father. 

When we had returned home that morning, still talking animatedly about the progress of a patient that we had both tended to that day, Edward had stolen my attention as quickly as he could. In fact, he had stopped me at the front door, hoping, I realised later, to catch me before anyone else in his family could. “How would you like to take a trip this summer?” He asked, his words coming fast, much too fast for human ears. 

“A trip?” I furrowed my brow and dropped my bag beneath the coat rack in the foyer. 

Rosalie had appeared behind him then, so quickly it was as if she had materialised from thin air. “Don’t say it like she has a choice when she doesn’t Edward.” She sneered, folding her arms over her chest. 

“Rosalie, the Volturi suggested a visit they did not demand it.” Esme reminded her calmly as she too approached.

Rose raised an eyebrow at her adopted mother. “Do you want to be the one to test the theory and keep her away from Aro?”

“The Volturi want to see me?” I squeaked, clutching Edward’s arm in panic. “Did I do something wrong? Is this because of James?”

“No Bella. You were well within your rights to kill James after what he did to you.” Edward soothed. “In fact, you probably solved more problems for the Volturi than you created by destroying him.”

“I wrote to the Volturi to tell them the happy news of your inclusion in our family and to let Aro know that Edward had finally found a mate.” Carlisle explained calmly. “I wondered how long it would be before we heard back from them. Not long, as it happens.”

Edward rolled his eyes. “The letter arrived a few hours ago.” He turned back to me. “He’s been trying to collect me for decades. Hopefully when he realises I’m even more attached to you than I am the rest of my family he’ll leave me alone for good.” He led me into the living room where the rest of his family was waiting. I was pleased to see that they all appeared far more relaxed that Edward and Rosalie, and they were all lounging around doing their usual evening activities. 

“Collect you?”

“Me and Alice. And Jasper, but to a lesser extent because he already has someone with a similar gift in Volterra. He likes to have vampires with special gifts in his ranks. Anything to make his coven more powerful.”

“You’d better make sure he doesn’t try to snatch Bella up.” Jasper advised from his position on the couch, abandoning the novel he was reading on the arm of it. “The more she practices extending her shield, the more powerful she becomes. He’ll want you both and he knows that if he gets one of you the other will follow without question. It’s always been the same for Alice and I whenever we’ve met with him.”

“I don’t want to join the Volturi,” I said firmly, though it wasn’t clear whether I was telling them or myself. “I’m happy here.”

“As am I.” Edward promised me. “Don’t worry Bella, we’re on good terms with the Volturi. If we say we’re happy as we are then Aro won’t push it. His hope is that one day we won’t be happy and when that day comes we’ll go crawling to him because he promises us an extravagant life full of riches and pleasures. He won’t force us to join him.” He winked conspiratorially at me. “It would be bad for his image.”

I nodded, a little relief piercing the worry caging my heart. “Okay… And for the record,” I looked pointedly at Jasper. “I don’t have a gift.”

“Oh please, you’re definitely a shield.” He chuckled. “We’ve all known it since day one.”

“Jazz, I’m warning you.” I growled. This topic had been a point of contention in the Cullen household for months now and it was really getting on my nerves.

“How do you explain the self control thing?” He tested me, sitting up straighter on the couch and folding his arms over his chest defiantly. “Or the fact that Edward can’t read your mind?”

“And how do you explain the fact that Alice can see my future and you can manipulate my emotions?” I laid malice onto the word ‘manipulate’ to irritate him. He always claimed that he only changed the way people were feeling for their own good, or the good of those around them. I didn’t work in annoying him, for I felt the familiar oozing sensation of calm seep through me as I spoke. “Surely if I was such a ‘shield’ then it would work on everyone.” I shrugged and flopped down onto the nearest chair, close to where Alice was sitting cross-legged on the floor, sewing the hem on a long floral skirt. “My brain is just broken or something.” I added meekly. Alice frowned and reached over to pat my head reassuringly, as if I were some kind of anxious cat or upset toddler.

“It’s not as easy to feel your emotions as it is others.” Jasper replied levelly. “But fine, be stubborn if you want to Bella. Everything will be revealed when Eleazar finally meets you.” 

That was another thing laying heavy on my mind. Before we journeyed to Italy for our visit to the Volturi, Edward was eager that the Cullens’ cousins from Denali pay us a visit in Forks so that they could meet me and I them. I soon realised that there was an ulterior motive in this arrangement. Eleazar, who had lived with the Denali coven with his mate Carmen for many years, had also lived with the Volturi in a similar capacity to Carlisle. His gift was spotting gifts in other vampires and Edward wanted confirmation on his suspicions about my own presumed powers. I flat-out refused and it was a point of argument between us for nearly two weeks. In the end I convinced Carlisle and Esme that it would be better for me to meet Eleazar after my visit to Volterra, so that if I was actually a shield, Aro wouldn’t be able to tell for sure even after reading Edward’s thoughts. Luckily, they agreed with me and Edward’s plan was postponed for after our trip. I took it a step further and made him promise to not even mention it until after we returned from Italy. 

“Hey!” Jake called out, bringing me back into the present moment as he wandered into the Cullen living room as if it was his own, Rose trailing behind him. 

“Jacob, sweetheart!” Esme cried, throwing her arm out towards him and pointing at the cream carpet he was about to step onto. “Wipe your feet!”

“Oops, sorry Esme.” Jake smiled apologetically and retreated back to the door mat where he wiped his bare feet clean of mud and wet grass. One of the perils of living in a rainy town and having a biological predisposition to never wear shoes. “I think I should cut my hair.” He said, arriving back into the living room, as though he was announcing some important news. 

“What? No?” Alice and I chorused.

“Your hair is absolutely your best feature Jake, I forbid you to cut it.” Alice declared dramatically, leaping to her feet.

“Okay, ouch…” Jake chuckled. “But it’s for practical reasons. My fur is way too long when I transform and we’re heading into the summer. I’m going to melt out there.”

“Can’t you just keep it braided?” I suggested. Although I wouldn’t have worded it in quite the same way my dear sister had, I too was incredibly fond of Jake’s long hair and was certain that he would not suit a shorter cut. 

He rolled his eyes. “I’m a werewolf, Bells, not a seven year-old-girl.”

“You won’t look like you if you cut your hair.” I whined, genuine panic rising in my chest. Jake had been sporting long hair since he had first grown his first tufts as a toddler and though my human memories of him were weak, I still felt a fondness for that kid, stumbling around on La Push Beach because his hair kept getting in his eyes. More than that, I now loved Jake more like a brother than I ever had before, and I really didn’t want to see him grow up anymore than he already had. 

Jake reached over to nudge me reassuringly, as a dog would touch their nose to its owner’s elbow in times of uncertainty. “I’m always going to be me, Bells.” He promised me softly. 

“Yeah, but coming from somebody that’s immortal… I’m not good with big changes!” I laughed, though I truly meant it. 

“He’ll be a lot more comfortable with shorter hair.” Edward murmered to me, but Jake caught it anyway.

“Exactly. Listen to Ted.” Jake protested, grinning mischievously, wondering how long Edward was going to let that one hang in there. 

Barely a second later, Edward released an exasperated sigh, like a father with an irritating child that had once again forgotten the formula they had practiced for his science homework. A mix of fond disappointment and concern that the kid might actually be an idiot. “Jake, we’ve been over this. Please don’t call me that.”

Jake pondered this for a moment before attempting, “Eddie?”

“Please stop.”

“Okay,” Alice announced suddenly, making us all jump. “After some careful consideration, I’m willing to let you cut your hair.”

Jake rolled his eyes. “Jeez, thanks Alice.” 

He turned back to tease Edward a little more but Alice’s announcement wasn’t over yet. “On the condition that I’m the one to do it!” She finished excitedly, looking around the room seeking encouragement from the rest of us.

My poor friend paled a little and then looked to Edward, testing to see if Alice was serious or not. “Um-…”

“It’s okay Jake,” Rosalie cut him off cooly, noting his panic. “She went to hairdressing school in the nineties. Got the diploma and everything. She’s qualified for a simple cut at the very least.”

“But I can shave it if you’d rather-…”

“That’s where I draw the line.” I piped up, even more panicked than Jake was. 

The man in question, who had looked physically sick at Alice’s suggestion that a buzz-cut might be the way to go, had regained his composure and chuckled light-heartedly. “The lady has spoken!” He patted my arm reassuringly. “Alright Alice, you can cut it. Just try to keep it straight, okay?”

“You’ll be thrilled with it, I promise.” She responded sincerely, before hopping up from her perch and racing up the stairs. She arrived back a few seconds later with a black canvas fold-up case, which, when she unzipped it, revealed a set of immaculate silver hairdressing implements. 

Jake wobbled and again shot a worried glance at Edward who winced, confirming that Alice was still serious and was unlikely to take refusal well. “You want to do it now?” Jake squeaked.

“Why not?” Alice pouted. “You said you wanted me to cut it.”

“Yeah but when I walked in here it was just an idea that had popped into my head. I wasn’t expecting to walk out like a naked mole-rat.”

Alice rolled her eyes. “Hardly. Besides, what happened to all of that talk about how inconvenient it is when you’re in your dog form-…”

“Wolf. I’m not the family pet, Alice.” Jake snapped, worry causing his words to become harsher than he really meant them. He often joked about the thin line between feral wolf and domesticated dog.

“Wolf form.” She corrected herself smoothly, ignoring the flare in his temper. “And how hot it’s getting outside?” She prompted, her eyebrows raised. 

“Yeah-…”

“They say there’s no time like the present.” Carlisle pointed out.

“There’s no point putting it off if it’s inevitable.” Added Esme. “Worry can be very bad for your health, Jacob.” 

“Okay, okay.” Jake nodded quickly and sucked in a sharp breath. “Now or never, I guess.” We all reconvened in the dining room, where Alice sat Jake down in one of Esme’s ornate chairs and began combing out his long and lustrous hair. I stood anxiously by as Alice settled the comb at the base of Jacob’s neck and began to snip. We all held our breath, even Jake who actually needed the oxygen, as the tiny, sharp grinding sound echoed through the room and the bulk of Jake’s glossy hair fell in long strands to the floor. Alice made quick work of it, knowing there was no point dragging it out, and within minutes Jake had a pristine, if severely short by comparison, haircut. She presented him with a hand held mirror and used another to show him the back. Jake gave himself a tentative smile, which then expanded into a grin. He liked it. We all sighed with relief. 

“What do you think, Bells?” He asked me, a little nervously. 

I smiled. “It’ll take some getting used to but it looks good, Jake. You still look like you.”

“Damn I’m good!” Alice exclaimed, while Rosalie ran her fingers over the back of Jake’s head, admiring the cut. “Maybe I should give hairdressing another shot, I had a lot of fun at that salon in Seattle-…”


	20. part two / chapter two.

A few days later, I let myself into the Cullen house and heard the sounds of a few of them stirring upstairs at the sound of my arrival. Edward appeared at the bottom of the stairs a few seconds later. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and then moved towards the living room, calling out to Esme, Carlisle, Alice and Emmett as Edward wandered in behind me.

“Hey, is Jake here?” I already knew that he was, I could smell him from halfway down the driveway.

“Yeah, I’m here.” The man himself wandered out of the kitchen, tucking into a bowl of cereal. “What’s up?”

“Billy’s looking for you.” I told him with a sigh, flopping down on the couch beside Edward and putting my feet up on the coffee table. Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pressed a kiss to my temple as Esme bustled past and swiped at my legs, forcing me to move them off the table and kick my shoes off. Home sweet home.

“How do you know?” Jake asked accusatorially through a mouthful of food.

“He called Charlie again.”

“Again?” Carlisle echoed me, turning to Jake with a concerned look on his kind face. “Come on Jake, what’s going on at home?”

Jacob shrugged and put his bowl down on the table in front of him. “He doesn’t get it. He thinks we’re natural enemies, which I guess we technically are but-… He thinks that I should be staying with Sam and his pack of obedient dogs but I won’t do it.”

“And why should you have to?” Emmett asked, pulling Rosalie, who had since appeared to greet me, gently down into his lap and wrapping his arms around her waist. “Your grandfather was a Chief, right? Just start your own pack.” I stifled a laugh, doubting Jake would see the funny side, at how simple Emmett made everything sound.

“Yeah but the way my dad sees it is that Sam is older than me and is a more positive force in the community or something.” Jake folded himself up on the carpet, placing his bowl on Esme’s coffee table. “He thinks I need to be ‘guided'. Mostly, he just wants me to stay away from you guys and that’s not going to happen. I might be young but I’m old enough to make those kinds of decisions for myself. We learned how to choose good friends in kindergarten. Besides, pretty sure you need more than one person to make a pack.”

"If I could turn into an animal, I'd be right there with you buddy!" Emmett promised sincerely, making Jake grin.

“You can’t disobey your father forever, Jacob.” Esme said quietly. An involuntary whimper escaped my lips as I contemplated Jake doing as Billy asked and staying away from us; from me. “But of course you’re always welcome to stay here.” She added quickly, not wanting him to feel like she was kicking him out.

“He’ll calm down soon.”Jake shrugged, smiling appreciably at Esme. Over the past few months, she’d become as much of a stand-in for his mother as much as she had for mine. “He’s still trying to wrap his head around the whole wolf thing and I don’t think he ever really recovered from finding out that Charlie’s angelic daughter was a vampire.”

“Yeah that’s my bad.” I conceded, making Emmett roar with laughter from across the room.

A quiet knock sounded at the door and, recognising the rhythm of the sound, I raced to open it. Angela Weber beamed at me through the glass and stepped inside. The Cullens and Jake all chorused a cheerful hello when she walked into the living room. I sighed happily, resuming my seat curled up around Edward. Aside from my parents, everyone I loved was in one room. I was blissfully happy.

Angela sighed dramatically and flopped down on the armchair opposite the couch I was sitting on, her feet draped delicately over the arm. She was still wearing her work uniform, I assumed she had come straight from the store.

About a month previously, Angela had gratefully accepted a job at Mike Newton’s family’s sporting goods store in the hope that she could put aside a bit of extra money for college. However, since taking the job she’d done nothing but regret it.

“Hard day?” Emmett asked as Rosalie stood to fetch Angela a drink of water.

She lifted her glasses to squeeze the bridge of her nose as if she had a headache. It wouldn’t have surprised me if she did after what she said next. “Oh you know… Stocktake.” We all groaned simultaneously. We’d heard the horror stories before. Every once in a while the store received a big delivery from their suppliers and it was Angela’s job to check that everything was there. Unfortunately, the task was too big for one person and it was usually Mike that volunteered to help her.

“Was it as bad as last time?” Jake asked, slurping the dregs of his milky cereal.

Angela screwed up her face in disgust at this table manners and then shrugged. “Same old same old. He just talked about Bella again the entire time.”

Everybody’s heads snapped to look at me, as if I had something to answer for. I raised my hands up in mock surrender and then folded my arms over my chest. “Hey don’t look at me, I don’t get the appeal either!”

“I get the appeal, I just don’t get why he won’t let it go.” Edward grumbled, kissing my temple swiftly. “Doesn’t he know the danger he’s putting himself in?” He added in a voice too low for Angela to pick up. It was supposed to make me laugh, implying that he wouldn’t let Mike get anywhere near me. But in my current worried mood, with the stress of knowing Billy was still tugging at Jake to stay away from us, all it did was remind me that I had the potential to be fatally dangerous to my human friends.

“He didn’t say anything about liking you this time but it was like he was trying to get insider information.” Angela went on in an attempt to reassure me. “I think he was hoping that I’d tell him that you and Edward are miserable together or something so he could swoop in at just the right moment.”

“Thanks for being my wing-woman, Ang.” Edward chuckled.

She winked conspiratorially at him. “I got your back, my friend! Although, I’m pretty sure Mike thinks I’m doing it for him too so we’ll see if I’ve helped on either side soon enough.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well if I was a betting woman, I don’t think I’d be putting my money on Mike Newton!”

“Are you hungry, Angela?” Esme interrupted politely and I thought a little hopefully, just as Rosalie arrived back with an ice-cold water for Angela. Jake went through a lot of her food, but he was content with munching on store-bought stuff like bowls of cereal and pot noodle. Angela had marginally more sophisticated tastes and Esme always made sure that she had a fridge full of fresh food in the kitchen, as well as a stack of Tupperwares ready for me to deliver to my constantly-hungry father.

“Yeah but I can’t stay.” Angela sighed again, swinging her legs down. “Thanks anyway, Esme.”

“Well take something for the road!” Esme insisted, disappearing back into the kitchen to grab something despite the fact that ‘the road’ was at maximum five minutes long and there would be plenty of food in Angela’s own house when she got there.

“You’re leaving already?” I pouted. “You only just got here.”

“I know,” She made an apologetic face and stood up. “But I’m only here because I was sent on a mission, otherwise I probably would have gone straight home for dinner. I’m pretty beat after working all day.”

Jake perked up, suddenly intrigued. “What kind of mission?” He asked, as though he hoped it would be some kind of adventure that the three of us could embark on together. Possibly this is why he was so disappointed with what she said next.

Angela cleared her throat and then looked him dead in the eyes. “Jake, your dad came into the store today and asked for me. He told me that when I finished work, I was to come and find you and when I did I was to tell you to go home immediately. He was very clear about the ‘immediately’ part.”

“Shit.” Jake let his spoon clatter in the bowl and sat back in a huff. The adventure he had hoped was awaiting him, one that he and Angela could tackle together, had been snatched from his grasp and replaced with the same problem he faced every day. “He shouldn’t be telling you what to do. He shouldn’t be talking to you at all. He’s insane. Sorry about that, Ang.”

“Come on Jake, that’s the final straw.” Carlisle shook his head and tapped Jake on the shoulder. He pulled his car keys out of his pocket. “I’ll drive you-…” He stopped himself from saying “to the border” just in time, catching Angela’s eye. “Myself if I have to.” He finished quickly. Our human friend would never have understood why none of us ever stepped foot on the reservation. So far, we had managed to get away with the fact that Jake always showed up on our side of the treaty line supposedly by coincidence, but he had to work as hard as we did to keep things neutral with the tribe and, now, the pack.

“It’s okay Carlisle,” Angela offered, not noticing or choosing not to mention the odd break in his sentence. “I’ll drive him, my car’s right outside and I’m going most of the way anyway to get home-…”

“No thanks, I’ll walk.” Jake grumbled, jumping to his feet and storming towards the front door. He ran a hand through his newly shorn hair, tugging aggressively at the tufty strands. "I don't need to be babysat but thanks all the same."

I moved to follow him, catching him before he crossed the threshold. “Will you actually go home?” I pushed, possibly more nosily than I should have. It wasn’t really any of my business what Jake’s relationship with his dad was like (especially since I was the sole cause of many of the issues they had with each other) but he was my best friend and I still worried about him. He might have been old enough to choose his own friends, but he was still only sixteen and needed a stable home life, especially if he was ever going to go back to high school.

“I’ll think about it, Mom.” Jake snapped before softening. “Sorry… I will… I just have to clear my head first. I think it would be good if I ran off some steam first.”

“Call me later?” I pleaded. “Let me know how it goes?”

“Promise.” He smiled and gave me a quick hug goodbye.

“And someone will fill me in tomorrow?” Angela piped up, appearing behind me, her car keys jangling in her hand.

“Of course we will, you’re my joint number one girl!” Jake laughed, swinging his beefy arm over her shoulder and walking her out of the house.

“How flattering!” I rolled my eyes, wandering back into the living room.

“If it makes you feel better, Angela’s always a runner-up in my eyes, darling!” Edward teased as I flopped down beside him.

“When are those two going to get it together and just date already?” Asked Emmett, shaking his head as he watched my best friends chatting by Angela’s car. She was trying to convince him to get inside so that she could drive him home and he was still adamantly protesting that he would much rather go on foot. Presumably, because it would take him longer to get there and he could avoid his father’s berating for another hour or so.

“It’s not like that between them.” I told Emmett, shaking my head at the weirdness of the concept. I couldn’t even imagine my two best friends liking each other in that way, or how it would change the dynamic of our group. “They’re just friends.” I protested, more aggressively than I meant to.

He wrinkled his face up. “Just because you don’t want to third-wheel.” He said, seeing right through my defensiveness.

“No Bella’s right.” Edward piped up, backing me up and relieving me greatly.

“What makes you say that?” I asked, suddenly very interested because it meant that I was about to be proven right. Nobody argued with Edward, just like nobody argued with Alice. Of all of us, they were the only people that always knew the truth in every situation.

“Their thoughts are pretty clear…” He smiled secretively. “Angela’s especially.”

“What does that mean?” I asked, confused.

“It’s private.” He said quickly and I knew better than to push him on it. "Wait and see if she’ll share it with you herself. No cheating!”

~~~

Curiosity burned inside of me for days after the brief conversation I had had with Edward about Angela and Jake, but he had steadfastly refused to utter another word on the topic. I tried to coax it out of Angela as gently as possible, quizzing her on possible schoolyard crushes and pointing out celebrities in Alice’s magazines to see if I could discern her ‘type’. She played along happily enough but never gave enough away for me to come to any kind of conclusion. Edward cottoned onto my plan after a few days and urged me to let it go, adding that I would probably end up hurting Angela, and possibly Jake’s feelings, if I continued to push it. Reluctantly, and without any kind of satisfaction, I did as he asked and let the topic drop. Eventually it faded from my mind entirely.

A few weeks later, Edward and I had just finished a hunt and were running back in the direction of Forks. We were in good spirits, laughing and teasing each other, interchanging between racing fiercely across the wide spaces of bare land, and walking at a human pace with our fingers interlocked and our lips never far from one another’s.

When we reached the edge of the forest leading into Forks, Edward tugged on my hand and pulled in the opposite direction to the one I was heading in. Instead of moving towards his house, he lead me towards my own. I pouted and asked why we weren’t going back to the Cullen house; I had bagged my first mountain lion and I was eager to share the tale with Emmett, who had always teased me about my tendency to go for smaller animals. I had always shrugged it off. As much as I enjoyed the game of hunting, at the end of the day, it was a necessity and a bit of a chore, especially when I would rather have been hanging out in Forks with my friends. This time, however, I had decided that I had a point to proof to my sort-of big brother and had made sure that Edward had witnessed the scene so that he could corroborate my story.

I explained this to Edward, reminding him of why, on this occasion especially, I really needed to go back to his house, but he shook his head firmly and kept trudging in the other direction. “I think it’s best if we try to steer clear of the house this week.” He said finally.

That stopped me. Edward adored his family even more than I did and, I was sure, would have loved to have witnessed Emmett’s reaction to the idea of me sinking my pristinely white teeth into the jugular of a beast three times my size. I couldn’t understand why he was suddenly so unwilling to go home. “Why?”

“Rosalie’s anniversary is coming up and it’s always a difficult time.” He grimaced. "For her and for us.”

I wrinkled up my nose in confusion. “Anniversary? I thought she and Emmett didn’t bother with anniversaries because they get married so regularly. And why is it a bad thing anyway-…”

“Not a wedding anniversary, Bella." He cut me off softly. "The anniversary of when Carlisle changed her.”

“Oh…” I stumbled on a twisted tree root and Edward’s arm flashed up to steady me. Our eyes met and he tried to smile reassuringly at me. At any other time, the root wouldn’t have even come onto my radar. I would have avoided it so easily, it would have been as though it had wriggled out of my way. But his news had unsettled me and I was distracted for the rest of our walk.

As we neared my father’s house, Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders and hugged me tightly. “Don’t worry yourself about Rose.” He advised me. “We go through this every year, it passes.”

“I’m not worried…”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“It’s just-…” I shook my head in frustration and then finally choked out, “When I killed James I thought that I would kill the feeling that something was wrong with me, that I had stumbled into this life. I thought that it would bring me some answers and I would know why I was chosen for all of this; the good and the bad. But I didn’t get that… and now with Rosalie-… I don’t know, I guess I’m just realising that there really is no rhyme or reason for why we’re the way we are. James wanted something from me, even if it was just the satisfaction of knowing he had taken my human life from me, but Carlisle didn’t want anything from Rosalie, he just wanted to save her.”

Edward rumpled his face in disgust. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind a little bit of gratitude for it.”

I copied his expression. “Why should she be grateful?” I demanded, shocked at his harshness. “She didn’t ask to be changed.”

“That’s not the point, Bella. None of us asked for this, but we all have it. At the end of the day, she was saved, and as a result she’s had a long and fairly happy life in comparison to the one she would have had with her abusive fiancé.” I froze. Nobody had yet told me how Rosalie had come to be so injured that Carlisle had had to change her to save her life and I had never asked. “If Carlisle hadn’t saved her she would have died in the gutter like a rat. Perhaps even worse yet, she would never have met and subsequently saved Emmett. Rosalie has a lot to be grateful for and yet every year she puts the whole lot of us through this dramatic charade and we have to pretend to feel sorry for her. It’s getting pretty old, honestly.”

I shrank a little under his rant, especially as his voice began to raise. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-…” But Edward was already back-tracking.

“No, no, Bella. I’m not angry at you.” He reached a trembling hand out to stroke my cheek and smiled apologetically. He sighed deeply and pulled me close to him. “God, I’m not even angry at Rose… You’re right, there’s no rhyme or reason for any of this and it is insanely frustrating.” His lips turned up in a tired, crooked smirk. “I do understand why my sister finds this time of year so difficult, we all find our anniversaries or days that trigger particular human memories hard and we all deal with them in our own ways. I just don’t want her rage to make you doubt that killing James was the right thing to do.”

“If I am doubting it, it has nothing to do with Rosalie.”

Edward took a long, steadying breath. “He would have killed you-…” He began patiently, but I cut him off sharply.

“So I killed him? Okay, fine.” I threw my hands up in mock-surrender. “But a life is a life, and a life has still been taken. What right did I have to take it?”

“I’m not going over this again.” Edward snapped suddenly. “If you want to talk to somebody about morality and life after death then my father’s door is always open.”

“Edward-…”

“No, I won’t hear it.” He cried out, anguish spreading across his face. “If you are suggesting that your life, the life of the one person that I love more than anyone or anything in the world, is worse less than that of that piece of scum that tore you away from everything you knew, then I’m sorry but I really can’t entertain the idea.”

“Okay, I’m sorry.” I moved towards him and was thankful when he let me hug him again. After a moment he wrapped his arms around me in return and everything was okay again. No matter what happened, no matter what we said to one another, as long as we were together then things would be okay.

“I’m sorry too. I don’t know why I’m acting like this.” He mumbled. “We had a lovely day and I’m ruining it.”

I shrugged. “It’s okay, you’re just a bit worked up. I feel the same way…”

“The Italy trip?” Silently, I nodded. “It will be okay, I’ll make sure of it.” He promised sincerely. “But I have to admit that it is making me a little more protective than normal. And a little snappier. “Forgive me?”

“Already forgiven.” I smiled as he leaned down to kiss me. As we pulled away, the porch light flicked on and Charlie’s shadow passed in front of our living room window. I smirked, “Guess that’s my cue!”

“It’s not even dark yet.” Edward grumbled mildly, but knowing that we’d see each other again in just a few hours led him to drop the unhappy facade.

“It’s twilight.” I whispered seductively, taking his hand and pressing a delicate kiss to the centre of his palm, shivering when his fingertips curled to tickle my face. “What did you tell me once? It’s the safest time of day for us?”

“Exactly.” He grinned, pleased that I had recalled the little tid-bit. “It’s a crime that you should be spending it cooped up inside.”

“It’s only for a few hours.” I reminded him. “Although, if you’re not going home where am I supposed to find you?”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be able to sniff me out.” He winked. “See you soon, love.” He kissed my cheek in a most gentlemanly fashion and then sent a friendly wave in the direction of the window that Charlie was pretending not to be looking out of. When I looked back again, Edward had disappeared.

As Charlie and I spent our evening together and I dutifully listened to him talk about his work day and all of the internal drama between his co-workers at the police station, my mind was still whirring over the intense conversation that Edward and I had had. For one, as always, I found it difficult to ignore the cloud that James and his death hung over my life, and despite my protesting to Edward, I couldn’t pretend that I wasn’t worried about Rosalie. I knew that the others tired of her moods on occasion, but for the most part I didn’t find her any more dramatic than the rest of them. At most, it seemed she was more affected by things and felt things more deeply. It was something I could relate to and I was concerned that the others avoiding her this week would only make things worse for her if she was already feeling vulnerable.

In addition to all of that, I was glad that I had finally got through to Edward and that he had revealed that he too was dreading our Italy trip. He was nervous about it and, in a strange way, instead of making my own anxieties worse I was actually relieved to know that my concerns were valid, since he was feeling them too. On the other hand, I couldn’t help but wonder what on earth would be awaiting us when we walked through the gates of Volterra in early August if even Edward was dreading it.

When Charlie had gone to bed, I wasted no time in seeking Edward out. I headed straight for our meadow, knowing full well that it was the only hide-out he would think of when he wanted to be away from his family but still close to home. And close to me. He was well-aware that I was the only other person that knew where it was and how much it meant to him.

When I arrived in the meadow only a few minutes after leaving Charlie’s doorstep, revelling as I so often did at my inhuman speed, I was entertained to find that Edward was pretending to hide from me. He had heard me coming, sticks the size of lamp-posts snapping under my feet as I ran, and had ducked behind one of the trees encircling the meadow. I smiled innocently, pretending to play along and took several slow and careful steps into the clearing. The night was clear, and a new moon bore down on me, making my luminous skin sparkle delicately in its light.

After only a few moments of my seeking charade, I heard a flurry of wind from behind me and then a delicate kiss was pressed against the base of my neck. I whirled around and tackled Edward to the ground, peppering kisses over his face and neck. “Did I scare you?” He teased.

“Of course not.” I pulled my face back and curled my fingers into his hair. “I could smell you a mile away.” I smirked and buried my nose in the crook of his neck.

“Oh dear, too much cologne?”

I rolled my eyes and planted a kiss in the hollow of his collarbone. “Very funny.”

He shrugged and then sat up, cradling me in his lap. “Well I felt I ought to make an effort for our date. A moonlit rendezvous - very romantic, don’t you agree?”

“An effort?” I exclaimed and then tugged roughly on the collar of his immaculate shirt, eyeing it up critically. “Oh please, you look like you slept in these clothes!”

“I’m afraid not, but I certainly haven’t been home in days!” I grinned and then kissed him very gently, my fingers idly playing with the top button of his shirt. “Are you sure you haven’t thought any more about that very important question I had for you?”

I sighed. “You promised.”

“I know and I won’t push it, I swear. I just feel as though I might burst from loving you and it would be quite nice to be get a straight answer on that question.” As if to prove his point, he planted a purposeful kiss on the side of my neck and coaxed a pleasurable moan from my lips in response.

I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut. “I’m not doing it to hurt you.” I whispered, feeling his lips freeze on my skin. I felt his finger under my chin and I let my eyes flutter open. His face was closer to mine than I had expected it to be and he momentarily took my breath away. I must be crazy, pushing him away the way I was. Most girls would commit first-degree murder just to be in his presence and here I wouldn’t even accept a marriage proposal from him. It wasn’t even my first proposal. If he had asked Jessica Stanley she would probably have died on the spot.

“I wasn’t suggesting you were trying to hurt me.” He murmered, kissing me gently. “I understand why you’re holding off.”

“You do?”

He smiled at me. “Of course I do. To the naked eye you’re a seventeen-year-old high-school student with a casual boyfriend. I know how it would look for you to marry me. I know what people would say about you.”

“Then why do you keep asking?”

“Because to the naked eye you will always be a seventeen-year-old high-school student, Bella. Just like me. I’ve always felt alone in this life, even in my family. They always had the other person in their pair, no matter what town we settled in or what school we enrolled in. They had the security of knowing that that other person would always be there and that they meant more to one another than anyone else would ever be able to understand. I never had that safety net. But now… I have you.”

“You’ll have me anyway, it doesn’t matter if we’re married.”

“I know that. I know you think I’m a decrepit old man beneath this unchanging face but of course I understand the realities of marriage. They’re different now to how they once were but I can appreciate changes as they come. I don’t have much of a choice.”

“Then why-…”

“Because every time we move to a new town or walk into a new school, we are immediately taken at face value and we are judged based on what they see. Sometimes it’s flattering and sometimes it’s far from it. I hear it all. But if I were to arrive in these places with you by my side, knowing that you were my wife… It would be almost too easy. I would be gloriously happy and proud. Even if nobody else knew that’s what we were to each other.”  
I let out a long, slow breath as a realisation dawned on me. “So it’s not a wedding you want-…”

“It’s a marriage.” Edward concluded for me. “It’s a life partner. If my sister couldn’t see the future we wouldn’t even have to tell my family if you didn’t want to, we could elope! I’ve always thought a Las Vegas wedding seemed like fun!”

“You make it sound so wonderful-…”

His eyes brightened. “Then say yes.” He pleaded. “Bella, please say yes.”

But I shook my head and dimmed the light in his eyes with the motion. “I can’t. I’m sorry Edward but I have my own condition, remember? And it just so happens to directly conflict with your condition.”

He sighed, as though disappointed. “You do realise that after we’re married we have an eternity to do that.”

I rolled my eyes at his awkwardness. “Don’t make it sound too sexy, I might swoon!”

“I explained why marriage was so important to me, why don’t you explain why sleeping together is so important to you?”

I hesitated. “Honestly?”

“Please.” Edward nodded enthusiastically.

“Okay…” I stood, unwrapping myself from his arms and wandered a few feet away. I felt like I needed a little distance before I told my story. When I turned around, Edward was watching me patiently, his legs folded up neatly beneath him. “When I was a little girl I heard my mother’s stories about her wedding and her marriage, short-lived as it was. I saw the photos and I saw the rings and I thought that a wedding was the best thing a person could have. And I thought a bride was the most beautiful a person could look. One day, my mom found me trying on her wedding veil. I’d taken it out of its special satin box and I’d got the tiara all caught up in my hair. I thought she’d play along and get something fun to dress up in herself, like she usually would. But instead, she started to cry.” Edward’s golden eyes followed me as I wandered around in a nervous circle. “That was the day that she told me the truth about weddings and marriage and what women are expected to strive for. She told me that instead of dreaming about my wedding day and some guy in a penguin suit that offered me something sparkly in exchange for my freedom, that I should plan to travel and study and work and make myself into a person by myself before I became somebody’s wife. I never gave another thought to my imaginary wedding day from then on.”

Edward nodded. “I see.”

“I have an eternity to travel and study and work, and I want to do it all by your side and I will happily do it post-wedding if that’s what it takes.” I promised. “But I want to do just this one thing while I am still Bella Swan and not Bella Cullen. I want to do it with my boyfriend, my lover. I want to do it without a ring on my finger. I want to do it because we love each other so much that we want to be as close as possible without us actually being the same person. Besides, I think it would be nice to compare the before and after.”

Edward was silent for a few moments as I approached him again and sank down in front of him, matching his position on the soft grass beneath us. “I understand where you’re coming from.” He offered finally.

“And I understand where you’re coming from.”

He softened and reached across to take my hand in his. “You know I would give you anything you asked for.”

“And I’d do the same for you.” Realising that we had once again reached an impasse, Edward smiled gently and nodded, considering both sides of our debate.

“Can you give me some time to think it all over?” He asked. “At least until the end of the summer? Or your birthday?”

I bit my lip, grinning. “We have all the time in the world.” I reminded him softly.

He leaned forward to kiss me and then pulled back abruptly. “And by the way, just because I’m old fashioned doesn’t mean you have to take my name!”

“Would you rather be Edward Swan?”

“I’ve been every variation of all of our family’s surnames at this point.” He said and I recalled an amusing conversation we’d had with the rest of his family where they tried to remember who had been who when they lived in certain places. It still blew my mind when I thought of all the lives they had lived before we all met in Forks; all the things they had seen and all of the people they had been. “Besides, I think Edward Swan has a nice ring to it!” He concluded with a chuckle.


	21. part two / chapter three.

Later that week, I asked Edward to make sure he went home and told Rosalie that I wanted to see her. He had grumbled about it until I told him why it was so important and then he agreed, as convinced as I was that I had found a way to stir his sister out of her bad mood.

I was tidying Carlisle’s office when she arrived at the hospital. He was off work, away hunting with Esme, Alice and Jasper (they weren’t being very subtle in trying to give Rosalie her space), so I knew that Rose and I would go more or less undisturbed. The other staff members at the hospital were nice enough to me, but I think that had more to do with the fact that I was Chief Swan’s strange daughter and that I was dating Doctor Cullen’s beloved son Edward, who had long since charmed all of the nurses on the ward, rather than actually liking me for me.

Rosalie knocked sharply on the door to announce her arrival. “What is it Bella? Edward said you had something to tell me.”

I mustered a wide smile and nodded. “Yes, I do.” I replied coyly.

She rolled her eyes, clearly uncomfortable. She didn’t like hospitals, I suddenly remembered, and hadn’t done even when she was human. In those days, Carlisle had told me gently, when people went into hospitals, generally they didn’t come out again. Or, if they did, they weren’t like they used to be. “What’s so important that you couldn’t just say it over the phone?" She snapped. "Or better yet, just wait until we saw each other again. I’m not really in the mood.”

I was undeterred. “Because, Rosalie, I wanted to tell you how lucky I feel to have you as a sister. And I wanted to say how happy I am that Carlisle changed you. If he hadn’t, we would probably never have met and we certainly wouldn’t be sisters.”

She chewed on her bottom lip, taken aback by my confession. “I know everybody thinks I’m an ungrateful bitch.” She exclaimed, her dark eyes flickering with emotion. She hadn’t hunted in nearly two weeks and I was suddenly a little nervous about what I was going to offer to her. She hadn’t wanted any reminders about what she was this week in particular. “I know they think I’m selfish and petty and that I should just get over it-…”

I cut her off with a shake of my head. “Nobody thinks that of you, Rose. We love you. We want to support you through this.”

“I know that I have a good life, okay?” She continued, her voice low and husky. “I know how lucky I am to be the person that I am, to have the family that I have, to be with Emmett. I know I don’t deserve any of it, Emmett least of all. I know it, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept that I’m never going to be human again.”

“Carlisle saved you from death, or so Edward told me. You wouldn’t have been human anyway.” I pointed out.

“And I would never have found Emmett.” She nodded briskly. “I know. I’m trying Bella, just like I try every year.”

“It’s okay…” I squeezed her hand reassuringly. “I have a present for you anyway. It is an anniversary after all!”

“A present? Here?” Rosalie’s nose wrinkled up involuntarily as she glanced around at the spotless room that smelt of the antiseptic gel Carlisle kept on his desk and the rows of neatly ordered medical journals.

“Not quite, it’s just down the hall. Come on!” I led her through to a separate room where there was a line of small baby cribs, filled with newborns, almost all asleep, the rest snuffling quietly in their cribs, happy and brand new. Rosalie’s eyes widened and she couldn’t hide the smile that lit up her face, even though it embarrassed her. “It’s part of a new program, Carlisle is spear-heading it and he asked me to help him.” I explained. “Since the new neonatal equipment arrived a few months ago, mothers that deliver babies with special post-birth needs can stay at home and visit their children every day. Before, they had to go all the way to Port Angeles and stay separated from the rest of their families. So it’s a good thing, but it means that outside of visiting hours the babies only have the nurses to tend to their physical needs. There’s nobody to cuddle them or comfort them while their mothers are away.”

“So the program?”

“Allows checked volunteers to come in and sit with the babies for a while outside of visiting hours. Carlisle and I thought you might like to be the first volunteer.” I bent over one of the cribs and scooped out one of the newborns; a little boy named Thomas. “Here.” I moved to deposit him into Rosalie’s arms, but she backed away nervously.

“No Bella.” She hissed. “He’s too small, too fragile. I might hurt him.”

“If I can do it, you can do it. You’ve been practicing a hell of a lot longer than I have. You can be gentle. You just have to trust yourself, Rose.”

Rosalie swallowed and then nodded, stepping back towards me and lifting the infant into her own grasp. She inhaled sharply, but with excitement rather than fear as she peered down at Thomas’ little face. “Hello there, darling one.” She cooed, stroking his soft pink cheek with the back of her finger. She caught my eye and smiled. “Thank you, Bella. This is the best present anyone has ever given me!”

I grinned. “What are sisters for?”

“Not this!” She laughed suddenly. “This is amazing.”

I shrugged. “I just wanted you to know.”

“Know what?”

“How good you are, and how gentle. How human, you still are, Rose.”

She nodded, gazing down at the baby. “You know, when I was human, I had everything a girl could ever want. I was rich and educated and pretty. Beautiful, actually.” She whispered, and her face glowed as if she were blushing.

I snorted. “That isn’t too hard to believe.”

She shook her head. “Oh no, I looked much nicer than this. My cheeks were always flushed a rosy pink and I was warm and soft.” She shrugged simply. “I was human. The most beautiful thing on earth.” I dipped my eye-line, feeling as though I were intruding on some kind of private moment between her and her memories. “Well anyway, no matter what I looked like it was working for me! I was adored by everyone who met me. My parents and their friends doted on me, my brothers too. Friends, beaus… When I met Royce I thought everything really was going to be perfect. It never occurred to me that I deserved anything less than the best.” She glanced apologetically over at me, as though only just realising I was there. “I know that makes me sound rude and entitled but I’m just trying to be honest.”

I shook my head firmly. “I don’t think badly of you Rose," I swore to her. "I’m glad you’re sharing this with me.”

“Well the rest of my family know all about it and they all have their own opinions…” She said bitterly. “I figured I should give you the same chance, since you’re now a permanent fixture in our family.” She caught my eye and smiled, letting me know that she was happy with that fact. I grinned as Thomas yawned in her arms, stretching up and letting his small fingers curl around her outstretched finger. Rosalie beamed and continued her tale, “Royce King was the most eligible bachelor in town and my parents couldn’t have been more thrilled with the match. They had always seen the potential in my beauty and they knew I’d make a beneficial choice. My parents were wonderful but they had a real bias towards the material things in life. Material possessions were, to them, the only things worth having in life because they showed the rest of the world exactly the kind of person you were, how successful you were. I don't blame them really, in the lead-up to and then during the financial crisis money really was important, in a different way than it is now I think. But as a result, they were the things I wanted in life too. I wanted a big wedding where I was the centre of attention and I wanted a romantic, lavish honeymoon. I wanted the best husband that would buy me the best house and let me decorate it in the best way. Royce offered me all of that and more, and... oh, he was so handsome, Bella! I really thought I’d hit the jackpot. He used to send me roses several times a day. I smelled of them when I left the house and he said it was the sweetest perfume I could have used. And then he sent me several bottles of the most expensive perfume he could find anyway! He was the first person I ever met that I felt like I had to work for their admiration, it didn’t come so naturally with him because I thought that he was the one worth admiring. So of course, when he asked for my father’s permission to marry me we both said yes enthusiastically.”

“But he wasn’t worth your admiration, was he?”

Rosalie’s face darkened for a moment and then she readjusted the baby in her arms so that she could see his face a little better and he was more comfortable. We were still standing, frozen in the positions we had taken upon our arrival in the nursery. It was a sick sort of irony that we, as vampires, would never be mothers and yet we would be so suited to the task. We never tired, never aged, we were stronger than anything that would try to hurt our babies. And yet, that would never be something that was on the cards for us.

This was clearly on Rose’s mind too. “I had everything that I wanted in life,” She repeated. “Bar one thing. I wanted a baby. More than anything, I wanted to be a mother. I would have been a good one, I think. My best friend Vera followed a very different path to the one I did. We grew up together and we were from the same sort of background. But when she was seventeen, Vera gave it all up to marry a carpenter. At the time I thought she was crazy and I resented her for making me dance with the groom’s brother at her wedding. But she married for love. Sometimes I think I should have given the brother a chance! She made the best choice she could have, and she was blessed for it. A year after the wedding she gave birth to the most perfect little boy I had ever seen. God, he was gorgeous. Curly black hair, bright blue eyes, dimples, the whole lot!”

“What was his name?”

Rosalie’s mouth curled up in a soft smile and she stroked the crown of Thomas’ head. “Henry.” She whispered, the words enveloped in love on her tongue. “So Vera had it all. The lovely husband, the fairly nice house considering her husband’s wage and the perfect little baby. I thought it was my turn and I pushed for my own wedding to be as soon as possible. But my perfect husband wasn’t so perfect at all.” She paused, as though struggling to find the next words.

“You don’t have to tell me anymore if you don’t want to, Rose.”

“No, I want to. Sisters are supposed to share everything, or so Alice tells me whenever I catch her in my closet!” I laughed aloud, the sound ringing out through the hushed nursery. Still, the babies did not stir. “One night, not long before my wedding, I left Vera’s home a little later than I really should have and I started walking home. I came across Royce and a group of his friends. They were drinking, it was some kind of bachelor’s party I suppose… I’ll spare you the more gruesome details on behalf of our company.” As if in response to this Thomas wriggled again her arms. “But Royce attacked me that night, viciously, and then he offered me up to his friends to do the same. They said it was because it was so cold out and I was always so warm." Her voice cracked but, of course, no tears fell from her lashes. "He made me feel guilty for keeping them waiting and then he pulled my clothes off so that I would be as cold as they were-… When they were done they left me in the street and I patiently waited to die. I had resolved myself to do so and I was ready to go. I didn’t want anyone to know what I’d let myself be subject to and calling off the wedding would be too humiliating, especially since my soon-to-be-husband already thought I was dead. It’s strange to think now of how calmly I faced my death, but I really was ready for it. But it wasn’t to be. Carlisle smelled the blood they’d left me in and carried me away to be changed. Three days later I woke up in the house he was sharing with Esme and Edward. They’d been living round the corner from me the whole time, can you believe that? I had probably passed them in the street and never even noticed. I was so wrapped up in my own wonderful world that I didn’t even notice how they stuck out from the crowd... Royce got what he wanted in the end. I'm even colder than they were and I'll never be warm again.”

“Rose, you didn’t let anything happen to you." I insisted, horrified at what I had heard. I wanted more than anything to go back in time and protect her, to look after her. I would have done anything to take it all back and make it okay. But nobody could do that. There was no fixing something like that. "You were attacked. He preyed on you-…”

“I know. I’ve been over it all a thousand times in my head, Bella. But at the time that’s not how I thought of things, it wasn’t how anybody thought of things. My whole world was shattered. The big wedding, the lavish lifestyle, the beautiful fair-headed babies that I was going to have-… They were ripped away from me and I wanted to die. I think that’s why I find this time of year so difficult, because it reminds me of how close I was to oblivion.”

“Is that what you want?” I asked, scared of what her answer might be. “Oblivion?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Relief rushed through me. “Besides, I got all of the nice things that I wanted in the end. I found Emmett. I married for love just like Vera and I’ve had several very big and expensive weddings. I’ve had all of my lovely houses beautifully furnished. I continued my education and I’m far more accomplished than I would have ever been allowed to be if I had stayed human. I’ve seen the world, I’ve been witness to some of the most important historical events of the 20th century and I do have a family of a sort… But there’s one thing I’m never going to have… You know Bella, it seems silly but I think Esme and I have it a lot harder than the others. We suffered the most horrific emotional trauma-…" She cut herself off. "Oh I don’t know, I suppose you can’t compare something like this.” The way that she looked down at the baby again made me know exactly what she was missing. “Thank you for bringing me here, Bella.”

“Of course. Come any time! I don't think anything could make Carlisle happier!”

“And thank you for listening to my story. It feels good to let it out. Everyone else heard it decades ago and it’s a bit of a sad one to bring out at parties!”

I giggled and wrapped my arm around her in a side-hug, reaching down to stroke Thomas' cheek gently. “I like sad stories. " I whispered. "They’re so… human!”

~~~

Edward and I were a few days out from our trip to Italy and my nerves continued to mount. Even Charlie noticed, telling me that if I was that nervous about the flight then it might be better to postpone the trip. If that had been a realistic option, I might have taken it, but the Volturi had made their command and I had to deliver. I had no doubt that the consequences for staying away from Volterra would vastly outweigh the experience of going, no matter what my adopted family said to reassure me.

My anxiety was somewhat relieved by the fact that Edward seemed increasingly relaxed about the whole trip and was even interested in making it a real vacation for us rather than just a quick stop in Volterra. I was particularly excited when he suggested that we stop in Venice for a few days on our way. He figured that since it was my first time to Italy I ought to see the sights.

He could tell that I still wasn’t completely on board with the idea of facing the Volturi, so he used my one weakness to coax some enthusiasm from me. “Just think,” He purred in my ear one afternoon in our meadow. “We’ll be completely alone and far away. We’ll be in Volterra for an afternoon at most and then we’ll leave again. Prior and after that one visit, it’ll be just us. Travelling, seeing the world, loving each other.” He traced his fingers down the side of my face as though he were physically sealing the deal.

I sighed contentedly and let the weight of my head fall against his palm. “It sounds like a dream.” I admitted.

“Then please love, don’t worry yourself.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You were worried too, why have you changed your tune?”

“I realised that I was being silly. I’ve been to Volterra dozens of times before and it’s always been just fine. Carlisle is good friends with the Volturi, there’s no bad blood between our two covens. The invitation really was a friendly one-…”

“What if they ask about my 'gift'?” I cut him off suddenly, my real worries bubbling to the surface.

“Lie.” He said without hesitation, his voice hardening. He caught my eye and I realised then I had figured him out. He was worried about the visit and it went beyond the niceties of introducing me to Carlisle’s old friends. He was convinced, far more than I was, that I was a gifted vampire and that Aro would try to collect me to improve his ranks.

“What if he can read my mind, Edward?” I pressed, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to lie to the ancient vampire’s face, especially subconsciously.

Edward considered this for a moment. “Aro’s gift is similar to mine which makes me think that you’ll be as immune to him as you are me.”

I smirked, letting the tension between us melt away. “I wouldn’t say I’m exactly immune to you…” I whispered, moving closer and pressing a tender kiss to the side of him mouth.

He kissed me back and then said calmly, “Listen, if for some reason he can read your thoughts then don’t worry about it. He’s done it to me every time I’ve come across him. It’s not too bad and he generally keeps what he finds to himself unless he thinks it’s important. The Volturi aren’t evil, Bella. Carlisle still considers them good friends and if it wasn’t for the difference in their diet I imagine he would have continued to live with them for many more decades than he did. The trip will go off without a hitch and then we can come home and get on with our lives.”

“I know. It’s going to be fine.” I said firmly, trying to convince us both that it was actually true.

“Besides, we don’t have anyway of proving that you are gifted beyond the possibility that Aro won’t be able to read your mind.”

“That’s true I suppose...”

He suddenly grinned excitedly. “Although I can’t pretend I’m not counting down the days until Eleazar can confirm it for us!"

“Or deny it.” I added, making sure that he knew it was still a very large possibility. It made no sense that I would be special, not when most of the Cullens, whom I considered the most extraordinary creatures on the planet, didn't have special powers.

“Care to make it interesting, Bella?” He suggested cockily.

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not an idiot. No way am I making a bet with you, you always have Alice unwillingly on your side!”

“Not this time. She swears she has no idea what’s happening inside your head and unfortunately her thoughts tell the same story. You’re a mystery to us all.”

“Myself included.” I mumbled.


	22. part two / chapter four.

Jake called me the next night and asked if I wanted to hang out with him and Angela. I told him that I had to pack for my trip but they were welcome to come over and help me if they wanted to. They turned up on Charlie’s doorstep twenty minutes later and he sent them upstairs to my room.

Before they arrived I had just enough time to take the sheets off my bed and shake the film of dust off of them, beating the pillows carefully so that I didn’t accidentally burst them. I left the bed crumpled, hoping it looked like I had slept in it the night before (and had been doing so every night for the months that I had been living in Forks) and then set my suitcase on top of the wrinkled sheets.

Jake and Angela didn’t help much with the packing when they arrived, choosing instead to lounge on my bed and catch each other up on their respective lives, with Jake clamouring for any schoolyard gossip that he could pry out of Angela’s lips. Despite the fact that I was the only one doing anything with my suitcase, their presence did help me considerably. I felt calmed and comforted and oddly warmed by their being there and it helped me finally build up the courage to think logically about what I would need for the trip and actually place it in my suitcase. Until that moment, part of me was still not entirely convinced I was going away at all.

My friends noticed I was quieter than normal, however, and soon Jake piped up with, “You’re not still freaking out about the trip are you?”

“Course not…” I lied badly, lifting a blouse and folding it in the air to hide my facial expression from them. They would know that I was nervous, of course, but I couldn’t let them see just how terrified I was. They would start worrying that I wasn’t going to be returning from the trip if I wasn’t careful.

“The Cullens have told you what to expect, Bells.” Jake reminded me gently as I slowly lowered the blouse and placed it in my suitcase. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

I nodded. “I know that… It’s just that Carlisle’s uncle can be a little temperamental when he has visitors.” I raised an eyebrow at Jake, taking a chance and hoping Angela wouldn’t notice.

I was in luck. “One of my grandfathers is like that.” She contributed with a solemn, understanding nod, without noticing the pointed look I had shot at Jake. “We have to take him a box of saltwater taffy whenever we visit or he won’t even let us step through the door. One time, my dad forgot the taffy and it was too late to go back and get any so Pops made him sleep in the car.” I smiled at Angela’s story. She, of course, did not know the true purpose of my trip to Italy and assumed, as Charlie did, that the reason I was so nervous was because I was a bad flier. In fact, I was an excellent flier, having completed solo trip to and from Forks since I was old enough to travel alone.

“Well that’s an option!” Laughed Jake.

“What?” I laughed. “Sleep in the rental car if he doesn’t like me?”

“No, take him some saltwater taffy to sweeten the deal.”

I grimaced. “Something tells me he’s not much of a sweets guy.”

“Seriously Bells, it’s going to be fine. Edward’s going to be with you the entire time. He’s not going to let anything go wrong.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” I nodded.

“Plus you get to go to Italy!” Exclaimed Angela, rolling onto her stomach. “Ugh, have I told you how jealous I am yet?”

“Only a million times.” I giggled.

“Well count this as a million and one because I am so jealous! Hey, maybe Carlisle’s uncle would like me, you should smuggle me along for the ride!”

I laughed, though her joke had made my blood turn even colder. My biggest fear was that Aro would like Angela and that he would go looking for her just to make sure that she was to his liking.

~~~

To keep up appearances, Carlisle and Esme decided to drive us to the airport despite the fact we could just have easily run there on foot. We didn’t have a lot of luggage, having no need for toiletries or stacks of clothes. We were going to be away for little over a week and despite Alice’s insistence that we never knew what kind of events we might end up attending, I had packed exactly one top for every day and two pairs of jeans. The only added weight were three books which I took just in case the ones Edward assured would be in the apartment we stayed in weren’t to my liking.

That morning I was surprised to find Charlie already awake when I arrived home to say goodbye to him. He was nursing a cup of coffee at the kitchen table and looked up at me bleary-eyed, his hair standing up in tufts created by turning his head during the night. “Couldn’t sleep.” He said by way of greeting and explanation.

“Everything okay?” I asked, sinking down opposite him at the table.

He shrugged. “Everything’s fine. You’re just going a million miles away.” He added sarcastically, slurping his coffee.

“I’m coming right back.” I reminded him. “Ten days, that’s all. Then I’ll be back in Forks with you again.”

“Yeah but then how long will it be before you leave again?”

“Dad, I’m happy here.” I assured him, reaching across and giving his hand a gentle squeeze. He didn’t flinch at the cold temperature of my skin like most humans would. He had always accepted me at face value, even in this body that was still new, even to me. “I’m going to stay here for as long as I practically can and then after that you’ll visit me or I’ll come and visit you in secret.”

“In secret.” He snorted into his cup.

“It’s not the way I would want things, but it’s the way they are. Please don’t make things difficult for me. Especially today.”

“Sorry honey. I’m just not ready to lose you.”

“That’s the great thing about it, Dad.” I reminded him. “You never have to lose me.”

“I guess you’re right.” He nodded and then grunted awkwardly. “Well there’s no good in prolonging the inevitable. Give me a hug and run back to the Cullens. You’re flying in a couple of hours. Best to get to the airport early.” I grinned and walked around the table to embrace him.

In fact, our flight wasn’t until that night and we had nearly the whole day before we needed to set off but Charlie always liked to be prepared. And he was right, I didn’t want to prolong saying goodbye to him, even for only the short amount of time that we would be apart.

I did as he instructed and returned so quickly to the Cullen household that they all worried that something bad had happened. When I explained Charlie’s worries Esme put her hand over her heart and sighed sadly, before promising that she and Carlisle would be sure to keep an eye on him for me whilst Edward and I were away. I waved her off, ensuring her that my father would be perfectly alright by himself for a few days. After all, he had lived by himself for sixteen years before I dumped myself back on his doorstep. But secretly, Esme’s words relieved me greatly and I did hope that she would stick to them, even just to act as someone for Charlie to tell all of his anxieties to. I was surprised to find that some of my own nerves about our trip to Italy had subsided after I had bid Charlie farewell and knew that he would be alright in my absence. Perhaps, I mused to myself, that had been my main anxiety all along. I didn’t want to say goodbye to Charlie. I was never going to want to say goodbye to Charlie.

Regardless, the Cullens clearly still thought that I was worrying myself too much over the visit to Volterra and each of them took the chance to speak to me alone over the following few hours before we drove to the airport. Even Alice, who I had never before seen so serious when our lives weren’t in explicit danger, pulled me aside and told me solemnly how scared she had been the first time she had come across the Volturi. “Carlisle introduced me to them. I think he was worried that Aro would be angry at him if he thought that he was hiding me away on account of my visions. Volterra looks far more intimidating than it is. The worst part about it is the fact that they abide by the natural diet… You’ll see what I mean when you get there. But I wouldn’t worry about the actual meeting at all. Even with me and Edward, who Aro wants within his ranks, he’s very pleasant and never tries to force us. You’ll be completely fine, and Edward’s not going to let you out of his sight the entire time you’re there!” That seemed to be the line that they all used to the seal the deal and assure me that everything really would be alright. It always helped, until I considered the idea that Edward and I might be separated for some reason. I tried to keep that particular thought as far out of my mind as I could, knowing that it was too unlikely to even bother worrying about.

Later in the day, as we were preparing to leave, Jake arrived to see us off. I was glad to see him and had been hoping he would show up before we took off. He grinned widely when he saw us. “Ready for the big flight?” He asked excitedly.

“Oh sure.” I said unconvincingly.

“You’ll be fine.” He rolled his eyes. Then he thrust his hand into the pocket of his shorts and rummaged around for a moment before pulling out a small item hung on a strap of worn leather. “But just to make sure that you definitely are, I brought you this.” He handed me the gift, placing it in the centre of my palm. It was a flat sphere of deep-red wood. On one side was carved an arrow, on the other side there was a three-pronged swirl. “That’s the symbol for homecoming.” Jake said proudly, tracing the symbol with the tip of his index finger. “So if you’re homesick you can look at that and picture all of us and remind yourself that you’re coming home again soon.”

“What does the arrow mean?”

“Protection.” I looked to him with a raised eyebrow. He shrugged. “You can never be too careful with vampires.”

“How true.” I laughed, wrapping the leather strap tight around my fingers and then reaching around him to give him a hug. “Thank you.” I whispered. “I needed a little reassurance.”

“I know. It’s okay, Bells.”

“Jacob!” Carlisle exclaimed, emerging from the house, his car keys jangling in his hand. “Good to see you!” He added, as if he hadn’t seen Jake every day for the past three month. “Come to see our travellers off, have you?”

“Yeah Doc, just wanted to give Bella a goodbye present.” Jake replied sheepishly, scuffing the toe of his sneaker across the ground in front of him.

I handed Carlisle the strap, eager to show off my lovely gift. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

Carlisle listened lowly and held the charm up to the light to get a better look at it. “Exquisite. Did you make it yourself, Jake?”

Jake blushed and nodded. “Just the carving. Embry sewed the strap for me a few years ago when broke the top strap on my school backpack. I don’t use the bag much anymore so I cut it loose and attached it… Why are you looking at me like that Bells?”

I was gaping at him. I couldn’t believe he was going to let me take the gift away without knowing it had been crafted by his own hands. I was almost angry, and suddenly wished I hadn’t handed it to Carlisle. I wanted my charm back in my own grip, protecting me with Jake’s care. Eventually Carlisle did hand it back to me, after admiring it for several minutes and discussing the craft with Jake.

I had just heard my friend offer to make one for each of the Cullens when Edward emerged from the house with our bags and made a beeline for the car. I beat him there, opening the trunk for him and demanding a kiss in exchange for my services. “Feeling okay?” He asked quietly when we pulled away.

“A few butterflies.” I admitted. “But nothing too drastic. Mostly I’m looking forward to going away… with you.”

He grinned. “I have to admit, it’s making me eager to get going too.”

“Besides, I don’t have anything to worry about. Jake made me this to keep me safe.” I pressed the charm into his palm so that he could admire it.

“It’s lovely.” He nodded, running his fingertips across the engraving. He pulled his face into a mock pout and looked back to me. “But what about me? Am I to be left to fend for myself?”

“Don’t be silly.” I giggled, wrapping my arm around his waist. “I’ll be protecting you.”

“Oh yes? Like a shield, you mean?”

“Don’t start a fight before we’ve even left the driveway, Cullen!” I warned him with a wink.

“Have a great trip, you guys.” Emmett beamed, sidling up to us and leaning against Carlisle’s car. “Oh, and Rose sends her love.”

“Where is she?” I asked.

Emmett rolled his eyes as if it were obvious. “Same place she’s been all day every day since you first took her there. The hospital looking after those little babies!”

I beamed, thrilled that my plan had worked and that Rosalie felt fulfilled by her work at the hospital. One by one the rest of the Cullens filed out of the house and the car was loaded up with our meagre amount of luggage. We said our goodbyes quickly, knowing we would be back soon and then slid into the back of the car behind Carlisle and Esme. Barely a minute later, we were on the main road and driving out of Forks. I craned my neck to get a last glimpse of the thickly-packed woods and small houses, as though I were trying to memorise it. I sat back in my chair and took a deep breath.

“Ready?” Edward asked me quietly, putting his hand to my face.

I mustered a smile and leaned over to kiss him. “For anything.” I said determinedly as we passed the Forks welcome sign and made a beeline for the airport.

~~~

It didn’t take long for us to get into the airport and through security, after a brief but sweet goodbye with Carlisle and Esme. My adopted mother reiterated her promise to keep an eye on Charlie and Carlisle asked us to pass on his regards to Aro and the rest of the Volturi. We said that we would and then rushed our way through the rest of the airport procedure, eager, at last, to be alone and on our own adventure. My nerves for the trip fell away as we walked hand-in-hand through the airport and then as we boarded the plane, to be replaced only with love for Edward and excitement for our vacation. We so rarely got time alone, only a few stolen hours when we could in our meadow, that to finally be promised a stretch of alone time with him was a bigger blessing that I would ever admit.

Once on the plane, I curled up beside him, closing my eyes as if to sleep. I had specifically requested that he not purchase First Class tickets. I wanted to travel with other travellers, not businessmen and the loveless rich. I wanted to sit amongst the people really going somewhere. New mothers with their babies cradled to their chests; traveling alone to bring their precious gift to see its relatives for the first time. Students, matted hair and holey cardigans stuffing too-big backpacks into the overhead lockers, intent on seeing the world before they grew too old to enjoy its simple beauty. The single men travelling the length of the world to visit the women they loved, thinking about how long it would be after this time until they held them again. I wanted to live their lives beside them, with Edward by my side. And anyway, it wasn’t like we got uncomfortable. The limited leg room didn’t phase us and we knew we had no chance of trying to sleep on the plane to avoid the jet-lag. I peered out of the window as we soared above the clouds, above the mazes of cities hidden by their haze, their roads leading out from centres of life like veins from a beating heart. All those people, all those lives. To them, walking down the street with toddlers hanging from their hands or sitting at their desks in high-rise offices, it was just another day. They had no idea that miles above them, flying closer to the heavens than humans were ever supposed to, we were all winging our way towards new adventures, new experiences, maybe even new lives.

I told Edward all of these things as we soared through the air, my insistence before that point being a drawn-out mystery to him. He listened to my whispered explanations and looked dutifully when I pointed out particular characters that I was drawn to around us. He humoured my people-watching and my romantic notions of the world. He never laughed at me or wondered why I wouldn’t want to stretch out in the privacy of First Class with him. When I was finished he just smiled and kissed me, very very gently.

When we first arrived in Italy, we had to kill a few hours in the Venice airport while the sun took its time in setting. Finally, we were able to board a water taxi and bob our way into the heart of Venice, where we would stay for four days. The apartment Edward had found for us was exquisite, seemingly as old as the city itself but modern enough that it was extremely comfortable. Every inch of wall space was covered with expensive, beautiful artwork and the many book cases were stacked with more novels and books on the city than could ever be read in a human’s lifetime.

“How did you find this place?” I breathed, after exploring every nook and cranny of the apartment for several minutes.

“Find it?” Edward snorted. “Bella, Carlisle and Esme own this apartment. Among others.”

“Oh right…” Of course they did. How long would it before the Cullens’ wealth didn’t embarrass me. How many years did it take before budgeting and emergency five dollar notes went out the window? Would I ever fully adapt to their family? “How silly of me!” I replied sarcastically.

“A simple mistake.” He winked as I turned around. “Obviously we can help ourselves to anything.” He said, noticing the way I was admiring the vast bookshelves. “We’ll be in here during daylight hours for obvious reasons, but I think you’ll still like Venice even at night.”

“And what are we supposed to do to keep ourselves occupied for all that time?” I purred, edging closer to him.

“There’s plenty to do.” He rushed, moving to unzip his bag. "Books, drawing materials, a few puzzles and boardgames in one of the cupboards. We can even have another piano lesson if you’d like-…”

“Oh the joys of Italy.” I muttered in a bored tone, moving to look out of the window. I sighed regretfully as I did so. The summer night wouldn’t last very long and even now I could sense the moon preparing to disappear again, even as it shone down on the ancient city, making the canal water glitter. I resented my own skin and its similar reflective qualities. I wanted to be down on the cobblestones, wandering hand-in-hand with Edward as we explored Venice as it was supposed to be seen. In the vibrant day time, through throngs of travellers, gelato dripping down our tanned arms and the smells of rich pasta sauces floating out of the nearby restaurants. And if we couldn’t do that, I at least wanted to make love to Edward in one of the most romantic cities in the world. But, of course, rules were rules and I couldn’t break his conditions without breaking my own. 

Trying to recall my human memories was becoming increasingly difficult the longer I lived as a vampire. I struggled the most with faces, which Edward had depressingly assured me would be the first to go. Anyone I had seen after my transformation would remain immortalised in my new, picture-perfect memory for the rest of my existence, however long that may be. But others were to be forgotten. My mother, the one I had known in my childhood and adolescence was gone forever. Her gentle eyes with the laughter lines etched in the skin around them. Her warm arms and spicy perfumes. 

Others too were unattainable to be now. When I pictured Jake and our summer escapades in my youth, I saw only some of his features. His hair had always been long, until most recently, and his skin always the creamy copper shade that it still was. He had been shorter than me until the last summer that I had spent in Forks, when he had shot up and his arms and legs had taken over his frame. His sisters had always been there, the Clearwater children too. I must have come across nearly every kid in my high school at one point or another and yet I couldn’t picture a single one of them.

Maybe Rosalie was right when she said that we really do die when we transform. A version of us certainly does. My body and mind still exist, but was I still Bella Swan without her memories? Was I just a new version of a girl that had been dead and buried? Is that why my mother had let me go and never reached out? No, that couldn’t be it. She didn’t understand what I was now, she didn’t know about the lost thoughts. She didn’t know that I barely knew her at all now but that I still desperately wanted to. Did she miss me too? Or just the daughter she had once had? Did she tell people I had died all those months ago in Phoenix? Did anyone ever think of me at all?

Not all was lost to me, however. Occasionally, something would trigger a memory and I would see it as vividly as if it happened to be only a lonely before. Sometimes it was a line in a book, other times the sound of someone’s voice. A picture, a film, a melody. Scents were a tricky one. Most human food smelled of dirt or something equally bland, just as it would taste if I were to try and taste it. But sometimes, the aroma would be so beautiful that even I was enticed. Such was the situation in Venice, where the scents of garlic and onion and fresh tomatoes and creaming gelato wafted from every window into ours. “I used to love Italian food.” I sighed regretfully.

“I never got to try it.” Edward replied. “It wasn’t popularised in America until a long time after I was changed.”

“It was good.” I assured him. “I could have existed solely on pasta and pizza for years and years if I had needed to.”

Edward smiled sadly and said nothing else; leaving me to my memories, with what little time I had left with them. I tried to get over it, to not miss them too much. After all, in all likelihood they would have escaped me anyway once I reached a certain age. Now, I had an eternity to make new, crystal-clear memories that would be mine forever. I would never lose them. I would lock them up in a silver box, engraved with my own name on it, hidden away in my heart. They were mine.

Edward and I spent the days lounging around the apartment, stealing glances out of the windows and talking. It was nice, in the end, just to be with him, although I never really forgot how much I wanted him in a closer way than that. We talked a lot about the future, all the while avoiding the question of marriage, and imagined what our lives would look like when we finally left Forks forever. We would travel the world, that was certain. Edward had already been to most of the places I has desperate to see, numerous times in fact, but he promised we would go to them nonetheless, claiming he learnt something new every time he visited a city.

As he had promised, there was plenty to do. I flew through the three books I had brought with me in the first two days and replaced them with a selection from the shelves in the apartment. Edward occupied the rest of my attention, compelling me to play endless games of Go Fish and Snap. He did also manage to get me behind the piano, but I kept getting distracted by our wandering hands instead of focusing on the notes and he said it might be better if we waited until we returned to Forks to attempt yet another lesson.

Every night, the moment the sun went down, we were released from our cage and we explored the city at length. Venice is not a particularly large city, you can’t walk too far before hitting the edge and having to turn back. It’s easy to navigate too and by following the canals and crossing the same bridges, we had memorised its layout by the end of our first night. We shopped and discussed what we might have ordered if we were normal tourists and could eat in the many restaurants that lined the streets. One night, Edward even surprised me with a trip to the ballet. As we watched the graceful dancers move across the stage, I entertained the idea that I might take up dancing again, as I had done when I was a little girl. I inwardly cringed at the memories and wondered if, even in this form, my clumsiness would have left me.

On our last night in Venice, Edward and I were browsing in a souvenir shop. They seemed to be open all hours, their desks manned by disinterested young people just trying to make some extra cash. While Edward examined some of the blown glass in the corner, wondering if he should risk the perils of baggage handling for the sake of bringing something back for Esme, I looked at the postcards. I quickly picked out one for Charlie and then, impulsively, picked out a second one.

“Who’s that one for?” Edward asked, appearing behind me and making me jump.

“Um, I was going to send it to Jake but I guess we’ll be home before they get there anyway.” I bluffed, stuffing both cards back onto the white wire rack.

“Bella?” He caught me by the elbow and I found myself looking up into his honey-coloured eyes.

I sighed and then turned back to the postcard rack. “I thought I might send one to Renee.”

“That’s a nice idea. Why don’t you?”

I shrugged and wandered away from the rack, my arms folded over my chest defensively. “We haven’t spoken since-… Well you know.” I glanced self-consciously at the young woman manning the counter, but she was on the phone and had barely looked at us since we had entered the small store.

“This might be a nice way to pick things back up.” Edward pointed out. "People love receiving postcards. They’re a sign that you’re thinking of someone and you want them to know what you’re up to but it’s a lot less personal or emotional than, say, a long hand-written letter.”

“I guess.” I mumbled.

“Charlie would certainly appreciate a postcard, even if it arrives after you do.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” I smiled, thinking of my father anxiously awaiting our return. I picked the postcards back off the rack and approached the counter, trying to imagine what an earth I was going to say to my mother in only a few lines.

The next night, we reluctantly left Venice and began our journey to Volterra. Edward had planned everything immaculately and we stepped off the airplane in Rome just as the sun was threatening to rise. We hurried into our waiting rental car and were in the safety of the covered roof and driving on the highway towards Volterra before a single sunbeam could land on our exposed skin. Nevertheless, we wore long sleeves and pants, just in case. When we were the only car on the road, which happened several times on our lengthy journey, I treated myself by rolling up my sleeves and the windows down and letting one sparkling arm trail in the wind. Edward laughed as he drove faster than necessary, or was strictly legal, and took my other hand in his.

“If I didn’t know where this journey was ending, I think this would the happiest day of my life.” I murmered, unclipping my seatbelt to move closer to him. I only ever wore the belt when I was in Forks for the sake of appearances. Edward and I both knew that if I were to get into a wreck, which was extremely unlikely on account of my inhuman reflexes (and the fact that my darling truck only went fifty miles an hour at top speed) that I would easily walk away without even a scratch.

No longer inhibited by the belt, I curled close to him, my lips tracing the bottom of his neck. Edward sighed. “I don’t know how many times I have to promise you that I’m not going to let anything happen to you, Bella.”

“Just once more?” I purred, glad that he could tell exactly why I was sticking so closely to him and what I needed to hear in order to calm down. We knew each other well enough by now that tuning into one another’s needs and emotions was second nature. Still, it pleased me to test the waters every now and again to make sure that we were still on the same page.

He grinned in response to my whispering, realising that we were playing a game. He pulled the car over rapidly, making the wheels, and me, screech in delight. In one fluid motion, he reached across me and flipped my chair into a reclining position and dropped me down flat onto it. He crawled across, the engine still roaring, and hovered above me. I looked up at him, my breaths coming in excited, pleasured pants.

“Isabella. Marie. Swan.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to a different part of my body with every word. “I will protect you. I will defend you.” He added a growl to the end of his sentence, producing a wicked grin from me. Then he added tenderly, “I will love you. No matter what tries to come between us, no matter what anybody says or does. You are mine.” He snarled into the crook of my neck, coaxing a giggling squeal of pleasure from me. “You are mine and I am yours.” He murmered more gently, moving to kiss my lips softly.

I kissed him back and echoed his words sincerely. “You are mine and I am yours.”

“Feel better?” He whispered, stroking my head and moving a strand of my hair out of my eyes.

“Much.” I assured him.

“Good.” He shot me a satisfied smile and brought my chair back up into a seated position. He climbed elegantly back across to his own side of the vehicle, only to reach across and kiss me one last time before he put the car back in drive. “Next stop, Volterra.”


	23. part two / chapter five.

I was glad that Alice had warned me prior to my arrival in Volterra. It was intimidating and just the sight of it made my gut clench and squirm. The city itself seemed like a medieval fortress, one that any small child with a worthy knowledge of fairy-tales would pick as the hide-out for all sorts of monsters, villains and suspicious magic. Every inch of it felt simultaneously living and very very dead; dusty and wordless, ancient and buried but never forgotten. It teemed with horrible life. The city was dry and dusty with beige-coloured buildings surrounding a grand castle atop a high hill.

“That’s where they live.” Edward said quietly, pointing towards the castle itself, his hands still gripping the steering wheel.

“Why does that not surprise me?” I muttered and leaned forward to get a better look at Volterra through the tinted windscreen of the rental car.

“Aro has always had a bit of a flair for the dramatics.” Edward smirked at me.

As he expertly drove up the steep road, I looked out of the window at the people going about their every day lives. A few tourists, but mostly ordinary people performing their day-to-day duties and interacting with one another. It reminded me, strangely, of Forks, in its small-town ordinariness. “How do they live so closely to the Volturi and never suspect anything?” I asked curiously.

“Oh they suspect everything!” Edward told me matter-of-factly, though I could tell his own answer bothered him. “It’s one of the reasons the Volturi can stay here so easily. Volterra is known for its supposed vampiric history and it’s a big tourist attraction. They do tours of the castle for big groups. Emmett once compared it to a meals-on-wheels service.”

The meaning behind the joke twisted in my chest and I sunk lower in my seat. “That’s horrible.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” He reached across to take my hand. “I’m just trying to lighten the mood. Bella, the Volturi’s diet is the main reason Carlisle left them in the first place. They’re unapologetically disinterested in human life. To them, it means nothing at all, whereas to Carlisle and the rest of us it means everything. While we see a human life as an innocent and precious thing, the Volturi see it as something that is safer being extinguished.”

A humourless laugh erupted from my chest. “What risk could a human being possibly hold for the Volturi?”

“They think of themselves as gods, and gods have always feared humanity.” He replied simply. “Centuries ago, around the time that Carlisle himself was changed, humans came very close to exposing our kind and eradicating it. That’s why the Volturi introduced their laws, to protect us. Well, that was the reason for their creation, their enforcement seems less and less about protection for us and more about power for the Volturi. Anyway, ever since, when they take a human life they don’t just do so for sustenance, which one could certainly excuse-…” He caught my eye and steadily backtracked. “You know what I mean. Every creature needs to survive, Bella, and cravings aren’t things to be trifled with. Even Carlisle would take a human life after long enough if he were trapped somewhere with no alternative, his instinct would take over. Anyway, the Volturi don’t just drink blood for the sake of food… they play with their victims and make it as awful as possible for them. They know they can’t escape to tell the story of the Volturi’s existence and yet they still fear that humans will take all that they have away from them.”

“I’m feeling less and less inclined to like them.” I grumbled. “No matter what Carlisle says.”

Edward shrugged. “Carlisle and Aro will never agree upon their morals, but they have been friends for a long time. The Volturi are very civilised in all other areas of their lives and are possibly the leading minds in science, politics, art, theatre, really anything. They’ve been hiding in that castle for so many years, there’s little else to occupy their time other than when they receive visitors.”

“So this is what? A source of entertainment for them? Should I have prepared a skit or is improv the right way to go?”

“Don’t mistake me Bella, this meeting is important.” Edward said quickly, his face darkening with worry and seriousness. “Nothing bad will happen but it is important that it goes well. I didn’t want to stress you out ahead of time, but Aro is a very powerful person, possibly the most powerful of our kind. If he takes a disliking to us, he could easily destroy our family.”

“Great, so no pressure then.” I muttered under my breath.

“Just be yourself, love. You are enchanting, whether you choose to believe it or not. When you walk into a room people take notice, and it’s not just because of your body. I hear the thoughts of every other person when you’re around. They would let you get away with murder after two minutes of being near you. Aro wants to be entertained, you’re right. He wants to be excited and interested. We want him to want to collect you without actually doing it, does that make sense?”

I sighed. “Aro likes pretty, shiny things-…”

“Special things.” Edward corrected me smoothly.

“And he’ll leave us be if I please him?”

“Exactly. He wants to be the person that you think of when you’re dissatisfied with your own life. He won’t force you to come to him because he wants you to want to come of your own volition. If you’re to be of any use to him then you have to be in his guard willingly. Remember, he’s wanted Alice, Jasper and I for decades and yet we’re still free to stay with our family. He won’t take you away from us.”

I nodded, trying to get my head around it all. “Okay, I think I can handle that.”

“Good because we’re here.” Edward parked illegally outside of the castle and then whipped me out of the car, making sure we were under the shade of the awning before anyone could catch sight of us sparkling. “Did Alice warn you about the smell?” I made a face, letting him that she had. “It’s not too bad, you’ll get used to it after a few minutes.” He promised and then let himself in the heavy wooden door that separated us from the Volturi.

I gasped as the scent hit my nose. Blood. Human blood. Sweet and heady and available. It was too subtle for a human being to pick up on, though I had no doubt that something inside of them would be telling them that they were in the wrong place at the wrong time by now. It had been a mistake not to have hunted directly before coming here. Every part of me burned with desire, my throat throbbing with thirst. But I had to control myself, there were more pressing matters to attend to. I clenched my eyes shut for a moment, steadying myself. Edward waited patiently for me and when I felt prepared we made our way up to the reception desk where a young woman was typing at a computer.

She greeted us and I realised, with a jolt, that she was human. Her skin was so light that she could have almost passed for one of us, but the tiny throb of a heartbeat in the side of her neck and her cloudy blue eyes gave her away. Edward gave our names without even flinching and she tapped away in her satin heels to tell somebody, though I had no idea who, that we had arrived. “Human?” I hissed. “Surely that risks everything they’ve been working for?”

“She knows but she’ll never tell.”

“How do you know?”

“She thinks they’ll change her when the time is right.”

“Will they?”  
“Bella, love… Remember what I said about their respect for human life?” I realised then how naive I was. I moved closer to Edward, entwining my fingers tightly with his and clinging on for dear life. He pressed a kiss to my head and then looked up moments before two vampires arrived in the foyer, followed by the human receptionist who smiled politely at me. As always, he had heard them coming.

“Edward, good to see you!” One called out as they approached.

“Hello Felix. Demetri.” Edward nodded at one and then the other.

“Aro wants to see you right away. He’s so eager to meet your new mate.” The second vampire, Demetri, told Edward. His eyes lingered on me a little longer than necessary and I felt Edward tense beside me. “Come on then.” Demetri said, turning on his heel, expecting us to follow him, which we obediently did.

The walk to the meeting seemed endless, but really took only a few seconds. Felix knocked politely on a heavy door and opened it effortlessly at the sound of admission from inside. The four of us emerged into a grand throne room, with vampires littered throughout it. In the centre of the room were three identical chairs. Sitting in each one were the vampires Carlisle had told me were called Caius, Marcus and, in the centre, Aro. He had pointed them out to me on an oil painting in his study and I suddenly wished Carlisle was here with us now to ease any tension.

But they hadn’t asked for Carlisle. They had asked for me.

“Edward!” Aro cried out happily, clapping his hands together and rising from his throne. He seemed to float through the room, gliding across the stone floor as though his feet weren’t even touching the ground. He stopped a few feet away from us and grinned as though we were the only two people on earth he wanted to see in that moment. He greeted Edward so warmly that it felt as though they really were related, instead of that just being our cover story for why we were in Italy at all, and it took me a second to remember why he didn’t offer his hand for Edward to shake. It would have revealed too much too soon. Aro liked the suspense.

“Hello Aro.” Edward replied, nodding respectfully. “Good to see you again.”

“How is my dear friend Carlisle?” Aro sang, his voice ringing out in the large room, ensuring that everyone that was present could hear every word.

“Very well, thank you. He sends his regards, of course.”

“How wonderful to hear! You’ll be sure to give mine back to him when you return home?”

Edward smiled and nodded again. “Of course.”

Aro turned to me, his red eyes gleaming. “And this must be Isabella.” His tongue curled around my name like it would a delicious treat.

“Hello Aro.” I squeaked, my voice seemingly too scared to come out. I felt Edward’s reassuring hand on the small of my back and tried to focus on him instead of the ancient vampire standing in front of me. He was there. We were together. Nothing bad was going to happen.

Aro’s smile widened even further as he cocked an eyebrow at me. “May I?” He asked in a way that made me certain it was not really a question, but an order. He held his dusty white hand out in my direction as though taunting me. It seemed that the pleasantries were over. It was time for business to commence. I was fairly confident that he, having abilities so close to Edward’s, would not be able to see my thoughts, but anxiety clutched at me nonetheless. Without meaning to, I screwed my hands up into fists at my side and took a step backwards. The guards stirred, watching me with interest.

I felt Edward’s hand hard at my back now, stopping me from moving any further. “It’s alright.” He whispered urgently. “It’s alright.” I knew that wasn’t exactly what he meant. He meant, “nobody will hurt you while I’m here,” and he also meant, “you don’t have a choice.”

I mustered a polite smile and moved back towards Aro slowly, extending my hand elegantly towards him. His tongue flickered as his mouth opened slightly, his eyes shining with excitement. He slid his hands over mine, the papery skin feeling oddly cold even between two vampires. He tightened his grip and closed his eyes for a few seconds, before opening them again and glaring at me in confusion. “You knew I wouldn’t be able to see, didn’t you Edward?” He said, his gaze staying on my face.

“I wasn’t sure.” Edward replied steadily, but I could hear that he had moved a little closer to us. If I wasn’t mistaken, it sounded as though he was a little smug. “Her gift, if that is even what it is,” He added to cover all of our bases. “Is somewhat… unpredictable.”

Aro narrowed his eyes, curiosity burning behind his crimson irises. “You mean it doesn’t always work?”

“It doesn’t work on everyone.” Edward corrected him, moving to stand beside me once more. “I can’t read Bella’s mind but Alice can see her future. It’s… selective.”

“How unique…” Aro murmered, still holding my hand. “A shield, do you think?”

“Perhaps.” Came Edward’s careful reply. “If she was able to learn how to control it. Right now she doesn’t even believe that she has a gift. And as I said, none of us are quite sure.”

“Has she met with Eleazar? I know that your coven and that of the one he joined when he left us see each other quite regularly, no? I’m sure he could shed some very useful light on the situation.”

“Not yet, but hopefully one day.” Clearly, Edward had no intention of letting Aro know exactly how soon we would be seeing the Denali Coven, and he certainly had no intention of updating Aro about whatever Eleazar was going to say on the matter of my possible gift.

I was beginning to get irritated with the two of them discussing me as if I wasn’t there when Aro announced, “I would like to speak to Isabella alone.”

I jumped a few steps backwards, bridging the gap between Edward and I myself. This wasn’t part of the plan, we weren’t supposed to be separated. Clearly, Edward was against the idea too. “Aro-…” He began to protest but he was sharply cut off.

“Only for a moment. Edward, would you be so kind as to step outside with the others?” Once again, it was phrased like a question, but there was no doubting that it was an order. I turned and saw the guard filing out of the room. Only the three main vampires, Aro and his brothers Caius and Marcus were going to remain. Vaguely, I wondered if I could fight them if needed. Three against one, but the two still sitting down didn’t look like they had moved, let along attacked anyone, for centuries. I still had some of my newborn strength lingering inside of me. I stopped myself from that line of thinking, relieved that nobody could read my thoughts. Edward flashed a strained look at me before turning on his heel and walking out of the large room. The door was slammed shut behind him. Aro smiled at me and began to walk patiently around the room, circling me like a predator deciding from which angle it would strike its prey. “Dear Isabella,” He purred. “Your powers have intrigued me so much. I would like to extend an offer to you to stay here with us.” He motioned to the rest of the room and the two other vampires sitting within it, both of whom were looking me up and down as though I were some kind of threat. “We can help you learn to control your powers and to reach your full potential.”

“I appreciate the offer.” I replied slowly, diplomatically. “But the Cullens are my family.” I added more firmly. “I belong with them.”

“With Edward?” Aro clarified, narrowing his red eyes.

I nodded tentatively. “Yes.” My voice rang out eerily. The room seemed so much bigger and emptier without Edward in it. I prayed that he was still nearby, perhaps standing with his ear up against the door. I hoped they hadn’t taken him away. I needed to be able to find him.

“And if he were to join us?” Aro suggested and then added quickly, “Willingly, of course. Would you still be so reluctant?”

“He has no desire to join you.” I reminded him.

Aro chuckled to himself, as though he were dealing with a small child whose lack of knowledge about the world he found entertaining. “I wonder if that would change if you were interested-…”

“I’m not.” I repeated firmly.

“There is no need for aggression, Isabella.” Aro’s voice lowered disapprovingly. I had had my first warning. I doubted I would get a second chance to prove myself.

Anger flared inside me, but I kept my mind on Edward, waiting on the other side of the door. I swallowed my emotion and painted a pretty smile on my face. “Sorry Aro… It wasn’t my intention to be aggressive.”

“I’m sure.” He replied tartly, before slapping a smile back onto his face. “One last chance?”

“No thank you.”

He nodded and I couldn’t help but worry that he was only biding his time. I had refused him this time, but I would not allowed to refuse him on the next. “Very well.” He said finally, pretending not to hear my sigh of relief. "You may go and join your mate. Have a safe journey home, dear Isabella. I’m sure we will be seeing each other again soon.”

“Goodbye.” I said quickly, already moving towards the door.

“And Isabella?” He called again.

I turned to face him again reluctantly. “Yes?”

“The offer is always open.” He smiled widely. “Remember that.”

Remembering what Edward had told me during our drive into Volterra I flashed Aro a winning smile and nodded. “I will.” I promised him.

“Actually, before you go… Somebody let poor Edward back in for a moment.” I froze. I had thought we were done. I had already let relief seep into my bones. I didn’t know how much more I could take of his taunting. Thankfully, the door opened and Edward was right where I had pictured him to be. He flashed to my side, wrapping a protective arm around me. I felt his lips on my hairline and allowed myself to gasp a few breaths. “I just remembered that I haven’t had the pleasure of your thoughts, dear boy. Since your beautiful mate cannot oblige me, perhaps you would do me the honour?”

Edward nodded and stepped away from me once again. “Of course, Aro.”

The older vampire’s eyes flickered with excitement from the moment he touched Edward’s skin. It was quite interesting to watch, as though he were seeing a film sped-up. He laughed and sighed, presumably at images of myself and Edward together. “Young love… Together at last!” He mused to himself. Edward grew more and more uncomfortable the longer they stood beside one another. Suddenly Aro froze and Edward shuddered. “A werewolf?” Aro asked, his eyes flashing back to the present and landing first on Edward and then on me.

“He’s been quite useful.” Edward replied carefully. “An interesting relationship has formed between my family and his kind, one that is… mutually beneficial.”

“How interesting and-… Oh Edward, you naughty boy…” Aro tutted, but seemed almost impressed at what he saw. “A human?” A collection of perfectly-timed, horrified gasps erupted from the Volturi guard and they looked to Aro for instruction. My stomach dropped as I envisioned Angela’s smiling face, sitting with all of us as though she too belonged to our family. Had I put her in danger just by coming here? How far would I have to go to defend her? 

“She doesn’t know what we are.” Edward said quickly. "She’s just a friend. Barely even that, really. More like a pet. Like your receptionist, Aro.” He released a small, controlled laugh. I didn’t like to hear Angela described in such a way but I understood that it was a necessary lie and one that Edward certainly didn’t believe.

Unfortunately, Aro didn’t either. “I think that’s a lie…” He said measuredly. “She might not be your friend, Edward, but she’s certainly Isabella’s. Are you covering up for her, Edward?”

“We are all fond of Angela.” Edward replied carefully, without directly agreeing with Aro or giving too much away.

“And you’re certain she has no suspicion?” Aro pressed.

Edward shook his head firmly. “None whatsoever. How could she ever imagine such beings even existed?” He laughed, as though he pitied the weak mind of a human like Angela. “We’re quite safe.”

“Make sure it stays that way and I’m sure we won’t have any problems.” I exhaled with relief that Aro hadn’t thought my father’s knowledge of what we were worth mentioning. “Give my love to Carlisle, Edward.” Aro sang out, dropping Edward’s hand. We were done, finally. “Isabella, remember what I said, won’t you? Goodbye my young friends!”

We took off in a quick run, our hands clasped tightly together. As we reached the door to the room, I overheard one of the guards asking, “What do you think of her Aro?”

I couldn’t tell if Aro had planned for us to hear his answer or if he thought we were already out of earshot. Either way, his reply sent a jolt of terror through my body. “There’s more to her than meets to eye. Her true value is yet to reveal itself, but I can see Isabella becoming quite the prize.”

Edward released an involuntary snarl, but we were almost out of the building by that point so it didn’t really matter who heard us. We dipped down the stone steps and made a beeline for our rental car, which looked so benign and safe parked on the street in comparison to the world we had just escaped. Once we were securely inside, Edward took off a roaring speed. We were on the highway again, racing towards the airport and the promise of home in only a few minutes.

“Are you alright?” Edward asked me, panic plastered on his face. He reached across to cup my cheek worriedly. “I’m so sorry Bella, I never expected him to separate us. I can’t believe he tried to collect you so soon and with me in the same building. I’m sorry, I wanted to stay but-…”

“I’m okay, it’s alright. He tried but he didn’t manage it, did he? Everything’s fine now.” I assured him, putting my hand on his wrist to calm him down. I had more important things to consider now. “Edward, what did he mean that I was a prize?”

His jaw tightened. “He was letting us know that he knows that you have a gift and he’s sure that it’s far stronger than just extraordinary self-control or a mental barrier from powers like ours. He wants us to know that when you’ve reached your potential he will try to collect you again and next time he will fight a lot harder for you than he just did.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “I don’t want to be collected.” I whimpered.

“You won’t be, Bella.” He squeezed my hand reassuringly. “I won’t let it happen.”

“What if he doesn’t give us a choice?”

“Come here.” Edward said, unclipping my seatbelt and pulling me over so that I was half sitting in his lap and half on his own seat. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on tight. “You are my choice.” He swore to me. “If it becomes a choice between you and my family then I choose you and if it’s a question of living without you as a free man and living with you trapped in Volterra then I still choose you. Any time, any place, any situation, you are my choice. I won’t ever leave you, Bella Swan. You’re stuck with me for the rest of forever, no matter what.”

“I choose you too.” I whispered, kissing his cheek gently.

“Try to put it out of your mind.” He advised as I moved back to my own seat, still holding onto his hand as he used the other to steer the car. “I doubt it will come to that and it certainly won’t in the next few centuries. Aro will never try to upset Carlisle and stealing us from him would certainly do that. It’s okay Bella.”

I nodded numbly, trying to ignore the way my future was suddenly forking out in front of me. I wanted my solid, promised future with Edward and the Cullens back again. I didn’t want to have to consider the fact that the Volturi would always be a presence in my life. I glanced out of the window as the Italian countryside flew past us and tried desperately to focus on the positives. Edward and I were together and we were going home. I would soon see my family again, Charlie and the Cullens, Jake and Angela. In just a few weeks we would be back in the school cafeteria, talking about nothing o any consequence and enjoying the mundane safety of senior year. We had time to prepare for anything else that might come.

The only other thing that batted at my mind and refused to be ignored, something that I wasn’t yet sure if it was a positive or not, was my gift. If it was true, if I really was a shield, could I learn to protect myself from anything that came to hurt me? Could I protect myself from the Volturi? Could I protect Edward too?

It was a lot to take in and suddenly, as we drove towards the airport, I felt inexplicably tired.


	24. part two / chapter six.

Charlie insisted on picking us up from the airport and hearing all about our Italian adventure. He didn’t know about Volterra of course - it seemed like an unnecessary detail to worry him with - so instead we gushed about Venice as though we had spent every moment of our trip walking its cobbled streets. He was so happy to have me back that he didn’t even question why were home a few days ahead of schedule, something that I was very pleased with. I had tried to cook up every excuse under the sun while on the plane back, but hadn’t landed on one I thought would convince my father. I was glad to not have to lie to him at all.

As we drove into Forks, rain pattered down on the roof of the cruiser. I craned my neck around to wink at Edward in the back seat. “Home sweet home.” I sighed, smiling as I turned back to look around the town. I pretended not to notice the proud grin on Charlie’s face as he heard me call my birthplace home. My first home. My home with him.

We dropped Edward off at his own house first and then Charlie and I continued on. I was glad to see my postcard had made it back to him and had taken pride of place on Charlie’s fridge, under an ‘I Heart Seattle’ magnet. “It beat you home by only a day.” He told me, touching it affectionately, as though I had given him a priceless antique. “Sounds like you had a really nice time, Bells.”

“We did.” I replied, thinking only of Venice and the time Edward and I had spent wrapped up in our blissful bubble before the stress of Volterra. “It was really lovely.”

“You think you’ll go away again soon?” He asked, trying to keep his hope that the answer would be ‘no’ out of his voice. “Travelling, I mean?”

“Oh I don’t know.” I smiled to myself. “I’m kind of a homebody. I think I get it from my dad!”

I spent the rest of the day with my father, filling him in on all of the details of my trip and asking him simple, very fatherly questions, about the weather conditions and travel times. Eventually, I tired him out and he went to bed early. When he did so, I went straight over to the Cullen house, eager to see the rest of my family.

I was surprised to find that Jake had stayed later than he usually did at the Cullen house, unwilling to push Billy too far, in order to see me. It was lovely to see them all again, it felt like much longer than ten days since we had left Forks. I found my way back to Edward after being passed from person to person to hug in greeting. Our trip and our experience in Volterra had only made us closer and I wanted even more than before to spend every second I could with him.

“Edward told us what Aro offered you.” Carlisle said as we all settled in the living room. “I have to say I’m rather shocked. It’s an uncharacteristic move. He didn’t even offer a place in his ranks to Alice on her first meeting with him and her gift was much more developed than yours.”

“It’s obviously a power play.” Said Rosalie, her teeth gritted and her face a mask of anger. “He’s obviously been calculating it since he heard that you’d joined us. Even if you hadn’t had a gift he would have offered you a place anyway. He wants you and Edward to know that he can still mess with all of us whenever he wants and he can break our family apart easily enough.”

Emmett stretched in his chair, arching his back. “Well then let’s not make it easy for him. If he wants Bella, he’s going to have to go through the rest of us.” He grinned, as though he’d like nothing more than to get his hands on a member of the Volturi.

“I don’t think it’s going to come to that, Emmett.” Carlisle said quickly.

“Maybe not soon, but he’s obviously interested in her.” Emmett pointed out in response, before flashing an apologetic smile in my direction. I smiled back at him. He hadn’t said anything that I hadn’t already considered at great length.

“Not just Bella.” Esme chimed in worriedly. “He’s never given up on Edward and Alice either. Carlisle, I really think we should take this seriously.” I could see in her eyes how terrified she was that her family would be taken away from her.

“Of course I take this seriously, my darling.” Carlisle replied calmly, putting his arm reassuringly around her. “But the fact that Bella and Edward are back with us shows that Aro is not hell-bent on collecting them. Not yet at least.” He mumbled, seemingly to himself. “At least a few centuries will pass before he summons them again. We have plenty of time to figure it all out. Now, if I may be permitted to share some happier news with our dear Bella?” The Cullens all seemed to relax at his reassurance and I perked up to hear what he had to say. “Our cousins from Denali are coming to visit next week.” Carlisle announced, clapping his hands together. “They’re eager to finally meet our new addition!”

“Likewise!” Jake grinned, before I could respond.

Carlisle winced. “Actually, we’re going to have to introduce them to you carefully Jacob. They may not be as ‘on board’ as we all are with your… condition.”

Jake rolled his eyes. “You make it sound like I have asthma instead of superpowers.”

Esme smoothed the top of Jake’s head as she walked past him. “I’m glad to see you becoming proud of who you are!”

“They’re coming to meet Bella.” Edward said, keeping the conversation on track. “After all, she’s my mate. We’re going to be together forever and it’s about time she met my extended family.”

“It’s not my fault you never gave me a chance to win your heart!” Jake winked, making Emmett roar with laughter.

“Personally, I think that the meeting will be very telling.” Jasper grinned at me. “Shall we make a bet about what Eleazar will say about you, Sister?” He rubbed his fingers together to indicate that he expected to gain a payout if such a bet was made. I just rolled my eyes at him and refused to entertain the idea.

“Have you told Bella about Tanya yet?” Rosalie asked Edward sweetly, but I could tell by the way the latter froze that it hadn’t been an entirely kind thing to say.

I turned to Edward. “Whose Tanya?”

“Thanks Rose.” Edward said through gritted teeth.

“Edward? Whose Tanya?” I repeated accusatorially.

“Our cousin.” He replied neatly.

There had to be more to it than that. “And?” I pressed, unwilling to let it go.

“And she’s been interested in me in the past, on and off.” He admitted reluctantly. “Nothing ever happened.” He promised. “You would already know about it if it had. I didn’t feel the need to mention it because it’s always been a bit of an embarrassment for the both of us. Tanya has always known that I don’t love her that way but she can’t help the way she feels. It doesn’t help that I can hear every involuntary thought that enters her mind. There’s never been anything between us.”

“Are you sure she still knows that?” I whispered worriedly.

“If it wasn’t already clear, it will certainly be the moment she lays eyes on you.” He teased me, stroking my cheek gently to show that he was as in love with me as he had ever been. I relaxed slightly at his touch and felt confident enough to joke about the whole thing.

“You think she’s going to fall in love with me instead? Well, I’m very flattered and all but apparently I’m taken.”

Edward lowered his voice, whispering in my ear. There was no real need, the rest of the Cullens and Jake had all lost interest and were talking about other things. “We could make things more official if it made you feel better.”

“You promised to drop that.” I reminded him, nudging him annoyedly.

“I did no such thing.”

“Well then now I’m asking you to promise to drop it.” I looked up at him, imploring him to take my words to heart now. “Don’t mention marriage again until after graduation. At the very least.”

“Are you going to promise to stop asking me to sleep with you in return?” A stony, competitive silence fell between us. Finally, Edward broke it. “Sorry, that wasn’t fair of me. But honestly Bella, you have nothing to worry about with Tanya. She’s like another sister to me. Besides, you’re my choice, remember. My forever.”

I nodded. “Okay, I believe you. But if she tries anything I won’t be held accountable for my actions!”

Edward chuckled, enjoying my rather ugly competitive streak. “In that case, maybe I should give flirting with her a go, just to see your reaction.”

I punched him in the ribs and was pleased to see him wince slightly. It was always nice to be reminded of my own strength, should I ever really need it. “Don’t push it, Cullen.” I growled, but let him kiss me anyway.

~~~

We had to wait six whole days before the Denali clan arrived in Forks. When they did appear on the Cullens’ doorstep, they did not do so quietly. They knocked only once and then let themselves in as though they had lived there all their lives, and then one by one hugged first Carlisle and then Esme. Everyone began talking at once, shrieking with laughter and greeting one another joyfully. As Emmett and Rosalie stepped forward to receive their hugs, I shrank back a little bit, feeling as though I didn’t belong at the reunion. Edward’s hard hand in the small of my back stopped me from hiding and I was forced to remember that, for all intents and purposes, I too was a part of the Cullen coven. I was family.

I spotted the infamous Tanya right away. She was the clear leader of the three blonde sisters, followed by, I assumed, given that she was the only one other than Tanya without a mate Kate, and Irina clutching the hand of a familiar face. Laurent had returned to Forks once more and this time he was our ally and close friend, practically family if the Cullens’ description of their relationship with the Denali coven were anything to do by, instead of an enemy.

“Laurent!" Carlisle exclaimed with a grin. "How good to see you!”

“And you, Carlisle!”

The two men hugged, with Carlisle slapping Laurent on the shoulder. “Tell me, how are you finding this life?”

“It was certainly a struggle at first, but luckily I had my beloved Irina to keep me on track.” He lifted her hand, which had remained entwined with his own even as Laurent had embraced Carlisle, to his mouth and kissed the back of it lovingly. “Now, to drink only the blood of animals feels almost more natural.” That I found difficult to believe, and judging by the expressions of the other Cullens’ faces I could tell they were also unsettled by it. Even Rosalie and myself, who had never tasted human blood, knew that the craving for it never really went away and that animal blood was always going to be second-best. Regardless of what we all thought of the statement, Irina practically glowed with pride at his words and nobody said a thing about it.

Irina and Laurent were followed by Eleazar and Carmen, the former of whom eyed me up with great interest as we were introduced. I could only imagine what he had heard about me so far. But first, there were more important things to discuss. 

Like the other members of their coven, Eleazar and Carmen greeted each of the Cullens warmly in turn and then stopped when they got to Edward and I. They looked me up and down, smiling. Carmen stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me, her soft brown hair sliding against my cheek as she embraced me. “So wonderful to meet you at last, our dear cousin!” She murmered, her delightful accent enveloping me as gently as her arms did. “We have heard so many stories about you already. Your reputation precedes you.”

“All good things I hope.” I squeaked as we pulled apart and I returned to Edward’s proud side. His chest was puffed out and he was beaming, like a dog that had found a bone.

“The best.” Tanya sang out cooly, catching my eye. My breath caught in my throat just to see her. All three of the Denali sisters were stunningly beautiful, rivalling even Rosalie in their allurement, but Tanya was easily the most beautiful. It wasn’t hard to see why they had never been short of lovers, both human and vampiric, in their centuries of life. I felt increasingly inadequate, even as I felt Edward’s arm wrapped around me and not one of them. Tanya’s sparkling gaze slid from mine to Edward’s, at which point her smile grew. “She is divine, Edward.” She purred, but made no move to embrace either Edward or myself.

“As we knew she would be.” Kate added purposefully, striding towards the three of us. I thought I saw her subtly nudge her sister.

“Of course.” Tanya nodded, glancing at her sister with an unreadable expression. I wondered if Edward would share with me what had passed between them later. I thought he would probably decide against it and tried to make my peace with that.

Meanwhile, Eleazar continued to stare at me. I began to stare back and then looked to Edward, who was also looking to Eleazar. “Shield.” The older vampire announced firmly, making me jump.

Edward’s eyes widened excitedly. “Really?”

I wasn’t going down that easily. “You’ve got it wrong.” I insisted, shaking my head. “Sorry Eleazar, but I don’t have any gifts apart from maybe an overactive sense of self-control.”

“Bella I promise you I’m not mistaken.” He smiled at me and I suddenly had the strange feeling that I had known him all of my life. “I’ve met others with gifts such as yours before, although no two are quite the same. You’re sending out a defensive energy even now.”

“I’m not being defensive.” I muttered, folding my arms over my chest. I tried to ignore the smug smiles of Jasper, Alice and Emmett, all of whom had been even more convinced than Edward and Carlisle that I had a gift from the very start. The only people I could bear to look at were Esme and Rosalie. The former was smiling reassuringly, no doubt imagining how accosted I was feeling, while the latter looked on sadly. She knew exactly what I would happen to me now that my gift had been confirmed, both within our family and in regards to Aro’s interest in me.

Eleazar chuckled and nodded. “Yes you are. You’re protecting yourself against everyone in this room.”

“I’m not!” I cried out, becoming a little distressed. I moved back towards the closest wall, not wanting anyone behind me. “I’m not scared of anyone here, there’s no need for me to be protecting myself.”

“Bella, it’s alright.” Esme soothed, reaching her out towards me cautiously. I jumped even further back and then, realising what I had just done, moved back towards her for comfort, allowing her to hold me gently. Maybe I was being defensive.

Eleazar smiled at me, raising his palms to tell me he meant no harm by telling me this. “That’s the thing, you’re not even aware that you’re doing it and yet it’s very strong.” He caught Edward’s eye and his eyes began to shimmer with excitement. I hated the way everyone was speaking to Edward without sharing what they were saying with the rest of us, particularly as it felt as though most of their thoughts were about me. “If you could learn to harness it, you would be extremely powerful.”

“That’s why I can’t hear your thoughts Bella.” Edward explained patiently, taking over from his mother and taking me in his arms.

I paused for several moments, trying to wrap my head around the idea that I really did have a gift. It didn’t feel like I was anything special. But then again, if anyone would know that I was it would be Eleazar. I had to make the most of his expertise while he was here. “What do you mean harness it?” I asked, somewhat suspiciously, unwilling to pander to anyone else’s eagerness about the matter. “How could I do that?”

Eleazar shook his head and raised his hands in mock surrender. “That is not my area of expertise but I think a conversation with Kate would be helpful.” He nodded at his coven-member. “Her power used to be just in her palms but now she can radiate a shock all over her body. She had to train it but now it’s very easy for her.” I had entirely forgotten that Kate had a gift and that, unlike the others I had come across, it was physically tangible. Edward had told me that she could bring a newborn vampire to their knees just by brushing up against them. She was incredibly powerful.

“And do you think Bella can be tracked?” Edward asked suddenly and I turned quickly to look at him. Why did he want to know something like that? Who did he think was going to be tracking me?

Eleazar considered this for a moment. “There’s no way to tell for sure of course but I would imagine that any tracking would have to be very localised, scent-based more than anything. If you’re wondering about Demetri specifically-…”

“I am.” Edward said quickly.

Eleazar shook his head. “I would say probably not. Of course, for the meantime the Volturi know where you are and, of course, he could just track the rest of you to find her. But if it really came down to it and you separated from her… I think she would be safe. For longer than others would be, at least.”

Edward sighed with relief and wrapped his arm around me. “That’s something at least.” He said lowly and I didn’t get a chance to ask him why he had bothered with that line of questioning at all.

“Wait…” Alice said suddenly. “She can do more than just protect her whole body, she can protect other people too. You have to work on it, Bella, but it won’t be long before you can defend others with your shield.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “What are you talking about Alice? How could you possibly-…”

“No, she’s right.” Edward cut in. “She had a vision of you doing it.” His mouth twisted unhappily. “Unfortunately that means that we will need you to protect us as well as yourself before too long. Anything else there, Alice?”

She shook her head apologetically. “Not yet, but I’ll keep looking.”

“Training a gift takes a long time and a lot of work.” Kate announced suddenly. “Luckily, you have all of the time in the world.” She smirked. Not based on Alice’s vision, I thought. “I’d be happy to work with you, but I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to help you. All gifts are subjective and yours may not be trainable in the same way that mine was.”

“Super.” I muttered.

“Perhaps we should give Bella a little bit of time to process all of this.” Carlisle suggested and I had never felt so grateful to him in my life. “Shall we retire to the living room to do some catching up?”

As everybody else filed into the living room, I made a beeline for the front door and slipped outside, suddenly feeling like I was in need of some fresh air. Edward followed and allowed me a few minutes of quiet contemplation before he asked me if I was alright. “I don’t know.” I replied truthfully, leaning back against the wall of the house and running my hands down my face. “I was really expecting him to say that you were wrong and I was as boring as I thought I was.”

“Sorry to disappoint?” He smiled crookedly. I found myself mirroring his expression in spite of myself. I looked out at the Cullens’ front yard, admiring the way the summer rain pinged lightly against the roof of the house and off of our smooth skin. It felt like being stroked with soft feathers and I barely noticed the way it began to soak into my clothes.

I sighed and took a few steps forward, further into the rain. “Yeah well now I have to try and learn to control something that I can’t even feel. It’s not going to be like learning to ride a bike or to throw a curveball, is it? I can’t feel or see what I’m trying to learn. It’s impossible.”

Edward shrugged and followed me into the front yard. “Nothing’s impossible, Bella. It’ll take some time, like Kate said, but I believe in you. I’ll bet that by the time they all go home you’ll have made at least some progress and from there you’ll just have to practice regularly.”

“I don’t want this gift to be necessary.” I whispered suddenly, clutching his arm. “I don’t want to be put into a position where I need to protect myself again. And I don't want any of you to need protecting either. I love you too much to even think about-...”

“I know.” He cupped my face gently and then wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on the top of my head. “But we may not have a choice. Alice is sure that Victoria is going to circle back to Forks at some point to seek her revenge.”

“And when she does I’m going to have to kill her just like I did James.” I croaked, squeezing my eyes shut tight at the prospect.

Edward was quiet for a few seconds before sighing, “I’m afraid she’ll have to die if she attacks any of us, but it won’t necessarily mean that you’ll be the one that has to kill her. It’s not the same as it was with James. I’ll take her down in order to protect you, you know that.”

“I don’t want anyone else endangering themselves for me.”

“We don’t have to talk about it now.” He held me a little tighter.

“I killed James with no help from my shield.” I pointed out to him. "How do we know I’ll even need it?”

“We don’t.” He agreed. “But I think it would be foolish not to have every asset at our disposal ready to go in case we do need it.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“So… will you train with Kate?”

I rolled my eyes. “Is she going to shock me?”

“Probably.” He chuckled before assuring me. "It only hurts for a second. I'll tell her to go easy on you, love.”

I laughed, even as fear clutched at my heart. “Can’t wait."

~~~

That evening I went home to Charlie and decided to stay the whole night. As much as I liked the Denali vampires and enjoyed hearing their stories of reminiscence that they shared with the Cullens, the house felt a little crowded with all of us there. Besides, I thought that it would be nice to spend some time with my father. I didn’t get much of a chance to do that however. No sooner had I stepped through the front door that I heard the telephone in the kitchen ringing. I reached it just before my father did and answered it somewhat cockily, proud of my quick reflexes. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Jake.” Came the crackled reply from down the line.

My face split into a smile at just the sound of his cheery voice, but it was soon replaced with a confused, furrowed brow. “How did you know I was here?”

“What makes you so sure that it’s you I want to talk to?” He teased me.

“You want me to pass you over to Charlie?”

He chuckled. “Maybe in a second. How were the new arrivals?”

“You wanna answer my question first?”

He sighed. “Fine... I saw you leaving the Cullen house.”

“What are you doing? Camping out?”

Jake sighed. “Well it’s not like I can go home and I can only annoy Angela for so long before I have to explain where the rest of you are. You’re welcome, by the way, for me keeping her out of the loop while they’re in town… I was hoping one of you would sniff me out and invite me inside before now.”

“The rain makes our sense of smell weaker..." I mumbled, buying myself a little time before I said, "It’s not the right time, Jake.” I whispered it, having not yet told Charlie about the Denalis arrival, worried he wouldn’t trust their vegetarianism. “We’re all taking Carlisle’s cue on that front. I don’t know if he even plans on introducing you on this visit.”

“What am I supposed to do until they leave?” Jake cried out indignantly.

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know, why don’t you hang out at your own house?”

“Very funny.” He replied curtly, making it quite clear that it wasn’t funny at all. “Can I come over?” He added pleadingly.

“Right now?”

“Yeah… Please say yes, I’m already outside.” I hung up the phone and moved to the front door, staring at him in bewilderment through the fly-screen door. “Hey!” Jake grinned, waving at me. The rain glistened on his bare chest and as I opened the door for him, he shook the drops from his short hair like a wet dog.

“Shouldn’t you put a shirt on when it’s this wet out?”

“What?” He scoffed. “Are you afraid I’m going to get a cold?”

“A little bit, yeah.”

Charlie wandered up behind me as Jake stepped over our threshold, wiping his bare feet on the welcome mat. “Hey Jake, what brings you here at this time of night?”

“Hey Charlie! Not much, just hanging out.”

“You wanna watch the game with us?” Charlie offered, pointing towards the television.

Jake smiled purposefully at me. “That would be great, thanks!”

“Dad, don’t you think Jake should be heading home to Billy?” I cut in quickly.

“Why? It’s not that late. I’m sure Billy will just assume he’s here with us anyway. Jake, you wanna call him to let him know you’re over here?”

“Nah, you’re right.” Jake called out, already making a beeline for the couch, where he promptly flung himself down and helped himself to a chip from the bowl Charlie had set out for himself on the coffee table. “He’ll just assume.”

I relented and settled down on the couch, with Jake sitting between Charlie and myself. We watched the baseball game that was on the television and Charlie ordered a pizza for himself and Jake. After the game, a movie was allowed to roll on and eventually Charlie excused himself to go to bed. Jake moved up a little on the couch and began to get comfortable. When I noticed his eyes starting to droop, I nudged him. “Jake. Don’t you think you should be going home now? Billy will-...”

“He doesn’t want me there.” He replied sleepily.

“You know that’s not true-…” I began my practiced lecture, worried that Jake pushing his father away was only going to make things worse. If Billy thought that I was keeping his son away from him, I had no doubt he would only become more insistent that Jake spend more time on the reservation and less time with me. But my friend cut me off before I could take a second breath.

“Please Bells…” He mumbled, letting his eyes shut completely and turning onto his side. “Not tonight.”

I chewed on my bottom lip and nodded, though he couldn’t see me. I got up from the couch and retrieved the patchwork blanket that my grandmother had knitted long before I was born from the nearest armchair and draped it over Jake. Then, I left him to sleep, taking myself out of the house and into the rain.

As I ran through the woods, enjoying the way the rain slipped off of my skin as though it were too slow to keep up with me, I let all of my thoughts from the day flood back into my mind, pounding at my brain.

I was a shield and, somehow, I needed to learn how to actively use it to protect myself and, possibly, other people too. Against who? I wondered. Victoria, that was almost certain. She had been a constant, buzzing worry in my brain, but she had been somewhat overtaken by my concerns about the Volturi. They were something else to consider. Aro had already wanted me and now he had a solid reason to. How far would he go in order to make sure I became part of his ranks? Would fighting against him even be an option?

~~~

When I returned to Charlie’s in the early hours of the morning, feeling only marginally better about everything but content that my head was slightly clearer after running off some steam, I saw that somebody had put the porch light on for me, leaving the warm orange beacon to welcome me home while they slept on. I wondered who it had been, Charlie or Jake, smiling fondly as I imagined both of them tucked up in the warmth inside, but my thoughts were swiftly interrupted by the sound of footsteps on the path nearby. I turned and saw several of Jake’s ex-friends, all shirtless, walking towards me.

“Where is he?” He eldest and tallest, Sam, demanded.

“Who?” I answered before I could stop myself. It was foolish to tease a member of the pack, Jake had warned me of that enough times. To talk back to an alpha, even as someone that wasn’t in the pack, was a mark of great disrespect.

“Don’t play with us, Leech.” Another of them jeered.

Quil Aterea glanced awkwardly between me and Sam. We had played together when we were children and he was one of Jake’s closest friends. Or he had been, before Jake had chosen me and the Cullens and they had all phased. “Where’s Jake, Bella?” He asked, more kindly than his friends, but still with dislike hiding in his deep, rich voice.

“He’s inside.” I replied obviously. “He’s asleep, it’s not even five in the morning yet.” I pointed out, squinting through the rain and the dark at them. It was more for show - I could see them perfectly well of course.

“Billy wants him home.” Quil told me, bowing his head subtly. He was speaking on behalf of the pack and he didn’t want Sam to think he was trying to take charge. There were so many small, incredibly important, parts of being in the pack. No wonder Jake had always resisted joining it.

“Well I’m sure he can wait a few more hours until Jake wakes up.” I called back.

Another of the boys, one I had only ever seen from afar and had never spoken too, seemed to almost growl, despite appearing before me in his human form, and took an angry step towards me. “Now, Bloodsucker.” He spat, breathing heavily.

“How about we all stop with the name calling there, Paul.” Charlie’s husky, sleep-clad voice called out from above, cutting through the morning air. I glanced up, in unison with the pack and saw my father half-hanging out of his upstairs bedroom window. “I don’t want to have to get my badge and gun boys.” He yelled down again. “What are you doing on my property?”

“We’re looking for Jacob Black.” Sam called back up, more respectfully than he had been speaking to me. It made sense, of course. Charlie was a human and thus was under the pack’s protection, as well as being the Chief of Police. Little did Sam know, Charlie was under my protection too. “Billy wants him at home.”

“Uh-huh, and last time I checked Billy had a telephone.” Charlie nodded, his eyebrow raised. “How about we go back to being civil and ringing ahead before coming to other people’s houses and threatening their daughters?” Part of me was starting to feel embarrassed by Charlie’s outburst, but then again, I felt pretty proud that he was so willing to defend me.

“He didn’t want to wake you up, Charlie.” Quil called up politely.

“Well it’s a bit late for that, isn’t it boys?”

Sam cleared his throat uncomfortably and then replied, “Yes Sir.”

“How about this, I’ll send Jake home when he wakes up and I don’t give you all formal warnings for trespassing and disturbing the peace. This time.”

Sam nodded curtly. “Fine.”

“And you’ll apologise to Bella.”

“Sorry Charlie, that’s where we draw the line.” Sam sneered at me. “Tell him to come straight home.” He said, glancing once more up at Charlie and then leading his pack back into the woods.


	25. part two / chapter seven.

When Jake finally did wake, he couldn’t stop apologising to Charlie for his father’s and the pack’s behaviour. Charlie brushed him off, telling him that he had been friends with Billy Black long enough not to be phased by something so trivial. I said nothing, still shaken by the whole incident but unwilling to worry Charlie more than necessary. Both my father and Jake did admit, however, that Jake should not have stayed the night or, at the very least, should have called home to tell Billy where he was. Jake went straight home that morning and I went straight to the Cullen house, ready for my first training session with Kate.

Edward met me at the door and listened patiently while I listed all of the previous night’s adventures, including my run-in with Sam’s pack. He led me into the dining room, so that we wouldn’t be overheard by any of the Cullens’ guests, lest they find out about Jake. Edward was particularly disgruntled by my run-in with the wolves and ranted for several minutes about how if we were forbidden from the entering the reservation, they should be forbidden from coming to my home. He was somewhat reassured by the fact that they weren’t actually looking for me, but for Jake. He took my face between his hands and kissed me gently. “Are you alright?”

I nodded, wrapping my fingers around his wrists. “I’m worried about Jake, but otherwise I’m completely unharmed.”

“Well I’m glad to hear it." He smiled crookedly, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. "But either way, at least now we can see what a good thing it is that you’re learning to defend yourself.”

“Is that my cue?” Kate asked with a small laugh, appearing in the doorway as if from nowhere. I hadn’t even heard the door open, being too wrapped up in Edward. I smiled awkwardly back at her. Her appearance had made me jump, knowing that we hadn’t yet told the Denalis about our close relationship with the local wolves and Angela.

“Absolutely.” Edward covered for me, welcoming his cousin into the room. “If you’re both ready? Bella?”

I nodded. “No point putting it off, I suppose.”

“Don’t worry, Cousin.” Kate smirked at Edward, seeing his slight reluctance to leave the room, and the two of us alone. “I’ll keep the level low.”

“See that you do, Kate.” Edward replied, seemingly civil, but the threat in his voice was unmistakeable. I repressed a smug smile, confident in the knowledge that he wouldn’t stray too far from our training space in the dining room.

Kate and I eyed each other up in silence for a few moments before she clapped her hands together, making me jump, and rubbed them together. “Shall we begin?”

I was glad to find that we spent most of our first session talking about my gift and trying to see how controllable it was at its most basic level. She advised me on ways to visualise my shield and after an hour or so I found myself actually able to feel it as though it existed physically. She promised that after some more training, I would be able to see it too, which would allow for more accuracy and even further extension of it. Then, we began to practice.

As promised, Kate kept her shock level at its lowest and even though I wasn’t able to stop her from shocking me yet, it hurt very little when she touched me. We finally took a break after a few hours, moving Esme’s antique dining table back into the centre of the room with ease and sitting down at it. We discussed possible future training techniques, knowing that our time together was limited and Kate promised to leave me with a phone number where I could reach her if I needed any advice. I was glad to find that I had actually enjoyed training with her and I was eager to stretch my shield much further than I had managed on that day. Soon, however, our conversation took a more personal turn.

“Carlisle tells me that you still live with your father.” Kate said. “Your human father.” She added with greater interest. I eyed her suspiciously and jumped when she snorted. “I’m not going to eat him. I’m like you, remember.” She motioned to her sparkling golden eyes and then at my own.

“Right, sorry.” I laughed, dipping my head with embarrassment. I shrugged. “Natural instinct I guess.”

“It’s fine.” She forgave me. "Speaking of natural instincts...” She added, genuine curiosity in her voice. “Is it strange? Living with a human?”

“Not particularly.” I replied truthfully. “But Charlie was always pretty easy to live with. He never hovers, doesn’t like to ask too many questions. He accepts things at face value and then moves on. He likes to keep things simple. Besides, I never lived alone or with other vampires after I changed. I’ve always lived with humans so I guess I just never lost the habits. I think I found it easier to fit in amongst humans because I have this self-control thing that goes along with the shield thing… I never had to distance myself from them so I never forgot how to act like one.”

“Interesting… I’ve never heard of anyone that was able to avoid isolating themselves on account of their thirst. Even vampires that choose to drink the blood of humans have to stay away from society to avoid single-handedly committing a massacre. Too messy, too public. The Volturi would be furious.”

“Yeah, I can imagine.” I replied, tight-lipped, thinking of my own experiences with the vampiric law-makers. I wondered how soon it would be before they found out that Eleazar had confirmed their suspicions about me. For all I knew, he had already called Aro to let him know. But I doubted Edward would have let something like that slide.

“And your mother?” Prompted Kate, keeping my mind focused on the present instead of on the terrifying possibilities that existed in my theoretical future. "Where is she?”

I shrugged. “They split up when I was a baby. My mother lives in Arizona with her new husband.”

“But you still see her sometimes?”

“Um… No, actually.” I swallowed uncomfortably. "We aren’t really talking right now.” I mumbled vaguely.

She looked horrified at this idea. “Why not?”

“Oh I don’t know…” I said sarcastically. “Might have something to do with the fact that I vanished for a month and came back as a vampire. Probably freaked her out a bit.”

“Are you trying to make amends?” Kate asked, refusing to indulge my attempts to shrug off her questions as a joke.

“What are you? A therapist?”

“Sorry…” She smiled self-consciously, in a manner that told me she would have blushed if she were physically capable of doing so. It was an endearing quality that I had noticed in many of the vampires I spent my time with. “I spend so much time with the others in my coven… We don’t really have secrets from each other, we say whatever comes into our heads. It’s like we all live with a mind reader.”

“It’s okay. I’m just not that used to it. Block head, remember?”

“Right.” She laughed, tipping her head back as though God himself was in on the joke. Knowing the power of the Denali sisters, He probably was.

“But no… I’ve more or less given up on her at this point.” I muttered bitterly, trying to ignore the image of my mother’s face when I bid her goodbye for the last time before coming to Forks, which was threatening to upset me as it flashed in my mind.

“Why?”

“She doesn’t want me anymore.” I whispered, my voice cracking halfway through. I was suddenly extremely grateful that I was no longer able to cry. “She’d rather pretend that I was dead than accept what I am now. I can’t say I blame her. It’s pretty weird for me, imagine how it is for her.”

Kate leaned forward and placed a gentle hand on my own. I flinched, half-expecting a shock, but I relaxed when none came. “She’s your mother, Bella.” Kate cooed. "She wants you, trust me. I’m sure she just panicked and now she doesn’t know how to fix things because it’s been so long since you talked. She probably thinks you hate her.”

“Maybe I do.” I sniffed. “She left me alone in this. If it wasn’t for Charlie then-…”

“You don’t hate her.” Kate cut me off and then smiled knowingly. “I can tell. I think you should make an effort with her. All it takes is a phone call.”

“You don’t even know-…”

“I know I don’t." She cut me off. "And maybe I’m completely wrong about all of it. But I do know one thing…”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“I know what it’s like to lose a mother.” She whispered, her golden eyes flickering with emotion. “Well, two of them technically but I barely remember my human mother. My loyalty belonged to another for all of my human life so I had little use for a care-giver… But our creator, Sasha, she was a mother to the three of us, as Esme is to the Cullens.”

“What happened to her?” I breathed. This was another story Edward had been reluctant to share with me, scared of encroaching on the private thoughts and memories that he felt he had no right to have heard.

“She wasn’t satisfied with what she had or what we could offer her. She broke the Volturi’s most sacred law and she created an immortal child. She was killed for her crime.”

“That’s awful." I winced. "I’m so sorry.”

“Losing her was… inexplicably painful." Her voice was low and her eyes were glazed with memories, but she quickly shrugged. "But she knew what she was doing, she knew what she was risking and the risk didn’t pay off. We were lucky they did not hold us accountable for our mother’s actions. But ever since she died… all three of us have been so lost and so lonely. We have clung to each other for centuries. We’re lucky to have our friendship with the Cullens and to now have two new members in our coven. It lightens the load a little.”

“Three.” I corrected her.

She blinked at me, confused by my interruption. “What?”

“You have three new members including Laurent.” I reminded her cautiously.

Kate shook her head and laughed, as though it was typical of her to forget something so simple. I didn’t bring up the fact that we both had photographic memories, concerned of what her reaction to such a reminder might be. “Right, of course… You know, Irina took losing Sasha the hardest. I think that’s why she clings to Laurent so tightly. Or is that just what falling in love looks like? I’ve never given it a serious try.”

“Could be either.” I laughed. “Maybe you should give it a go some time.”

She raised an eyebrow at me, teasing me now. “Maybe you should call your mother.”

“Maybe.” I agreed, wondering if I should give the matter some serious thought. Who knew, perhaps my postcard had been lost in the mail and she had no idea I’d even thought of her since moving to Forks.

“Ready to get back to work?” Kate asked chirpily. “I thought we might go outside for a bit more room and a potential audience.” Despite my mortification at the idea of my training, when I was yet to really achieve anything, being watched, I agreed and followed her out of the house and into the front garden.

Hours later, long after Kate and I had called it a day and I had retreated back into the house to rest, I found myself once again outside. I was sitting on the Cullens’ back porch, under the guise of practicing the extension of my shield, but really just trying to get a little time alone. Exerting myself and concentrating so hard for so long had drained me in a peculiar way and, for the first time since becoming a vampire, I felt oddly tired. As promised, Kate had managed to rouse a few curious onlookers to my training and by the end of it I was being courteously applauded by Eleazar, Carmen, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Edward, who seemed the proudest of all. When we had finished up for the day, I had the pleasure of relaying all we had done and all I had experienced, with Edward, who lapped it up. I had never really considered how strange it must be for him to have no access to my thoughts when he had such ready access to everyone else’s, and to feel that he had missed out on part of my day by being separated from me. I reminded myself to make more of an effort to include him, especially since he was the one that was the most eager for me to master my new craft.

I turned expectantly when I heard the back door creaking open, expecting it to be him coming to check on me. I was shocked to see Tanya, who smiled apologetically at having disturbed me and then asked if she might sit with me for a while. I obliged and moved over, trying to hide the surprise on my face. We had yet to speak beyond a few pleasantries when we saw one another in a room and I was unsure of what she could possibly have to say to me.

She didn’t take long to make her intentions known. “I just wanted to clear the air between us.” She said, the moment her body touched the wooden step I was sitting on. “I have liked Edward for a long time and maybe once I thought I loved him. But nothing ever happened between us and nothing ever will. I think of him now purely as a kind of brother.”

I smiled, surprised by her candidness. “I know.” I replied confidently.

Her eyes widened. Clearly she had been expecting some kind of confrontation or anger from me. It wouldn’t take her long to realise that wasn’t really my style and that, of all the Cullens, I was the last one she was ever going to have to face off with. “You do?”

“Yeah.” I nodded and looked away. “Edward told me all of that already.”

“And you believe him?” She sputtered, her shock becoming clearer as our conversation continued.

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Why shouldn’t I?”

“Oh no, that’s not what I meant.” She rushed and then smiled embarrassedly, tucking her hair behind her ears. It was a strange gesture to see her make. Carlisle had told me that Tanya had been transformed in the early 1000s, making her and her sisters centuries older than any of the Cullens, even Carlisle himself. I had always thought of them as immortal goddesses, so vastly different from myself. And yet, she had been a young girl once too, and had the same emotions that we all did. I found myself becoming more disposed to like her and tried to listen kindly to whatever she had to say. “Just… I don’t know,” She blustered. “In my experience men aren’t always the most trustworthy. I tend to find that us girls have to do our own investigating to work things out.”

“That sounds like a lot of effort.” I folded my hands in my lap and looked back out towards the green forest that lined the edge of the Cullen property. “I think I’d rather he just cheated on me and someone told me about it and I had to rip his leg off or something rather than I had to become some kind of detective. Far less trouble.”

Tanya’s crystal-like laugh rang out in the night. “Well I’m glad there are no hard feelings between us, at the very least. The Cullens and my coven have been friends for centuries and each time Carlisle gained someone new I worried we would lose that relationship. I think it’s safe with you.”

“It is safe.” I promised her sincerely. I truly meant to leave it at that, but I found I couldn’t help myself from adding, “Were you worried when Laurent joined you?”

Tanya hesitated before expertly replying, “Not particularly, since Carlisle was the one that sent him to us.” Her golden eyes flickered slightly in distress, as though she wasn’t sure if she should share anything more with me. “Now things are… different.” She admitted, before rushing. “But I’m sure we’ll all get used to Irina having a permanent mate soon enough.” I smiled and nodded reassuringly before our conversation moved onto something lighter, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that Tanya was still holding something back from me.

~~~

The Denali Coven's visit ended the evening before myself, Angela, Edward, Alice and I were due to start back at Forks for our senior year. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper, having graduated at the end of the previous year were laying low in Forks, sticking as close to the house as possible, or else choosing to go further out for any activities they wanted to do, like shopping, lest anyone from town spot them and start asking awkward questions about why they weren’t attending the obscenely expensive colleges that Carlisle was supposedly paying for them to attend.

I found bidding the Denalis’ farewell far harder than I had ever imagined I would, having found a friend in each and everyone of them. Well, almost. Although I considered myself on good terms with Irina and Laurent, they had spent the least amount of time in and around the house during their visit, preferring to spend hours alone in the nearby forest. Edward later told me that, although Laurent had committed himself to his new lifestyle, James had once been a friend of his and he wasn’t very happy with me for killing him. “Of course he understands why you had to and he would never hold it against you.” Edward rushed, trying desperately to reassure me. “But it is hard for him to be around you for too long. That will pass, he’ll forget James and Victoria soon enough.”

“But I’m the reason he and Irina were avoiding all of us.” I cried out. “I’m driving a wedge between Irina and her old friends. Her family.”

“Irina is the one driving the wedge, if there is even one being driven.” He corrected me sternly. “It sounded to me like the real reason they were spending so much time alone is because they wanted to be alone, together. Their relationship is still new and they can barely get enough of each other. You’re just an excuse, Bella. Please don’t worry about it.” 

Of course, I did worry about it, at length, but I was comforted by the fact that my friendships with the rest of the Denali Coven seemed rock solid, especially with Kate and, to everyone’s surprise, Tanya. They even made the effort to tell me that, should my own gift ever prove necessary and my life threatened, they would gladly join forces with the Cullens to defend me, something I found very moving. 

When we had hugged everyone goodbye and waved them off as they sprinted into the forest so quickly they would have been undetectable to the human eye, I asked Edward when we would next see them. He shrugged, “We usually take turns visiting one another, or we meet somewhere on our various travels. I thought we might take a trip to Alaska before college, unless we have something particularly special to celebrate or big news to tell them, which might warrant an earlier trip.” I narrowed my eyes at him but, since he hadn’t explicitly mentioned our potential marriage, I let the matter slide.

Jake, who was still adamantly refusing to attend his own school, decided to walk Angela and I to Forks High School for our first day, despite the fact that we could have both just as easily driven ourselves to school. He showed up at my house first, grilling me about everything he had missed while the Denalis were in town as we made our way to Angela’s house, knowing he wouldn’t be able to do it once she was within earshot. “Hang on… Explain it to me again.” He pressed as we wandered along the main road in the direction of her house.

I sighed, having already gone over it several times already. “Jake-…”

He shot me an apologetic look. “Just once more?”

Holding back another sigh, I replied, “Basically I can block the powers of other vampires, but only their psychological ones. So just like Edward can’t read my thoughts, neither could Aro. His tracker can’t find me and this other vampire, Jane, she has the ability to cause pain just by willing it… She can’t hurt me. Or at least we don’t think she can. Aro didn’t think it necessary to test that out when we visited Volterra thankfully. The theory is that if I could learn to control it then I could kind of push it out of my body and protect other people too.”

“And that’s why these Volturi freaks want to collect you? I mean, collect you? What does that even mean? You’re not a stamp or a rare coin or something. You’re a person.”

I shook my head defeatedly. “Not to Aro. Not to a god. And not to most people either, vampires fall into kind of a grey area in terms of wider humanity.”

Jake ignored my joke and rebutted my fears. “Pfft, god schmod. Just use your superpowers on him and he’ll soon back off.”

“It’s hardly a superpower.” I laughed. “I mean in comparison to seeing the future or reading minds, having a thick head isn’t exactly the coolest gift I could have got.”

“But this Eleazar guy, he thinks that you can make it cooler, right? Being able to protect other people would be pretty sweet.”

“Possibly, but I don’t know… I’ve been trying and working with Kate to expand it but I’m making barely any progress. Besides, now that she’s gone I’m on my own with it. If it’s even possible to improve, which I’m not convinced that it is, it’ll take years to do it and I just don’t know if it’s worth it.”

“But surely if you could protect yourself or someone else, then it would be worth it.” Jake insisted.

I furrowed my brow. “What do we need protecting from?”

He shrugged. “That Victoria chick might come back.”

“And she’d attack us physically, my mental block isn’t going to do anything to help.” I pointed out.

“Fine, do what you want.” He snapped at me. “But personally, I think you should keep working on it.” He added more softly. “You never know when it might come in handy, Bells.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Our conversation cut off sharply as we turned into Angela’s driveway and saw her already walking towards us. “You’re eager!” I teased her as she reached us, her backpack swung over one shoulder.

“It’s Senior Year Bella!” She replied cheerfully. “How many times do we finish up high school?”

“Good point.” I answered tightly and shot Jake, who was trying not to laugh, a quietening look. Angela lived only a few minutes’ walk from the school and we were at the school gates in no time. Reluctantly, we said goodbye to Jake, knowing we would see him that afternoon at the Cullen house but still wishing he could have come with us to school. Where he would hide out in the meantime, I wasn’t sure. Carlisle and Esme tended to worry if he was there too much during school hours and Charlie wasn’t home to let him into our house, though I doubted even Charlie would push Billy that far by allowing Jake to hang out there whilst skipping school.

I spotted Edward’s car on the other side of the parking lot and waved to him and Alice, who were both leaning against it. It felt strange to see them without their three ‘siblings’, but I didn’t think even Forks High School would be too lenient on letting Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett start high school over again without them even leaving town first.

Edward greeted me with a kiss as though he hadn’t seen me in weeks, despite it having been only a few hours since we had parted ways. He kept me curled close to his side, his back still pressed against his car, as Angela caught the three of us up on her life and we waited for the school bell to ring. When it finally did, Angela kept chatting to Alice, walking ahead of Edward and I. I suspected it had something to do with her wanting to give us some time to ourselves and, though I appreciated the effort and wholeheartedly enjoyed Edward’s company, it really wasn’t necessary.

“Everything okay with Jake?” Edward asked me quietly, his lips pressing lightly against my temple as we walked into the school entrance.

I sighed and then shrugged. “Same old same old.” I muttered, desperately wishing I had something new, and more positive, to report.

“Think Billy’s going to start easing up on him any time soon?”

I winced. “I hope so, but I have a bad feeling it’s only going to get worse.”

Edward furrowed his brow. “What makes you say that?”

“Oh I don’t know… Maybe the goon squad that rocked up at Charlie’s to drag Jake out by his ears?” I replied sarcastically, trying to keep my voice low, but knowing that nobody was really paying attention to us anyway. That was one of the nice things about being around the Cullens, we were only interesting the first time people saw us, after that we were considered loner freaks who were better left ignored. It suited us, even Angela, who had always been shy, just fine.

“I’m still not happy about that.” Edward grumbled. “They had no right to confront you like th-…”

“Hey Bella!” Repressing the groan that threatened at the base of my throat, I twisted my neck to look back at the owner of the voice.

As I had suspected.

“Oh hey Mike.” He jogged to catch up to Edward and I, managing to avoid greeting the former completely. “Good summer?” I asked Mike awkwardly, very aware that I had my arm around Edward and seemed almost stuck to his side.

“Not too bad.” He responded energetically. “I mostly worked at my family’s store, y’know. Trying to save for college.”

“Right. Uh… very responsible.”

“Yeah, I’m really growing up…” He winked at me before adding. "Thought I’d have seen you around a little bit more, y’know considering Angela works there now.” I glanced up to see that Angela and Alice had already disappeared into their classrooms, no doubt bidding each other goodbye faster than strictly necessary when they had heard Mike greeting me.

“Is that why you hired her?” I joked awkwardly, worried that it might actually be true.

“Of course not.” Mike snapped quickly. “My mom does all of the hiring there anyway.” He added in a mutter.

“Right… Yeah, well I guess I was kind of busy.”

“I heard you left town for a while.” I cringed. Typical Forks. Nothing was ever kept a secret, especially when you were the chief’s daughter.

“Not that long-…”

“Quick trip to Italy.” Edward interrupted, smiling charmingly at Mike.

Mike’s eyes widened as though he had only just noticed I wasn’t alone. “Oh… You both went?” Maybe some things did stay secret in Forks.

Edward nodded. “Romantic getaway.” He said with a grin, taking more pleasure in the exchange than I was happy with. “You know how it is.”

“Oh sure…”

“Mike, are you and Jessica still together?” I cut in, eager to stop Edward from getting too ahead of himself.

“Me and Jess? Um-… Things are kind of complicated there.”

“That’s too bad… You guys seemed pretty into each other at prom.”

“Bella, we’re here.” Edward said, indicating to our classroom door. Mike, who was not in our first period class, looked disappointed to see the journey ended.

“You know Bella, if you were thinking about getting a job to save up for college we could definitely use some more help around the store-…”

“I thought your mother did all the hiring.” Edward cut in smoothly.

“Yeah well…” Mike’s eyes slid back to me as swiftly as they had moved away. “I could put in a good word for you... if you wanted.”

“Thanks Mike, but between studying and volunteering at the hospital I’m pretty busy. I don’t think a job is really on the cards for me at the moment.”

“Oh okay… Well if you change your mind-…” But I had already walked into the classroom with Edward following close behind me.

“I had almost convinced myself that everything was going to be perfect this year. If it hadn’t been for Angela’s updates, I would have spent the entire summer blissfully forgetting Mike Newton even existed.” Edward muttered, his voice so low that it was only audible to me.

“He’s harmless.” I protested, sliding into one of the chairs at the back of the classroom. “Just being friendly.”

“You can’t hear what I can hear.” Edward reminded me, lowering himself into the chair beside me. We had been lucky to get almost all of our classes together, and even the few that we had separated, we each had either Angela or Alice in our respective classes. It promised to be a fairly good year, on that front at least. Our teacher encouraged this belief even more by choosing to spend the first twenty minutes of our class playing a video outlining what we could expect from the syllabus and what was expected from us for the year. The minute the lights dimmed, I moved my chair closer to Edward’s and pressed a quick kiss to the side of his neck. He chuckled and ran his hand over my thigh. “Excuse me, Miss Swan, you’re being very distracting.” He murmered in my ear, his teeth catching the lobe before his lips moved to the side of my neck.

“Oh please, how many times have you taken this class?” I whispered, my face only inches from his.

“Too many.” He mumbled as our lips met. We spent the duration of the video whispering, pleased that our voices were so quiet that only we could hear what was being said, and kissing in the dark. When the lights were flicked back on, a few people, including our teacher, gave us lingering, suspicious looks, but by that time my chair was already back in its original position, if not a few inches further away, and nobody had seen a thing.

The rest of our morning classes, which coincidentally were the ones we would always have together, dragged slowly and I began to worry that Senior Year, and the numerous times I was going to be expected to repeat it in my lifetime, wasn’t going to fly by like I had been expecting it to. I was even more relieved when the bell went for lunchtime than usual and I was eager to see Angela and Alice at our usual, albeit far emptier than it had been the previous school year, table in the cafeteria. Edward and I arrived first, with Alice showing up a few minutes later, without Angela in tow. Before she had even sat down, Alice had started to talk. “Bella, about your birthday-…”

“That’s not a discussion I’m willing to have, Alice.” I said immediately. “We’ve been over it a million times. We’re not celebrating my birthday because I stopped ageing months ago. Even if I hadn’t, I’ve always hated my birthday. I don’t need everyone to look at me and give me presents like I’ve done something remarkable. I didn’t do anything, I didn’t choose to be born. If you want to throw anyone a party, call Renee and see if she’s free.”

“Okay, I get that but look at it this way - Angela is going to start asking questions if a full year goes by and your birthday is never mentioned.”

“Fine, mention it then. But we don’t need to throw a party over it. Besides, if that’s your logic then she’s going to wonder the same thing about each and every one of you. Throw Emmett a party, or Rosalie. I’m sure that would cheer her up. Or hey, make Jasper have one, he’s promised to love you for eternity so he has to do what you say-…”

“You are impossible sometimes!” She huffed but couldn’t hide the smile that came across her face only a few seconds later. I was forgiven and, with any luck, there would not be a birthday party.

“So if we’re not allowed to celebrate it, what do you want to do for your birthday?” Edward asked me quietly, while Alice stood to fetch her own tray of inedible food.

I rolled my eyes. “Ideally, nothing. But I doubt you’re going to let that happen.”

“Certainly not.”

I shrugged and thought for a moment before suggesting, “Let’s just spend the day somewhere then, just us.” I added hurriedly. “No celebration, no presents. Just us.”

“A day in Port Angeles? Just us.” He looked pleased at the idea and I wondered if maybe my birthday would actually be worth celebrating just for the chance to be alone with him for a little while.

“Fine. Perfect. It’s a date!"

“Your wish is my command, my love.” He kissed my cheek affectionately.

“But I mean it, no birthday surprises.”

“Okay, okay. Point taken!” He chuckled as Alice arrived back at our table and sat down with her tray adorned meagrely with a few pieces of fruit and a squished looking sandwich from the salad bar. At that same moment one of the girls at Lauren Mallory’s table released a high-pitched, amused squeal. She was laughing prettily, her hands over her heart, looking at one of the boys. He must have said something funny, or at least, something he wanted Lauren to react to as if it was funny. It was subtle, but I noticed the way she glanced around to check people were watching her as she reacted to him. She exhaled shakily, still laughing, and fanned her face with her hands.

Edward rolled his eyes, but Alice kept staring. I looked to Edward as his eyes flickered, reading his sister’s mind. “Don’t worry, Alice.” He reassured her with a smile. “I doubt you were ever that inane.”

“Still… It would be nice to have some confirmation on that.” She replied quietly, stabbing a slice of apple that she had no intention of eating with her fork and twirling it around.

At that point, Angela joined us and I was unable to ask Alice if she was alright. Instead, I waited until Edward and I were alone on the ambling walk to our next class, stressed students pushing past us as they rushed to their own classes.

“I don’t know what triggered it,” Edward sighed. “But she’s been tormenting herself with wondering what her human life was like. You know that she woke up alone in the dark in this form, just like you. But unlike you she had no memory of who she was before, she had no starting point. She had nothing to go back to. She just wandered across the world watching the future and feeding when she could until she saw Carlisle and then Jasper in her visions. She spent nearly thirty years alone, without any sort of identity or company…” His face twisted with sadness and I could tell that his heart was really aching for his beloved sister and everything she had endured before becoming part of his family. “After that she had a path to follow and I thought she’d just decided not to care about who she was before. After all, it’s not like it makes much practical difference. But she’s been thinking about it a lot again.”

“And Emma?” I asked with a raised eyebrow, referring to Lauren Mallory’s hysterical friend.

“Fanning herself because she became flushed, catching her breath, feeling her heart race. All endearing human qualities as far as Alice is concerned. You see Bella, I always thought Alice was the happiest of all of us because she didn’t remember what it was like to be human. How can you miss something if you don’t know what it feels like? How do you know the pain of losing it if you’re not sure you ever really had it in the first place? But now I think the not knowing is what’s hurting her. She’s a vampire but she’s still a person. We all deserve to know where we came from, even if we’re ashamed of it.”

“Ashamed?”

“Never mind.” He opened the door to our classroom and stepped aside. “After you, love.” He grinned. Always the gentleman.


	26. part two / chapter eight.

Early the next morning I walked back into Charlie’s house just as he was preparing to walk out, ready to leave on a fishing trip. He grinned at me as I wandered in, sifting through an array of poles and tackle boxes. He had been looking forward to this getaway for weeks and had booked the time off of work especially for it. I helped him carry his gear to the cruiser and when he was all packed up he gave me a quick hug goodbye. “I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon probably, depending on the weather.”

“Sure, Dad… Hey, are you going with Billy?”

He nodded and opened the door of his car. “And Harry. Takes at least two of us to get the wheelchair onto the embankment but we make it work.”

“Will you ask him to ease up on Jake?” I asked, not for the first time. “Things aren’t getting any better and it’s really getting him down.”

Charlie shook his head. “Honey, you know it’s none of my business. I’m not going to tell another man how to raise his kid. What if Billy had done that to me when you were young?”

“But Jake’s not that young, he’s sixteen.” I pointed out desperately. “Only a year younger than I was when I came here permanently. He needs the same support I needed and he’s not getting it.”

“Bella listen. I appreciate how much you love Jake and you’re just looking out for him, but Billy is his father and while Jake is a minor he does get final say on how he’s raised. Now if Jake was in danger or out on the streets then I would step in but I know Billy and he’s not like that. He doesn’t like his son’s friends, so what? Lots of parents don’t approve of their kids’ friends. It’s not as big of a deal as it feels, honey.”

“He doesn’t like me, Dad.” I exclaimed. “He’s said so to my face. He thinks I’m dangerous, he thinks I’m a monster. He thinks you should be doing something about it. Don’t you take that a little bit personally?”

He shrugged and leaned back against his car. “Not really, I can see both sides of the argument.”

“Wow…” I gritted my teeth in annoyance. I had really been expecting him to take my side, on that front at the very very least. 

“Bella, you’re a vampire.” Charlie sighed, putting his hand on my shoulder. “It’s a lot to take in, especially for someone that has always believed in their existence and is convinced that they’re dangerous. The tribe and the Cullens have always had a feud, that kind of thing is historical. It won’t go away overnight. If you feel like Jake isn’t being supported by Billy, then you need to support him twice as much. If Billy asks for my opinion I’ll tell him I think he should drop it and let Jake hang out with who he wants, but I’m not going to force parenting tips down his throat. Okay?”

“Okay… Have a good trip.” I mumbled sulkily. I had, if truth be told, been expecting to win that particular discussion and to have already had Charlie on my side. I couldn’t see why Billy couldn’t just get over his aversions to myself and the Cullens for the sake of his relationships with Jake and Charlie. But I could see now that things ran a lot deeper in Forks than I had realised and it would take a lot more than a dislike towards his daughter to make Charlie cast Billy aside completely.

Charlie smiled a little apologetically at me and I felt bad for trying to guilt him into agreeing with me. “Thanks honey, see you soon.”

I nodded and started to wave him off before remembering something and stepping forward to tap on his window. “Oh wait, Dad?”

He rolled the window down manually and raised an eyebrow at me. He was keen to get going, he didn’t often get more than one day off in a row. “Yeah?”

“Is it okay if I skip school on my birthday?”

He narrowed his eyes at me suspiciously. “Why, is it going to be sunny?”

“Er, I’m not sure. I just thought since it’s my birthday I could take it off to do something fun… With Edward.”

“Um, okay sure. I guess that’s alright… I didn’t realise we were making a big deal out of your birthday on account of the whole… y’know…”

I smirked. “Not ageing thing?”

Charlie shrugged. “Well, yeah.”

“Don’t worry, we’re definitely not making a big deal out of it.” I promised him with a bigger smile. “Alice wanted to throw me a party but I said no. I just want to go shopping in Port Angeles with Edward.”

“Okay, fine with me.” He said before rolling his window back up and waving farewell. He sped off a little faster than the Chief of Police generally should have been seen driving, which told me exactly how keen he was to get out of Forks and go fishing with his friends.

~~~

“Will you at least let me buy you a gift?” Edward asked me for what felt like the thousandth time.

“No thank you.” I replied politely, as I had every time he had asked me. 

We had been in Port Angeles for only an hour or so, but already we had browsed in nearly every store on the main strip, without buying a single thing. I was quite content. I had spent my childhood window shopping with my mother, especially when money was tight, and we would dream about all of the things we would buy each other when we were rich. The idea that I now that the kind of money we had once been desperate for at my disposal, as much it would have been if I had earned it myself, through my relationship with Edward and his willingness to give me anything I desired, made me nothing but uncomfortable.

“Please,” He whined insistently. “It doesn’t feel right to let your birthday pass by completely unnoticed. Just one present? You have no idea how happy it would make me-…”

I relented, knowing he wouldn’t give in until I did. “Fine, but only because I doubt you’ll shut up about it otherwise. Nothing too extravagant.” I added as a firm condition.

“You’re so gracious on big occasions.” He mumbled sarcastically. “Alright then, what would you like? I won’t embarrass you, nothing big and flashy. A book? A CD? Some new watercolours? Although if you’d like something more expensive…”

“A book is more than generous enough.” I hurried. “I think there’s a bookstore just down here. I-… Edward?” He had suddenly gone stiff, his face a mask of anger. He turned to look at a man that had just walked past us and looked as though he intended to follow him. “Edward? What’s wrong?” I put my hand first over his heart and then on his cheek. He was starting to scare me. “Edward, look at me.”

“Sorry.” He hissed, his eyes glazed over. He blinked a few times, focusing on my face once again. “I’m so sorry Bella,” He said more sincerely, lifting my hand to his mouth and kissing the back of it lovingly. “What were you saying? A bookstore?”

“Forget that for a second, what just happened?” I tugged on his hand. “Where did you go?”

He forced a smile onto his face. “Nothing to worry you about, love.”

“I’d really like it if you would worry me, just for a second.” I pressed.

“Alright but let’s go into the bookstore first.” He pulled me towards it. “If we hang around here I might convince myself to go after that creep.”

“Who? That random guy that just passed us?” But Edward stuck to his word and said nothing until he had herded me into the bookstore. “Is it safe now?” I whispered, half-joking.

Edward smiled humourlessly and pretended to begin browsing. “I am sorry.” He said after a moment or two of silence. “I was rude and distracted. I wasn’t listening to you and I should have been. Please forgive me-…”

I didn’t have time for his self-deprecation, no matter how well-intended it was. “Don’t worry about it…” I flapped my hand about, as though dispelling a cloud of smoke in the air. “What distracted you?”

“His thoughts.”

My eyes widened as my imagination began to run wild. “What was he thinking about?”

Edward’s jaw tightened and his eyes seemed to darken. He took a slow, steadying breath and then replied, “You.”

I paused for a moment, waiting for more information. “Okay?”

“Things he would…” Edward leant on the nearest shelf, as though in physical pain. “Do to you.” He spat out finally, his teeth still ground tightly together.

“Oh…”

“I have to give him one thing…” Edward muttered bitterly. “He has a very vivid imagination. Very convincing.”

I shook my head and reached up to hug him, hoping to reassure him slightly. “Edward, you can’t let things like that get to you.” I said as I pulled away. "I look the way I look, my body is what it is. People react to it in lots of different ways. I can’t change it and most of them don’t mean any harm. I’m sure he never imagined you could hear what he was thinking-…”

“That’s not the point. Bella, it was like he thought you were a piece of meat or something-… It was disgusting. I didn’t want him anywhere near you. He shouldn’t be allowed near any women.”

“You think I couldn’t hold my own against a guy like that?” I smirked, teasing him a little to lighten the mood. It didn’t work.

Barely even noticing that I was joking, Edward replied, “I know that you could and I’m glad of that, it’s the only reason I haven’t been driven mad with worry. But what about the girls that can’t hold their own against guys like that?”

“I know, it’s awful.” I mumbled with a nod. “But what did you tell me when I saved Mike from the van?”

He sighed, remembering our tense conversation later that day as I had once again tried to defend my actions and he had once again tried to tell me why they were too impulsive. “You can’t save them all.” He echoed me.

“Exactly. Try not to worry. Or if you must, just be a bit jealous because he looked at me funny. That’s what most teenage boyfriends would do. It’s what Mike Newton would do…”

“Is that all I am to you? A teenage boyfriend? A Mike Newton?” His mouth curled up like that was the rudest thing I could have possibly said to him.

“Something along those lines. Now cheer up! We have some shopping to do!”

Despite my attempts at cheering him up and the eventual lift in his mood, Edward’s words stayed with me. As I browsed the shelves in the book store, I passed and caught sight of myself in the window and was momentarily distracted by my own appearance. It felt strange and self-obsessed to admit it, but I found myself almost entranced. My skin, so pale it appeared luminescent, caught the shop lights prettily. My face, just symmetrical and seemingly perfect enough to hint at its inhumanness without giving anything away. My eyes had finally faded to gold, almost the exact shade of Edward’s. I was breathtaking and, for a moment, I saw what the man on the street had seen, what they all saw. A goddess.

It was easy to forget what I was and what I looked like in Forks, where everybody was used to me and I was used to them. Where I interacted with humans every day and came close enough to do whatever I wanted to them. It would be almost embarrassingly easy to persuade Mike Newton or Eric Yorkie or even Jessica Stanley into following my beckoning, to give themselves over to my thirst.

“Bella?” I jumped violently and Edward took a surprised step backwards. “Are you alright?” He asked, deeply concerned.

“Yeah, sorry.” I rushed, putting my hand to my head. Several of the books in my arms tumbled to the floor and Edward stooped to pick them up for me. “Bad… daydream?” I rambled. “My thoughts took a weird turn.”

“You’re sure you’re okay?” He asked, holding the stack of books for me.

“Absolutely. I just have to choose which one of these I actually want to buy and then we can go. What’s next after this?” I was babbling, trying desperately to move past my funny turn.

“Actually I was just thinking we should start heading back if you want to spend any actual time with your father on your birthday.”

I laughed nervously. “Might be a good idea!”

Of course, always the lavish spender, Edward refused to let me put any of my selection back and bought me all six of the books that I had been carrying around. I didn’t realise until after we had left the store and the bag he was carrying seemed suspiciously full. I tried to protest and asked him to go back and return them, but he refused, claiming that he wanted to read them when I was done. 

“What’s mine is yours Bella and vice versa.” He spouted. “Or so they say about true love!” I pretended to sulk, but I was secretly thrilled, and even as he drove back towards Forks and the sun went down, I tried to read the backs of each of the books again, happy that my vision was good enough that I didn’t need to rely on the occasional orange glow of a street light to steal a glimpse of the words, as I had done on long car journeys when I was a child. Edward drove us back to the Cullen house, since I had promised to at least pop in and say hello on my birthday, but as we climbed out of the car he groaned. “Damn it, Alice.” Edward hissed.

“Alice?” I repeated, my brow furrowed in confusion and my head still full of books. “Why, what did she-…” I caught his eye and my mind finally caught up to his. “Oh no, she didn’t… Did she?”

“I’m afraid my darling sister may have changed her mind about the whole party thing.”

“No. No, no, no…” I pulled on his arm, trying to make him turn around with me. “Please let’s just leave again.”

“We can’t do that, they’re all really excited about it.”

“If you let me skip this party I will literally marry you right now.”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t believe you and it’s not fair to taunt me with that kind of thing.”

“Okay, I’m sorry but please don’t make me do this.” I lowered my voice, worried that the guests at my party would hear me and take it upon themselves to come out and drag me inside. “If you really loved me you would tell Alice to go to hell and you wouldn’t make me go to that party.”

“I do really love you and I will gladly tell my sister to go to hell for you.” He entwined his fingers with mine. “As for my party, I can hear Esme’s thoughts louder than anyone else’s and she is thrilled to be celebrating you as part of the family. I’m not going to be responsible for crushing her by helping you escape. Besides, the party is not that big. Just the family, Angela and Jake. Your dad isn’t even in there.”

“Probably because he had enough sense to know that I would hate to have a party.” I grumbled.

“Please Bella, do this for Alice and Esme. They just want to celebrate you.”

“But I don’t want to be celebrated.”

“I know. But if you’re good and go in and smile and nod and play along for an hour then we can spend all of tomorrow in our meadow, just us. Or, if you like, just us and your new books… What do you say?”

I hesitated, finding the image tempting enough to consider, despite the dread building in my chest as I eyed up the Cullen house. “Promise?”

“Promise.” He grinned, seemingly relieved.

“Okay, fine.” I huffed and let him lead me up to the front door.

“If you could look a little less like I was walking you to the executioner’s block as well, I think that would be a good idea.”

“You’re asking too much of me, Cullen!”

As we walked towards the house, I heard Alice excitedly shushing everyone. I groaned under my breath, making Edward chuckle. “Just grit your teeth and pretend it’s a smile.” He advised.

The door opened to the excited chorusing of ‘surprise’ before I was nearly knocked over by Alice throwing her arms around me and hugging me tightly. “Before you say anything, I know you weren’t sure about having a party but-…”

“Don’t worry about it, Alice.” I cut her off, hugging her back. “I love it! Thank you so much.”

“I knew you’d say that!”

“Where’s Charlie?”

“We did invite him but he said he thought you’d prefer for it to be more low-key. He said that you should have fun with your friends and that he’ll see you at home.” I grinned, internally thanking my father for knowing me so well, whilst keeping in mind that his refusal probably had something to do with his own fears of forced social interaction.

Angela came forward and hugged me too, before handing me a rectangular present. “It’s a book… I’m sorry, I panicked, I didn’t realise your birthday was coming up until Alice cornered me at school today and-…”

“Don’t worry, it’s not a big deal. Thank you so much for the book.” I ripped the paper off to reveal an anthology of Sylvia Plath poems. “I love it!”

“She’s a bit depressing but the poetry is still beautiful and-…”

“My turn!” Jake crashed into our conversation, handing me a small gift elegantly wrapped in pink tissue paper. I raised an eyebrow at him. “Esme wrapped it for me. I wanted it to look nice.”

“It looks great.” I laughed, peeling back the paper as carefully as I could. Inside, a wooden dream catcher lay curled up clad in feathers and beads. I held back my comments until Angela was out of earshot. “Great joke, Jake.”

“Yeah, very funny.” He rolled his eyes. “I know you don’t sleep but I thought it could help with bad thoughts, it doesn’t have to catch dreams right? You got so worked up about those Volturi guys I thought maybe it would help that stuff happen a little less.”

I was touched and moved to hug him. “Thanks Jake, I love it.” I whispered, trying to convey just how perfect the present really was, especially after what had happened in Port Angeles that day. “Seriously.”

“I suppose it’s my turn?” Rosalie stepped forward, with Emmett beaming beside her. Rose handed me an envelope, inside of which were two tickets to a play I had mentioned wanting to see in Port Angeles and a birthday card.

“Thank you Rose! Ang, will you hold this for a sec.” I handed her the envelope as Emmett moved to hand his present to me. But as I did so Angela hissed with pain and cursed under her breath. I smelled the blood before I saw it, just a small crimson drop on the tip of her index finger. A paper-cut. So small and innocent. A short quick sting and then the pain would go. Usually.

“Jasper, NO!” Edward cried and I turned to see him trying to push Jasper away. Reflexively I threw Angela behind me, but I misjudged my strength and she went careening backwards. I froze anxiously as I saw more blood pooling around her. I had thrown her into the glass table. I could have killed her.

Jasper released a painful howl as he tried to claw past his family. I ran forward and threw myself against him, throwing him as far across the room as I could with a snarl. Alice glared at me, even though she knew it wouldn’t have hurt him. I took a defensive stance, letting her know that as much as I loved her, I would fight her for Angela’s sake. She blinked worriedly and then nodded, apologising without even speaking. She ran towards Jasper and started whispering in his ear, trying to bring his attention back to her and away from Angela’s blood. The whole room stank of it and the scent of it was even starting to tempt me. My throat burned and I knew exactly what would satiate it. The very thought horrified me. 

“Get him outside.” Carlisle growled his order before flashing to Angela’s side. Jake was crouched in front of her and he tensed a little when he sensed Carlisle beside him. “Jacob, I am in control.” Carlisle said very quietly, reiterating a pointless fact. Carlisle was a doctor, of course he was in control and should be the one in charge of the situation. Angela had gone very pale, teetering on the edge of a greenish-grey. I didn’t know if that was because of the loss of blood or if it was from the shock of closely-avoiding a vampire attack. I decided it was a probably a mixture of both. Emmett, Alice and Esme dragged Jasper outside and I heard his scrabbling feet on the gravel as he shot off in the direction of the woods. Alice’s lighter steps went too. Edward, Rosalie and I hovered in the living room. “Edward, Rosalie. I think it best if you go too.” Carlisle said softly without taking his eyes off of Angela’s arm. “Try to reassure Esme for me, this will have upset her quite badly.”

Edward shot a longing look at me but I shook my head. “I have to stay with Angela.” I told him with no uncertainty. Finally he nodded and put his hand between Rosalie’s shoulders, leading her out of the house with him, stopping her from even glancing back.

Carlisle cleared his throat. “Actually Bella I think you should go too.”

“But I’m in control-…” I protested but he cut me off quickly. There was no time for dramatics; we had a crisis to deal with.

“I know that, but I really think it would be for the best if Angela and I discuss what just happened privately. Don’t you?”

Suddenly I understood. He was going to explain what we were as simply as possible, and he couldn’t do that with me looming over her. He was going to give her a choice and he didn’t want to pressure her into making the choice to remain friends with me if she was too scared. I nodded tightly and followed in Edward and Rosalie’s wake, glass crunching under my shoes. From behind me, I heard Carlisle asking Jake to help him get Angela up to his office and then the sounds of Jake’s lumbering footsteps and Angela trying not to cry out in pain. Ashamedly, I wondered how much damage I had done to her in my panic.

When I arrived in the front yard, I saw Edward and Rosalie standing beside Esme, doing as Carlisle had asked, and reassuring her that everything was going to be alright. Emmett stood a few feet away from them, breathing hard, trying to rid his nose of the scent of Angela’s blood. Wordlessly, when he saw me approaching, Edward left his adopted mother’s side and wrapped me in a tight embrace. “It’s going to be okay, Bella.” He soothed me as best he could, running his hand over my hair.

I shook my head and pulled back. “How can it be?” I croaked, emotion cloaking my voice. “I hurt her, Edward, I really hurt her. And even aside from that, she knows what we are now. What’s going to happen?” I asked lowly, terrified that I had completely screwed everything up for us. Would we have to leave Forks? Would the Volturi have to get involved?

“I don’t know.” He murmered unhelpfully, then added firmly, “Carlisle will have a plan, we’ll just have to trust in that. She’s going to be alright, love. He’ll make her feel better, you know he will. Everything’s going to be just fine, I promise.” As much as I wanted to believe him, I couldn’t bring myself to indulge that idea just yet.

A moment later, Jake emerged from the house, the scent of antiseptic pouring off of him. Carlisle had prepared him well for facing us after depositing Angela upstairs. He shrugged at me, “I got booted too.”

“It’s for the best.” I tried to assure him. “Carlisle will know the best way to explain it to her to make it seem less scary.”

“So he’s going to lie to her?” Asked Jake straight-forwardly.

“Not lie…” Edward replied. “But he might dull down some of the major details, just to help her process them.”

“Okay good, because that was wicked scary, dude.”

“Thanks Jake.” I muttered sarcastically.

He lifted up his hands as though surrendering. “Sorry, but if I hadn’t seen that James guy in action that would have majorly freaked me out too and I already knew what you were when that happened.”

We waited in tense silence for over an hour before Angela tip-toed out of the house. Carlisle did not appear behind her. It didn’t take me long to work out why, as the faint fumes of heavy-duty bleach began to waft out of the house’s open windows.

“Is she okay?” I hissed at Edward as Esme slowly walked towards Angela to profusely apologise, afraid to approach too enthusiastically and risk frightening her.

Edward nodded curtly, Angela’s thoughts flooding into his own head and stealing his focus. “She’s a bit shaken up but Carlisle handled it well. She’ll let you drive her home.”

“I’ll come with you.” Jake offered. I decided to take him up on that, knowing he would act as a good buffer between Angela and her possible fear of me. I let Esme make her apologies and Angela stumble through accepting them before I indicated that it was time for us to go and moved towards my truck, which I had left at the Cullen house that morning. It felt like a lifetime ago. The Cullen siblings dispersed swiftly, Rosalie wrapping her arm around Esme and walking her back into the house, each of them ashamed for having their friend now know what they were.

Edward kissed me quickly, whispering a word or two of advice into my ear and then followed them inside. A promise hung between us that I would be by his side again soon and we would figure out how to tackle all of this together.


	27. part two / chapter nine.

“I don’t understand…” Angela said after a few minutes of silence as I drove slowly back into town and towards her house, with the events of the night replaying in my head like a low-budget horror movie. “I mean Carlisle kind of explained it but I’d rather hear it firsthand from you-… Actually, why didn’t I already know?” She demanded suddenly, making me jump a little. “I thought we were best friends, Bella. You should have told me.” 

“I know.” I shook my head, trying to apologise and not knowing how. I found I could barely even look at her, the sense of shame welling up inside of me making anything other than the road ahead of me swim in my vision. “I don’t know how to explain it-… We’re not supposed to tell humans about it…”

“Jasper’s a-…” Angela began, her mouth struggling to even form the word.

“Not just Jasper.” I interrupted before she could get too far. “We all are. All of the Cullens and me. We’re vampires.”

“Right… And Jake?” She turned, craning her neck to look at him in the backseat of my truck. He waved his fingers awkwardly at her and she couldn’t help but smile in response. He was kind of infectious that way.

“No, not Jake.” I assured her. “He’s got his own problems.” I added lowly, rolling my eyes at the absurdity of the conversation we were having. If someone had told me half of what I knew then when I had lived in Arizona, I would have thought they were crazy. In Angela’s position, I would have already dialled the number for the nearest mental hospital to get us all admitted and then I probably would have admitted myself too.

“She’s just jealous because what I can do is so much cooler than what they can do.” Jake snorted, leaning forward on Angela’s seat and resting his chin on his arm.

“What can you do?” She asked, her eyes wide and wondering, still half-turned towards him so their faces were only a few inches apart. He eyed her up mischievously, enjoying the dramatics a little too much for my liking. Now that he knew that Angela was okay, more-or-less, he intended to have a little fun.

“Jake.” I hissed sharply, keeping my eyes on the dark road. “I think we’ve had enough weird for one night, don’t you? If Carlisle didn’t think it was necessary to mention it then-…”

“Don’t you think it might be better if we just got it all out of the way at once?” He fired back, making a fair point. “You know, rip the band-aid off?”

“Yeah, let’s do that.” Angela said bravely, nodding enthusiastically at the both of us. “I can handle it. Tell me everything.”

After a few seconds of hesitation, I nodded back. “Okay. But you have to know that all of this is so insanely secret-…” I took a deep breath, not quite able to believe I was even having this conversation with her. The whole evening didn’t feel real and I ached to think of the day Edward and I had spent together before the nightmare had begun to unfold. We should have turned away from the party when we had the chance. Maybe I should have even let him follow the man that had gawked at me. Anything to have avoided hurting Angela and to have risked everything we all had in Forks. “Ang, if you tell a single soul anything that I’m about to tell you we’ll all be in danger. I’m serious… this is like life or death stuff.”

She nodded solemnly. “Carlisle mentioned that, but you know I would never tell anybody. Friends don’t tell, right?”

I smiled gratefully at her. “Right.”

“I’m a werewolf!” Jake burst out suddenly, making Angela and I both jump violently. The truck swerved into the wrong lane, and it groaned with effort as I sharply turned it back. Luckily, at that time of the night, the main road was even quieter than normal and there wasn't another car in sight. 

I rolled my eyes and clutched the steering wheel a little tighter. “Wow, way to introduce it gently Jake.” I said through gritted teeth. 

“You agreed to the band-aid method, Bells.” He said accusatorially. “You knew what you were in for. Short, sharp and to the point.”

"And at risk of infection." I fired back at him.

“A were-… You can turn into a wolf?” Angela’s voice was rising and she had almost turned fully-around in her seat to stare at him, restricted only by her seatbelt. “Those Quileute legends we learned about in grade school were... true?”

“Yep! Every word. ” Jake replied, folding his arms proudly over his chest. "Well except the part about all Cold Ones being stone-cold evil killers. But I only learned about that particular amendment to the original stories when Bella rocked up-..."

“And you never even said a word to me about any of it? You managed to keep it all to yourself, in all of these months that we've been friends?”

“Uh… Yeah... Sorry about that, bud.”

“A werewolf…” She breathed, shaking her head in disbelief. Then she surprised us both by shrugging and letting a grin appear on her face. “That is kind of cool…” She admitted. Angela’s sparkling eyes rested on Jake. “So that’s why you always wear shorts? And getting you to put on a shirt is like a college-level debate? Even when it’s freezing cold?”

I caught Jake rolling his eyes in the rear-view mirror. “That’s what you took from what I just told you? Jeez Ang, you might be weirder than the both of us put together! I can do a hell of a lot more than just withstand low temperatures. You're ruining my big reveal!”

“What I still don’t get is why neither of you ever thought to tell me any or all of this before.” Angela said, her voice frozen in a cage of hurt confusion. “I thought we were best friends.” She added with a slight whimper.

“We are, that’s why we had to keep it a secret from you.” I hurried. “We were trying to protect you. I wasn’t kidding before when I said it was life or death stuff. If anyone found that you knew about us… well, it would be really bad, Ang. For all of us, you included.”

Her eyes widened, gleaming white in the darkness of the truck’s cab. “Am I in danger now that I know?” I bit my bottom lip, unsure of how to answer her. The truth was, I had no idea how much danger Angela was in, or how much danger she’d been in the whole time that she’d been hanging out with me and the Cullens. All I knew was that she had almost died that night and it was my fault. I also knew that we hadn’t heard the last of it, and I began to hate my birthday even more than I had done when I was human.

“We’re not going to let anything happen to you.” I said finally, reaching over and squeezing her hand gently. She flinched slightly at my cool touch, knowing now what it meant, but she relaxed only a second later and squeezed me back, letting me know that she believed me. Jake reached forward and put his large, warm hand on top of ours, letting us know that he was in this for the long run too. Nothing would happen to Angela Weber on our watch. 

A small smile appeared on my lips and my heart lifted slightly as we drew closer to Angela’s house. Maybe everything would be alright, as long as the three of us were together.

~~~

When I returned to the Cullen house after dropping Angela at home and Jake at the border, I had barely stepped down from my truck before Edward was beside me, wrapping me in a desperate hug. We held onto each other for a long time, clinging much tighter than usual. It was if we were trying to keep one another in one piece. When we finally pulled apart, Edward asked, “How was she?”

“Good.” I replied, slamming my car door shut and walking with him towards the house. “Weirdly good. That girl sure has a strong stomach.” I exhaled sharply, disbelief running through me like adrenaline. “She barely batted an eyelid when Jake told her that he was a werewolf.”

Edward rolled his eyes. “If we’re not careful, Jake will have told the whole town that particular fact before too long. I’m starting to think he might be getting a little bit too proud of who and what he is. I’ll have to have a word with Esme about being so encouraging…”

“Where do we go from here then?” I asked him as we walked inside, not comforted by his joking. The rest of the Cullens, with the exception of Jasper and Alice, were gathered in the living room, waiting for me.

Edward sighed, “Angela knows everything now. As much as we all care about her, she’s still a human. It’s still a risk.”

“Wasn’t it just as much of a risk when Jake knew? Y’know, before he phased for the first time.” I asked as I moved to sit on the couch. "Now, sure, he has just as much to lose as we do, but before he knew what he was he could have easily ratted us out."

Carlisle shook his head, commanding all of our attention. “Jake had a grounded knowledge of the supernatural and he was bound to the treaty by his affiliation with the Quileutes. They swore to protect our secret as long as we didn’t cross onto their land, that was the agreement. He’s committed to that by blood and ancestry. If even he wanted to reveal us to the world, I don’t think he would be able to without there being very serious repercussions amongst the tribespeople. He may have even been physically prevented from revealing our secret. Angela has no such ties and no understanding of the sacred secrecy laws. It could quite easily slip out without her even meaning to betray us.”

“To Jake, all of this was stuff he already knew, deep down, to be true, even if he brushed it off as myth and legend.” Esme expanded, wrapping her arm around Carlisle’s waist, joining him in the centre of the room. “Something inside of him knew that it was real because he always had the wolf magic in his blood. For Angela, all of this is the stuff of fairy stories and monsters hiding in the woods. We don’t know how well it will all sit with her once the adrenaline starts to wear off and she thinks a lot more about what she’s found out.”

“And then there’s the Jasper issue.” Added Emmett darkly. The sound of his voice made me shudder. I had never heard him sound so sad before. The night’s events had taken a deeper toll on him than I could ever have imagined.

“What Jasper issue?” I dared to ask the silent room.

There was a long, heavy quiet before Rosalie took it upon herself to break it. She sighed and stood quickly, moving to unpack a nearby drawer. “Well one thing’s for sure, we can’t stay in Forks.” She said, slamming the drawer shut again after removing its contents. The bang made us all jump.

“Why not?” I cried out, panic hitting me like a train. "Angela’s fine. Right Carlisle?”

He nodded to reassure me but there was a hesitation in his eyes that would have stopped my heart, had it still been beating. “She is… Physically. This time.”

“This time?” I mumbled, letting my head fall into my hands, unable to even look at any of the others. The prospect of Angela ever getting hurt again, especially at the hands of someone she loved, as she had tonight, was too horrifying to contemplate.

Esme moved to comfort me, wrapping her arms around my shoulder. “We can’t risk another incident. For any of our sake’s, most of all poor Angela’s. We have to protect our family, Bella, and as much as I consider her and Jake apart of it… They’re not like us. We can’t stay with them forever anyway…”

I looked past her to Edward, who was standing by the fireplace, his face set in a hard mask. He was having as hard of time with this discussion as I was. “Where’s Jasper?” I demanded.   
“Running off some of the guilt.” Emmett answered, when nobody else did. “Alice went with him to make sure he comes back. We’ve already forgiven him and you have to as well. We’ll leave as a family, like we always do.”

“Of course I forgive him.” I said automatically and then rested on his use of the word ‘we’ll’. “When you say that we’ll leave as a family, do you mean… All of us?” I asked, a desperate plea in my voice. I left the couch and Esme behind, appearing at Edward’s side in less than a second. I pressed myself as close to him as I could, as though I was worried he would suddenly disintegrate before my eyes and I would never see him again. To my intense relief, he wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

He wasn’t going to leave me behind.

“If you’ll have me.” Edward smiled crookedly, his voice low and husky. In that moment I knew that I wouldn’t be alone in my difficulty with leaving Forks. He too would miss the safety of the dark clouds and thick woods, the fertile hunting grounds. He would miss our meadow. He would miss Angela and Jake and even Charlie. He would miss the place that we had met and fallen in love. He would miss our home.

I shook my head slowly, squeezing my eyes shut as I steadied myself against him. “I’ll have to figure out how to tell Charlie. He’s going to be furious-…”

“He’ll understand.” Edward reassured me. “He’s been so good about everything so far. Besides, it’s not like you’ll never visit. You’ll see each other again many times in his lifetime. You’re both lucky to have that stretching ahead of you, nobody else gets that kind of chance when they become like us.”

“And Angela? And Jake?”

“There’s no other way, Bella.” Carlisle told me regretfully. “If there was we would do it, but we have no choice. We can’t stay in Forks. We have to leave it all behind just like every other time. We’ll be back one day, you’ll see it all again.”

“But they won’t be here when we do.” I insisted.

“It’s hard the first time.” Rosalie whispered, keeping her back to the rest of us as she continued to rifle through the drawer’s contents. Her muscles were tensed and if I didn’t know any better, I would think she was holding back tears. “It gets easier… over the years.”

“But it’s rough each and every time we do it.” Emmett added gently, moving towards her. “It’s okay to admit it, Rose.” He added quietly as she reached out to him for support. He pulled her into a tight hug and I mirrored the action on Edward.

“We’ll leave in a few days.” Carlisle said generously, but we all knew his word was final. “I think we need a little longer to say our goodbyes than normal. This is a rare situation. We don’t usually leave this many important people behind.”

“I have to go and tell Charlie.” I turned to Edward. “I have to tell him now, to give him a few days to process it. Carlisle’s right, we need longer to say goodbye.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Edward offered.

I smiled gratefully but shook my head. “Thanks, but this is something I have to do alone. I owe him a proper explanation and a proper goodbye. This is between me and my dad.”

Edward nodded and I left the Cullen house before I could think too hard about what I was about to do. I needed to get it over and done with, but I knew that it would be like tearing out a piece of my heart to leave my father in Forks while the rest of us left.

I stormed into Charlie’s house and breathed heavily for a few seconds, hidden in the front hallway. When I felt marginally more settled, I called out to him. “Dad…”

“In the kitchen.” He yelled back and I walked through the house, more slowly than I ordinarily would have, even when I was pretending to be human. Evidently my efforts at keeping my face calm and neutral hadn’t quite worked, because when I turned the corner into the kitchen, Charlie froze where he was standing and stared at me, horrified. “What’s the matter?” He demanded immediately. “What’s happened?”

“There was an accident at my party. With Angela.” He let out a sharp sigh of relief, but seemed to regret it as soon as it left his lips. It was okay, I understood. He couldn’t help it. His first thought had been of me and as long as I was still there, unharmed, nothing else really mattered.

“Is she alright?” He asked me steadily and I saw his brown eyes flicker over to where his police belt and gun hung by the front door, wondering if it was serious enough for him to need to step in.

“Yeah she’s fine.” I rushed. “But it was too close for comfort…” I paused, unable to speak momentarily. I hadn’t thought it would be this difficult. “Dad, we can’t risk anything else happening with her or Jake or-… or with anyone else in town.”

Charlie nodded once then narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “What are you telling me, Bells?”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “The Cullens are leaving town, to protect themselves and everybody else too.”

He sunk into one of the dining room chairs. He sucked his teeth and then glanced knowingly up at me. “You want to go with them?” I exhaled flatly. It wasn’t about wanting anything. What I wanted had nothing to do with it. If I got what I wanted, that whole night would never have even happened and all of us could have stayed together forever, Charlie included. It wasn’t my choice and we both knew that. 

“I have to go with them. I belong with them.” Charlie surprised me by folding his arms over his chest and sitting back heavily in his chair, making the wood creak beneath his weight. The backs of the chairs were fairly fragile; Charlie always sat hunched over his food like a starving worker.

“No you don’t, you belong with me.” He said firmly. His tone was so matter-of-fact that it took me a second to realise exactly what he meant. "We were managing perfectly well before they made themselves known to you.” He lifted a hand as though to stop me from interrupting, despite the fact that I hadn’t even opened my mouth. “I’m not saying I’m not grateful to them and I’m not saying they aren’t good people.” He added sincerely. “One day you might need them and I’ll be glad if they can give you a home when that happens. But that’s then, this is now. Right now, you stay with me, Bella Swan.”

“Dad, I can’t leave Edward.” I said dumbly, unable to think of anything else to throw at him as a reason why I ought to leave. It was the wrong angle to take and I knew it instantly.

“So that’s what’s really going on here, is it?” Charlie fired back at me, anger and hurt clouding in his eyes. “You don’t want to be apart from your boyfriend? You would leave your whole life behind for a boy? Some kid you've known for a few months? I thought you were stronger than that. I thought your mom and I raised you to know better than that.”

“Dad, I’m a vampire and I’m surrounded by human beings.” I burst out, angry that he was right. I wasn’t strong enough to be without Edward, and maybe I should have been. “I need to be with my own kind. The way we’ve been living... well, it’s dangerous… I’m dangerous.”

“Not to me.” He croaked, suddenly quiet. “Bella, you’re not a monster… You’re just my daughter. You’re my Bella.”

I closed my eyes again, annoyed at him for making this so difficult for me and hating myself for feeling that way. “Dad-…”

“You only just got home.” He pointed out. “I spent sixteen years wishing and waiting for you. I dreamed about you every night for sixteen years. For all of that time, I imagined you arriving on my doorstep with a suitcase and declaring that you missed me so much you wanted to come back and live here in Forks. Sometimes your mom was with you... but usually it was just you alone. You’d show up and you’d hug me and you’d ask to stay and I would always say yes and then you’d tell me how good it was to be home, finally, after all that time. That’s what we have, Bella. That’s what we have now. My dream came true and you want to take it away again so soon? I can’t let you go, not without a better reason than you like his family more than you like your own.”

“Dad, you know it’s not that. I love you more than anything and I’m going to miss you like crazy but-… Angela Weber almost died tonight, Charlie, and it was partially my fault. Besides, Carlisle and Esme are already pretending to be a decade younger than they look and people are starting to notice. It’s not practical for us to be here anymore.”

“It’s not practical for them maybe, but you only just got here. You could easily stretch it out until your high school graduation at the very least. Hell, you could stay for another ten, fifteen years before people got anywhere near suspicious. But give me until graduation if nothing else, Bells. Let me see my baby graduate high school and then you can fly off with them and if you don’t want to, you don’t ever have to come home. If that’s really what you want.”

“Of course it’s not what I want, Dad.” I shook my head. “None of this is what I want. If I had my way of course I would stay here with you, we all would but-…”

“Bella, they get you for an eternity, I am asking for a year.” He pleaded, his voice cracking. “Less than that really. Just until graduation. Please. Please, honey.”

“Dad-…”

“How do you think it’s going to look if the Cullens up and leave town and they take my kid with them?” He shouted suddenly, tears welling in his eyes. “What are people going to think? What are they going to think happened between us, Bella?” That hadn’t occurred to me. I dipped my gaze with shame. I had already hurt him far more than I had ever wanted to. What had I been thinking? He was good with weird because he loved me. He wasn’t ever going to let me saunter out of his life like we meant nothing to each other. “I’ll tell you what they’ll think, Isabella Swan…” He said lowly, rising from his chair. “They’ll think I messed it up again. They won’t even be surprised.” He snorted humourlessly. “I just got you back and then I lost you again because I’m a shitty father-…”

“You’re not, you’re not.” I rushed, appearing beside him in a heartbeat. He didn’t even flinch. He was so used to my strangeness and he had loved me through all of it. “You’re the best dad that I-…”

“Then why are you so ready to leave me?” He wasn’t trying to make me feel guilty; the tears in his eyes made that quite clear. He was genuinely asking and he was scared of my answer, whatever it may be.

“I-…” I was relieved when he cut me off. I had no idea what I was going to say in response to that.

“We only have a limited time together in the grand scheme of your life, Bells.” He reached out and took my hand. “My life will one day look like a smudge on your timeline. It won’t have meant much by the time you get to the end of forever. But right now it means something, to me certainly, but I hope to you too.”

“Of course it does.” I whispered.

Through his tears, he mustered a smile. “You are going to have a longer and more extraordinary life than I could ever even imagine, Bella. And I want that for you, of course I do. I want you to leave Forks one day and see the world and do all the incredible things that you’ve dreamed of but right now… You are going to have so many great things in your life, Bella Swan. But for me? You’re it. You’re my whole life. Nothing else matters in it except you. So I’m asking you, sincerely, one last time, not to take that away from me for just one more year.”

“I know…” I whispered. “I just think it would be for the best if you let me go now.”

Charlie shook his head slowly and walked away from me. “I can’t do that. I can’t stop you from leaving, I know that, and if you choose to go with them I won’t hold it against you. Really, it’s already forgiven. But I won’t ever let you go, honey. Not really.” I listened as he left the room and walked upstairs to his bedroom, clicking the door quietly shut behind him. He wasn’t angry at me, just tired, and though it was physically impossible I felt the same way. I sank down onto the ratty couch that had been in his living room since before I was born, numb, victim to the thoughts pounding through my head.

My decision had been made for me and I knew it was the right one. I was glad that Alice was still away with Jasper because that meant that she wouldn’t get to Edward before I did. I needed to be the one to tell him; I was the only one that could promise him it wasn’t personal. 

He was waiting for me to come back to him when I arrived at the Cullens a few minutes after my conversation with Charlie, and he could tell by the look on my face that it hadn’t gone well.

“Oh Bella…” He mumbled and pulled me to him, holding me tight.

I pulled back after only a few seconds and took his hand in mine. “I need to talk to you. Privately.” He raised an eyebrow that said, “Meadow?” and I nodded, glad that nobody else would know where we had run off too. We sprinted there; Edward was desperate to hear what I had to say and I was eager to get the conversation over and done with. Our meadow looked so different at night, lit only intermittently by the moon when it deigned to peak out from behind the clouds constantly covering Forks.

“Put me out of my misery, please love.” Edward pleaded when we reached its border, still hidden by the trees.

“I’m not going with you.” I rushed before I could change my mind.

A small half-laugh escaped from Edward’s lips before he could really register what I had said. He didn’t believe me. How could he? I barely believed myself. “What?”

“I’m staying in Forks. With Charlie. With Jake and Angela. I have to stay until graduation.”

His face crumpled in on itself and he took a hurried step towards me. “Bella, it’s not safe-…”

“For all of us to stay. I know. But if I go with you and leave Charlie here, people are going to talk. They’ll think he lost me again and I can’t let him go through that. I just have to stay until college. And as far as Angela is concerned, my self-control is the best out of all of you. I’ve never slipped up with her or Jake and I’ve been around blood more than enough at the hospital. It would be like leaving Carlisle behind.”

“Shield.” He mumbled, correcting me even though he knew it didn’t matter what we called it as long as it worked.

“Whatever it is, it protects everyone, myself included.”

Edward exhaled and then nodded firmly, as though he had just worked out a difficult math problem. “Okay. But if you’re staying, then I’m staying.”

I shook my head. “You can’t stay with me.” I told him, desperately wishing it wasn’t true. “You have to go with your family, and not just because you care about them, but for the sake of appearances. The Cullens stick together and so do the Swans. For now at least, I’m still very much a Swan, no matter how much I feel like I’m part of your family already.”

“Bella, I don’t want to be apart from you for that long.” He insisted and then added weakly, “We only just found each other, I can’t be alone again.” He traced his fingertips down the side of my face.

“That’s exactly how Charlie feels too.” I murmered, moving closer to him. “You get me forever, we can allow him a year, can’t we? Besides, we’ll barely be apart.” I added more brightly. “I’ll come and be with you over the winter break. I’ll tell everybody that I’m visiting my mother in Arizona, they won’t think twice about it.”

He smiled sadly, no doubt thinking about me trying to avoid the sun in Arizona. “And Charlie?” He prompted.

“He can give us a few weeks together at the very least. He gets the rest of my time. Besides, he’s not doing this to be cruel, I know that. I may not like it but I know it’s for the best.”

Edward groaned as though he were in physical pain and dropped to the floor. “I can’t even imagine being apart from you, Bella.”

“I know, me neither…” I lowered myself down beside him. “But we’re strong enough to endure this. It’s only a couple of months, right? Just until college and then we’ll be together forever.”

“Forever.” He smiled sadly and pressed his lips gently to mine. He sighed as we pulled apart. “I know you told me not to mention it again until graduation but I feel like I deserve a pass due to special circumstances.”

I sighed, already knowing what he was going to ask me. “Yes?”

“I would feel a lot better being apart from you if we had something to symbolise our love for one another.”

I laughed. “And I suppose you think a wedding ring would be the perfect way to do that?”

“Don’t you?”

“I think being apart from my husband would be a lot harder than being apart from my boyfriend." I said pointedly, nudging him. "Besides, how am I supposed to explain something like that to Charlie or people at school? They’d think we were crazy.”

“I am crazy.” He grinned. “Crazy about you.”

“In that case, you won’t forget me in a year even if I’m not your wife, will you?”

“Guess not.” He conceded.

“Should we go home and tell the others?”

“I suppose we’d better." He sighed. "We’ve all been packing since you left to go to Charlie’s and Esme’s been wondering how much space we’d need to leave for your things to fit in.” I felt a pang of fondness and pain in my chest as I thought of my beloved sort-of mother in law and her endlessly giving nature. Then it dawned on me that I wasn’t just saying goodbye to Edward, I was saying goodbye to all of them and the life we had built around one another. 

I tried to focus as hard as I could on Charlie, Jacob and Angela; reminding myself that as a result of missing the Cullens I was buying myself extra time with them. But no matter how hard I tried, the faces of my adopted family kept flying into my mind and I missed them so much before they’d even left that it was hard to concentrate on anything else.


	28. part two / chapter ten.

The days leading up to the Cullens’ departure were some of the best and hardest of my life. Although the fact that Edward and I would soon be separated loomed darkly above us, we also knew that we needed to make the most of our time together before it happened. We spent our time almost permanently by one another’s side, constantly touching. We laughed and kissed and talked, planning and pledging our future together.

Jake and Angela were just as upset as I was to hear that the Cullens were leaving and spent as much time over at the house as they could and as a group we’d never been closer. Angela had completely recovered from her close-call and didn’t seem bothered in the slightest at being near us. Nevertheless, Jasper always took himself swiftly away when he saw her coming, a fact that I think hurt Angela’s feelings more than it did assure her that she was safe.

No matter how much I dreaded it, or pretended it wasn't coming, eventually the day when the Cullens had all packed up and were ready to leave Forks arrived. Rosalie was most upset to be leaving the hospital’s program behind and had gone with Carlisle when he handed in his urgent notice to say goodbye to the babies and the neonatal nurses. She was still upset when I arrived at the Cullen house on their departure day until I gave her a task that cheered her up significantly.

Edward wandered out of the house a few minutes after my arrival, Jake by my side. He was wondering why I hadn’t yet come inside to see him. “Bella?” He asked, a crooked smile on his lips as he looked between his fully-packed car and me.

“Yes Edward?” I sang sweetly, triggering a chuckle from Jake.

“Where’s my tire?” Edward said, looking over at his partially dismantled car.

I feigned cluelessness. “What tire?”

He laughed incredulously and folded his arms over his chest, analysing the damage from afar. “You pulled my tire off?”

“With my bare hands.” I growled proudly, skipping up to him and flinging my arms around his neck.

“How long do you think it’ll take Rosalie to fix it for me?” He asked sarcastically, holding me close and kissing the top of my head.

“I paid her ten bucks to drag out the process.” I admitted.

He chuckled and nodded. “So that’s why she’s so happy?”

I shrugged. “I had to do something to cheer her up before you all went away!”

He laughed and then held me close to him. “Bella…” He murmered.

“Stay with me.” I breathed against his skin, pressing a kiss on the spot where the words hung over us.

“I can’t.” He mumbled his reply into my hair. “And you said yourself you don’t want me to.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want you to, I said I knew that it would be better if you didn’t. They’re entirely different things.”

He smiled crookedly. “Right… How silly of me!”

“You’ll visit me, right?” I pleaded with him.

“Of course I will, and you’re going to visit me too. Besides, it’s not really that long until you graduate and we can be together again properly. And we have the winter break…”

“It feels like an eternity away.” I sighed.

“Believe me, it’ll go quicker than you think it will.”

“It’s my turn to say goodbye!” Alice announced, and Edward and I pulled apart reluctantly. “Don’t worry, you can say your proper farewell in a minute, but let us all have our moment before we start driving.”

“Very generous, Alice.” Edward rolled his eyes but took the chance to inspect his missing tire and set about fixing it. He was just as capable as Rosalie and I knew he’d have his car in working order again in less than five minutes. But still, it had been worth a try.

“Take care of yourself, little sister.” Emmett ordered, pushing ahead of Alice, lifting me up as he hugged me tight. “I expect you to still be in one piece when we see each other again.”

“Stay in touch, Bella.” Rosalie hugged me next and I clung to her, suddenly horribly overcome with how much I was going to miss having siblings.

“Of course I will.” I nodded before turning to my next sister. “Alice, any idea when we’ll see each other next?”

“Not yet, sorry.” She frowned and pulled me into a hug. “I’ll call you the minute I see anything.” She promised sincerely.

“Thanks.” I mumbled and then looked over her shoulder with a grin. “Jasper, your turn!”

“Bella, I’m so sorry-…” He said as I reached up to hug him.

“Don’t be.” I ordered gently. “It’s not your fault.”

He shook his head in protest and I could tell me was truly furious with himself. The frustration in his eyes and tightly curled fists reminded me of a child that has slipped up at something they were certain they had mastered. He had been sent back to square one blanketed by a cloud of humiliation. “Yes it is.” He insisted. “This whole thing is exactly my fault. We have to leave because I couldn’t control myself, you and Edward are going to be apart because-…”

“Jazz, it’s okay.” I cut him off sharply. “Seriously. Everything’s going to work out. Please, don’t blame yourself.”

“See, I told you she’s not mad at you.” Alice boasted but Jasper only scowled at her, still furious with himself.

“Besides, it’s only a year really and then I’ll graduate and we’ll all be together again, right?” Jasper’s eyes momentarily lit up, mirroring those of his family. He would miss me and Forks more than he wanted to admit. He blamed himself for ruining their peaceful existence here. They had been comfortable here and now it was all being taken away. “Happy families!” I sang out, trying to crack a smile onto his face. He offered me a weak half-smile and then skulked away, making room for Carlisle and Esme to say goodbye to me.

“That’s exactly right.” Esme called out as she and Carlisle exited the house with the last of the Cullens’ belongings. “But that doesn’t mean we won’t miss you awfully in the meantime.” She added as she neared me. Esme wrapped me in her arms and pressed her face against my hair as though trying to memorise my shape. I felt, more than ever, how much she and Carlisle had embraced me as a part of their family. I was suddenly very aware that I was once again losing a mother and I clung onto her for several moments.

“Call us if you need anything. Seriously Bella, anything. We can be back here in a second.” Carlisle assured me as I hugged him too.

“Thank you. I’m going to miss you all so much.” One by one, with sad smiles, each of the Cullens climbed into their respective cars and sat, engines running, waiting for Edward to finish saying his goodbye.

Jake coughed a little awkwardly and stepped forward. He reached out to shake Edward’s hand. “Thanks for everything. I can’t count the number of nights you guys let me crash on your couch. It means a lot, I won’t forget it.”

“You’re welcome.” Edward smiled, shaking Jake’s hand firmly. “Just do me one favour in return?”

Jake shrugged as he withdrew his hand. “Anything.”

Edward’s eyes flickered to me and a wry smile appeared on his face. “Take care of her for me.”

Jake rolled his eyes and grinned. “Like she can’t do that herself.” But he nodded his promise anyway. He glanced back at me and then again at Edward, taking a step towards the woods. “I’d better get going. I’ll check on Ang on my way, I know she’s pretty cut up about all of this.”

“Okay, good idea.” I croaked, dreading what was coming next.

“Catch up with us later Bells… If you feel up to it.”

I nodded as Jake sprinted away into the woods and disappeared from sight, giving Edward our final chance to be alone. The sky above Forks had just begun to spit rain down onto us and Edward lifted his face upwards and smirked. He looked back down at me and then pulled me close to his chest. “When you see the rain, think of me.” He mumbled into my hair.

I chuckled but stayed pressed to him. “It rains every day in Forks.”

“Rules are rules, Bella.” He chuckled and the meaning of his words settled in my heart. “I love you.” He whispered, swearing an oath to me as he held me close to him.

“I love you more.” I replied, sealing my end of the deal.

He smirked. “I seriously doubt it.”

Edward kissed me one final time and then gently uncurled my arms from around his neck, kissing each of my palms, and then placing them at my sides, as though I were a small child at risk of throwing a tantrum. He stroked my cheek with his thumb and then swallowed hard, turning on his heel and marching over to his car. He slung himself inside and revved the engine. He didn’t look back at me and I didn’t blame him. I knew how hard it would be for me to drive away from him if the roles were reversed. The other Cullens waved me goodbye and then they too drove away.

And just like that, my family was gone.

The sound of my hitching breath in the silent area outside of their house made me feel far too alone and for one crazy second I considered chasing them down, knowing I could outrun their cars, even at the speeds Edward and Rosalie liked to drive. But I didn’t. They had to leave and I had to stay, that was just the way things were. I wouldn’t make it any harder for them than it already was.

Edward had promised to call me, on the cell phone he had insisted on giving me before he left despite my protests, when they reached Denali but that wouldn’t be for at least a day. I decided to visit Angela to reassure her once again that none of this was her fault in a bid to distract myself from missing the Cullens.

Jake and Angela were extra nice to me when I arrived at her house, but nothing could soothe the ache in my chest whenever I thought of the Cullens. I tried to talk about different things with my friends, wondering if this feeling was to be my new normal. I had a bad feeling that that was exactly what it was. I left their company earlier than I really needed to and climbed through my bedroom window to avoid seeing Charlie. My intention had been to mope and to watch the clock ticking until the school day arrived, but when I landed with a soft thud on my carpet, the book lying in the centre of my bed took me by surprise.

I smiled softly as I neared it and lifted it gently from it’s soft resting place. I handled it gently, as though I were afraid of hurting it. Edward had put it there, I was sure of that. I had picked it out at the bookstore on my birthday and had incidentally left it at his house when the chaos surrounding Angela had erupted. It was a collection of Oscar Wilde’s short stories, leather-bound, with crisp white pages. I held it to my chest, hugging it as though it were Edward’s frame, and sank into the chair by my window, careful not to make any noise, lest my father come looking for me. I needed to be alone. I opened the front cover of the book and was surprised to find an inked-in, handwritten inscription on the milky endpapers. It hadn’t been there when I had bought it, and the sight of Edward’s elegant script made my heart soar.

I spent the rest of the night reading and re-reading the words, a quote I recognised as being Wilde’s own, letting their meaning wash over me and the ache in my chest, that awful and already-familiar, feeling of loving and missing Edward overtook my entire body.

“Every great love has its tragedy (…) but to have known and loved you with such profound devotion, to have had you for a part of my life, the only part I now consider beautiful, is enough for me. My passion is at a loss for words, but you can understand me, you alone. Our souls were made for one another, and by knowing yours through love, mine has transcended many evils, understood perfection, and entered into the divine essence of things.” To my love, from yours. Forever is our shared home. I love you. E.

~~~

On the nights when I didn’t need to hunt, and as Charlie, Jake and Angela slept and I found myself alone, I would call Edward. No matter where either of us was, he was reachable thanks to the cell phone he had insisted on buying me before he left. I hadn’t even argued, knowing how badly I would want to talk to him. I used it very rarely, only to message him quickly when I was at school or when I went further afield with my hunting and wanted to call him on my way back to Forks. Usually I preferred just to whisper down Charlie’s landline, curled up on one of the rickety kitchen chairs and talking until I heard my father stirring above me.

No matter how or from where I called, Edward always answered. We would talk to each other for hours without even noticing the hours ticking by. Sometimes I hung up smiling because it had reminded me of how much we loved each other, but other times an ache would throb in my chest as I realised how much I longed to be with him. He had told me once that there was a biological need between mates to be together and that to be apart would cause physical pain. Now I knew it was true.

I often found myself running in the direction of the Cullen house without even realising I was doing it. It was as if my heart and body missed them and were confused as to why my head refused to let us go there anymore. Sometimes I wondered, or perhaps hoped, if somehow I’d imagined the whole thing and that I would arrive on their front step and find them all waiting there for me. I pictured Edward opening the door before I even had time to knock. Taking me in his arms. Kissing me.

The Cullens had not explicitly asked me to keep an eye on their house for them, but since they had left me a key and opted to leave most of their furniture in it, I took it upon myself to drop by the house every few days just to make sure everything was still in order. The first time I had done so, I had stayed only a few minutes. I had never been the only person inside of the house before and I suddenly wished I had thought to bring Jake or Angela with me. It was far too big to go uninhabited for any length of time, as though it needed occupants in the same way a human needs food and water. When I had stepped over the threshold, the house had felt like a shell of the home it had once been and I ached to see Jasper watching the news in the living room or to find Esme painting in Carlisle’s study. However, each time I visited I stayed a little longer until the house felt normal, as though it were a nervous animal remembering my scent. It welcomed me home when I turned the key in the lock as I had always been welcomed by its owners in the past.

Despite the huge hole in my life, and the lives of Jake and Angela, where the Cullens had once been, life in Forks irritatingly continued as though they had never existed at all. I was more-or-less unaware of this phenomenon until Angela nudged me at lunch one day a few weeks after the Cullens had left me standing in their driveway. Angela and I had defended our usual lunchtime cafeteria table fiercely when news first spread of the Cullens leaving town and refused to be budged even though there were much larger groups sitting at much smaller tables. It was the best table in the cafeteria by far and we, along with the rest of the school, knew it. We weren’t about to give it up just because we were missing a few people. It always helped that I got to the Cafeteria first, by skating around the edge of the school building too fast to be spotted by any of the nearby humans and was sitting down before anyone else could even get inside. Angela always arrived a few minutes later and we would take turns fetching our trays of food, with mine always suspiciously piled with things I thought she would like to eat or to sneak into our bags to give to Jake later in the day.

“What do you think of her?” Angela had asked me that day, turning to me with excitement shining in her eyes. I blinked a few times and shook my head. I had been daydreaming with my gaze pointed out of the nearest window and I guiltily realised I hadn’t listened to a word she had said since we had sat down nearly fifteen minutes earlier. I’d made the mistake of visiting the Cullen house before school to borrow a stack of books from Edward’s collection and had let the aching emptiness of missing him settle in my chest. I’d been distracted ever since, desperately wishing that night would fall so that I could speak to him.

“Who?” I asked her cluelessly.

“Jennifer.” Angela replied, as though it were obvious.   
I shrugged in confusion. “Who’s that?”

She rolled her eyes at me. “God Bella, I know you’ve been a bit preoccupied lately but I didn’t realise you’d been living under a rock. The new girl. Jennifer.” She added by way of explanation. “Everyone’s been talking about her for weeks. There’s been nearly as much gossip about her as there was about you when you showed up.”

“Really?” I winced, realising just how absent I’d been for the past weeks. I felt bad for Angela, having to follow around after me knowing that I was barely there. I’d been a terrible friend recently and I would have to make it up to her, and Jake too. If she’d been any other kind of person she would no doubt already have ditched me for somebody more interesting by now. I was lucky that Angela would never consider doing such a thing. As for Jake, I was lucky that we had a supernatural bond and were now the only people the other had to share our sorrows with. He wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Silently, I vowed to be more present when I was around them both. I had all night, every night, to mope around.

“Yeah.” She nodded enthusiastically. “Look, be subtle but she’s over there.” She glanced to our left, towards the table that Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley sat at with their crew.

I looked over my shoulder at the girl. I didn’t see anything particularly interesting, magnificent or horrific, about her. To me, she looked like every other human in the school. Average and unthreatening. Nice enough but nobody worth risking my neck over. Angela was the only one worthy of that. “What about her?” I asked dumbly.

“Well… what do you think of her?” Angela repeated, shifting awkwardly in her seat as though she regretted bringing the subject up with me at all.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged, unsure of where the conversation was leading. It was obviously not just small-talk but it was unlike Angela to gossip about anyone, especially somebody new to the school that she knew relatively little about. “I like her jeans?” I ventured, hoping this would satisfy her.

“Do you think she’s pretty?” Angela pressed, a little more desperately.

“I guess so. That whole group is pretty.” Jennifer had already been swallowed up by Lauren’s gang and was being paid quite a lot of attention by Tyler Crowley. She seemed shy and quiet amongst their loud jabberings, like she didn’t quite belong there yet. I wondered if she would ever manage to claw her way out as Angela had done. Then again, I had more or less pulled Angela out. Without intervention, I feared Jennifer would be stuck with the group until the end of her high school career.

“Yeah but don’t you think she kind of sticks out-…”

“Ang, what exactly do you want me to say here?” I snapped, a little more harshly than I meant it. I immediately regretted speaking to her in that way and added weakly, “I’m kind of lost.”

“Oh I don’t know. Forget it, it’s not important.” Angela mumbled, turning back to her salad and changing the subject.


	29. part two / chapter eleven.

A few days later, I was sitting at the kitchen table attempting to finish some homework early in the morning when Charlie ambled down the stairs. “Morning, honey.” He yawned before touching the top of my head affectionately on his way past me.

“Morning. Sweet dreams?”

He smiled contentedly. “The sweetest. What are you up to today?”

I shrugged, tossing my textbook shut. “School, then probably hanging out with Ang and Jake. I’ll be home before dark I should think.”

“Okay… You know, I know you miss the Cullens but it’s pretty nice to have you around a bit more. Feels like we actually get to spend time together.”

“I know.” I indulged him with a grin. “It’s been nice for me too.” I replied and was pleased to find that I actually meant it. Being apart from Edward and my extended family was difficult, but Charlie was right. I was glad to have this time with him before our indefinite length of separation began. On top of that, my schoolwork had never been more immaculately completed and my one-on-one time with both Angela and Jake, as well as my time spent with the both of them together, had significantly increased. Overall, I was surprised to find myself admitting, life didn’t entirely suck just because I had been left behind when the Cullens had left town.

Charlie chuckled sleepily. “It’s okay, you’re allowed to admit how much you miss them. It must have been like having the big family you never had and now they’re gone. I know it must be hard.”

“I like my small family of two just fine thank you very much.” I said a little defensively.

Charlie stopped for a second and then asked. “Just two?”

“She has her family of two; her and Phil.” I replied curtly, well aware of where he was going with his line of enquiry. “I have mine; you and me. That’s the way she wants it.”

Charlie sighed. “Your mom will come around, honey. She just needs time and maybe a little prompting-…”

“I did prompt her.” I snipped. “I sent her a postcard when I was in Italy. That was my olive branch, but I think the fact that I had to be the one to offer one in the first place is a little ridiculous. It’s not like I ran away. I was forced to leave her and she didn’t even try to make me stay, nor did she offer to come with me. I didn’t choose this life and for her to punish me for-…”

“Bella, it’s okay.” Charlie hushed me gently. “I didn’t mean to start anything. Look, you know that your mother loves you even if she’s not showing it correctly. You’re her baby girl and if she feels like she’s lost you then she’s going to struggle with that. It may not be right and it may not be my style, but I know Renee and I know she’s not doing any of this maliciously. Please just give her a little more time.”

I exhaled stroppily and sat back heavily in my chair. “All I have is time.” I muttered bitterly. 

“And you know, even if things with your mom never go back to how they were…" He shrugged, embarrassed. "Well, you know that you’ll always have me, right.”

“Exactly, Dad.” I smiled generously. “Family of two. We’re a team.”

“We’re a team.” He agreed, pleased that he didn’t have to approve my ‘family of two’ idea out loud, whilst secretly enjoying it. For too long I had treated Charlie like he was a family of one and that he existed separately to myself and my life with my mother. Those days were over and I never intended to return to them.

~~~

Angela and I were making a beeline for our table in the cafeteria when we heard someone calling out to us. On this occasion, we had entered together since we shared the class before it and arriving separately would have looked strange. I had been following her, making sure that my speed matched hers so that nobody noticed anything out of the ordinary. Well, nothing more out of the ordinary than usual.

When we heard a voice yelling out our names, Angela stopped dead in her tracks so fast that I nearly ran right into her back. “Angela, Bella. Come sit with us.” I turned and saw Jessica Stanley, the owner of the voice, waving in our direction.

“Oh hey Jess!” Angela replied, offering a small, awkward wave back. She looked to me uncertainly, knowing full-well that the invitation was really only for herself, before adding. “Um, sure. We’d love to.”

We walked over and sat down at the only two empty seats at the table. I smiled weakly at the other people at the table, including Mike Newton and Lauren Mallory among others. “Mike thought since the Cullens were gone that the two of you might be getting lonely.” Jessica grinned, seeming to enjoy the fact that the Cullens were gone a little too much for my liking. “He suggested we invite you to join us.” She added and I, being the only one with hearing capable of doing so, heard her teeth grind together at the idea of Mike even being aware of my existence. I stifled a chuckle, wishing Edward were there to relay to commentary in her head in that moment, and shifted some of my inedible food around on my tray. It made me a little nervous to be so close to so many humans when I was supposed to be pretending to eat, it had been so long since I had had to put on that facade for Angela.

“How thoughtful…” I muttered, unimpressed by the gesture, distracted by wondering if I would have to bite the bullet and choke down some food to bring up later in private. Angela nudged me hard, telling me to check my tone, though I think it hurt her elbow more than it made me take any notice.

“Have you met Jen yet?” Lauren asked us brightly, motioning to the girl sitting beside her, who jumped violently at the sound of her own name.

“Don’t think so.” I replied simply. “It’s nice to meet you.” The poor girl tried her best not to stare at me, swallowing uncomfortably as she forced herself to smile and then immediately stared down into her lunch. Angela glanced awkwardly at me but I shook my head to assure her that everything was okay. Jennifer wasn’t being rude and she wasn’t scared of me. Or at least, she didn’t know that she was. She was drawn to me, but at the same time, every cell in her body screamed at her to run from me. I was both the most desirable and intriguing creature in the room and the most dangerous. It would be confusing for anyone. Only a select few were able to fight through it and get close enough to get anything out of me and one of them was sitting beside me making polite conversation with her ex-friends. I glanced back at our usual table, seeing, as I had expected, that it had already been swamped by another group of students. I was annoyed by that, but knew I had no real right to be. There was no point in saving seats for people that were never going to come back.

“Why did they leave so suddenly anyway?” Jessica asked me curiously, catching the line of my vision. “It was so weird.” She explained to Jennifer as though she were describing an international conspiracy. “Like an overnight disappearance. One day they were at school and the next day they were gone..."

“Dr Cullen was offered a job he really couldn’t refuse. It was too good of an opportunity. The only catch was he had to start really soon.” Angela told Jessica robotically, repeating the official story that had been told to the school when Esme had dropped by the office to un-enrol Alice and Edward. I was glad that Angela had taken the lead in the conversation. I was too busy feeling upset at the way people talked about the Cullens behind their backs. I had never been on the other side of the battle and I wondered how Edward coped with hearing every whisper and every cruel thought someone berated themselves for even considering.

“Still weird.” Lauren chimed in, leaning conspiratorially in Jessica’s direction, her hair hanging only a few inches above Jennifer’s food. Subtly, Jen pushed her tray away as though she had finished eating, trying not to pull a face. “I thought he and his wife loved it here. We didn’t think they’d ever leave Forks…” Her eyes narrowed and flicked towards me. “Must be hard for you, Bella.”

“Why?” I asked, feigning indifference and an increased interest in the mushed-up food on my tray, that I was still playing with.

“Well they were like your only friends, right? Apart from Angela and that guy from the reservation. Must be strange being here without them… You guys were close from day one, it was like you already knew each other. Did you-…”

“I’m her friend too.” Mike cut in, and I had never been so grateful to hear his voice in my life. I didn’t know exactly where Lauren was going with her questions, but I doubted it was somewhere I wanted to go. I owed Mike a big favour.

I sat through the rest of the lunch in relative silence, politely responding when Mike spoke to me, but otherwise eavesdropping on the conversation Angela was having with Jennifer. They were getting on well and, when the bell went to signal the end of lunch, the latter invited us both to a trip to La Push Beach they were planning for that weekend. “We’re all going before it officially gets too cold. I don’t think I’ll go in the water though!”

“Oh Bella won’t come.” Lauren laughed shrilly, louder than necessary. It seemed she defaulted to attention-seeking, revelling in the looks the group were shot by other students.

“Excuse me?” I snapped, having had quite enough of her snide remarks by that point. If I gripped my tray any harder, it would have easily broken into two pieces. In fact, most of my energy was going into keeping it whole.

“Sorry…” She replied, in the least apologetic voice I had ever heard. “But the Cullens never went onto the reservation, I thought you were probably the same way-…”

“I’m not a Cullen.” I bit back, eyeing her up a little threateningly. It pleased me to see her natural instincts kicking in and to see her shrink slightly under my gaze. “If I was, I wouldn’t still be in Forks having to deal with petty gossips…" I let my eyes linger menacingly on Lauren for a few more seconds before my gaze slid over to Jennifer. "I have plans this weekend, so thank you for inviting me but I can’t go.”

“That’s alright…” Jennifer said, trying to dispel the uncomfortable tension between Lauren and myself. “I’m sure we’ll do it again soon… Angela, you in?”

Angela’s wide eyes were focused only on me. “Um… I’ll have to let you know.” She mumbled as I stalked away from the table. She followed close on my heel.

As we walked, I easily overheard the others continuing to talk as they gathered their things and slowly moved to get to their next classes. “What’s Bella’s problem?” Asked Tyler Crowley.

“Edward must have broken up with her when they left town.” Lauren replied as though it were obvious. “I don’t blame her for being a bitch, imagine losing that guy!” She and Jessica dissolved into stupid giggles.

“You really think they broke up?” Mike asked hopefully.

“Well he’s not here, is he? They’re as good as broken up even if it’s not official yet. He’s probably already met some Cali girl to replace her. Someone with a bit of a tan and the occasional smile-…” I broke through the Cafeteria doors and hurried to my next class, trying to get their laughter to stop ringing in my ears.

After school, I dropped Angela off at her house and drove straight to the Cullen ex-residence, desperate to be alone. I let myself in and walked around the house, trying to steady my breathing. Lauren’s words had cut through me and made me miss my family even more than I did already. I went from room to room, trying to soak up the last remnants of their energies.

When I reached Carlisle’s study, I found most of Esme’s paint supplies had been left behind in their hurried packing, and a few of my own pieces of artwork. My attempt at painting mine and Edward’s meadow was still sitting on its easel, leaning slightly to the right, as though someone had knocked into it as they hurried past. I readjusted the easel and examined the painting. I had abandoned it months before, moving steadily onto something new. I sought out the ugly blotch of paint in the centre, still visible despite my attempts to correct it. I remembered the conversation and the tender kiss that had accompanied its birth and found myself walking out of the room and into Edward’s bedroom before I knew what I was doing.

I sighed contentedly upon entering Edward’s bedroom. His scent was the strongest in here, even more so than in his music room, as he always spent the most time up here. We had spent a lot of time in here together. I just stood in the centre of it for several minutes, visualising his face and breathing in his scent. When I felt sufficiently comforted, with Lauren Mallory’s viciousness completely out of my mind, I selected a book from one of the many stacks around the room and flopped down onto his couch to escape into a different world.

I was so absorbed in the novel that I barely noticed the sun going down. It wasn’t until a sharp wind blew a tree branch towards Edward’s bedroom window, causing a loud tap to echo through the room, that I jumped to my feet. Taking the book with me I fled the Cullen house and made a beeline for my own, hoping Charlie hadn’t missed me too much since arriving home from work.

When I arrived home, I was surprised to find not only my father’s cruiser in the driveway but another, unfamiliar, car taking up my space. Confused, I parked on the grass and headed towards the front door. Charlie met me there, blocking my path. “Hey Bella, good day at school?”

“Um… Not bad…” I muttered, taken aback by his presence. I tried to get past him into the house, but he mirrored my movements, keeping me trapped on the porch. Thinking he might be annoyed at me, I added, “Sorry I’m late, I lost track of time.”

“That’s okay, don’t worry about it.” He rushed, a fake smile plastered on his face, unnerving me. I narrowed my eyes at him until he dropped the facade and said, “Um, I have to tell you something. Please don’t freak out but-…”

“Dad? What’s going on?”

“Bella?” Her voice cut through me like a knife and I took a shocked step backwards. I should have recognised the car. It wasn’t unfamiliar, I just hadn’t seen it in a long time. In the haze of my human memories I picked one out and heard a car horn blaring from the driveway at my house in Phoenix. We had walked outside together and she had squealed with delight, waving to Phil in the driver’s seat. It was the first new car she had ever owned.

“Mom?” I called into the house, my voice shaking. I moved past my father into the warmth of the front hallway. Her scent, mixed with the normal homely smells of Charlie’s house, wafted towards me and an uncomfortable lump formed in my throat. If I had been able to, I might have already been crying. She came into view quickly, rounding the corner from the kitchen and emerging into the light of the hallway.   
“Hi Bella.” She whispered tentatively, her eyes tracing over me like she didn’t believe that I was real.

“What are you doing here?” I asked dumbly, unable to think of anything else to say.

“I came to visit you. Is that alright?”

“Yeah… Um…” I looked desperately at Charlie and he sprang into action.

“Here Renee, why don’t you sit down?” He offered, ushering the both of us into the living room and towards the couch. “And you, Bells.”

“I got your postcard.” She said suddenly and thrust the creased image of the Basilica into my hands. “You must have had a lovely time. Sorry it took me so long to-…”

“It’s okay.” I mumbled, running my fingers over the postcard’s image. Edward’s face flashed into my mind, adding to the confused ache in my chest. Charlie excused himself, taking the stairs two at a time, to give my mother and I some privacy. Part of me wished he would stay, but I knew how important it was that I speak to Renee alone. “Why did you really come?” I quietly demanded.

She hesitated, catching my eye and then looking away as though embarrassed. “I came because you’re my daughter…” She said finally, choosing her words carefully. “Still, and I love you. Oh Bella, it was like you were dead or something and that was even harder to handle than… all of this.” I didn’t care to bring up any technicalities and instead I just nodded and swallowed uncomfortably.

“But I wasn’t dead.” I replied stonily. “I was here. With Charlie. Without you.”

“I know. I’m so sorry, darling.” Tears were welling up in her eyes. I tried my best to ignore them, knowing I had to get through some things before her distress could be permitted to affect me.

“What were you hoping to achieve by coming here?”

“Ideally, I would fix things between us but I know I might have left it too late.” She added sensibly. “Alternatively, I just want you to know how much I love you and how much I want to be here for you. I will be here for you."

“You’re staying? In Forks?”

She nodded. “If you’ll have me.” I thought of the last time somebody had said that to me and almost left the room, too overwhelmed to deal with any of it. I said nothing, too shocked to even begin to process all that had happened since I had arrived home that evening. We passed several minutes in complete silence. “Your dad tells me that you’ve got a boyfriend!” Renee broke the quiet suddenly, her voice much brighter than before. I heard the stairs creaking as Charlie ventured back down, hoping our serious conversation was over. I wondered if he had been listening into the whole thing.

“Yeah…” I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of him. I wondered what he would make of this whole situation, if he had been there. “His name’s Edward.”

“Can I meet him while I’m in town?” She asked, cautiously optimistic.

“Oh… Well…”

“He’s on a vacation, right Bells?” Charlie said, coming into the room. “He and his family are out of town for a few weeks?”

I nodded, grateful that he had given me an excuse to avoid the awkwardness of introducing my boyfriend to my mother. “Exactly.”

“Well I don’t know how long I’ll be here, maybe I’ll get lucky.” She grinned at me. 

“Maybe…” I decided there was no point in keeping secrets between us, no matter how much easier to would be just to lie to her. “Um, Mom?”

“Yeah, honey?” She replied, glowing at me. I hadn’t called her that in a long time.

“He’s like me…” I winced. “Not like everybody else.”

“Oh… Right. Well that’s probably for the best, isn’t it?”

“I certainly think so.” I surprised myself by laughing and Charlie left the room again. A few seconds later I heard him in the kitchen and then the gentle clicking of the kettle being put on.

Renee put her hand over mine, freezing a little at the touch. She caught my eye and summoned a brave smile. “Can I try something?”

“Sure, Mom.” I nodded.

Carefully she put her other hand to my face and then began to press gently all over my body, moving her hands up and down my arms and legs, touching me quickly as though I was burning her fingers but she was still intent on covering every surface. She was trying to get used to me. It felt unnatural to be touched so lightly, by such warm hands, but I stayed as still as possible to give her time to do what she had to. Finally, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight.

“Oh baby.” She whispered and I felt wet tears against my cheek. “I missed you so much. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I found myself saying robotically, knowing I didn’t believe it. “There’s not exactly a handbook for handling this kind of thing.”

“Your dad seemed to know what he was doing.” She said with a smile, pulling away from our embrace. “He always did such a great job with you.”

I shrugged. “He’s a cop." I replied by way of explanation. "He’s good with weird.”

“I guess you’re right.” She smirked. “Still, I should never have thought of you or anything to do with you as ‘weird’. A mother is supposed to take things at face value and not ask questions. We’re supposed to love unconditionally and I didn’t do that for you. I should have been there and I should have helped you through it all. I will never be able to make that up to you, Bella, but I’m really going to try while I’m here.”

“How long are you planning on being in Forks?” I asked her, my voice becoming kinder by the second.

“Indefinitely, but at least until the baseball season is over. Then Phil will come here to see you, well see us both, and we’ll make a plan. I don’t want to spend any more time away from you but-…”

“But Forks isn’t your home.” I finished her sentence for her.

She shook her head. “It hasn’t been for a long time. Who knows, maybe I could fit myself back into it… We’ll see. Let’s not think about that for now. We have a lot of time before that becomes an issue. Well, unless your dad kicks me out.”

“He won’t kick you out.” I chuckled at the absurdity of the idea. “He didn’t even want you to leave the first time around.”

“Yeah I know… We’ve put him through a lot, huh.”

I nodded regretfully. “Yeah we have.”

“Well, we’ll just have to try and make up for it now, won’t we! I’d better go see if he needs any help in the kitchen. I must try and be a good house guest!”

“Okay, Mom.” I smiled as she rose from the couch and made her way towards the kitchen. She paused at the shelf that held all of my school photographs, the ones that Charlie had cared for so lovingly for so many years, dusting them once a week at the very least. One by one she put her index finger on each of the photos, as though touching the face that now felt too cold and hard, but which had once belonged to her warm and soft and tiny baby girl.

I did feel for Renee and tried very hard to put myself in her shoes. But we had always looked after one another, we had always been a team. Us against the world, she had promised me that when I was a little girl. When I had cried because I had to fly to Forks to visit Charlie, she had told me that it would be okay because she would be waiting for me. I would always have her to come home too. She had taken that away from me. She had left me alone in this.

It would take me longer than one conversation to forgive her completely.


	30. part two / chapter twelve.

Later that night, when I was alone in my bedroom, I dug the cell phone Edward had given me out of my school bag and dialled his number. Usually, I just used the home phone, but since Charlie was already snoring contentedly on the couch I decided to stay hidden in my bedroom. I kept my voice low too lest my mother find sleeping in Charlie’s unfamiliar bed too difficult and overhear my conversation.

“How are you, love?” Edward answered by way of greeting after only one ring.

Hearing his voice produced a wide grin on my face and I felt myself physically relaxing as I answered his question. “Not too bad. I had kind of an interesting day… You’ll never guess who rocked up on Charlie’s doorstep this afternoon.”

“Who?”

“My mother.” I sat myself down on the end of my bed. “Back in her personal small-town nightmare at long last.” I chuckled lightly.

Edward paused at the other end of the line. “She came to see you?” He double-checked.

“Apparently.” I shrugged, despite the fact that he couldn’t see me. “She wants to 'fix' things between us.”

“Are you going to let her?” He was as worried as I was about my relationship with Renee. He knew how much it pained me to have no contact with her, but he also knew how badly she had hurt me when she had turned her back on me and my whole situation. I was his greatest concern, he wanted to keep me safe, but he also knew that he had to follow my lead on this one. Nobody could fix my relationship with Renee except me. Even Renee needed my permission in order to progress with it.

“I haven’t decided yet.” I admitted, my voice growing quieter as my anxieties buzzed in my head like flies. “It was my postcard that got her here, but I don’t think I can get over the way she abandoned me when I changed just like that… If it hadn’t of been for Charlie, I don’t know what would have happened to me.”

“But if she hadn’t abandoned you, and if Charlie hadn’t saved the day, you might never have come to Forks and we might never have met.” He pointed out.

I chuckled. “Are you suggesting I thank her for bringing us together?”

“I don’t think any suggestions would be helpful in this situation. You have to figure it out on your own, love.”

“You’re probably right…” I sighed, before swiftly changing the subject. “How is everyone?”

“A bit fed-up to be honest.” He replied, the sadness in his voice highlighting that point. “You know how we decided not to enrol in a school mid-term?"

"Yeah?"

"Well I’m not sure it was such a great idea after all. We’re all bored out of our minds and spend most of our days and nights cooped up inside the house. Plus we all miss you and Jake and Angela so badly. It’s been pretty miserable to be honest.” He sighed. “You have no idea how badly I want to come back and get you.” He added in a low voice.

I chuckled. “I’d gladly have you back here with me but you know that I can’t go with you at the end of your visit.”

“I know…” His voice was thick with regret. “What else has been going on there?”

“Not much. Oh, except I dislike Lauren Mallory even more than I did before.” I corrected myself, my anger from earlier in the day surging through me again.

“What happened?” Edward asked, his interest sufficiently peaked.

“Well first of all her group made us lose our table by the window-…”

“A very serious crime, I’m sure.” He cut in with a laugh.

“Exactly, and then they invited us to La Push Beach-… and then she said that you’d either broken up with me or were already cheating on me in California and that’s why I was in such a bad mood.” I pouted.

There was a long pause at the other end of the line before Edward politely asked, “Would you like me to come back there and prove to her that you are still very much the love of my life?”

“I would actually.” I replied simply. 

“As long as I don’t need to prove it to you, although that could be quite fun… I’m sorry she’s going out of her way to try and make you miserable, Bella. If it makes you feel better, her thoughts were always extremely unoriginal and vapid. She’s a truly unremarkable person. Her opinions should mean very little to you.”

“It’s okay, I’m only sitting there because of Angela.” I assured him. “She still likes some of that group, against my better judgement. I’ll just have to try and not let them get to me. For Angela’s sake, at least.”

“That’s the spirit.”

“Mike’s very encouraging anyway…” I added for fun.

“Don’t tease me like that, Bella!” He groaned.

I giggled and flopped backwards on my bed, so that I was lying flat on my back. “My apologies, Edward.”

“Oh by the way, Laurent’s gone missing.” He said suddenly, his voice more serious than it had been before.

“Missing?” I repeated, furrowing my brow and sitting bolt upright again. “What do you mean?”

“He left Denali without telling anybody where he was going or when he was coming back. Quite frankly, I don’t think he has any intention of returning at all.”

“That sounds like missing to me… Irina’s not with him?” I asked as a flash of movement out of my window caused me to go to it and look out. Down below, being covered in rain, Jake hovered. I knew that I would have to cut off my conversation with Edward and let him in soon.

“No. He sent her off hunting with the others and claimed he didn’t want to go with them. When they got back he’d disappeared and hadn’t taken anything with him. Not even a change of clothes. Nomads aren’t big on creature comforts. Apparently Irina’s beside herself with worry.”

“I’m not surprised. Where do you think he’s gone?”

“I honestly have no idea but it’s probably nowhere good if he felt the need to do it in secret. Nomads don’t generally carry luggage with them, nor do they generally feed on animals… I’m just telling you so that if he turns up in Forks for any reason we can let Irina know that he’s at least alive.”

“Why? So she can kill him for scaring her so badly?” I joked, trying to ease any worry that might be lingering in him.

It worked and Edward laughed heartily. “God, I miss you.”

“I miss you too. I’ll keep an eye out for Laurent but I doubt he’ll come back here, especially now that Carlisle’s gone. He was the only one Laurent really had any kind of relationship with outside of the Denali clan.”

“You’re probably right. He might seek us out here but who knows. If I’m honest I’m not sure he’s interested in maintaining the vegetarian lifestyle. He didn’t seem very convinced by it all when they came to visit us in August.”

“At least if he hurts Irina, Kate will have a reason to shock him.” I pointed out. “She was itching to do it their whole time with us. Tanya wasn’t crazy about the whole situation either-…”

“Speaking of, have you been working on your shield?”

It was my turn to groan. I had wondered how long it would take him to check up on that. “A little. On and off.” I lied badly. “It’s pretty hard to do it alone. Kate said that in order to radiate it beyond my mind I needed to be really motivated to do it. I’m not in danger and I don’t have anybody else to protect so it just keeps snapping back the minute I get distracted.” That part, at least, was true. I had dabbled with my shield once or twice but was quick to give up on it each time. 

“Keep working on it, Bella. It will come with time.” He reassured me gently.

“Part of me wants to keep it basic.” I admitted, a little shamefully. “Aro said that when I had reached my potential that’s when he would come for me again-…”

“He’ll come for you regardless, Bella.” Edward cut me off, refusing to even entertain the idea of giving up on improving my gift. “It’s like Rosalie said, this is partially a power play for him. He wants to get under Carlisle’s skin and break the family apart. You might as well be as powerful as possible so that you can potentially fight him off. I wouldn’t think just of the Volturi anyway, your shield could come in handy in all sorts of situations.”

“I know that you’re right but it’s just so frustrating.”

“I know, but I believe in you." He murmered. "I bet it’s a lot better than you’re giving yourself credit for.”

“Maybe you should come and test it out yourself.” I taunted him, hoping he would take me up on my offer.

“You know that if I could I would.” He sighed. “I’d be there with you in a heartbeat.”

“I know. Listen, I should probably go. Jake’s skulking around outside the house. I think my Mom’s car is throwing him off, otherwise he’d just walk in like normal. I’d better go and see if he’s alright. It’s pretty late…”

“Okay, Bella. I love you. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“I love you too.” I hung up the phone and tip-toed down the stairs towards the front door. I slipped outside and waved to Jake, who obliged and walked a little closer to the house.

“Who does the car belong to?” He asked, with what I thought sounded like hope in his voice. He probably thought one of the Cullens had come home. I didn’t blame him, the Cullens had more cars than I could even count and seemed to acquire a new one every few weeks. It could have easily belonged to them, if there had been any possibility of them ever returning to Forks.

“Actually, it’s my mom’s. She’s inside with Charlie. Both asleep, as you should probably be. It’s late, Jake, what are you doing here-…”

“Renee’s here?” He cut me off, his eyes wide and disbelieving. I nodded hesitantly, trying to gauge his reaction. “Your mom came to find you?” He added softly, his voice barely a whisper. “She came back for you?”

I smiled sadly. “Yeah she did.”

“Wow… I mean-… Wow…”

I shook my head, my heart beginning to break. “Jake-…”

“Bells, I’m so happy for you.” His voice cracked but he kept smiling. “Your mom came back… This is so great.” He wrapped me in a tight hug but it felt like he was just trying to steady himself.

“Oh Jake…” I put my hand to the back of his head and knotted my fingers in his slow-growing, scruffy hair. “You know yours would come back for you if she could. In a heartbeat.”

“I know, but she can’t. It’s okay.” He sniffed and pulled away from me. “Let’s just celebrate yours coming back, okay?” I nodded but couldn’t bring myself to say anything else. Jake saw the hesitation in my eyes and smiled understandingly. He hugged me again, his voice low and inconspicuous. “Your other mom will come home too one day soon.” He promised. “They all will.”

“I don’t want Renee to think I’ve replaced her.” I replied firmly. “Esme isn’t my mother, she could never take Renee’s place in my heart but-… I don’t know Jake, I just miss them all. I miss my family. I miss Edward-...”

“I know Bells, I miss them too. But like I said, they’ll come home soon.”

“Edward might.” I told him truthfully. “But the others will stay away from Forks for a long time. I won’t see them again until I leave for college.”

Jake paused. “They’re not coming back?” We had been over this before, but I don’t think the magnitude of what those words meant had ever really sunk in. He had probably been expecting a visit or two in the next few months and in a few decades for the whole lot of us to move back and pick things up where we had left off.

“How can they Jake? They don’t age and people were already starting to notice with Carlisle and Esme. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper were supposed to be away at college already, so the fact that they were still here was a risk too. We’ll have to start a new life when I graduate. They’ve just got a head-start on it. They’re waiting for me to leave Forks and join them as soon as I can.”

His eyes widened further as something fresh, that he hadn’t taken into consideration before, dawned on him too. “So you won’t be coming back to Forks after you graduate either? With or without them?”

I shook my head slowly, realising now that we hadn’t been on quite the same page about that. “No… I can’t. Charlie will have to come to me when he wants to see me. It’s too risky otherwise.”

“What about me?” He mumbled. “And Angela?”

“Same deal, I guess.” I shrugged. “Angela will leave for college anyway, maybe we’ll even end up at the same one, so she won’t be in Forks for most of the year and you’ll… I don’t know…” I realised now that between the Cullens, Angela and myself, we would be leaving Jake completely alone. “You’ll always be welcome with me and the Cullens,” I promised him fiercely. “But I can’t come back to Forks until this generation are long gone and their children are old. I can’t risk anyone remembering me.”

He shook his head slowly and then, after several strained moments of silence, granted me a small, sad smile. “As if anybody could ever forget you, Bella Swan.”

~~~

I dug my hands into the ice-cold water of the stream and then lifted them to my face, letting it pour down my arms and over my clothes. I would dry out on my run back to town and, for once, I didn’t appear to have spilt any blood on my clothes. I put it down to the fact that I had concentrated on smaller, more manageable, prey on that occasion and washed the stains from my skin. Shaking off the excess water, rising to my feet and eyeing up the steadily rising sun. Another hunt done, and yet I hadn’t enjoyed a moment of it. Without Edward or any of the other Cullens to bounce my excitement off of, hunting was just another chore, something I did purely to keep myself strong and resistant to temptation.

I concentrated on my day ahead, desperate to think of something, anything, other than how much I missed my extended family. I had spoken to Edward the previous evening, before Charlie had fallen asleep and I had left to embark on my mission to find blood. Despite the recentness of our speaking, I was desperate to call him again just to hear his voice. But that would have to wait.

I ran back into town and arrived at the Weber house earlier than was necessarily polite for a Sunday morning. Luckily, her parents didn’t even flinch, opening the front door wide and inviting me inside. Angela’s baby sister had had them up for a good few hours already, though Angela herself was still asleep upstairs.

“Coffee, Bella?” When I declined, he shrugged and handed me a cup anyway. “Well then take this up to Angie. She’ll need the help waking up I’m sure.” I obliged him, enjoying the way the mug warmed my hands and climbed the stairs.

Angela was stirring from her slumber, no doubt having been roused by the sound of my conversation with her father. She smiled sleepily at me as I opened the door and handed her the coffee. I perched on the end of her bed, my legs folded up underneath me and caught her up on the meagre amount of news Edward had been able to offer about the Cullens and I waited for her to finish her coffee. When she had done so and had then quickly dressed, we left her house and drove up to the border to pick up Jake. I turned my truck off while we waited for Jake to appear.

Suddenly, in the silence, masked only by Angela’s quiet chattering, I heard a twig snap and something inside of me began to worry. I scanned the nearby trees and stiffened when my eyes met those of a large black wolf. It curled its lip in warning. I stared back, trying to seem undeterred but my hands shook as I turned the truck back on, despite knowing that there was no way I could drive faster than a werewolf could run. If it came to it, I would have to get out and fight, defending myself and Angela.   
“What are you doing?” She asked, peering through the trees in an attempt to follow my gaze. Her human eyes were too weak to see the wolves from their hiding spot in the trees. It was just as well, otherwise half of Forks would have spotted them by now, since they were so big. “Jake isn’t here yet.”

“I just want to listen to the radio.” I replied smoothly, turning it up. She eyed me suspiciously but leaned quietly back in her seat and didn’t push it. She liked the song that was playing and hummed along happily enough while I maintained eye contact with the beast in the trees. Mercifully, Jake was only a few minutes longer. He waved as he reached the edge of the border, but tensed as he sensed the presence of the wolves. He caught my eye and then followed my gaze. It was lucky that the music was up so loud, because it meant that Angela didn’t hear Jake when he growled, “Get away from here. She isn’t crossing the border. Get a life, you guys.”

The responding snapping of teeth made my stomach clenched, but Jake ignored them and climbed into the back of the truck, greeting Angela as though nothing were amiss. But as I drove away, Jake reached up and squeezed my shoulder quickly, letting me know that we both knew what was happening with the pack and that we were on the same side.

Grateful for the winter months closing in and the overcast skies they granted me, I suggested we hang out in town for once. There wasn’t much there, which was why we generally hung out at one of our houses or under the cover of the woods, but we managed to find a small bench where we could sit and talk. Angela took the opportunity to grill Jake about the concept of imprinting, which he had only ever mentioned in passing before.

“I don’t know why you’re so interested.” He grumbled. “It’s not romantic at all, it’s a sick biological joke. All manner of choice is ripped away from everyone involved and it makes the people around the main two people miserable. Plus, you don’t even need to worry about it.”

“I know all that, but I’m interested anyway. How does it work?”

With only a little more patience than he had started with, Jake explained everything that he knew about imprinting. “It’s instant. Like the whole ‘love at first sight’ schtick but more intense. You see that person and you fall completely in love them. Like total devotion. You would die for them, do anything to make them happy, and it all happens in a second. You don’t get to choose who you imprint on and they don’t get to choose whether they have you in their life or not. You have a biological need to be near them, to be making them as happy as possible and you have to do it in order to keep yourself from being in physical pain.”

“Is it always romantic?” Angela pressed. 

“Not always, but most of the time. I’ve heard of wolves imprinting on kids which sounds really creepy and it kind of is, but supposedly they take on a brotherly role and there’s no romantic love there until it’s appropriate, but I have my doubts about that.”

“Why is everyone else miserable?”

Jake shrugged and sat heavily back against the bench. “All kinds of reasons. One, the whole pack’s thoughts are linked so we have to listen to the imprinter constantly thinking about their imprintee which is seriously annoying. Two, they’re usually super into PDA and can’t keep their hands off each other, also annoying. And three, because there’s no choice involved sometimes the imprinter thinks their in love with someone else and imprinting breaks them apart. It happened with Sam, but I know it’s happened with other people too.”

“What happened with Sam?” I asked. 

“He and Leah Clearwater dated from the beginning of high school until last year. She was completely in love with him and he thought he was in love with her too. Until her cousin Emily came to town and Sam imprinted on her instead of on Leah. Broke Leah’s heart and she’s been in a foul mood ever since.”

“I don’t blame her." Angela gasped. "That’s awful.”

“I told you, imprinting isn’t something to be romanticised." Jake muttered bitterly. "It gets in the way and it ruins things. The only ones it feels good for are the imprinter that finds someone that loves them back, like with Sam. Everyone else gets screwed.”

Angela narrowed her eyes at Jake suspiciously. “How do you know so much about it?”

“What? You think I imprinted on someone and forgot to mention it? Ang, I told you, I have a direct link to the pack whenever I phase, whether I like it or not. I know exactly what imprinting feels like and all of the pros and cons. Besides, the imprinting legend came down to me in the same way the legend of the Cold Ones did. Every person on the reservation knows this stuff.”

“I wonder what it’s like, to love somebody so much that you’d die for them without hesitation." Angela shook her head, almost disbelievingly. "Can you imagine feeling that way about someone? Or being loved by someone that much?”

I could. I knew exactly what that felt like. I looked away, pretending to be particularly interested in a nearby car, but really my mind was miles away, somewhere that was definitely not California.

That evening when I got home, I called Edward as usual and told him about the incident with the wolves at the border. He was mildly concerned, but reassured me that Jake was more than capable of navigating the bridge between me and the pack and that it was unlikely to escalate much more. I could tell he was distracted and was more excited to tell me something than he was to hear what I had to say about the wolves. I was right. 

“But if it’s really bothering you, love,” He began, pretending to be casual but I could hear the joy brimming in his voice. “Then maybe we should talk about it face-to-face…”

I cottoned onto his meaning immediately and struggled to keep my voice down when I squeaked excitedly, “You’re coming home?”

“Just for the weekend, if you don’t have plans.”

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me. “Please, even if I had plans they would have already gone out of the window by now.”

“In that case, I was planning on driving down on Friday afternoon and staying until Sunday. We’ll need to be careful, it would be best if nobody from the town caught sight of me. Carlisle thinks it’s foolish to come at all, but I have been missing you even more than usual this week. It’s driving me a little bit insane. It’s best for everybody if we see each other, even for a short time. He can see how badly I’m hurting and he doesn’t like it.”

“I’ve been going crazy without you too." I whispered, although there was no one other than him to hear my confessions. "I mean, I’m lucky to have Jake and Ang to keep me on track but-… Well they’re not you.”

He chuckled sadly. “I guess I was right about mates having a biological need to be close to one another after all.”

“You were definitely right about that. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me too.” I could hear his smile through the phone. “I’ll have to park my car at my house and probably stay pretty close to it for most of the weekend so that nobody sees it. Will you meet me there?”

“Of course I will. What time?”

“I should get to Forks by four.” He told me, and I made a mental note to be there waiting for him from three-thirty, lest he get there early. I had no interest in missing out on a single minute with him. “Perhaps you could come straight from school?” He suggested, no doubt having already figured out my plan. 

“I’ll be there!” It was the best news I could have hoped for, though I knew the five days that stretched between me and Friday were going to drag. The idea that I was actually going to see Edward, that we would actually be together, made me ecstatic and I couldn’t wait to tell Jake and Angela all about it. “Oh, but I have one condition.”

“Okay?”

“You are not meeting my mother.”

“Why?" He replied and I could almost hear the pout in his voice. "It feels like a missed opportunity for me to be so close by without introducing myself.”

“I know, and I want you to get to know each other but-… I just think it’s too soon. I’m only just getting reacquainted with her myself and she’s really not comfortable with the whole vampire thing yet, no matter how hard she’s trying. She’s getting there though, one day soon it’ll be the right time, but it’s not this weekend.”

“Fine, I can see your point.” He conceded. “I promised to take your lead on this so I’ll stay far away from Charlie’s. She won’t even know I’m back in Forks. But please, when you feel like she can handle it, I really would like to meet her.”

“I promise. She’s desperate to meet you too. I think you’ll like her Edward, she’s a really special person. You both are.”

“I have no doubt that we’ll be very great friends one day, love. If she’s anything like her daughter, she must be pretty remarkable.”


	31. part two / chapter thirteen.

As I had expected it would, the rest of the week dragged on at a horribly slow pace and I found myself watching the clock in every room that I was in, even before Friday itself arrived. I had never envied my friends' their hours of unconsciousness every night and the way time moved faster for them more than I did in that week. 

It didn’t help that I was even more miserable at school than usual, with Angela and my move to Lauren Mallory’s table seemingly having become permanent. The sophomores that had taken over our normal table didn’t even rush to the cafeteria anymore, confident in the knowledge that it would be empty when they arrived. Mostly, I sat in silence, pretending to listen to the conversations of others. I was grateful for Angela’s willingness to keep up the interactions with the others for the both of us, although she seemed to favour talking to Jennifer over any of the others. Occasionally, Jessica or one of the boys generously tried to include me in conversations or asked me thoughtful questions, but mostly they allowed me to stew in my melancholy quiet.

The only perk, as far as I could see, about the Cullens leaving town was that I had taken Edward’s spot at the top of all of our classes. My teachers obviously thought it was due to their good teaching as well as the absence of their previous star students, but I knew it was at least partly to do with the fact that I had every evening free to work on my schoolwork. Unfortunately, with all my spare time allowing me to get ahead, I found I didn’t need to concentrate that much in class and my mind constantly wandered, imagining what that weekend would be like. I was horrified to find that, instead of the ache in my chest lightening at the prospect of seeing Edward again, it throbbed harder than ever. The sooner I saw him, the sooner he would go away again and, knowing now how difficult it was to be apart from him, it would be even harder to see him go.

Nevertheless, when Friday finally arrived, I was so eager to get started on the day that I flew down the stairs and when I turned the corner into the living room I nearly stepped on Renee. She had moved all of the furniture into the corners of the room, something that hadn’t been done in nearly twenty years, a fact that was proven by the layer of dust and deep indents in the carpet, and was performing yoga in the centre of it. As I entered, she turned to her right, stretching her arm above her head. “Hi Sweetie!”

“Hi… Shouldn’t you be doing that outside?”

“Normally I would.” She replied on the exhale, arching her back as she swooped closer to the floor. “But it’s raining again. I’d forgotten how often it does that in Forks! I need to keep up my practice so this is my only option for now. You should join me some time, Bella.”

I smirked. “I don’t really need to stretch my muscles.”

She lifted her head and raised a knowing eyebrow at me. “It’s good for your mind too.”

“I’ll be sure to remember that.” I brushed her off, not willing to consider the countless worries that were on my mind at that moment in time. “I gotta go, Mom, I’ll see you later." I hurried out of the house, eager to get to school, as if I hoped that the earlier I got started on the day the quicker it would go by.

I bolted to school as fast as my ancient truck would allow me and was embarrassed to find myself over an hour early and, subsequently, the only car in the parking lot. Instead of going for a drive to pass the time, I parked up and climbed out, taking my spare book from the glove compartment and my backpack with me. I jumped with ease up into the open bed of the truck, ignoring the rain pooling in the corners of it. Then, I withdrew into my book.

I read uninterrupted for only a few minutes before the sound of crunching footsteps summoned my attention and I looked up to see Jake ambling towards me. “Hey!” I called out. “What are you doing here so early?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” He mumbled. “I was out running and I heard your truck from the woods. I figured you’d headed here once you veered off the main road.”

“Excellent detective skills, Mr Watson.”

“Thanks Sherlock.” He clambered up into the truck bed with me, shaking the car as he sat down. “Why are you here so early? It’s dead around here.”

“Where else would a vampire hang out than somewhere dead?”

“Ha. Ha.” He replied sarcastically.

“I was a bit eager to get going this morning.” I admitted, shoving my paperback into my bag. “I just want the school day to be over.”

“Oh right, Edward’s coming back today.” He rubbed his eyes and shook his head, as though trying to wake himself up. I wondered what bad thoughts were keeping him up this time, and if there was anything I could do to help. “What time?”

“Four. I’m meeting him at the house.”

He smirked at me. “Is he gonna have any time for his old buddy, Jake?”

“I’m sure he will.” I assured him. As much as I wanted to hog Edward all to myself I had to acknowledge the fact that Jake and Angela missed him and the Cullens too and I couldn’t have him all to myself. That said, I didn’t intend on offering him up to them for more than a few hours at most and I planned on staying close to his side no matter who else was there. “He’s not leaving til Sunday evening, but we have to be careful that nobody catches sight of him. He’s supposed to in California and I can’t think of any reason why he’d be back in town that people will buy.”

“Seeing his girlfriend isn’t a valid excuse?” Jake narrowed his eyes at me.

I sighed and gave a non-committal shrug. “Well as far as the rest of the school is concerned, Edward Cullen no longer has a girlfriend in Forks.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. Just some stupid gossip going around. Nothing to get worked up about.”

“Bella, are you okay?” He asked suddenly. “I mean, are you handling things alright without the Cullens?”

“Of course I am, what do you mean?”

“I don’t know, I just remember you telling me how hard it was to be a vampire before you met them and then after that it was a lot easier. I’m just worried that without them you might be finding it hard again.”

I was touched by his care, but, reluctant to worry him any further, I simply shrugged. “Maybe a little, but it’s different this time. Before I met them, I was completely alone and I didn’t know what I was or what was happening to me. Now, at the very least, I know how to act human and look after my vampiric needs at the same time.”

“So you’re okay?”

“I’m okay Jake, promise.”

“Good, because even if you weren’t I have to split. People are starting to show up and the school on the rez is trying to hunt me down so I can’t let any of your teachers see me unless they turn me in. I’ll catch you this weekend? Tell Ang and Edward I said hi, Bells.”

“I will.” I promised and watched him walk away until he disappeared into the thicket of trees. I climbed out of my truck as humanly as possibly, being sure to throw in a little awkwardness and a slip on the wheel I used to get down to the ground. I ignored the looks from my fellow students and stashed my book back in the glove compartment and then leaned against the side of my car to wait for Angela.

I watched the clock tick by for the rest of the day, and was zoned out from pretty much everything else. I didn’t even hear the whispers at the lunch table and was only barely aware of Angela asking me if I was excited to see Edward. When the final bell rang, I risked being seen by one of my human classmates and was in my truck before the sound had even vanished from the air. Angela waved goodbye from the school exit, starting her trudging, but short, walk home from school. I ditched my truck at Charlie’s and then sprinted as fast I could to the Cullen house.

I should have known he would still beat me there.

I paused for only a moment just to look at him, to drink in his perfection and ensure that I captured this one instance in my memory. I wanted to replay it whenever we were apart and draw upon it for the rest of my existence. The sight of him leaning against his car, waiting for me. The way his mouth split into a smile of pure ecstasy as he looked over at me as I moved towards him. I knew it was the best moment of my entire life so far and was slowly convincing myself that nobody had ever been as gloriously happy as I was at that moment before.

I flashed to his side and threw myself into his arms without hesitation. He spun me around, laughing with joy. As he set me down, his hands moving from my waist to my neck and then to my face, our lips found one another’s and we kissed hungrily, as though we were trying to make up for lost time. We stayed like that for a long time, before eventually he pulled away and took my hand, leading me into the house. He had already been inside and had removed the dust-covers from the couches and turned the lights on. Already, it felt like home in a way it hadn’t since the Cullens had left Forks. We flopped down on one of the long couches, our limbs entangled together as we stayed as close together as we possibly could.

“Tell me everything!” I exclaimed, my voice sounding strangely breathless as I wrangled with my giddiness at seeing him again. "How is everybody?”

He laughed lightly and traced a finger down the side of my face affectionately. “Missing you terribly, but otherwise fine.”

“Has Jazz forgiven himself yet?” I asked him, a little more seriously. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get poor Jasper off my mind. The idea that he was wallowing somewhere, punishing himself with endless guilt over the accident made my heart break for him. He always tried so hard to be good, even harder than the rest of us, and I knew he had been broken by his attack on Angela.

Edward sighed and moved his hand down to entwine his fingers with mine. “I don’t think he ever will, but he’s getting back to his old self. His thoughts are a little more positive now, though he’s constantly asking Alice if she knows when everything’s going to go back to normal again.” He pressed a kiss to the back of one of my hands and leaned back against the couch cushions.

“Well, it’s good that he’s not beating himself up about it too much anymore. So Alice hasn’t seen anything? They’re not planning a visit back to see me?” I angled somewhat hopefully. 

“Alice and Jasper? I don’t think so." He shook his head sadly. "The Angela incident is still too fresh in his mind for him to even contemplate it. Emmett and Rosalie are thinking about it but Carlisle warned them that it would be better for everyone to stay away. I’m not even supposed to be in Forks, we can’t risk people seeing any of us and wondering why we’re here again. The cleaner the break, the sooner we can come back. Humans forget easily.”

“So how come they let you break the rules?” I teased him. 

“They know how I feel,” He replied simply, pressing a tender kiss to my lips and smirking when I moved closer to kiss him again. “All they have to do is imagine being separated from each other for any extended period of time. Absolute hell. They know that trying to forbid me from coming back to see you would be completely pointless. The others have their own mates so, no matter how much they adore you, there’s no real reason for them to come back to Forks.”

“I know, but it’s nice to hope. And it’s not just me, Jake and Angela miss you all so much too. They told me I wasn’t allowed to let you leave again until they saw you so I’m thinking I’ll keep them away as long as possible so that you have to stay.”

“A faultless plan, my love.” He purred, kissing me again.

We spent a few more hours at his house before running back to mine. I had decided that, since I didn’t want him accidentally telling my mother that Edward was in town, that it would be best to keep the information from Charlie too. So, while Edward climbed through my bedroom window, I crept in the front door and greeted both of my parents, who were eating dinner together at the kitchen table. I made the excuse that I had a lot of homework to do and I was sorry I couldn’t spend the evening with them.

“It’s a Friday night, Bella. You should give yourself a break.” Renee argued gently, worrying that I was overtaxing myself. I shot a desperate glance at my father, worried that if he took her side that they wouldn’t let me go. 

Thankfully, as he always did, Charlie backed me up. “You know how it is Renee. Senior Year, it’s tough. We should count ourselves lucky that we have a teenage daughter that actually wants to do her homework on a Friday night.”

“Well that’s true, I guess.” She gave in, taking another bite of her dinner. “Take regular breaks, honey.”

“I will.” I promised, already climbing the stairs.

~~~

Edward and I spent Saturday morning alone in our meadow before meeting up with Jake and Angela in the afternoon. As thrilled as they were to see Edward, and he to see them, we only spent an hour or two in their company before Angela smiled understandingly and said, “You guys probably want to have some time alone. We get it, don’t we Jake?” He looked like he wasn’t quite on board but he nodded regardless. “It’s been so great to see you Edward, but you guys should get out of here.” She continued. "Maybe we’ll see you tomorrow, but feel no pressure.”

Edward and I couldn’t hide our smiles as we thanked them both and then ran back to his house. We collapsed on one of the living room couches and talked for another three hours until, slowly, we stopped talking and started kissing instead.

When I slipped my hand inside of his shirt, undoing the top two buttons in order to do so, he mumbled against my lips, “Charlie will be missing you.”

“Let him miss me.” I replied, kneeling up on the couch cushions and pressing my body closer to his.

He gripped my hips a little tighter as I undid another button, raising myself up so that my head was hovering above his. He grinned and strained for me, searching for my mouth. Teasingly, I kept his lips inches from his, so he contented himself with kissing my neck and collarbones instead. Undoing yet another button, and enjoying the way his shirt now gaped, revealing his chiseled chest, I dipped my head and found his lips, kissing him desperately. A moan escaped from him and he flipped us over so that he was on top of me and I was pressed into the groove where his body had been only seconds before. I clutched at him, pulling on the back of his neck and bringing him as close to me as I could. And then, all of a sudden, he was gone.

I sat up, confused, my own shirt gaping at the top. He was on the other side of the room, steading his breathing against the wall. He caught my eye and I raised a confused, and slightly offended, eyebrow at him. “I’m sorry.” He muttered and started doing up the buttons of his shirt.

I shook my head and flashed to his side, grabbing at his hands until he let go of his shirt. “Don’t do that.” I pleaded. “Don’t. Come on, we weren’t doing anything wrong. Edward, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine, Bella, I can’t-…”

“Yes, you can.” I whispered, stretching up on my tiptoes and pressing a kiss just below his ear. I slid my hand down his arm and entwined our fingers together. “Come on, come with me.” I tugged slightly on his hand and was pleased to find that he did as I asked, following dutifully as I led him out of the living room and up the stairs. I made a sharp turn at the opening of his room and instead walked into the spare bedroom, a room designed primarily to hold, among other beloved antiques that didn’t suit any other part of the house, a queen-sized bed.

Edward hesitated by the door but allowed me to lead him to the edge of the bed. Watching him carefully, I let his hand go and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before sitting myself down on the bed. I kicked my shoes off and then held my hand out to him again. 

“Bella…” He shook his head.

“Please… Just try.”

He took my hand and let me pull him closer, touching my face gently with his other hand as he sat beside me on the bed. He moved his face close to mine, our lips inches apart. He looked into my eyes for several seconds before squeezing his shut and kissing me. It was soft at first, worried, but it soon graduated to the kind of hunger that cried out to be satiated. Without even really realising what we were doing, both of our shirts lay crumpled at the end of the bed before long and our kisses became even more desperate as we scrabbled at one another’s remaining clothing.

Suddenly, Edward stiffened against me and stopped responding to my urgent kisses. My heart dropped and I tried to pretend that nothing had changed. But, of course, everything had changed. 

“Bella-…” He tried to stop me, catching hold of my wrists and shaking his head apologetically.

“No, please don’t.” I said, trying to keep kissing him.

“We have to stop now. Come on-…”

“Edward, sleep with me.” I burst out, making his eyes go wide and round as we continued holding onto each other. “Please.” I added with a whimper. “I want you…”

“Bella, you know how I feel about-…”

“I know, you want to be married first.” I snapped, sitting up. “But we’ve been down this road before. What if I never want to get married Edward? We love each other, we are committed to each other, you already think we’re soulless monsters… How else can we possibly live in sin?”

“I respect you more than that.”

“If you really respected me, you would listen to me.” I spat. I didn’t mean to be so vicious, but I felt humiliated and I was ashamed of the way I had acted so far that evening. “You would give me what I want.”

“You’ll regret it.”

“No I won’t.” I swung my legs off the edge of the bed and grabbed ahold of my discarded shirt, slipping it back on over my head, not even bothering to pull my hair away from the collar as I reached for my shoes too. "You’re just worried that you’re going to regret it.”

“That’s not fair, Bella. I’ve told you my reasons for waiting and I’ve listened to your reasons for not wanting to get married.” He reached out and put a hand on my back. “I’m not pushing you to get married, why do you keep pushing me on this?” Shame burned deep inside of me and I climbed slowly off the bed. I couldn’t even turn to look at him. He was right, I was treating him unfairly. I had missed him so badly over the last few months and yet the minute I got him back I ruined everything. I squeezed my eyes shut and put my hands to my face, wishing I could rewind the clock. “Bella…” Edward whispered, still perched on the end of the bed. “Love, I’m sorry… Talk to me… Look at me, at least?”

“I have to go.” I choked out, heading towards the door. “I’m sorry… for everything...”

“Where are you going?” He asked, suddenly panicked. “Wait, don’t leave me, Bella.” But I had already started running.

He caught up with me at the bottom of the stairs, approaching slowly and wrapping his arms around me. A dry sob escaped my lips, making my whole body shake. He shushed me gently, his lips on my hairline. “I’m so sorry.” I whispered, my lips against his skin. “I don’t know why I can’t stop hurting you.”

“You’re not hurting me.” He promised, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of my head. “Everything’s fine.” He hushed my cries and rocked me slightly in his strong arms.

I shook my head, letting my hair fall forward and cover my face. “No, I’m being so stupid. We only have a limited time together and I’m wasting it by-… by…”

“By trying to get what you want.” He smiled weakly. “It’s only natural.”

“No, it’s sick.” I protested. “If it was the other way around it would seem more serious but-… Edward I am so sorry, I won’t do it again. I swear that to you.”

“It’s okay, love. Look at me.” He put a finger under my chin and tilted my face back to look him in the eye. “All is forgiven, okay?”

“Okay… Edward?”

“Yes Bella?”

I peeked up at him through my lashes and then turned away, lest I lose my courage and stumble my words. "I wasn't expecting it to be this hard… Being apart from each other.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

I snorted and walked into the living room, returning to the couch we had vacated only a few minutes before and flopping back down. “It’s not your fault. I’m the one that sent you away.”

“It was for the best.” He assured me. “It still is, even though it doesn’t feel like it. Your father has to come first right now, I understand that. Besides, you only changed schools recently. You ought to have at least one high school diploma under your belt before we reenrol somewhere else.” He was teasing me. I wanted to join in but I found I wasn’t in the mood.

“It’s like a physical pain.” I whimpered and he looked worried, as if I were suddenly going to shatter into a million pieces. “I ache when I’m not with you.”

“Me too.” He whispered, cupping my face gently in his hands. “It feels completely unnatural to know that you’re out there somewhere but I’m not with you. It feels like we’re tempting fate, like we’re asking for something bad to happen.”

I sighed. “But something bad happened when we were together too.”

He nodded. “I know, but I felt more prepared to handle it when you were by my side.”

“What do we do?”

Edward shrugged. “The only thing we can do. Struggle on until we can be together again. It’s not for much longer, not in the grand scheme of things. But I know I’ll miss you more every day until I can hold you again.”

“I guess it’s made us grateful, at least." I mused. "Now we know how good we have it, we won’t ever let it go again. You’re not getting out of my sight ever again after graduation.” I growled softly, pressing a kiss to the side of his mouth.

He smiled gently and moved his face in order to meet my lips. “Sounds good to me. I have an idea, will you try something with me?”

“Sure.”

“Let’s go back upstairs.”

I paused. “Are you sure?”

“Just trust me for a second.” I did and followed him back to the bedroom. “Lie back down.” I did as he asked and then waited while he settled himself beside me, before pulling the quilt over us until it covered our necks. “Now close your eyes and don’t say anything.” Again, I followed his instructions and found myself breathing rhythmically. He reached across and stroked my hair, nestling himself close beside me, his chin resting in the curve of my neck. After several minutes, he murmured. “Doesn’t it feel almost like sleeping.”

“Yeah, it kinda does.” I whispered back, a smile creeping onto my lips. “It’s nice…”

“If we were normal, this is what it would be like, Bella.”  
I sighed and readjusted my position, wrapping an arm around him and holding on tight. “If we were normal, Edward, we would never have met. You’d have been dead decades before I was even born. This is our normal, it was meant to be this way.”

We stayed like that, hidden beneath the covers like children scared of an oncoming storm, pretending to sleep for a few minutes. Then Edward said, “Charlie will be starting to worry.”

This time, I heeded his warning and nodded. “Let’s go.”

We repeated our routine from the night before, except this time my garbled excuse was that I’d been at Angela’s house and we’d lost track of the time while watching a movie. My parents were just about ready to go to bed themselves, so I only had to waste ten minutes of my time with Edward downstairs talking to them. The minute that they’d retreated to their respective sleeping spaces, I slipped into my bedroom and Edward and I climbed under my covers. We spent the rest of the night whispering and kissing and pretending to sleep, trying to make every minute of our time together last as long as possible.

When the sun rose the next morning, the familiar ache in my chest started to throb as I realised that the day of his departure had already arrived. It had been a short trip, even by human standards, and I was nowhere near ready to bid him goodbye. 

We decided to spend the day in our meadow, despite the fact that it was pouring with rain and the rest of Forks was spending it rugged up indoors. Unlike them, we revelled in the winter months and welcomed the cold temperatures and dark skies, knowing that we were safer than at any other time of year. The day passed, as the previous night had, all too quickly and before long it was pitch black in the meadow and I was holding onto Edward, afraid to let go.

“Everything okay?” He asked, stroking my hair.

“It’s almost time.” I whispered, clutching even tighter to him.

“I know... But actually, I’m going to extend my trip a little longer. Just until tomorrow morning.” He rushed, seeing my face light up. “I’m sorry, Bella. You know I’d stay forever if I could.”

“I know.” My heart had dropped at such a short extension, but, nevertheless, an extension it was and I felt slightly happier than I had before. “So why tomorrow instead of tonight? Putting off the inevitable goodbye? Seems a little sadistic, if you ask me.”

He smiled knowingly. “I just want to drop you at school on my way out of town.”

My eyes widened and I pulled away from him. “What? No way, that’s so risky. Someone will see you.”

“I have something I have to take care of. You’ll see.” He refused to tell me why he’d suddenly decided to stay the night and I refused to waste any of our borrowed time together asking irritating questions. 

Before long, the sun had risen and Edward sneaked out of my window to lock up his house and fetch his car. He was back again at Charlie’s before my mother had even woken up. My father had long since gone to work, so we didn’t need to worry about him spotting Edward’s car and discovering that I’d spent the weekend lying to him. 

I packed my backpack quickly, grabbing my Biology textbook off the desk and stood in front of Edward, ready to go. “What’s the rush? Are you really that desperate to get rid of me?” His lips quirked up at the corners, amused at my stressed state. 

“Of course not.” I frowned, not in the mood to be flippant about our impending separation. “But if we get there early then maybe no-one will be there yet and they won’t see you.”

“Let’s give it thirty minutes or so.” He said casually, reclining back on the bed with his hands behind his head.

“Thirty minutes? Edward, I’ll practically be late by tha-…”

He interrupted me with, “I will deliver you to the school entrance right on time, Bella. Trust me.”

I gave in and let him have his thirty minutes. I tried to enjoy it, knowing I would kick myself for not snatching up every spare second that I could later, but I found myself worrying about what would happen when we reached the school. 

When he finally allowed me to walk down to his car, I asked, “So, should we say goodbye now?”

He opened the passenger-side door for me and furrowed his brow as I climbed in. “Why on earth would we do that?”

“Because I’m going to have to jump out really quickly at the school so no-one sees you, and so I’m not late. You’d better put your foot down-…”

“Bella, we will have a proper goodbye. I promise you that.” He cut me off with no further explanation. He did, at least, do as I asked and sped down the main road so that we reached the school in only a few minutes. I had forgotten how much faster his car was than my poor old truck and was thankful to see that I’d arrived with a minute or so to spare before the bell rang. I glanced out of the window and spotted Angela hovering on the outskirts of Lauren Mallory’s group, chatting to Jennifer.

I turned back to Edward to say goodbye, but found his seat empty. I stomach twisted as I realised with a jolt that he was at my door, opening it for me. I climbed out, glancing worriedly at my fellow students, already horribly aware of the attention we were already getting from all sides.

“Are you insane-…” I began, but his lips cut me off.

He pressed me against the side of his car and I let my backpack drop to the floor as my arms raised to wrap around his neck of their own accord. Somewhere, in the distance, I was aware of the school bell ringing but I suddenly found that I couldn’t have cared less. We kept kissing, becoming more and more desperate. So this was to be our goodbye.

“Miss Swan, that’s enough.” A teacher was calling me through the whoops and wolf-whistles of the watching students, but Edward didn’t stop kissing me so I chose not to pay any attention. How could I, when there were more important things to attend to? “Miss Swan.” The teacher said again, louder this time. Edward hands trailed down my torso and gripped my waist. He caught my bottom lip between his teeth, pulling gently as I pawed at the front of his shirt.

Finally, we pulled away and Edward planted a final, very tender kiss to my lips. He smirked and said, “It’s probably best we don’t mention this to Carlisle, but I think my point has been proven…” His gaze flickered over to where Lauren and her group of friends, including Angela who was laughing to herself and waved in our direction when she saw us looking, were staring open-mouthed at us. “I love you Bella, stay safe.” He whispered, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

“Miss Swan, you just earned yourself a detention.” I looked over and saw the history teacher, Mr Mantel, striding ever-closer towards us. I sighed and took a reluctant step away from Edward. “And you’re now late for class so I’d call that two detentions. And you, young man,” He turned to Edward, fury plastered across his face. “Are no longer a student at this school so I’m going to have to ask you to leave the premises immediately.” I rolled my eyes and heard, “Another detention Miss Swan for insolence, and if you’re not inside that school in the next five seconds we’ll call it another one.”

“You might as well sling a few of those my way too, Mr Mantel.” Angela appeared beside me. “Looks like I’m going to be late as well… Hey, don’t be a stranger, Edward. We all miss you around here.”

Mr Mantel’s teeth ground together and a large vein stood out on his forehead. “Miss Weber, get inside-…”

Edward grinned at Angela and then looked back at me. I wiped the side of my mouth shyly and then grinned at him. He said, “I’ll call you when I’m back with the others,” but the true meaning of his words had already been uttered. I was the love of his life, and Lauren Mallory had better just deal with it.

“I won’t tell you again-…” Mr Mantel screeched and Edward finally deigned to look at my teacher. He bowed, very respectfully. “My apologies Sir, but I had promised to give the lovely Miss Swan a proper goodbye. I’m a man of my word.” He winked at me, making Angela laugh again and then climbed back into his car. Within a second, the engine had roared to life and the wheels had squealed as he tore out of the parking lot.

As Angela and I were marched into the school and straight to the school office by Mr Mantel, I listened for the sound of his car. I followed it as far as the highway before it faded from my range. I sighed, Edward Cullen had left Forks, and me, behind once again, but at least there was no doubt about where each of us stood. I couldn’t wait for lunch and the look on Lauren’s face when I sat down at that table.


	32. part two / chapter fourteen.

I had passed the rest of the school day in a blissful daze, my lips still fizzing and my mind still with Edward even as he got steadily further away from me. Angela had found the whole spectacle extremely entertaining and had made me promise that I wouldn’t tell Jake about it without her present so that she could relive it once more. 

As I had expected, an awkward but slightly impressed quiet had been present at our new lunchtime table, with Lauren taking a lot of pleasure in stabbing her limp salad with her fork and chewing so hard that it made her jaw click in between the sharp glances that were sent my way when she thought my attention was occupied elsewhere. No doubt, she was thinking about that morning as much as I was. The idea pleased me greatly and I let the smug, satisfied smile stay on my lips throughout the whole day just to irritate her.

I was still stuck in my daydream when I walked into Charlie’s house that afternoon. I had planned on heading straight to my room, but my father, who I hadn’t realised would be home from work so early, called me into the kitchen instead. “Hey, Bella?”

“Yeah, Dad?” I responded, ditching my backpack at the bottom of the stairs and seeking him out. He was sitting at the kitchen table, a half-eaten sandwich on the plate in front of him. My mother was nowhere to be seen and I presumed she’d gone into town for something. Even now, she was always looking for reasons to get out of his house. 

“How come you didn’t tell me Edward was in town?” Charlie asked me before I even had a chance to sit down.

My heart jolted with panic and I looked at him with wide eyes. “What? How did you-…”

“I hear the two of you put on quite a show out the front of the school this morning.” He half-laughed, shaking his head. “Detention for a week, that’s quite impressive. A first, for you, I think.”

Ashamed, I dipped my gaze. If I had still been human, I would have flushed beet-red in that moment and struggled to compose myself. My poor father. Once again I had subjected him to whispers and giggling in his own town. I wondered just how far news of Edward’s visit had spread and how detrimental it would be to the efforts of the Cullens’ to disappear. “Dad-…”

“It’s okay, I don’t care about the detentions.” He raised his hands up, palms facing me in mock-surrender. “I don’t know why you thought I wouldn’t find out about them, you know nobody in this town can keep their mouth shut for five seconds, especially when it’s to do with something like that…" He rolled his eyes as though he found it typical, but then the smile slipped from his face and his voice became low and serious. "I care that you lied to me, Bella.”

“I had to,” I protested, though I could feel the guilt burning under my skin. “I didn’t want Mom to know.”

“I’m not your mother.” He cried out and, with a start, I realised that he had tears in his eyes. I had really hurt his feelings. I wondered exactly what had been said to him that had sparked all of this. What comment had been made about his parenting skills? “I thought we had a deal there.” He added more calmly, wiping his face with the back of his hand. “Honesty and respect. What happened to us being a team?”

“Dad, I’m sorry.” I mumbled.

“I think I’ve been pretty understanding about everything up until now but I won’t be lied to." He told me in no uncertain terms. "We have to have some rules and boundaries, Bells. You’re grounded for one week,” I opened my mouth to argue but he cut me off with. “And I won’t tell your mother. Any arguments and that changes, understand?”

“I understand.” I knew that Renee’s reaction to the whole situation would be twice as bad as Charlie’s had been and I was eager to keep it from her. I had not received such a harsh deal in the grand scheme of things, especially since my punishment would only stop me from seeing my friends outside of school for a few days and would not impinge on my time with the one person I already missed so badly it felt like I had an open wound.  
“That’s not to say she won’t hear it from someone else, but she won’t hear it from me.” He said fairly, adding a shrug. “That’s a promise.” I could sense the sincerity in his voice and I really appreciated it. His loyalty to my mother had never really faded, even in the all of the time that they had been apart, but his loyalty to me would always come out on top. And I loved him for it. 

I mustered a small smile, knowing how lucky I was. “Thanks Dad.”

“Did you have a nice time with him at least?” Charlie asked after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s good." I nodded, reluctant to think about the fact that he was once again far away from me and I had no real way of knowing exactly how he was until we next spoke on the telephone. "We had a great time.”

“Still madly in love?” He asked, through a fresh mouthful of his sandwich, a teasing eyebrow raised at me.

I laughed aloud at that and then replied, “I think so.” I bit down on my bottom lip, remembering the previous evening and that morning's events. I smiled shyly to myself.

Charlie grinned and shook his head, swallowing his mouthful of food with an audible gulp. All was forgiven between us now. “What am I going to do with you, huh Bells?" He chortled. "You give me one smile and I want to un-ground you immediately! What’s that about?”

I shrugged and grinned even wider. “I guess you just love me a lot, Dad.”

“Yeah, I guess I do. But the punishment still stands.” He shook his index finger at me. “With the exception of hunting and school, your ass stays in this house, young lady. Okay?”

I nodded responsibly. “Okay.”

“Alright then…" He sat back in his chair, taking up his sandwich and seemingly moving on with his day. I stood up to leave, hoping to retreat to my room and mope a little about Edward's absence, but as I moved Charlie stopped me. "Actually, can I ask you kind of a weird question while I’ve got you?”

“Sure. What’s up?” I sat back down, trying to copy the way he slouched in his own chair. I still hadn't quite mastered all human qualities and I felt that my unnaturally straight posture did little to stop me from standing out in a crowd. I felt it was important to keep practicing in a place like Forks, where most people had already accepted my strangeness, before I moved onto another town with the Cullens and attempted to assimilate with a new cohort of skeptical humans.

Charlie mulled his question over for several moments in silence, his face contorting uncomfortably as he attempted to find the correct wording for what he wanted to ask me. I could tell he was having some difficulty with the subject matter and was altogether quite unsurprised with what he eventually managed to sputter out. “When you’re out there… Y’know hunting… Do you come across a lot of big animals?”

I considered his question calmly, unwilling to unnerve him any further and then nodded. “Sometimes. You mean like deer?” I offered.

He winced and shook his head, taking another bite of his own meal as we contemplated mine. “I’m thinking something bigger and with more teeth.”

I shrugged and swallowed with difficulty. The thought of hunting had made the burn in my throat light up and I was getting thirsty. There was now no doubt in my mind of how I would be spending that night. At least it would help to take my mind off of my loneliness. “I’ve caught a couple of mountain lions before, but not recently.”

“No bears?” He asked suddenly.

“Bears?” I repeated, my brow furrowed in surprise. "Near Forks?”

“Or wolves," He tried again before shaking his head. "But not Jake-like-wolves, wolves-wolves.”

“No…” I mumbled, wondering where on earth this line of enquiry had jumped out from. 

“Okay… Thanks.”

“Why do you ask?” I pressed, unable to stifle my curiosity as easily as I was my thirst. 

Charlie shrugged uncomfortably, picking at the crust of his sandwich. “We’ve had a few hunters disappearing from the trails and showing up later, miles away, dead. They look like they’ve been attacked by a wild animal but we can’t find any tracks. We don’t really know what we’re dealing with.”

Before I could think better of it, I asked, “You’re sure it’s an animal?”

“Got any other ideas of what it might be?”

“Well-…”

His eyes widened. “I thought you were the only one left?”

Deciding not to bother worrying him, or to try and explain the nature of nomadic vampires and their lack of self-control, I nodded. “You’re right. Must be an animal. I’ll keep an eye out the next time I’m out there, okay? I think I'll go tonight.”

“Thanks Bells, but don’t get too close to whatever it is." He rushed. "These attacks have been really nasty.”

I snorted. “You think I can’t look after myself out there?”

“I know that you can, but I don’t want you to have to. Accidents happen, baby, even when you’re indestructible. So for the sake of your poor old dad, just be careful okay?”

“Okay, Dad.”

~~~

Renee had been desperately asking me if I wanted to do things with her all week. I think she was getting bored in Forks and I hadn’t been too generous with my time with her since she had arrived. However, eager not to break Charlie’s rules, I had always made an excuse to stay in the house. That was, until Charlie told me I was officially un-grounded, on account of Renee starting to ask difficult questions. On top of that, I think she was probably starting to get on his nerves a little bit. He liked her, but he wasn't used to having anyone other than me in his space so much of the time, and I was so like him that he had been mostly unbothered by anyone's presence even since I had moved in. 

So it was with great joy on all of our accounts that I told my mother that I was free to spend all of Saturday with her and that we would do whatever she wanted. “We could go for a hike!” She suggested brightly.

My eyes widened in complete surprise and I struggled to stifle a laugh. My mother was not-known for her outdoor prowess, just like myself when I was human. It was a shame, it would have been nice to stretch my legs, but I didn’t much fancy having to carry her home when she slipped in mud or twisted her ankle on a root. “You want to go for a hike? I mean, no offence Mom but you want to go for a hike?”

She rolled her eyes and took an exaggerated sip of her peppermint tea. “Oh honey, I only used to pretend to hate doing stuff like that because you hated it so much.”

My mouth dropped open. “What?” 

“You were so clumsy, especially when you were little, trying to do outdoorsy activities with you was just a recipe for disaster! But you’re not like that anymore. You’re so… elegant!” With the exception of Edward, and only, I was sure, because he had promised to love unconditionally forever, nobody had ever used that word to describe me before. “So shall we do it?”

“Um… sure Mom.” I chuckled, still not entirely believing her.

“I’m working late tonight.” Charlie reminded us as he wandered through the house, reaching for his gun belt by the front door.

“Mom wants to go hiking.” I called out in reply, stifling a laugh and waiting for him to join me in my bewilderment.

But Charlie didn’t join in with my teasing, instead he just asked her, “You remember the old trail, Renee?”

“Like it was yesterday, Charlie.”

“Okay then, you girls have fun!”

I turned to my mother with incredulous eyes. “You do like hiking!”

“I told you so!” She giggled and leapt off the couch. “Come on honey, get your shoes on! We have a trail to find!”

I was surprised to find that hiking with my mother was even more enjoyable than I had expected it to be. After a few minutes of carefully watching her and realising she was a lot more deft at trudging through the uneven woods than I had really believed she would be, I relaxed and we were able to talk freely as we meandered up and down the trails.

“So, your dad tells me that you don’t remember much from… before.” She said suddenly, a little while into our walk.

I shrugged. I didn't like talking about the holes in my memory. It made me sad. “I remember a little bit, y’know, basic facts. I remember who you are, for example. I can picture the house, but I think that might just be because I went back there after I changed.”

“Do you remember our house?”

“That’s what I just said-…”

“No, Bella, that’s the house Phil and I bought after we got married. You were nearly sixteen by the time we moved in there… You and I had our own house. We lived there together for fifteen years… Just us.”

“Oh…" I mumbled. "No, I don’t." I was forced to admit to her, hating the way her face fell despite her best efforts. "It was in Arizona?”

“Yeah, not far from the new house.”

“What was it like?”

“Kinda crappy.” She giggled and for a second I caught a glimpse of the young woman my father had fallen in love with two decades earlier. “But it was ours and that made me really proud. I was sad to leave it, but it wasn’t big enough for three people. Hell, it was barely big enough for you and me when we moved in and you took up next to no space back then!”

“I wish I remembered it." I told her truthfully. "I’m sorry, Mom.”

She shook her head. “Don’t be sorry, darling. I’ll try and dig up some old photos for you. Would you like that?”

“That would be great, thanks Mom.”

“You know, when we left Forks the thing I missed most, apart from Charlie, was the woods. I always felt so calm here, in a way that I never did anywhere else.”

I stopped in my tracks. “You missed Charlie?” 

“Of course I did." She laughed, rolling her eyes at me as though it were obvious. "I loved him very much, but I didn’t want to get stuck in Forks and he couldn’t or, rather, wouldn’t leave. We were too young to deal with all of it, but he was my best friend Bella, until you came along of course. Leaving him like that, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

“Why do it then?”

“I didn’t feel like I had a choice. I wanted a better life-…”

“But why did you take me with you?" I demanded. "I was his daughter too, what right did you have-…”

“I know." She cut me off sharply. "Like I said, I was too young and stupid to handle any of it properly. Maybe it would have been better for you if I’d just left you with him and let you grow up here. It wouldn’t have been such a bad life and you would never have-…”

“What? Become a vampire?”

“I was going to say, been attacked.”

“I guess you never know what could have happened.”

‘I guess not… Still, we’re making the most of it, aren’t we?" She reached out and squeezed my rock-hard shoulder. "And you’ve built yourself the kind of beautiful and full life I thought I would have in Forks when I married your dad. I’m so proud of you, Bella, you’ve made the best of a bad situation."

“What was so wrong with your life here?" I don't know why I couldn't let it go. I didn't blame her for leaving the way she did. I didn't even blame her for taking me away from Charlie. But I suddenly found myself desperate to know her reasons for doing those things. "From what I’ve heard you had the house, you loved me and Dad, you had friends, you even liked hiking! Why did you leave?”

She hesitated and then shrugged.“I don’t know what to tell you, honey. All of those things are true. I adored the family we had with Charlie, but I don’t think I was supposed to live in Forks. It wasn’t home for me and I could feel myself getting stuck here. I was young and I still wanted to change the world, even if I did have a husband and a baby. I wanted to do great things or, at least, I wanted the chance to do great things and staying hidden away in this tiny town wasn’t going to let me have that. But it wasn’t even about me, I wanted those things for you more than anything.”

“And Charlie?”

“I begged him to come with us but he wouldn’t leave his parents. Maybe I was wrong, but I thought he was putting them before you and I couldn’t have that. I had to get you out before Forks swallowed you up and ruined everything. It’s almost funny to think that I wanted to save you from Forks, when Forks has saved you from a lot of pain and uncertainty. I should have let you be.”

After a few minutes of quiet contemplation I said, “You made the right decision, Mom. Even Charlie thinks so. It might not have happened the way we all expected it to, but things really have turned out for the best.” I promised her, thinking fondly of Edward and how our matching immortality had played one of the biggest roles in the fact that we had ever even met.

She grinned at me. “I can see that you’re happy here. Much happier than you ever were in Phoenix. My feelings aren’t hurt by it, don’t worry. I’m thrilled to see how much you shine here with your dad and with your friends. I’m a little bit in awe of you actually.”

I shrugged embarrassedly and then grinned at her. “You taught me everything I know, Mom.”

She reached out and smoothed my hair affectionately before squinting up at the think layer of trees above us. “We should start heading back. I know that you can see in the dark but I can’t and, as good as I am at hiking, doing it in the dark is a whole different ball game!”

We did as she suggested, heading back through the woods at a speedier pace than we had entered them, chatting and laughing as she reminisced on my childhood and told me as many stories as she could remember in order to catch me up to speed. It struck me that she had always been so much more than just my mother; she had been my best friend for my entire life. In a way, I think that’s what I had missed even more than her parental influence. I was relieved to have her back in my life, though I knew that if she ever decided to leave again it would rip me apart in an even worse way than it had the first time. I tried to push that thought aside and focus on the fact that, for now at least, my mother was with me and didn’t seem to have the desire to leave my side again.

However, when we reached Charlie’s house, our shared lighthearted mood was instantly shattered by the sight of Jake sitting on our front step. Charlie wasn’t home and he had locked the front door, leaving Jake out in the cold like an old dog. His face was grey and expressionless, as though he were too tired even to frown. As I got closer, I realised he had been crying. Beside him on the step was a half-filled back-pack. He had nothing else with him. Not even a coat to keep the rain off.

I rushed towards him, leaving Renee standing dumb-founded and worried at the bottom of Charlie’s driveway. “Jake? What’s happened? Are you alright?” His face was swollen and red, his eyes watery and rubbed pink. He had been crying for a long time. His feet were bare, as always, and the rest of his clothes were soaked with rain. It ran off him in long rivulets and he was shaking, though I doubted it was from the cold. “Jake? Talk to me. It’s okay, come on.”

“He kicked me out.” His lips formed the words loosely and I couldn’t believe that was actually what he had said.

“What?”

“My da-… Billy.” He corrected himself firmly, looking up at me with his hardened brown eyes. “Billy kicked me out. He said that he’d had enough of my shit and that if I wasn’t going to be a part of the pack and part of the community then I wasn’t going to be a part of his family either. He said that if I was hell-bent on getting myself killed by hanging out with vampires then he might as well put the distance between us now and make it easier to swallow when he heard the news that I was dead.”

I shook my head. “He can’t just do that, he can’t kick you out. You have rights. He’s your father. Look, Charlie will tell him-…”

“No Bells, no way." He argued fiercely. "You think I wanna go back there and live with a guy that doesn’t even like me anymore? I don’t care who he is, he doesn’t want what’s best for me. I can’t go back there. Not ever.”

“Then you’re staying here. You can’t sleep in the woods.”

“It’s not too bad in my wolf form-…”

“Just get inside please." I said tiredly, refusing to even entertain his weak protests. "I’ll make my bed up for you.”

“Where’s everyone else sleeping?”

“Mom’s in Charlie’s room and Charlie’s on the couch. They won’t take my bed away from me even though I don’t need it. It’s a weird parental reflex I think. Now I can feel less guilty. Please, you’re doing me a favour!”

“Please, come inside Jacob.” My mother’s kind, calm voice called out as she reached us. “Out of the rain, at the very least!”

“You’re sure?”

“Jake, you’re family. Come on inside." She wrapped a steadying arm around his shoulders and led him into the house, leaving me to shut the door behind us. Her soft spot for my friend and her fond memories of his own poor mother were never clearer than in the following few moments, as Renee wrapped Jake in a thick blanket and sat him down on our ratty old couch. 

As Jake stumbled through the story of his day, fresh tears slipping down his face as my mother patiently listened to his woes, I stood in the corner as still as a statue, scanning the edge of the nearby woods for any sign of watching eyes. I was waiting for an excuse to kill something for hurting my friend so badly. 

My Jake. Not theirs. Not anymore.


	33. part two / chapter fifteen.

Charlie, as I knew he would be, was more than happy to let Jake stay at our house. Nevertheless, he remained in a state of horrified disbelief about the whole situation for several days. On more than one occasion I caught him shaking his head and muttering about how the Billy he knew would never have done such a thing, and I had overheard the distinct sound of him being hung up on whenever he tried to dial the Black telephone. I warned him to be more careful with Jake around and, along with Renee, we would pretend as though nothing were amiss. Jake was welcome to stay for as long as he needed or wanted to and we had to act as though we were certain that the problems at his own home would smooth themselves out before too long. I don’t think any of us had any real idea whether we were right in that line of thinking or not, but we stuck to our promise of following the plan.

The following week I was walking home from school, having decided against taking my truck that morning, when I caught sight of a familiar figure walking slightly ahead of me, away from town, with a plastic supermarket bag swinging from his left arm. Quil Aterea; formerly one of Jake’s closest friends. Someone he had once described to me as a brother. I had to take my chance to talk to him. I didn't know when such an opportunity might arise again and, of all of the wolves, I suspected he would be the most sympathetic to Jake's plight. I hurried my step, mimicking the way a human would jog, to catch up to him. “Hey, Quil? Quil? Can I talk to you for a second?”

He glanced over his shoulder with wide eyes, no doubt having recognised the strange wind-chime quality to my voice and already knowing who was pursuing him. “I’d rather not.”

“Please? Will you just wait a sec?" I moved a little quicker until I was only a step behind him. "Come on man, I’m not going to bite you I just want to talk!”

To my surprise, he turned and faced with a wry smile on his lips. “Was that a joke?”

“Yeah, was it funny?” I asked him hopefully, arriving beside him. 

“Kind of, yeah." He admitted, before starting to walk again. This time, I kept myself in line with him. "Bit morbid, but yeah, I guess it was funny.”

“Funny enough to make you like me?”

He shook his head and looked away. “I don’t think so.” He replied stonily, glancing anxiously at the woods nearby. No doubt, he was scared to be seen with me.

“Okay, fine.” I rushed, matching his pace. “Funny enough to make you stop for a second and listen to what I have to say? You know I can keep up with you all the way to the border.”

He scoffed and readjusted his shopping bag. “Only because I’m on two legs. If I phased you'd be eating my dust, Bella Swan.”

I smirked. He really did remind me of Jake and I wondered if we had spent much time together when I was human. I liked Quil and it seemed a horrible shame that we were supposed to hate each other just because we were different species. “Please. It’s about Jake. His dad kicked him out.”

Quil flinched and looked back at me for a moment. “Yeah… I heard about that.”

“Well, aren’t you worried about him?” I pressed. 

“Not really. Last I heard he was staying at your place and he doesn’t seem to think you’re dangerous so he’s probably fine. He's still there, right?" He checked, obviously not willing to lose track of his friend even if he couldn't actively help him.

“Yeah he's there. He and Billy aren’t even talking, Quil. Things are really bad-…”

“Look, I can see you care about Jake." He cut me off. "I don’t like what you are but we have that in common at least. But don’t blame Billy for any of this. He loves Jake more and anything and he wants what’s best for him.”

“And what’s that?” I snapped. 

Quil stopped in his tracks again and eyed me up levelly. “To come home and join his brothers." He told me solemnly and I almost felt bad for getting involved. "Wolves belong in a pack and Jake’s breaking away from that.”

“What about lone wolves?” I challenged him. 

He snorted. “Show me a happy one and maybe I’ll say Jake’s right to stay away from us.”

“So what? You’re just going to leave Jake out in the cold until he agrees to conform?" I exclaimed. "You know his grandfather was a chief too. He’s not meant to be anybody’s beta.”

“He’s not anybody’s anything anymore, Bella.” Quil replied. His tone was not malicious and his face betrayed no hint of spite. His words were sad and wilting, and in that moment his deep brown eyes reflected the same hurt that I say every day in Jake’s own. "See you around, I guess." 

This time, I let Quil walk away and did not follow him. I realised that, as much as possible, I had to stay out of it and let Jake work out his relationship with the pack and with his father on his own.

~~~

The following weeks passed in a strange, jolting sort of way and Christmas soon arrived as it always inevitably did. It was the first Christmas, since my infancy, that I had spent with both of my parents, in Forks no less. Even with the added bonus of having Jake around for all of the festivities, a cruel knife still twisted in my heart as I missed my other family. In between completing the frantically assigned homework that our teachers forced upon us as the year drew to a close and they realised how far behind we all were, and participating in the festive activities that Charlie was so excited about doing together, I spent most of December feeling pretty miserable. 

I felt almost guilty at home whenever I recognised how much I actually really enjoyed having Jake nearby so much of the time and how badly I would miss his presence if he finally patched things up with his father. He was also a big help to me, assisting in all of my chores in the lead-up to Christmas, whilst Charlie and Renee completed their own long lists in the plight to make this the best Christmas any of us had ever had, even if it was going to look a lot different to the one we might have imagined we would be having.

At the top of mine and Jake’s list was the grocery shopping, which we chose to do a few days ahead of schedule in order to avoid too many crowds at the supermarket. Of course, because it was December, it was still horribly busy. Although I would obviously not be eating any of the Christmas food, Jake’s presence in our household meant that we needed to stock up even more than we would have for a normal Christmas dinner.

Knowing that his appetite was a constant concern of everyone in our family, Jake eyed up our loaded cart worriedly. “How much is all of this gonna cost?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I replied matter-of-factly, reaching up to pull a tin of peaches from a high shelf. He grabbed it for me when he realised that I couldn't reach and handed it to me without saying anything. “Thanks. Charlie told me to get as much as it takes to keep you full. You’re eating him out of house and home, he’s not used to it.”

“I feel bad-…” He began to moan when a voice cut through our conversation, causing both of our heads to snap in its direction. We found ourselves looking upon a pretty woman smiling in Jake’s direction. She was from the reservation, her skin, the same gorgeous colour as Jake’s, told me that much. She was stunning. The only thing was that half of her face had a horrible scar tracing down it, pulling her eye and mouth down into a sad droop, while the other half beamed at him. Regardless, there was a kind of shining quality to her that transcended any bodily imperfections and just to look at her took my breath away a little. I wondered if this was how most people felt when they looked at me and the other Cullens. 

Jake’s mouth broke into a wide smile when he saw her and he moved forward to hug her, abandoning me and the cart in the centre of the aisle. “Hey Em!”

She held him tightly, as though trying to hold him together. “Where have you been, Tadita?” She scolded him lightly.

“Crashing on Charlie Swan’s couch for a bit. Y’know, while things settle down.”

She frowned, her scars deepening as she did so. “You know there’s a spare bed at my house for you, there always is.”

“I know, I know.” Jake scuffed his toe along the linoleum floor awkwardly. “I just think it’s good for me to be off the reservation right now… and to have some time away from the pack.” He added, more quietly.

The young woman shook her head gently, but firmly. “The rez is your home, Jake.” She reminded him. “The pack are your family. Your brothers.”

He shrugged, his expression becoming a little more defensive. “Things are complicated with all of that.”

“Yeah, I know.” Her gaze flicked to me and I took a step away from her. She didn’t look at me unkindly, but her eyes were sad. It was clear that she blamed me for the fact that Jake was separated from everyone else that loved him. I couldn't fault her for that. In fact, I agreed with her. “Well if you ever change your mind, you know where I am.” She told him brightly, and I could tell that she really hoped that he would take her up on her offer.

He grinned and gave her another swift hug. “I know, thanks Em.”

“Don’t be a stranger, Tadita.” She smiled and patted his cheek motherly, before pushing her cart away and disappearing down a different aisle.

“Who was that?” I asked curiously as he arrived back beside me and began shuffling the cart down the aisle in the opposite direction to the one she had disappeared in.

“Emily Young. She’s engaged to Sam Uley. Her house is kind of like pack headquarters nowadays. She makes the best muffins I have ever tasted, and that includes Esme's but don't tell her that!”

I glanced back over my shoulder and lowered my voice. “What happened to her face?”

Jake’s face twisted uncomfortably. “Sam.” He replied as simply as he could. “He lost control in the early days and she was standing too close.” He added a shrug as though he hoped I would leave it at that. No such luck.

“He did that to her?” I hissed back at him, completely shocked. Sam Uley hadn’t always been pleasant to me, but it was hard to imagine the young man that was so widely admired and respected by so many people, my own father included, could be capable of committing such a vicious act, let alone on somebody he loved.

“Bella, we’re not puppies, okay?” Jake snapped and I realised that we had hit upon a nerve. He sighed and shook his head regretfully, leaning heavily on the handle of the cart, manoeuvring it with his forearms as we continued to meander the aisles of the supermarket. “We’re just as bad, if not worse, as any other monster out there. Bad things can happen when we’re around. He would never ever hurt her on purpose, but he couldn’t control himself. It happens.”

“Yeah but-…”

Jake cut me off. “You know when Jasper tried to attack Ang?”

“Sure.” I mumbled, hating the way my perfect memory replayed the event in perfect detail in front of my eyes. It seemed so unfair that there were so many things from my human life that I ached to remember, and yet so many horrible things from my vampire life that I would do anything to forget. 

Jake shook his head ashamedly. “I know it’s awful, but all I could think was, ‘thank God it wasn’t me, thank God I didn’t hurt her’… Because I know that I could, Bells,” He whispered, his voice so hoarse that I feared he might begin to cry. “I know how much danger she’s in when she’s around me and it makes me sick whenever I think about it.”

I put my hand on his shoulder, halting him. “You won’t hurt her Jake.” I swore to him, looking him deep in the eyes. “Even if you could, I wouldn’t let you." I winked. "We keep each other in check and make sure we’re both under control, right?”

He snorted and then winked at me, letting me know that we were back on more light-hearted terms. “Very reassuring.” He chuckled, starting to move again and pulling a bag of chips off of the nearest shelf, throwing them into the cart.

“What was that word she was calling you?”

“Tadita? Oh, it’s a silly thing, a kind of nickname that the pack gave me when I first phased. It means one who runs… because I’m the fastest.” He puffed out his chest proudly. “Plus,” He added, a little more sheepishly. “Whenever they wanted me to stay put I would usually run off and stay with you guys, so I got to be Tadita. Some of them call me that to tease me, but Emily means it affectionately.”

“She seems like she really cares about you.”

“She does.” He replied, confident in the knowledge that it was true. “She cares about all of us. Emily’s great, I think you’d actually really like her Bells.” I thought so too, but I also knew that I would never get the chance to find out if it was true.

~~~

On Christmas Eve, early in the day when both of my parents were still out running errands and we were yet to settle in for the holiday properly, Edward called me to wish me a happy Christmas. However, unlike with most of our calls, I was only permitted a few minutes to chat with him before he dutifully handed the phone over to the rest of his family, each person spending a few minutes talking to me. 

They each offered the same greeting that Edward had given me and then told me how much they missed me. Nevertheless, each brief conversation was different from the last and very specifically tailored to each of the Cullens.

Alice grabbed the phone from him first and gave me a speedy run-down of the most interesting of her recent visions and reluctantly told me that she still wasn’t sure when we would be reunited. She theorised that my proximity to Jake was making it hard for her to see and that she assumed he would be close by when we did finally see each other again. That idea cheered me somewhat, as the prospect of being apart from Jake, particularly during such a difficult period in his life made me especially nervous. 

She handed the phone to Jasper who checked and then double-checked that Angela wasn’t traumatised before politely telling me how pleased he was to hear that both she and Jake were doing well. He also took an interest in the advancement of my gift, with a certain smugness in his voice. I lied in response, telling him I was still practicing every day but hadn’t had much luck. It was true that I hadn’t had much luck, but I was also fairly sure that was because I had barely practiced at all in the past few weeks.

Rosalie and Emmett shared their phone time, putting me on speaker and catching me up with all that they had been doing before begging me for similar information from my own life. They told me that they missed the quiet normality of Forks and the human quirks of Jake and Angela. Rosalie also pressed me for information about the state of the hospital, particularly the neonatal unit. I reluctantly revealed that I hadn’t been at all since she had left but had heard through the grapevine that they volunteer program had been shut down since Carlisle was no longer there to head it. She was deeply troubled by that and promised me she would talk with Carlisle about trying to set up some kind of anonymous funding so that they could continue to make a difference.

Carlisle himself was next in line and I told him the same as I had told Rosalie. He too told me he would mull over some new possibilities to help the hospital in Forks, which suffered from a lack of funding and new equipment at the best of times. He was also horrified to hear about Jake’s situation, which Edward had kept the worse of to himself. Carlisle told me, in no uncertain terms, that if Jake needed anything, be it financial help or anything else, that I should contact him immediately. He also offered their house in Forks to Jake, but I told him that since Jake was still only sixteen it probably was for the best that he stayed with me and Charlie for the time being so that we could keep an eye on him. Carlisle agreed with me, but maintained that Jake was to be looked at my everyone as an extension of the Cullen clan, just like myself and Angela, and that he would happily take responsibility for him even if Billy Black wouldn’t.

Finally Esme’s gentle voice greeted me down the line and I almost felt myself relax at the sound of her voice. My heart throbbed just a little bit harder as I felt even more how much I missed her. She took a great interest in hearing about my hobbies, particularly the progression of my painting skills and lamented how worried she was about Jake. She also asked me about my mother and told me to pass on her best wishes to both of my parents. She added that she very much hoped to meet Renee and congratulate her on raising somebody as wonderful as she thought me to be. I bit down on my bottom lip, hearing that, and protested that I didn’t deserve such praises from her.

“Trust me, darling,” Esme cooed in return. “You deserve those praises and so many more. Merry Christmas, Bella, from all of us. It hurts my heart to have a daughter so far away at such a special time of year, but it won’t be long before we’re all together again.” She promised me. "Take care of yourself, and your family. Jake included."

Each of the conversations I had with the Cullens made me grin and laugh, and each made me desperately wish that I was spending the holiday with them, even if it meant being so far away from my biological family. I missed them and the life they had so generously welcomed me into. I couldn’t help myself from counting down the days until I graduated high school and would be able to leave Forks and seek the Cullens out again.

Edward jumped on the call at the very end to give me a final goodbye and to tell me how much he loved me before he told me to enjoy my Christmas with my parents and Jake. I promised to try, though I knew how hard it was going to be to pretend that I was having the best possible time that I could be having when I was separated from him. I hung up the phone, holding the receiver to my chest for a second before taking a deep breath and placing it carefully back on the cradle. I was already counting down the minutes until I would speak to him again.

“Aren’t you tempted just to take off?” Jake’s voice came from behind me, making me jump. I had forgotten that my moments of privacy were limited, even in my own home.

“What do you mean?” I replied swiftly, trying not to show how jarring it had been to come out of my conversation with Edward and to be back in Forks; back in reality.

“I mean, just leave Forks.” He explained simply. “You can live off the land easier than any human and it wouldn’t take you long to track down the Cullens, if you really wanted to be around other people. There’s nothing material keeping you here. If you left now, you’d be with them by Christmas morning. What could be better?”

“Don’t project onto me, Jake.” I snapped, annoyed at just how tempting it was to imagine a world where I was free to go where I pleased and to do what I wanted with who I wanted. I moved away from the phone and headed towards the stairs with the intention of going to my bedroom, despite the fact that it was already inhabited. “Right now, I have as many responsibilities here in Forks as you do.”

“You have Charlie, I have nobody.” He bit back.

I softened. “You have me.”

“We could leave together.” He pointed out, the hope in his voice scaring me a little. I couldn’t keep making empty promises to him. Our future together was anything but certain.

I shook my head. “We have Angela. What are we going to do? Leave her here and wait for her to get eaten by something? She’s too human to be left to her own devices.”

“We could take her with us.” He shrugged. He made it all sound so do-able, I was almost convinced myself. “We can hunt for her food and make sure she stays warm, carry her around when she gets tired.”

“She’s not a toddler, Jake.”

“You just said she couldn’t be left to her own devices!”

“Yeah but we also can’t just force her to go wherever we go." I sighed. "She has a life here, people that care about her. She’s happier here than anyone else I’ve come across in this town, we’d probably have to kidnap her to make her leave. Besides, it won’t be long before I actually have to leave Forks for good and I won’t be able to come back. I’m relying on you to look after Charlie and Angela for me when that happens.”

“But I want to go with you when you go.” He whimpered.

I sighed. “I just don’t think that’ll be possible, Jake.”

“It’s not fair. I shouldn’t have to stay in Forks just because of what I am. Why do all of those kids at your school get to grow up normally and go to college and live their lives, but because I’m from the reservation I have to stay here and look after the tribe? I don’t want to be left behind, Bells.”

I screwed my eyes up tight and exhaled slowly. As much as I wanted to remind him of his responsibilities and tell him that one day he would understand, I couldn’t do it. I knew what being left behind felt like and I wouldn’t have wished it on anyone, let alone my best friend. As hard as leaving Jake behind was going to be, I knew it would be harder for him being forced to stay in his home town, cursed to follow in his ancestor’s footsteps. I kept my eyes and mouth shut until I heard him leave the room and slowly climb the stairs up to my bedroom.


	34. part two / chapter sixteen.

That Saturday Angela suggested that the three of us go on a hike, on account of the weather promising to be nice and because she was on a jag of trying to keep Jake's mind occupied so that he wouldn’t feel too down about his situation. We thought it was unlikely that anyone else in town would be venturing into the woods, not while the rumours of dangerous wild animals still circled through Forks, so my sparkling skin would go unseen even if the weak beams of sunlight managed to break through the trees.

However, as we walked, I started to feel uneasy. I caught myself glancing over my shoulder at every small noise and trying to see if I could make out any unusual scents through the thick smells of the trees and nearby woodland animals. Jake noticed my strange behaviour, but unwilling to startle Angela, kept her talking about other things and managed to keep his guard up without her even realising. 

I tried to relax, but found that something inside of me refused to be still and even as we broke through into an open clearing and Angela spread out a picnic blanket for us all to sit on, I was anxious and kept shifting positions.

Angela and Jake had only seen my skin in the sun a handful of times and couldn’t help themselves from staring at me as I settled beside them on the blanket. I didn’t blame them. Even I found myself getting distracted when I moved my arm too fast and the diamond-like sheen of my skin caught the light. At one point, Angela took her camera from her bag and took a photograph of me. I asked her to delete it.

“Why?” She exclaimed, admiring her handiwork through the same screen.

“What if somebody sees it?”

“I’ll say I photoshopped it!” She laughed. “Come on Bella, you can’t expect me not to memorialise something as pretty as this.”

I rolled my eyes. “You don’t need to memorialise something that will never vanish.”

“From my life, it might.” She replied more seriously. “When you’re all gone and I’m old, I’m going to need some help convincing myself that all of this was actually real and I didn’t make it up.”

“You’d have to have one hell of an imagination to make this shit up!” Jake chuckled humourlessly. I let Angela keep the photograph, knowing that one day I would see her for the last time. I couldn’t take one small memento of our friendship away from her so heartlessly.

We had been in the clearing for about an hour, soaking up as much sun as we could and lazily chatting to one another when Jake sat bolt upright, his eyes wide with panic. “Bella.” He hissed and I copied his movements, seeking out the thing that caused his extreme reaction. I saw it straight away.

Hidden by the dark covering of the trees, I caught sight of Laurent hovering at the edge of the clearing. He didn’t smile when he saw me, nor did he call out. Something was wrong and finally the strange feeling that had been plaguing me all day made sense. He’d been tracking us. I stood and took a few careful steps in Laurent’s direction, while Jake moved to cover Angela. She was frozen in place, unsure whether we were facing friend or foe. I didn’t even know myself yet.

“Laurent.” I called out, my voice crisp and clear as it shot across the clearing. He tilted his head in my direction and with a horrifying jolt I realised that his eyes were blood red, just as they had been the first time we had met. “What are you doing here?” I tried to keep my voice calm and welcoming, knowing that Angela’s life very much relied on him being placated.

He moved into the sunlight, his skin glowing as prettily as my own did. “I was seeking my old friends.” He replied, emphasising the final word with a smile. “But I found their house is empty.”

I nodded. “The Cullens have moved on.”

A flicker of confusion moved across his face, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth, revealing the whites of his teeth. “And yet, you stay?” 

Despite my fear, in that moment, my heart squeezed for a different reason. I would have given anything to have any one of the Cullens beside me in that moment. I wasn’t ready for something like this. I didn’t know how to protect my friends.

“Why did you leave Denali?” I demanded from Laurent, keeping my body in front of Angela’s even as he slowly crossed the clearing.

He shrugged lightheartedly, digging his hands into the pockets of his frayed coat. “I found myself... dissatisfied with that lifestyle.”

“With Irina?” I clarified.

He ignored me. “I came to Forks on the errand of another old friend, a different one. I think you will remember her. Victoria… She was James’ mate. Him, I'm certain, you remember.”

A low growl built in the base of my throat as James’ face, and that of his red-headed mate, appeared in my mind. “I know who she is. And him... What did she ask of you?”

“She wanted me to see if you were still as protected as you once were. I can see now that you are not.”

“I am protected.” I snarled, taking a threatening step toward him.

“And yet you’re all alone.” He laughed lightly, taunting me. “They obviously don’t care that much about you or they wouldn’t have left you here. It really seems you were tempting fate… It seems you still are.” He glanced past me at Angela and Jake.

“What do you want?”

He withdrew his hands from his pockets and folded his arms over his chest, still acting relaxed as my agitation grew. “My intention was to tell Victoria what I had found. I wasn’t even planning on speaking with you, Bella. I have no personal problem with you, I was just doing a favour for Victoria. But the scent of your friend, even masked as it is by the scent of that dog…” His lip curled in disgust as he looked upon Jake. “It was too much for me to resist.”

“Stay where you are.” I growled in warning.

“Oh no… I am much too thirsty for that…” He smiled elegantly before throwing himself into an attack.

He lunged in Angela’s direction, causing her to scream, but I managed to catch him around the waist and threw him against the nearest tree. As he stood again, I ran towards Angela and yelled at Jake to phase. When he did so, I made a split-second decision to run Angela as far away as I could before turning back to help him. Judging by the way he had handled James I knew Jake could take on Laurent alone for the minute it would take me to get her out of harm’s way. I launched Angela onto my back and told her to keep her eyes shut, to help with any motion sickness. It didn’t help. As we flew through the woods I could hear the groaning and when we arrived on the doorstep of the Cullen household she climbed limply down and was immediately sick in one of Esme’s terracotta plant pots. Luckily, the flowers that had been growing inside of it were already dead. I wanted to stay to help her but I knew that Jake needed me more.

“Key’s under the mat.” I told her as I began to move away. “Let yourself in and lock the door behind you. I’ll be back as soon as I can be.” I knew that a locked door wouldn’t be enough to stop Laurent, but it might work as a deterrent long enough for me to catch up to him if need be. However, I was almost certain that I was going to have to kill him in the clearing in order to keep her safe and I hoped he would never again get that close to her.

As I reached the clearing, however, the scent of wolf was much stronger than it had been before and it took me a few seconds too long to realise why. As I emerged from the shadows of the trees and into the sunlight, my skin shining like a warning sign, my eyes fell upon a pack of wolves, their teeth bared. Two of them were still sniffing around the torn apart pieces of somebody I had once considered an ally, and the large russet wolf I recognised as Jake was backing away from the ripped corpse.

As I emerged, one of the wolves began to whine and then, all at once they turned towards me with their teeth bared. I took an involuntary step backwards, into the safety of the dark forest and glanced towards Jake. He ran over to me, putting himself between me and the pack of wolves who were beginning to advance. A low growl erupted from Jake’s chest, but still the wolves moved forward, their jaws beginning to snap and snarl. A thin drip of saliva fell from the mouth of the largest and darkest wolf. The leader. The alpha. Sam Uley.

My breathing was coming in rapid, panicked pants and my shoulders curved forward, my back arching. My body betrayed me as I took a defensive stance, my lips curling back to reveal my shining teeth, my most powerful weapons. It was the wrong way to approach the situation, knowing that, in regards to our shared enemies if nothing else, we were supposed to aiming for a partnership with the pack. But I knew that I was their new target and that I was in danger. 

Jake turned his head just for a second to look at me and then produced a soulful howl. I took it as a sign that I should make a run for it and that he would hold them back. I took his advice and sprinted away, making a beeline for the Cullen household, leaving Jake in a mess of snapping teeth and heart-stopping, guttural growling. Although I had believed him before, I had now experienced firsthand what Jake had always told me. The wolves were not puppies. They were dangerous. They were monsters, just like we were. 

I arrived at the Cullen house in less than a minute and knocked at the living room window so that Angela would see that it was me. She nearly jumped out of her skin at the noise and then, seeing my face, ran to open the door. “What happened? Where’s Jake?” She demanded worriedly. I garbled a quick explanation as I hurried her back inside, not bothering to lock the door this time. The pack would never come this close to the Cullen house. It was still, as far as they were concerned, part of their territory. Although, if they thought that Laurent had been part of our coven and had broken the treaty on our behalf, maybe none of those ancient rules applied anymore. “Is he going to be okay?” Angela pressed when I finished my story. “I mean, it’s one again god-knows how many.”

“Jake can hold his own against anyone.” I replied firmly, trying to convince myself as well as her. “He’s a good fighter. Besides, they were trying to get to me, I don’t think they’d harm one of their own.”

“But Jake’s not one of their own. Not anymore. They’ve made that quite clear. As long as his allegiance is with you and the Cullens, he’s an enemy. He doesn’t even have a home among them anymore.” I let an uncomfortable silence fall between us as the truth in her words pierced both of our hearts. All we could do was wait and see what had happened and hope that Jake knew where to find us. 

Thankfully, he did and he showed up about half an hour after I had and let himself inside. After hugging us both, Jake flopped down on the couch and took a second to get his breath back. He was coated in a film of sweat, with rivulets of it dripping down his face. He had several long scratches across his skin, but they were already healing and looked as though they could have been several days old. By the time we returned to Charlie’s house, I had no doubt that they would be completely gone.

“What happened?” I asked him when he had stopped gasping quite so hard for breath.

“Nothing much. It was you they were really interested in. We just had a bit of a scuffle and then Sam and I phased back. The others stayed in their wolf form, probably in case I tried anything with their almighty leader.” He rolled his eyes. “Sam warned me that next time they wouldn’t hesitate in attacking and I tried to explain that you were defending me and Angela, y’know, protecting the citizens of the town or whatever but I don’t think he bought it. Anyway, they aren’t going to hunt you down or anything and that’s the most important thing.”

“I need to call Edward.” I mumbled, shaking my head as the shock of the day settled in my bones.

“Good idea. They should know about everything that happened today. I hate to say it, but I don’t think Forks is quite as safe as it used to be.”

A panicked bubble of laughter escaped my lips. “You mean since before the hoard of vampires left it?”

“Exactly. It makes you feel secure knowing there’s a bunch of blood-drinkers wandering around, don’t you think, Ang?” He was trying to lighten the mood and stop her, and probably me too, from worrying. But we both knew just how bad the situation had become and how much more difficult it was going to be to move forward alone.

Angela played along, nodding eagerly. “Oh definitely, Jake!” She giggled weakly as I wandered into the kitchen to use the phone. They kept talking while I dialled and I heard Jake trying to keep her mind off of everything. Whether it was actually working, I couldn’t tell, but I knew Angela was braver than we all gave her credit for being.

Edward answered on the first ring. “Bella? Is that you?” He asked, recognising his home number instead of Charlie’s. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, how did you-… Alice.” I answered my own question.

“She saw you facing off with Laurent and then everything went blank, she couldn’t see past that moment. What happened? Were you with Jake?”

“Yeah Jake was there, when he got involved… that must be when it blacked out. But Angela was there too, Edward.”

“Oh my god, what happened? What was he even doing in Forks?” Patiently, I explained the day’s events and added in my confrontation with the pack. No wonder Alice’s vision had gone so blank, there was no way she could have seen around so many of them to get to Angela and I. Edward went very quiet, to the point where I couldn’t even make out his breathing down the line. Maybe he’d stopped breathing, it wasn’t that unusual when he was concentrating or stressed. When I was finally finished, he paused and then said suddenly, “I think I should come back.”

“Really?” I asked, trying to mask the hope in my voice.

“Yes, and I don’t mean for a visit either. Obviously us being apart is tempting fate or something as well as just making us both miserable. Bella, I can’t let you be in any kind of danger, especially when I’m this far away from you. I know you have Jake and that’s been reassuring me a little but I would really feel better if-…”

“Edward?” I cut him off.

“Yes, Bella?”

“You don’t have to convince me of anything. I want you here with me regardless of whether it’s the best decision or not. I’m done being apart, it makes no sense for us to keep pretending it’s helping anything.”

“I can be there tonight."

A smile erupted onto my face. “I’ll be waiting!”

Feeling renewed after my conversation with Edward and the promise that he would be home soon, Jake and I cheerfully walked Angela home, promising her everything would be a lot better and safer from now on, and then continued onto Charlie’s house. We were talking a mile-a-minute about Edward and the rest of the Cullens as we walked through the front door, but soon fell silent as we came across Charlie sitting at the bottom of the stairs, his face a mask of unhappiness. 

I immediately went to him, checking he wasn’t ill. He shook me off and finally told us what had happened. “Your dad just called, Jake.” He mumbled.

Jake rolled his eyes and released a huff of air from his mouth. “What did he want?”

“Nothing. He called to let me know that… Harry’s had a heart attack… And uh-…” Charlie cleared his throat gruffly and I could see tears shining in his eyes. “He didn’t make it.”

“Harry?” Jake repeated numbly. “Harry Clearwater? He’s-… He can’t be-…”

“I know.” Charlie nodded and then pulled himself up out of his seated position, using the bannister as a lever. He moved towards Jake and wrapped him in a reassuring, rather fatherly, hug. “It’s going to be really hard. We have to go and help Sue and the kids. Come on, both of you.”

I started. “Both of us? Dad I can’t-…”

“You’re my daughter and Harry loved you.” Charlie snapped. “If anyone has a problem with it they can take it up with me.” I realised that there was no point in arguing. Even after the close call that I had had today, I had to risk stepping foot over the border. I doubted the pack would try to start something when they were all in mourning and, with any luck, the only people I would see would be the remaining Clearwaters and Jake’s father.

Obediently, Jake and I climbed into the cruiser and Charlie drove us into La Push. I glanced in the rearview mirror and watched Jake. He was wringing his hands, refusing to look up. With a heart-wrenching jolt I realised he was trying his best not to cry. As we got closer to Harry Clearwater’s house, I slunk further down into my seat, avoiding the eyes that stared at the police car, trying to see who else was inside other than my father. I should have known how fast news travelled on the reservation.

When we pulled up outside the house, the first person we saw was Billy Black, sitting in his wheelchair on the front porch. As we opened our respective doors and climbed out, Billy immediately began to speak, his hands trembling as he pointed at me. “Charlie, she-…”

“If you want to have a conversation about where our kids are welcome Billy Black we can do that down at the station.” Charlie snarled and an uncomfortable, interested hush fell over the house and the surrounding area. There were a lot more people in and around the house than I had thought there would be. But of course, Harry Clearwater had been beloved and the whole community had come together to help and mourn him. “It might interest everyone to know why your son was at my house when Harry died and not at yours.” Billy said nothing, staring his oldest friend down and breathing heavily. 

At that moment, Sue Clearwater stepped onto the porch, the warm glow from the house creating a heaven-like silhouette around her. I was surprised to find that I instantly remembered her from my human days. She had barely changed, her face help the same gentle expression that it had in my childhood. Kind people tend to look the same as they always have, I’d found. The only exception being a few added lines, formed by laughter and tenderness, had appeared on her face. In a strange way, I found that she reminded me of Esme. The whites of her eyes were salmon-coloured, the rims of them rubbed red. She had been crying for hours. Her heart was shattered. And yet when she saw the three of us, she managed to summon a genuine smile. 

She padded down the stairs leading into the house and wrapped Charlie in a hug. “Thank you for coming.” She murmered, before moving to hug Jake in the same manner. When she got to me, she was more wary, but still managed to nod in my direction and gave me a civil smile.

“I’m so sorry, Sue.” Charlie said on behalf of all of us. Jake was looking around, shaking a little. Under the reproachful, disapproving gaze of his father he seemed to shrink slightly and moved closer to me. I understood the feeling. I knew that I didn’t belong on this land and that I wasn’t wanted on it. I wanted to go home. But we had a responsibility, to Harry Clearwater and to my father. It seemed that they both needed us now. “Where is he?”

“In the bedroom. Come and say goodbye. All of you.” She looked pointedly at me, letting me know that I was allowed to enter her home and that I was more than welcome. I appreciated it greatly and took a step forward, putting my hand on Charlie’s arm. We would go in together. 

Jake took the lead, eager to get past his father, who acted as though he wasn’t even there. Once inside, the three of us hovered in the narrow wooden hallway of the house, while Sue walked into the kitchen, where a gaggle of well-meaning guests were gathered. A silence fell over them as they caught sight of Charlie, Jake and I. They stared back down into their mugs of lukewarm tea, trying not to stare at my impossibly pale skin and the casual way my father held onto me. Jake entered the bedroom first to give his respects. 

While Charlie and I waited, the door to one of the small bedrooms cracked open. In the slit of light I caught sight of the illuminated face of a young woman. She was incredibly beautiful, with lightly-coppered skin, almost dark-gold in colour, and almond shaped eyes. They were pink and watery around the deep brown irises and the skin of her face was stained with tears. She caught me staring and her mouth fell open in surprise. I tried to smile at her but she scowled and slammed the door again, alerting Charlie to the fact that it had been open in the first place. “Was that Leah?” He asked me quietly.

“I don’t know.” I replied truthfully. “I think so.”

“Poor girl. I should tell her how sorry I am.” He moved towards the door but I stopped him, pulling him back against the wall beside me.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea, Dad. Believe me, a teenage girl that’s feeling that kind of heartache just wants to be left alone. You’d probably just make it worse.”

He smiled sadly and nodded. “You might be right. I’m sure Sue will be passing on all our well wishes to both of the kids anyway.” As I was about to agree, Jake reemerged from Harry and Sue’s bedroom, his skin greying and his eyes wet with tears. He pulled the back of his hand roughly across his face and stormed out of the house, taking the back door instead of the front, presumably to avoid seeing his father.

Charlie inhaled slowly, as though trying to gather some courage. “Come on honey.” He mumbled to me. “Let’s go in.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be alone?”

“Not right now.” I nodded and followed him dutifully, hovering a few steps behind him as he approached the body of his old friend. Charlie froze for a moment and then a horrible sob wracked his whole body. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to give him the privacy I thought he deserved. “I’m sorry.” Charlie whispered. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry I didn’t help you… He was part of the search party Bells, looking for those big animals that are killing hikers. He was doing a good thing and he was doing it to help me out. He knows-… knew the forest better than anyone. I got too far ahead and I forgot about him behind me. I didn’t even notice he wasn’t still with the party until we got back to the station. I assumed he’d just gone home…”

“It wasn’t your fault, Dad. He had a heart attack.” I mumbled, shocked at his revelation. Big animals? Not the wolves, surely. Not killing people. But after my interaction with Laurent and his startlingly red eyes earlier that day, I knew that the woods weren’t safe. I was surprised that Harry was the only person we had lost. “You wouldn’t have been able to save him even if you’d been there.” I added truthfully.

“Yeah I know but-… It was always me, Harry and Billy. We were always friends, always. And now one of them is gone and the other one’s so different… It feels like everything is slipping away, Bells.”

“It’s going to be okay.” I shushed him, rubbing small circles on his upper back. “Billy will come around, isn’t that what you’re always saying?”

“I used to believe it. But now? He’s more worried about the danger you supposedly pose and the fact that his kid is here than the fact that his best friend just died.” He shook his head violently. “That’s not the Billy I used to know.”

“Everybody handles grief differently.” I contributed weakly.

“Yeah… I guess you’re right. Thanks Bella. Hey, you’d better go check on Jake now. He didn’t look so good when he came out of here.”

“You’re okay?”

“I will be. I’m just going to take another second to say goodbye. Tell him some things I never got to tell him, promise him some things I’ll try to do. Just clear the air one last time… I’ll meet you by the car, okay?”

“Take all the time you need.” I left the bedroom but took the image of my poor father crying over his best friend’s body with me. I knew that I would likely carry it with me for the rest of my life and it would never become any easier to witness. I followed Jake’s scent out of the small house and into the back garden, where I found him sitting on an upturned trashcan. It was rusted and set deep in the ground. It had obviously been there for a long time. “Jake? You okay?” I called carefully as I approached.

He jumped and looked up. When he realised it was me he relaxed slightly. “You think I’d be used to looking at dead guys by now.” He joked darkly.

“Oh Jake… I’m so sorry.” I whispered.

He shook his head and sniffed. “It’s not about me. I can’t let them see me cry. I have to be strong for Seth and Leah. They just lost their dad and I’m over here blubbing like a baby… It’s pathetic.”

“I’m sure they’d understand. You’ve all been like one big family. You lost him too, you can’t just push your feelings aside for their sake.”

He shook his head roughly. “We haven’t been a family for a long time. My dad made quite sure of that.”

“He means well.”

“Bella, do you remember when we were kids and we all used to play together?” He asked me suddenly. “Here or on the beach or outside your dad’s work. You and me, Seth tagging along even though he was littler than us. My sisters played along sometimes… Even Leah did, although we annoyed her most of the time.”

“Yeah, I remember, Jake.” I said, although I could only pick out some of the memories from my blurred human life.

“I miss that stuff.” He mumbled. “I miss being a kid. Everything was so much easier. I loved everyone, everyone loved me and nobody got in trouble for it. My dad could walk and my mom was alive and my sisters played with me and you visited every summer, and you’d write me letters with puffy paint and glitter on them when you were with your mom… It was simple and fun and good… Now it’s all over.”

“It will get easier again. Things are just weird right now but-…”

“Weird?" He half-shrieked. Clearly, I had just whispered the understatement of the century as far as he was concerned. "First off, I'm a werewolf. My best friend is vampire who’s being hunted by an evil vampire, all the good vampires have gone away and I miss them really badly and my other best friend is so fragile I’m constantly freaked out that she’s going to get hurt by me or one of the vampires-… And my dad kicked me out and I have a pack of wolves that are supposed to treat me like a brother but they all think I’m a traitor… I don’t see how it could get much worse.”

I let the silence hang over us for several seconds before I sighed. “Yeah I guess you’re right. Things are totally shit.”

“What?” He laughed despite himself. “Bells, you’re supposed to be making me feel better.”

“Why? You’re obviously intent on being dramatic and feeling sorry for yourself. I figured I would just ride it out. It happens with Edward all the time. When he starts worrying or talking about our souls I tune him out and let him ride the wave of sorrow until he cheers himself up. It's simple but effective.”

Jake chuckled at that, having witnessed some of Edward’s mood swings for himself. “I’m being stupid, aren’t I?”

“No, of course you’re not.” I replied, serious once more. “All of those things are perfectly valid reasons to be upset. But we can’t give in or they’ll beat us. We need to be strong for each other and for Angela. Things are probably going to get worse before they get better, especially in regards to that evil vampire thing, so we need to be as united and supportive of each other as we can be. We need to hold it together until things stop being so weird.”

“You’re right." He sniffed, nodding heavily. "Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Come on, Charlie’s meeting us at the car.” I put my hand out and pulled him off the trash can. “I don’t know about you, but I’d quite like to get out of here before someone sniffs us out.”

“You read my mind!” His eyes lit up as he remembered our joy from earlier in the day. “Hey, I bet you’re excited for Edward to be coming home.”

“He’s the only reason I’m able to be sure that things are going to get easier. Or, if not easier, they’ll feel better at least.”

“That must be nice-…” He muttered as he turned the corner and caught sight of Charlie leaning against the cruiser.

“Ready kids?” He called out.

We nodded and made a beeline for the cruiser, but a loud, commanding voice rang out over the Clearwater property, stopping us in our tracks. “Wait... Jacob?” I turned and saw Billy Black staring us all down. Charlie paused before getting into the car, interested to hear what he had to say.

“What?” Jake called back bravely.

“Take this.” He threw a thick jumper to Jake, who caught it effortlessly in one hand. “It’s cold this time of year and you didn’t take much with you to Charlie’s.”

“Thanks.” Jake mumbled, bundling the jumper up as small as it would go. Nobody saw the point in acknowledging the fact that Jake was never cold, just like the other wolves.

“Charlie.” Billy nodded respectfully. My father flicked in head in response and then climbed into the car, waited for Jake and I to do the same and then drove us home again.


End file.
